0:06 Welcome back to another episode of Careful Boys. Today we have Mr. Joseph Jitsukawa. >> He is going to be our domestic abuse expert of the day. >> Let's go. >> I have a question everyone. [laughter] >> For me, I think domestic violence is absolutely wrong. It should never be done. Ever. Ever. Ever. Ever. Ever. Right. >> Yeah. won't watch out ever [laughter] >> from very close women around me off camera. >> Not this one. >> Off camera. Okay. because they know that this is something they can't say publicly, but they agree and they go, sometimes they're like, if a husband just smacked his wife, she would respect him a little bit more because he's such
0:56 a little and she probably would have stayed if he ████ just gave her one little >> real quick. And I was like, are you ████ I was like, I can't ████ believe I'm hearing this ████ because I don't condone any of this. And I'm not even joking. I was shocked when I heard this. And then the other women were like, "Mhm, yep, yep." And I was like, "Are you ████ kidding me?" >> I have I have some followup questions. >> You kidding me? And then so I I I was like, "This is this is this is shocking, right?" So um um I was talking about this with Hannah. And then Hannah was like, >> "You're allowed to smack me one time." >> What? >> And I was like, "Are you ████ with me?" >> Did she Was she like hit me? >> No, no, no, no. She was like She's like, "Everyone gets out of hand from time to time." She goes, "Uh uh." And she goes, "And if we ever fight, you're allowed to hit me one time. The second time I'm
1:46 leaving you, but you get a one time hit pass, so make sure you do it at a good time." And I was like, "What the f███?" >> Better use this one up. Good. >> Are you just thinking about when >> I'm like, "Wait, am I going to ████ do it?" No, I'm just kidding. I want >> I don't have any room to stand, but I agree with that because I think so. I think I think there there's two scenarios. I think there's two scenarios. >> Okay. I think one scenario is when in the group dynamic. >> Yeah. >> When the leader is lost, they can sock once to get the leader back. And it's because the leader, the dude has become such a like s or whatever or incel. I think the chick is like, "Where the ████ is my man at?" But if it if the leader's in place and then the leader socks the chick, that's just anger issues. You need to get the ████ out of here. >> That's what I think. I think the the women that are I think that the women
2:36 that are down with the one sock, it's because dude, where was the man that I married? What the what did what was this little ████ that you turned into? You're going to let me run this ████ Smack me up. Let me know who's ████ boss and let's get back on the road. >> Smack though. [laughter] >> You know, like can't can't you establish your manhood without physical. >> It's one second. One second. It's like one second. I have a substitution. [laughter] >> Instead of hitting, what if you just did it? That's using comedy. >> No, that's not supposed to be funny. It's not supposed to be funny. >> Okay. So, I don't ag I don't agree with this, right? But >> can you see what is can you see it from their perspective like like from the females as to why they would all go, "Yep, yep, that's true." And I'm all like, >> "Yes, I can." Psychologically, >> can you explain Can you explain that?
3:29 Because the context is these guys are your stereotypical pushovers, the yes guys, right? They just want to people please, right? >> But um what ends up happening in a lot of these cases is the wives end up losing respect, they start cheating, all these things or whatever happens where like and then the solutions always what I which is shocking to me is like if he just put his foot down and just smacked her once real quick, put her in her place, she would have respected him more. Can I give you the misog Can I give YOU >> OH MY GOD. >> CAN I GIVE YOU the misogynist explanation before the good one? >> Okay. Okay. Give me >> I think I think the only reason that they all said yes is because women do that when women say stuff [snorts] >> cuz I have just agree with other women. >> I think that happens a lot. >> My whole thing is I'm curious to see with the the ladies >> I think I think some women go Mhm. and
4:19 then they later on go what the ████ was she talking about? [laughter] I think to be nice some women they agree when a woman is strongly speaking about an a controversial opinion just because it's less abrasive to be like oh I don't know girl and then she'd be like why not and then it be that becomes a thing >> I don't want to invalidate someone who's passionate about their stand >> yeah I would take women validating women >> deserve to get socked up there >> I take I take the >> that's not how that no >> you know you were on our team bon >> wrong pathways here >> misogynism specifically takes it very lightly when women agree with each other in front of other women. I take it very light with a grain of salt. I go like >> wait for them to debrief to go what they really >> got process it. I think that's a big thing. >> An interview in the room with the video camera and they're like, "What was she talking about?" [laughter] You know what I mean? Cuz that's every reality like that's it's not always that they agree.
