0:05 Welcome back to Careful Boys. Today, we're talking about my method to remove resentment from your little relationship. You probably got little relationship if you're watching this video, clicked on this video. Got relationship and it's >> Slap the resentment out of her. >> Woah. Knock it out of her. You throw her down some stairs. And you And you like >> Smack her butt of the resentment down the stairs. >> Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's That's what I was trying to say. Thank you. Uh no, so uh as I've mentioned before, but it's been a while. Uh me and Nikki, when we got together, a lot of resentment in the early days. First year was just kicking and screaming, knock-down-drag-out, constantly at each other's throats because we had a lot of resentment from previous stuff. And then we would let the simple little >> Previous other people or you mean Unresolved previous relationship trauma. Trauma, yeah. >> Exactly. Unworked-through stuff.
0:56 Baggage. Exactly. And we were sort of nitpicking at each other because we were trying to see like, "Hey, it's like Anthony's quote, 'Test me. Test me.'" So, it was like constantly testing each other, right? To see if we'll [clears throat] leave. I only say that to God. You know what I mean? No, you don't. You say that about literally everything. Everything. Everything. Uh so so what's what I think helped the most that Nikki and I talk about all the time is I came up with this thing that sounds really super gay and I can't even help but acknowledge that it does sound gay. But gay things work sometimes. >> Gay things work sometimes. And it's called >> [laughter] >> It's called the arrows method. >> Oh, so gay. It's called the arrows method. So, what we ended up doing was and this I'm not kidding, this is like helped us so much. I've had a 12-year relationship now. Like this is the key to that to me. The
1:46 white-hot center of it was us removing the resentment and moving on from the ████ that we were putting each other through constantly, reminding each other of stupid ████ that we did cuz it was unresolved, like Bart says. You can't have unresolved ████ You have to be able to move on and you have to heal the wound. So, we went to a beach and it was like Why I had to go to beach? How come we can just do it at home? >> We could do it at home. You could do it at home. >> [laughter] >> Why I had to go to beach? But the beach I guess was sort of, you know, I'm like in my still in my 20s and ████ No, symbolic man. Yeah, [laughter] ████ yeah. Let it wash away with the waves and ████ Standing in ████ >> [laughter] >> New beginnings and ████ right? For me, I do it on the end of a hike. Okay. Because you got to tire yourself out when you're in your in the mood where you're like, let's do it now. Yeah. If you got all this energy
2:37 I'm ready to fight, ████ It's so true. So true. But no, so what we did was we went to a beach, right? And it and this is so so whatever it is that's going on in your relationship, you have to be ready to let go of these things if you bring them up, right? You can't just bring them up and then you're going to bring them up again later on, a week later, two weeks later in a fight. This has to be you're ready to nut up or shut up. You're ready to move on past this stupid ████ So what you do, and this is where it gets a little gay, right? You're going to actually take the piece of resentment that you have for your person and you're going to take it out like an arrow and you're going to pull it out of your body like like an improv game. Hey, you just made the blue the screen all ████ up. They're seeing what they want to see. They're seeing what they want to see. >> to add something in post. Yeah, we're adding post. No, no, no. I just think they should see me right now cuz it's this is kind of gay. So it's like you take the it's like, hey
