0:00 would you rather that or make out with a cow's ass cow's is way cleaner cow's in what country though Fresno okay there's a lot of cows [Music] there okay this will be good and hopefully you have something for this because I don't want to talk about mine what's the worst actual date you've been on in your life the worst date I have for me or for her I have two I have I have two so you can you can go first no no and I don't know which one of my two are the worst ones I just thought of two of them probably the time share one you had a time share date this chick took me to a time share thing she took for a first date no no I took her Technically she's very good but um oh it was to for it was to sell you on one
0:50 yeah yeah yeah oh but she was like amped about it and you know I thought you went on a time share vacation together no I went on two dates with this chick and then the third date she's like come pick me up from this hotel and I was like you got marketed from a hotel well no it was like normal we were like normal date like two dates two normal dates okay and then she's like come pick me up from this hotel I'm excited about it or whatever and I was like hotel that's weird but then I go there and then like we go like downstairs in the hotel like one of the conference rooms or whatever and I walk in there and I'm like oh ████ like I could already tell what it was like it's like it's like signage and like oh you like vacations and I was like oh my god do you think the first two dates was to lure you in and then the third was to like I don't think so I think she was genuinely hyped about this and wanted like to go to it with
1:40 somebody did she know what it was did she she did not understand she was like this is a cool thing and I maybe maybe was truly that ignorant about it she really thought it was tight yeah cuz and I know because I was like Hey we're leaving at the break I was like we're leaving at the break and she was like what this is like oh she she' gotten halfway through and wanted to stay wanted to stay was exciting interesting wom so was it just a full convention seminar it was a full like who here likes vacations oh God it was like oh my God I love minute one dude kind of material it was honestly I was very entertained by it but like but like also when you look around the room and you see like just hopeful people down there luck who are really that's hard looking to travel the world and maybe they're too old and too retire they retired
2:31 and so like I'm like man this is rough stuff and even like the GU like like this guy's like um yeah out in the lobby you guys will see during the break you know I have my uh my Mercedes and I'm like you can see I during the break I was out there I was pointing out I was like you can see this is a rental car you can see the ████ where the sticker just was in the ████ in the window you could see it and people are just going like huh that's interesting and a couple people like I don't know it was like that dude it was rough and it must have been a turn off though like that she actually believed it she fell for it it completely sucked me all the way out of it cuz I'm like you're that ████ stupid and naive and that was it she went there though never talked her I bet you would have fall in love with her though if she was like you're going to love this and you get there and she's like yo isn't this funny yes like IR style oh my God then honestly that would be great that would we could have had
3:21 something that would be great we really could have had something it kind you you and Nikki going to the Cat shows yes exactly dude like you go there for the people watching and and you pretend that you're in it and you both kind of like play like with them as if you're actually going to buy and you ████ with the sales people yeah but you went with a mark basically I went with a mark yeah and she was excited and like oh my God we could go to the Bahamas and ████ and I'm like yeah huh I hope she didn't actually like buy one no idea she wasn't even from here she was from the UK so almost got roped in with one of those there you go UK again mine's very short and sweet um it was kind of I I guess you could call it a day but you know it's kind of like forced where like you're in a group of people and the people all kind of have their significant others and then it's
4:11 like you're singled out with one other person and then it kind of just seems like this forced kind of date situation so he and I were kind of like forced into that situation and uh he's like are you hungry I'm like yeah sure let's go eat so we go to eat and I could tell he's really nervous and he's drinking a lot a lot just like a shot here a drink there like he's probably had five six drinks at this point and uh it's time for us to all head out and uh we meet up with our friends my friend's driving I forget where we're driving to I think it's like back to her place and um he's not feeling good in the back seat so it's like him me my other friend in the back seat and then two people in the front and and he's like I think I'm
5:01 going to throw up and I'm like let's just stop so he can relieve himself he's said no no I got this like I'm good I'm good I'm good like trying to like talk himself through it as soon as we make a left turn sorry a right turn he throws up while leaning on oh no on me and my friend but it was like one of those like projectile vomits not like a little bit Yeah cuz he tried to hold try to hold it in so much BEC a so it becomes like where it just sprayed everywhere in the car um and then my my friend is it felt like a movie scene my friend's super sensitive to that so she starts growing up that's Family Guy ████ yeah and to the point where like I'm in the middle sitting in the middle just like oh yeah