5:09 They're just trying to be nice and polite and supportive. And I get it >> cuz how how do you how do you see how do you see what those women are talking about? Like what do you >> So I disagree with it. I don't think that you >> disagree with the method but you understand. >> I can't I can't understand it because everyone needs different things. Everyone has different personalities and everyone responds to things differently. >> Yeah. >> So some people like that. Some people like for someone to put their foot down in that way. I guess like that like there are people who like to get smacked around literally, right? Like >> like it [laughter] turns them on. Yeah. Yeah. That's true. Like that doesn't work for everyone, but that works for a certain group of people. >> So, psychologically, I can understand how that would be okay with some people >> and not with others. >> Yeah. >> But I do not condone.
6:01 >> No. >> Sounds like you condone it, dude. >> No. >> You clean you clean 135 [laughter] >> was given was like it's not this out of control like like aggression where it's like right. It's like a 50s movie where it's like a a quick little slap in the face and say, "GET A GET A HOLD of yourself, woman." And you just ████ shake her, right? Yeah. It's like that kind of >> a man should never touch a woman like that. >> I That's why I was shocked that I was ████ shocked hearing that from women and other women that agreed. And then so I had to go around and ask a lot of independently. I asked a lot of women independent [laughter] survey >> and I said, >> "Is is this true?" And then she'll and then they go, "Oh, yeah. I could see that. Oh, ████ it." And then the the it wasn't even like on the fence. I think
6:51 off camera a lot of my female friends are more willing to go, "Oh, ████ yeah." You know what I mean? [laughter] Like >> I think Gio would agree, too. >> She did actually. She's one of my friends that agreed. That's why I was like, "What?" [laughter] >> Mind you, they know the couples that I'm talking about, too. So, they know the context. They know the guy. And I think that that painted a much clearer picture than some like imaginary couple. And I think that if you didn't know the person, I think the first instinct is, "Oh, that's wrong. He should never put his hands on her." >> But he's like, "Oh, that guy is such a ████ He wouldn't hurt a fly that it would be so out of character for him to just give one real quick >> and then she's like, "Oh my god, I didn't know you were a ████ man. I thought you were a b████." You know what I mean? Yeah. and she goes stupid. Where
7:42 was this man? Oh my god. >> I'll I'll say this. I think there's a [laughter] there speaking from personal experience. There's a way cuz I think for me my I'm pretty chill. I'm pretty like easygoing. But there's been times where [laughter] you think I'm chilly easy going. >> It's the most non easygoing way to say that. >> Why are you so >> I'm very chill and I'm very easygoing. Believe me. No, but like there's been times where Tiff has done something and I was like, "Hey, don't ████ do that ████ again. Seriously." >> And then she was like, and then she was like, >> "Oh, okay." But then she kind of like laughed about it and was like, "Wo, like that was actually kind of like I wasn't expecting that." And like she would tell her stories to our friends about how this happened. So I feel like instead of hitting, just use your deepest voice. And >> that's also because you're a man though. He was a man and a leader in
8:33 >> in that car. cuz I was just angry and I was scared and I No, but but but that like that's a way to do it where we don't have to hit somebody. >> You shouldn't have faith. >> But those guys can't do that at that point. Wherever they they got in their life, >> but to go to go from >> where they're all depressed and ████ >> from being super depressed to hitting that's that's unstable. It's, you know, that's a big jump. >> Figure out a way to be manly without touching someone. Then are you that manly? >> Yeah. >> Is it all about like the physical aspect on what makes you a man? Amen. >> But it's also like I think for some guys they don't know their own boundaries. Like they don't have their own set of like, "Hey, you crossed the line. Do not do this ████ to me." And I feel like sometimes you have to have your own like set of values and your own code before you could even like punch a lady in the face. >> Oh my gosh. >> But you know, like so like when a guy is
9:24 that down in the dumps, right? They're all like they're not their shell of who they used to be >> and you need some sort of metamorphosis to happen. Like have you ever heard anyone gradually scream LIKE NO. RIGHT. [laughter] They usually >> usually usually afterwards you hear freak out. [laughter] [laughter] >> I think they I think they usually they just go outside AND THEY'RE LIKE A WHAT THE ████ HAPPENED? And I think that's the manifestation of the slap. If they couldn't do >> they probably would, >> but sometimes you just need the boom like >> bam and like oh ████ who was that? That was me. >> It's called a jump start. [laughter] That's >> what we call. >> Yeah. >> So you're right