3:27 Anthony, you know when you said that thing about my ex-girlfriend or whatever, I don't appreciate you saying that and I would like you you not to say it anymore. So I'm taking that out and I'm going to break it over my knee and so it's like boom and now it's done and I'm never going to bring it up again. >> Never ever bring it up. >> Never bring it up again. And you have to be mature enough to be able to do that. And so what you do is you just keep going through all the stupid ████ that you keep on bringing up in all of your fights and you remove them and you break it over your knee. What if somebody's got like a hundred arrows and somebody's only got two? Dude, they do. gets them into fighting cuz they keep bringing ████ up. Well, that's the last time you get to do it though. Oh. And also I think a key too is when you pull pull out the arrow you can't blame them. And it's to be more about how it makes you feel. You can't be like, "You know when you're a ████ b████?" It has to be about what it made you feel and not accuse or else
4:17 you're going to turn into a fight right away. But what if to exemplify the depth of the pain, you show the length of the arrow. You're like, "Dude, whenever you bring up my ex-girlfriend So it's a spear? Yeah, if it's if it's a spear it's fine. Can you hold the end? It's getting really heavy on that side. It's hurting me on the back end. >> You have to make eye contact the whole time though. Hold on, the arrowhead is really big. You have to twist it. Now when you break it in half you have to hold it. >> got to break it on this side and then you go Can you pull out this side cuz it won't go through? I didn't know It's like I didn't know I was doing this with Charlie Chaplin. >> [laughter] >> But yeah, you get the idea, right? So I just want to know the I don't want to know the rules. Every single time you can't choose what the ████ to eat. If that's a real thing. Sounds like you're blaming the other person. >> That's a real thing. >> Me Me and Jill actually did this a few times. Really? Yeah. The actual arrow method? Uh I think it was like based off
5:07 what you said. >> you do bullets? >> And then um but I think we needed No, we needed a extra extra layer. Maybe we had bullets in us and ninja stars. But I think we had We had to do an extra layer because I'm autistic and a robot and ████ So we did it when we're on ecstasy so that I can fully empathize what she's saying and not turn it into a fight. >> I vote for drugs. >> And it really helped out cuz then I'm like cuz when you're when you're first with someone it's like, "Hey, was that your chick that I saw like wearing like scantily clad stuff at ████ LA Fitness?" You have their back immediately, right? Like, "Oh, yeah, she usually gets hot. She's like really sweaty, whatever." And she's like And then But then later on you're like, "Oh, yeah, is that ████ ████ cheating on me or whatever?" So I think I was trying to get myself back into the mindset when we first got together, you 100% had each other's backs, and then the ecstasy really Like Gisele's going to going to yoga wearing a face full of makeup. And like,
5:57 "No, she just likes to look pretty when she's at yoga. It's fine." Yeah, but that definitely >> think about Gisele and you're like, Oh, good one, Gisele. Gisele Bündchen, Tom Brady's ex-wife. Where she hooked up with her yoga guy. I thought it was a jiu-jitsu >> it was a jiu-jitsu guy. No, I thought it was yoga guy. >> No, jiu-jitsu. Jiu-jitsu? I trust you guys, whatever. You wouldn't want to wear that much makeup at jiu-jitsu. You're going to get it all over your gi. >> [snorts] >> You have a big ring. But then the hard part is honoring the what you bring You have to be mature enough once you bring it up. >> That's it. You're done, and you don't >> if you can't let it go. >> Yeah, you can't be like, "Well, you said last time." It's like, no, you got to honor it. >> it already. Yeah. >> That's the biggest ████ that everyone does to each other in relationships, and I know cuz I'm so guilty of it myself. Like, you constantly recycle these things cuz they're your weapon that you use against them in any argument. And to you, it's an argument closer. It ends the argument
