0:00 [Music] build-a-bear launches an adults-only production line huh on a new 18 and up section of their website no way entitled build-a-bear after dark what is it because i saw this one play uh not playboy it was a it was an amateur made porn um i was like really horny i was i was really shocked like we need to know that before he looks okay out one of those big bears right like the costco ones a little bit smaller maybe like the carnival maybe this big like this the simp gift one that's what happens to the bear she put a ████ strap on on the bear and she ████ it it was one of the hottest things i've ever seen i didn't realize i was into animal porn oh maybe that's the gateway for me to start
0:50 wanting to ████ a bear my teddy bear is not animal porn but sure did she have beastiality she reversed cowgirl did or like she straddled it wow on its back yeah she put a dildo on the bear straddled it and wrote it and i was like this is ████ hot did the bear come did you see the bear's face we're all asking that you're all wondering dude the bear's face is important to the story for me i wanna that reminds me of a ████ totally unrelated situation where uh i pranked my teacher junior year of high school he had a big ass bear that was hanging at the corner of his class and i got some clay from a different class and i made a fake like big-ass dick and i and i mounted it to the bear to see how long it take him to find out i made like a it was nice it's like a little like very artistic strong stick balls there's some calm on it wow and then um so he he's the kind of guy that
1:42 i thought he would just laugh but instead he like uh was really pissed and he was like i need you to like come to my office he cried and then so i'm sitting in there i think he's i'm like oh dude he actually got mad what the ████ and he goes just tell me what the white stuff was wait he knows what his stuff was oh he he wants to make sure no he really wanted to genuinely know how i made gum on the dick but i took my oreos and i took the white stuff and i made ████ on the dick and he goes just just tell me that how did you do it just tell me how you did your ████ how did you make white stuff then he gave you a scholarship to art school [Laughter] he's like ryan i knew he had potential the fbi gave you a job at ████ replication no replicate replicate.com i thought he was turning the tables around where now he's going to corner you molest you oh whoa that took a big turn
2:33 as usual thanks bart someone's switching me bro no i thought it was one of those situations right here tell me how you made the white stuff what are you talking about tell me how you made the ████ white show me how you doing how you made pull your ████ pants down and show me and i was like oh this is a bart lived experience i mean i guess that would be poetic justice for what i did no but he was laughing his ass he just he was trying to make me scared thinking i got in trouble but he really just genuinely wanted he was puzzled i could see bart interjecting with like you know sometimes like the teacher turns the tables on you and we're all like no [Laughter] you know when they finally actually happened to me so i think my junior senior year we went me and my boys went camping and we took a picture we just thought it would be funny all of our uh my butt cheeks from the back we all pulled our pants down at her butt cheeks
3:24 hanging out and then classic my english teacher uh she's like already looking at her over there and then i was like oh uh we went camping last weekend they're gonna see some pictures she's like sure so i showed it to her and there's like six dudes with their ass cheeks out and then uh she filed the sexual harassment theme against me because you showed it to her yeah and then i and then i have to explain to my mom like what sexual harassment even means she had to pick me up from school and there's yeah it was weird you have gotten in trouble in every possible way you don't know how to make a joke you have so many stories that are all in every lane of crime every for every every category of trouble you can get it i understand why your mom's a gangster now yeah she had to deal with so much ████ dude i understand why would that beat your ethan allen dude i get why you shiver around ethan
4:15 allen's now so yeah this build-a-bear thing is sort of similar to one of those things where it's sort of a baiting switch where it's not nearly as dirty as it sounds but uh here's a good look at what i'm talking about oh it's for valentine's day valentine's day oh man build a beer after dark it's valentine's day it's one of the gifts you ████ took it a different route but so did they got me too like joe shared a personal story about his porn those are kind of cute some of those are pretty cute is it holding wine though come on that's a little bit yeah you're not gonna find one hey it's after dark dude they said it it's one o'clock somewhere it's so good bring on the bubbly that's a bunny that's pretty good right have you guys been to build-a-bear yeah you got to be 18 and plus to really get that or they just ████ with you you got to be an 18 up to to enter the site it's like a nice it's a it's a really cool little
5:06 it's like a porn site because nobody ████ says no they're trying to play on this whole experience i mean it's just a marketing guy's brainchild of like how to get people talking about something before you watch the video on the porn site is there a an ad for a bear getting ████ wanna play a game is there a cartoon bear a cartoon laura croft bear getting ████ by a demon you got bear bart simpson and ████ ████ lisa simpson or marge dude i know bear marsh's hair is going up homer simpson's ass ████ bear mill house out there eating out lisa and ████ i ████ hate those ads man bear out of the whole ████ man what's going on i hope i'd rather see an ad for this yeah all right that i clicked and saved all that stuff