5:51 cuz the smell must be disgusting pull over like you didn't throw up no F no I didn't I was just disgusted we pull into the gas station her throw up so he throws up some more the whole car is filling up a throw up next thing you know the driver throws up and then they start making out with each other so we pull into a gas station and we're trying to get those like paper towel gas stations that's all we had to like kind of like wrap it up then you got to get back in there to get back home exactly exactly and it's like getting all Dro in the smell and I'm just like holy ████ and the drive is like maybe 35 minutes oh God oh I would say burn did you do one of these yeah pretty much she just ████ s there I don't know say anything was he like hey I'm sorry about that man yeah
6:42 yeah the the really junk I'm sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I'm so sorry I really like you I think you're I think you're ████ cool it's like dripping from his I think you're ████ cool man you just R up my Alle the next day I just feel like we had time she didn't even like him from the beginning though I was being like nice to that's her ex-husband actually that's how they met so did he met he didn't even try to talk to you the next day or anything no I think he picked up on the fact that he got super want to just delete that whole scenario wow you think he picked up on the fact that he had thrown up all over you yeah yeah I think he picked up on the fact that uh yeah everywhere everywhere and then friend's car I just remember her driving
7:33 thinking like ████ do you think I bet you she regrets not stopping yeah I I've never even had that happen I don't even know what to do yeah well I mean what would I do with my car you got to get it cleaned right but then will it be enough yeah she said that it still smelled like that for at least another few days because because that happened after like cleaning it clean smell keep fabric no buddy but okay my buddy my buddy my neighbor he left a like a a thing of diapers in his car like for like I don't even know overnight or some ████ like that his car smell like that for the last seven months baby ████ yeah like baby diaper it like get in the fabric material right did he actually do anything good to clean up this the car but also keep in mind the time frame because if she it's late at night you're
8:23 not going to get like a professional cleaner late at night wait till it's dry exactly so she you have to do the best can to clean up the majority of it and then hire somebody when they have availability so it's seeping through and then the 30 plus minute drive it's going to Places You'll never see again ever even the cleaner won't be able to tou I rather what I'm saying D is like I feel like it was there forever diaper so sick Diaper Dude it smells like diaper to this day dude it's absolutely disgusting yeah dude that's rough would you rather that or make out with A Cow's Ass Cow's Ass is way cleaner Cow's Ass where in what country though Fresno okay there's a lot of cows there did it just ████ no hell no did you ever drove on the five going to Sacramento and you passed that one C
9:13 area yeah that's crazy two people vomiting and human yeah cuz that's not uh dude I I got puked on too but I never had double p no like it sprayed like it was one of those that's when people are trying their hardest to like be in denial that they're going to barf that's when it becomes the bigest yep well you dodg your blood because five or six shots is not a lot at all yeah that guy's a ████ ████ weak Boy dude ████ made maybe he was already sick prior to that I trying to drink it down I don't know like he was trying to like drown his stomach flu in I know that was the first time I met him no when you're faded like that you drive in the front you shouldn't be in the back Unforgettable impression it's over Dude nice over that would never be that's not a real date
10:03 never begin no do you so you don't think like there would be a Redemption for that later if you met him a year later and he's like a nice guy and he's like holy ████ what happened back there how about I admire that sick way do what happened back there he's he talking like Mark Norman he's like hey hey don't worry I'm not going to burf on you next time what if he was like you know for some reason I just feel closer to you now we just went through a w isn't it crazy that we all threw up that's what I'd say I'd try that out wait I thought we all threw up isn't it crazy that we all did that I thought all three of us threw up yeah didn't we kind of connected didn't we like well I mean you get a pass you can throw up on me not bad kinky not bad nasty boy here we go how about you did you have any bad dates bad dates no I definitely took
10:54 someone on a bad date but I think that's about it what what did you do no huh are you the B bad date instigator no no it's just my way of testing like are you even worth it so I thought there was the fart in front of them that's sash yeah yeah yeah yeah it wasn't really a bad that wasn't a bad day it was a good day I just farted it was one of my tests what's the test no I just farted inside the car and but with the windows down I just looked at her like what's up he wrote the windows his wife now yeah it's my wife now when they were dating wow that's how he knew she was the one and wife and kid yep are you going to tell your son that story I farted in F if I if I remember it yeah what's the bad date you had no I just I took her to her it was it wasn't even that bad but I just I remember we did it in the car and I took her to a date a janky ass Mexican restaurant I was just like what's up