6:48 because you're just like, >> trump card. That's it. And you're just destroying your person with it instead of being on their team. Yeah. You can't do it. >> you can't even arrive at a healthy relationship until you've kind of been through that. Agreed. Yeah. >> Some of those you got to do to yourself. Like, you gave yourself arrows. You got to take them out. Like, you look in the mirror and you take out arrows. [laughter] I think all of them are about you. Yeah. Really? Yeah. Cuz you can't let go of something. Like, it's it's about you. And and then, you know, taking out the arrow and breaking it over your knee is just about letting it go. And then it's it's now the resentment is now cleansed from your soul, hopefully. >> we should Honestly, I really like that activity, but I think there's nothing better than like putting your money where your mouth is in terms of really understanding how it feels. So, like, for like, let's say the longest standing relationship of depth in this room, maybe it's like, I don't know, like a Bart and Joe. I think you guys should try the arrow experience. >> [laughter]
7:38 >> Like, I'm just saying, like, like let's just see what happened. >> [laughter] >> Brace on it kills me. I feel like I hear the idealisms and I think that's a really good idea and you've obviously participated but with like bullets and ████ or whatever but like if I could just see maybe you guys the same couch or just be like this. >> I'll ████ pull it [laughter] out. Just across from each other? Can you guys I actually don't really know how it works but I'll figure it out as we go. What do you guys think? The audience, what do you guys A thousand percent. Yeah, I think that's let's let's just see what the actual minimum But the more but the more real you are the more they respect it, right? >> So Bart, what's something that you have with Joe that we need to fix? I don't think I don't know if he's can control it, his IBS. >> [laughter] >> Cuz we're in the middle of filming and then he has to stop filming
8:30 to go ████ I don't know if that's real. Let this one go. I never even bring it up. >> Ryan it's not funny. Can we I don't even bring it up. >> Can you let this one go? I'm just imagining pulling Go, you can't ever bring it up. I brought it up. You're making me do I don't even know what I'm not being doing anything. I don't EVEN BRING IT UP. THAT'S SO IMMATURE. ME AND JOE NEVER EVEN FIGHT TO begin with. >> Immature Bart. I already brought it up. [laughter] We already know that WE DON'T FIGHT. BECAUSE HE HE'S TOLD ME BEFORE and I'm like, I know I'm sorry. I'll try not to take so many breaks. So you did bring it up. Not in a fight with it was a constructive. IT'S IT'S NOT A FIGHT CUZ I DON'T FIGHT BACK. >> [laughter] >> I DON'T WANT TO ████ I WANT NOISES. NO, THE arrow thing is when you go when it's a neener neener energy. You know when you're like this and this AND WELL WELL WELL THIS THEN. I never go, well you ████ ████ ALL THE TIME.
9:21 >> [laughter] >> I'LL TELL YOU WHAT WE BOTH don't want him to ████ >> [laughter] >> That's ████ funny. Is we had a three-hour debate on how many buttons a ████ bad guy character should have on his leather jacket. If it's authentic. No, because they're talking about SGV gang people. And they're like They should have buttons. Yeah, yeah. So, we would get like ████ like heated and debating so hard on how many ████ buttons a leather jacket should have. >> What How many did you say? ████ I don't even remember. But you get it. That's like you going, "I want this." And then Mike sounds like, "No, why don't we do this?" >> Stop bringing me into your guys' issues. >> Yeah, okay. You just pulled the arrows out. I mean, I haven't seen one arrow get pulled yet or broken. >> IBS arrow. >> [laughter] >> I didn't see the symbolic breaking.
10:13 AH, SON OF A ████ THAT'S NOT GOING TO CURE my IBS, dude. >> [laughter] >> I still That means he's not going to get bothered anymore. >> what I ████ got to ████ >> Now you can put a colostomy bag in the hole the arrow left. But he might still get bothered if he didn't pull the arrow out. Yeah, he didn't. You You took my arrow. HE [laughter] TOOK IT ACTUALLY. HE TOOK IT. HE SUPER GLUED IT. HEY, WAIT. DO YOU HAVE an arrow with anybody? >> He's the one. He's the one that actually has it. >> He does. Do you have an arrow with anybody in this room? I [snorts] have Stephen Paul. Okay. Oh, ████ What the hell? I >> I don't believe this. This is a joke. It's a bit. I see his face. I know your bit face. I won't hang it over your head why you can't make it to my baby shower because of football. It's not just football. It's not just >> ████ for football. >> It's playoff football.