5:56 well it is hard to confuse right click and left click save save as save as yeah do you guys have valentine's day plants hidden folder it's all you know valentine's day the only plan that me and uh nina talked about was not spending as much money as because you know every ████ restaurant gets this crazy new marketing promo i do it's like valentine's dinner that's the only thing on the menu so they up charge everything you have to have like five courses that's like a fixed dinner yeah yeah for like 250 to eat for some ████ yeah so then we're always just kind of like you know what we're just gonna we're just gonna cook it at home specifically you know is it gonna be more expensive on valentine's do you think oh my god it always is it's always one of those host mates yeah they don't do a valentine's day popeye says no valentine's specials whatsoever bart are you doing something for jio for valentine's day you ████ yep
6:46 what do you have what are you doing [Laughter] you can't do last minute ████ it's all booked up i know you're gonna get a ████ build-a-bear hey there you go you're welcome dude build a bear after dark i booked that ████ the day after christmas day oh you're smart because otherwise i'd be ████ you're too intelligent right what do you guys got planned so i'm taking her to our new favorite restaurant which is i'll tell you off camera okay and the burger the king burger the king my burger king actually pal what kind of food is it italiano there's some real good italian places all over vegas there's a lot there's a lot yeah and so i booked it way in advance and she loves this place
7:36 he'll be sick and then um uh afterward i'm gonna take her like this little speakeasy place because she likes that kind of ████ like yeah she likes a couple drinks yeah she looks like the gastropub thing yeah i'm gonna do that i'm gonna ████ the ████ out when we get home come on man that's good i got a hotel suite we're gonna do it early and spend the ████ several days just having a good time [Laughter] i wanted to get a place where there's a big ████ tub so we could soak in a tub and talk about feelings and ████ you know what i mean and then big ass room so there's multiple places you could ground and pound that ground you know what i mean i'm talking about it i wanted a refrigerator so we could get food and not leave the room can i
8:27 ask if we can cut this if you don't like it have you have you said the l word yet to her a thousand percent especially during when i'm high having sex hell yeah bro but in real life i'm a man bro come on yeah when i'm sober i ain't gonna say ████ like that's that ████ ass ████ take that ████ to yourself ████ i agree i agree but when she's riding on my dick cool he's so excited he's so ████ cool should i put it in your lip right on my ████ dip yup and she's like oh daddy's getting dead and i'm like i love you girl daddy daddy daddy he's getting cooler dude he's fearing loathing right now i'm going to las vegas for that reason but you know what uh she's such a discount ████ you know what's ████ cool right i was like check this out this guy's so cool we can go to we can go to valentine's day for this price and get this place
9:19 or would you like to go to this place get a way ████ bigger room with a bathtub and a ████ dope view and all this ████ for like a third of the price and she goes you know my answer a third of the price well we might not be able to do it on valentine's day but you down to do it during the weekday and instead of one day of celebration we'll celebrate for four see go back to circus circus buffet i see hell yeah bro that's how i roll that's all i got back to jk i was quitting i said ████ all you guys on my podcast and i was like ████ these guys i don't ████ care about jk anymore and then you guys came to l.a took me to ████ circuit circus buffet and i was like all right they got some it's magic man man people don't know how to seduce i ████ seduced his mouth and it's harder to introduce men huh man to man seduction man to men is hard because you can't use lady parts
10:10 men seduction is easy a girl puts on a ████ mini skirt and it's done dude nikki's just doing her makeup in front of the mirror this morning and she's wearing like i'm not she wearing pajama pants and i'm like god damn that ass is ████ nice you're seduced doesn't take much how do you do how do you do it after so many years of marriage how do you keep valentine's day fresh well he's only been with 2.1 chicks she actually she bumped into him at the grocery store oh my god i'm sorry and then like she he felt the back of her hand on his dick real quick that's the point when he just looked like yep yep two point one when did you get with your your your uh wife now like from um what grade i was a senior that's a high school sweetheart from senior yeah and then did you do you guys celebrate valentine's day every year yeah we do like our own variation of it
11:00 we don't do anything too crazy what do you do like eat a moon cake we give we we do this thing where we get red packets and we put money in it and we send it to everyone that we know that's how we celebrate our valentine's day we're gonna go to san diego we're gonna go to a concert and then and then we're gonna uh hang out for a couple days and then come back and then you know that's it that's what we're gonna do we keep it real simple that's cute yeah do you beat the cheeks for valentine's day she beats my cheeks wow she got your butt cheeks going like this to each of their own you know what i mean i'm glad i'm in a room full of guys that could accept me for who i am i appreciate you guys no you accept a lot of things we that's what you're saying oh yeah i accept everything and it's really cool i'm i'm
11:50 i'm thankful for you guys thank you guys good man turn the ████ camera off man [Music] [Applause] [Music] you
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