11:44 what do you I was like what do you want this was a wine and Diner dude and like I forgot my wallet they got lots of drink Sex yeah well no that's one thing I never ever let girls do is pay for Mone the day no even it just it just like a Mexican food I'll a gentleman dude wait that's why it was bad just cuz you took her to a Mexican place some Jank ass Mexican spot after after screwing her in the car yeah it's a ████ well how did you know it was a bad thing cuz you know it's like that's horrible like why would you you just want to get you got piped and now you you're in a janky ass dirty ass Mexican what if she was like oh he's taking me to like his favorite hole in the wall it's got bomb ████ burritos
12:35 it looks like ████ but it's so good was it good oh I don't remember you're too high no not too high I was exhausted but then like how did how did you end up doing something that you know was is bad to do I just looking no I just looked back at it I looked back at I'm like that was pretty time was pretty sick that was pretty s█████ yeah but when you're young dude you do trashy ████ that's true cuz you're ████ everyone's broke and every time I took a girl when I was like broke as ████ I would always take her to ELC Padre my favorite Mexican restaurant in La and I would take there like multiple times because like I I'm one paying for it so I might as well go somewhere I really like godamn it cuz you like cuz I don't like them enough yet to like be sure or whatever I'm like might as well eat my I don't know any 20-year-old that takes their date to a ████ Houston take Steakhouse or some ████ yeah no that's very imposs no they're happy going to
13:25 McDonald's yeah you're going to Taco Bell Dude well I so back on that mhm I uh one time was uh I it was one of those it wasn't forced but it was one of those like seemingly randomly organic like it's a friend you kick it with them you're in like large group settings suddenly everybody goes out one night everybody's drunk like some sort of like friendly energy maybe is is it flirting am I being friendly is it FLIR is she flirting with me what's happening you kind of get drunk energy goes somewhere and then suddenly all her friends all your mutual friends but mainly her friends are looking this dance team ████ by the way all all the friends are like like you better treat her right right and then and then suddenly you're like am I am I is this H are we do are we something right and then so next you
14:15 know but you're like friends you're not like close close friends but you're friends so you think to yourself uh maybe we should kick it maybe should you're like hey you want to like hang out and then it's like not really a date but then like next know you like I guess I'll grab you so you're like I ████ is this a date I guess I'll grab you yeah I'll grab you sure I'll pick you like whatever whenever you're done with work what the ████ you do I'll pick you up and then suddenly it's like oh you look really nice and then you're like ████ is this a date sobody stages as they're ████ is this is this a DAT right now but it wasn't that was it wasn't there at all okay U you know her by the way you just dressed like ████ but she was dressing nice but like nothing was planned I thought it was just like hang out let's just catch a Vibe let's just like let's see if we Vibe it wasn't like it's like
15:05 is while you're making out you know it well when we was drunk we were like making out see so but then you're like you're also friends and then you're also in the same space like in terms of like the group so you're like oh yeah so there's like a pass with it yeah I'd rather just like hey maybe we should just hang out and like Just Vibe and just kind of just like I'm not going to be like let me get a reservation at a restaurant let's dress up and let's do it it's more like hey let's let's hang out blah blah but every single step of the way I was like ████ is this a date and then but we ended up I was like I don't know where to go we didn't books so we went to McDonald's and then hell yeah yeah we just sat inside McDonald's and we were just chopping it up but then it was like she was dressed hella nice she was she was looking kind of nice hella nice in McDonald's the hood ass mdon to be fair in like you know now
15:56 like years later obviously you're like damn that was just a really bad date oh um but not in like a unnecessarily bad way you got like motorcycle card in like side card in the date yeah you know what I mean that's a good you merged you merged you merged it's cuz some people were like you better Treat Her Right the whole that's the whole and that's the worst but all I'm saying never do that ████ never do that ████ you will sabotage something or make something that's not I actually mind maybe she was like oh this is a date and and then it just like was a really bad one which was great for both of us in the long run but just like you know like she might have been like I guess it's a date gets all dressed up and looks really but now now she's over there telling what happened okay that's was my wedding ring now