10:14 >> in the way that you said everyone has different needs, right? >> Like obviously you don't need to get smacked up to be proven anything. That's that's that's not who you are. >> We haven't seen we haven't seen it. We haven't seen other good for you, bro. >> Is when I realized how right that person she was right about this person because this person she was saying maybe if he ████ smacked her she would have ████ stayed. Right. She told her sister like she's not now with her new guy. She goes she was telling her telling her sister, "Yeah, he beats me the ████ up." And then she's like, "But you know what? I feel the passion and I know he loves me." And then her sister's like, "You are ████ mentally ████ >> Hope, bro. That's the craziest level." >> But she's like, "But guess what? >> That's not good." >> She's staying with the guy, >> but that doesn't mean that it works. It
11:04 doesn't work. >> There's a psychological [laughter] there's a psychological issue and healing that needs to come from that. 100%. That's not That's not something working. >> I'm not talking about if it's right or wrong. I'm talking about how she saw that in her, nailed it, and went, "That's the kind of guy she's looking for." Well, okay. That's like you said, some people like it. >> Yeah. I'm not talking about that it's right. I'm talking about the the the female >> intuition and being able to identify that in her and going if the man showed more of that and then bam did this and he showed more aggression or whatever. That's that's what she needs. >> And I was like, whoa. Cuz I would have that would I would never saw that. I never would have identified that, >> right? It's not what she needs in a positive way, obviously, but that's what she's yearning for.
11:54 >> Yes, that's a better way of putting it. >> Yeah. That's where you end up with those girls that tell their story and they're like, "Every guy I've ever dated has beat my ass." And then you you're like, you want so bad to be like, "The ████ wrong with you?" But then everyone goes, "Don't victim blame." >> Exactly. No. No. It's >> Yeah. [laughter] Yeah. And her sister's like, "What the f███?" >> For seven years straight and I could have left, but I don't know. I just didn't. And it's like you have to kind of understand that some people have like a weird I don't know history of abuse or something that they allow it. They they allow it. You know, >> it's a crazy cycle that it's like a common domestic violence where it's like >> guy hits girl, you know, she's like obviously hurt, dude like cries in a corner and begs for forgiveness. >> Yeah. It's a cycle. >> Yeah. It's a cycle that keeps happening over and over and over. >> And you're not meant to step in between it and stop it cuz you become the new villain and they both beat your ass. And in in her twisted head, [laughter] in
12:46 her twisted head, right, a good, stable, safe man that doesn't beat her ass and he's not emotionally like up and down does not love her. >> Yeah. That she doesn't read it as that's not there's no passion. >> That's because there's a probably some sort of trauma that from childhood that makes you feel like that that's not how love looks like. >> That's why I I already don't think that person's operating on default settings. They're moving in a deficit and they're operating below and that's where they some people think that's all they deserve. >> So it's also like a confident and that's that's where I think like obviously it's never the solution to smack her up once, [laughter] right? >> Do we have to do the motion next to me? >> Yeah. You're not necessarily stay with you because you hit the >> But I thought it was hella fascinating that women could just ████ see that and and go, "Yeah, that's what she
13:36 needed or that's what she wanted. >> That's what she's looking for. >> That's what she's looking for." Yeah. >> And it's like >> I I would have never seen that. >> I'll never do it, but I'll bet you it feels hella good if you do it. >> Why don't you Why don't you slap Nick real quick and see how >> I'm not his I'm not his piss me off the way Gio. >> Is it still Let me ask you this one last thing. Is it still domestic abuse if let's say that you're a guy that knows you you know in your heart you're going to hit your wife someday? So you teach her you you teach her the appropriate block to be like when I do it do this move and reverse it on me. [laughter] >> Just because you show me the defensive move does not mean it's okay. >> You have the key now. He's like it's going to when it comes at you know >> I'm going to go left, right, left. [laughter] >> WA. IT'S ONE SMACK. ONE SMACK, NOT THREE. >> OH, MY BAD. >> Added more. My bad. My bad.
14:26 >> It's more satisfying if [laughter] you go, "Hey, here. Hold this pillow. >> Hold this pillow. Get your stomach." [laughter] That's probably more flat. That's probably more >> like a pillow is going to not hurt as you're your punch is still going to hurt. >> You can't punch on. >> It's like having sex with a condom on. It's like a little bit there, a little bit not there. It's like >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. [laughter] >> That's what we got. >> We're going to work on what we got. >> It's safe punch. >> We're haggling. We're trying to haggle this. [laughter] >> It's safe punch. Safe abuse.
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