11:03 He even ████ skipped the grand finale of JK for football. >> Oh. Listen, it was really just about meeting my >> Everybody's got to pull the same arrow out. >> Look at Look at his jacket. He's tribe is hard He's riding harder for that than anything. But look at his shirt under the jacket. Yeah, but it's hidden. This takes over. This is priority, [laughter] dude. The symbolism, yeah. The truth about the JK finale is I was meeting my buddy Richard Ryan from OG Totally Sketch Days. One of my best pals in the world. I know too many Ryans in my ████ life, but he he was introducing me to his now wife before he got married cuz he was very important to him that I meet her before he proposed to her because we're homies forever. So, I went to Austin. Yes, we happen to have a fancy football draft. Well, that's the real reason. I'm not going to lie. I made the playoffs. We did well. Okay, we did We
11:53 had a good draft. But, meeting her was the whole point. Like meeting his chick cuz this guy I'm telling you this guy used to tell me I'm never getting married. Marriage is a joke. It's a scam. All that He's one of those guys. And then to see this guy actually introduce me to a chick that he wants to marry and I already knew that is crazy. >> Yeah, but I'm just trying to get this activity right. It's not a fence case, right? >> [laughter] >> That's true. This is way gay. >> So sentimental and ████ I feel like all four of us have the same arrow hole for the same arrow. >> Wait, you are you actually upset that I'm not going to go to your baby shower? No, I'm just saying I'm never going to like like hang this over your head past this moment. I'm choosing to not have resentment. So, let let me break this arrow. >> times he dodges JK ████ for football. >> You're going to have to By the way, I've
12:43 literally never canceled on JK one time except for this last year and then the both times were for Richard ████ Ryan. So, What the hell? had yours to a JK event, too. I'm going to That's a JK event that he's dodging for football. And number two, there's a guy named Richard ████ a guy named Ryan. He has two first two first names. Yeah. Oh, okay. Richard ████ Ryan. >> Richard Ryan. No, but but Yeah, my baby shower is a JK event. That's the only reason why I did it. ████ ████ It's for the girls. It's for chicks. We all know that. Wait. Pull it out. >> Ah. You got to act it out. >> to act it out. Pull it yourself. Then what what arrow did you pull out of him? [laughter] And he WAS LIKE, "AH." WE DIDN'T EVEN DO IT. WE DIDN'T EVEN DO it right. It's about IBS. You think I give A ████ I THOUGHT we were supposed
13:34 to pull the arrow out from the >> No, it's your resentment. It's your stupid resentment. You pull out of yourself. NO, BUT I THOUGHT OKAY, I THOUGHT IT WAS BECAUSE I SHOT THE ARROW so now I need to pull that ████ back out. Every time I [laughter] take a ████ you shoot an ARROW AT ME. YOU TAKE THE ARROW OUT AND THEN YOU BREAK it over your leg. >> That's what it feels like when I No, but so what is it supposed Is it supposed to be how the other person hurt you or how you got hurt by it? >> is. It's the resentment. You're >> We're so fixated on the arrow. >> [laughter] >> Oh, the resentment. Okay, okay. I get it now. Yeah. Should we start over? >> So you pull it out of the of the missing the thing. >> Cuz you ████ he you shot yourself. >> [laughter] >> Good, I would be there. If it was like dolphins versus ████ who who cares, I'd I'd be there. But It's Packers-Bears. Basketball and football,
14:24 don't get into any boy sports or we're never going to have your own >> God forbid a guy named Daniel Eric needs you to meet his fiance or some ████ >> [laughter] >> Stupid ass. By the way, I've been in JK for like what? 11 years or some ████ I've canceled twice. Twice max, you know? I've canceled twice maximum. Both were this year, both were for Richard Ryan reasons. ████ Richard Ryan. Richard [laughter] Ryan. No, cuz the second time was he was like, "I'm getting married in a month. Can you guys make it on this day?" And I'm like, "F███ this ████ guy, man." But yeah, of course I'll be there. So yeah. Well, let's hope Michael Stevens doesn't ask for anything. >> [laughter]
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