16:46 she's over there she's over there like yo this fo took me to McDonald's on her birth day saying that's what I'm saying cuz maybe I was also subconsciously trying to be like yo they're like yo you better treat her right it's like well like let's not make this a date yeah let's not go there that's a dumb thing to do that's hell funny dude you're going to love this I was doing I did an improv show and I ████ crushed it or whatever and then this girl yeah exactly exactly love that yeah and then uh no and then I went out to dinner with this girl and her friends who like liked you know like the show or whatever and they were like you know they wanted to all hang out and then afterward me and her go back to her place and like we totally ████ and everything like that my one and only one night D credit to me and then very out of character thank you I know the next day or I don't know a couple of days we go out again we go out
17:38 at night with her friends her friends pull me aside and they do the whole like if you heard her thing and I was like oh sick I was like I will literally never see this ████ again after this like congratulations like you're such a ████ idiot I will never see her again after this if her friends are like this I don't want to know what else is going on yeah yeah that never works it doesn't work why do they do that for that cuz they think it's like tough gu ████ whatever being ████ mother and ████ Ru I'm going to give you a world of hurt you ruining it R in reality you're not going to do ████ well that's true too they've already done it by doing that exactly that's what I'm like dude I I told the story exactly like that where the same thing happened to a girl that we were it was like stage 0.001 of like getting nowhere and her friends were like you better not be an ████ and I was like oh okay I have that gear and then just totally like that's
18:28 all I'm going to be now because perception is That's The Company You Keep correct if your friends are like this I don't want to deal with any of this ████ it's a sabotage move can never do that that never happened to me do you think like maybe they know they just they're afraid of me yeah yeah they're like yeah he's an ████ already you better ████ hurt her it's also like a rare scenario to be in where her friends are there and you're the odd one out and they're telling you that it's like it's like you can't really make those moments happen they just you're making it more awkward now like two magnets or whatever like don't connect it's like that's a big turn off is when girls have really dumb friends I think only their dad can say that correct it's it's in it's in good intention it's just over time you got to realize the data suggests it doesn't work at all the intention is only to make themselves look good it has nothing
19:19 to do with their I told him it's like it's like someone saying now you work for me like you work for me from here on it feels it feels like a punk like you're getting punked you getting punked bullied and immedi makes immediately makes me pissed off where I'm like what's up you want you want to go right now so why are you coming at me with this negative intention sh has that ever happened in your adult Years cuz I feel like that's very it's more adult it was in my adult years that was I was that was probably 25 24 oh interesting oh yeah when I was like maybe 24 yeah and so you're I think you know they're of the same age and they're just being idiots and they don't know better and yeah but it's all about them yeah yeah they're just thinking of themselves like hardcore that's true or they're jealous that you're hitting on her instead of her it could be a number of things but it is it is centered around they're
20:10 focusing so much on themselves nothing to do with Pro their friend cuz it's like if that's the company she keeps like yeah she's around idiots exactly exactly I only wish that I could have let her know that her friends Bo it for her because she she was definitely like disappointed when I was like I'm I'm think we should just be friends and I bet you it confirmed to them they're like see he was going to be an ████ and I told him and he got scared off I kind of hinted at like that this wasn't going to go well for them like as far as like I don't know you like why are you talking to me like this like that kind of thing right like I kind of let them know like you never turned it around on them and said and if you screw them as a friend it's coming for you too you better treat her ████ right that's good you better be a good friend cuz right right now you're not watching her
21:00 back spit on the ground yeah see you and if I were you see you I'd make sure you you'd be a loyal friend and when I met Nikki's friends they were dope as hell that's all you got to do be dope as hell I already Nikki for a long time but they were dope as hell and so it was like even more points if your friends are just dope and not like all this protective pretend protective ████ it's ████ paper sh there so many good ways to actually be protective it's like a hack line dialog it's like nobody should really be saying that for real exactly you give that line to a character you want the audience to hate and it's always by the way that as they say the fridge protects the treat oh my God yeah simple not my line great line The Vault protects the spoils yeah yeah yeah the Vault protects the gold yeah
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