0:05 Welcome back to Careful Boys. Today, no double news. We're talking about something we learned from our first breakups that made us better partners. Our first breakup, huh? >> Oh, the first breakups. Damn. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> The first one. Do you guys remember your like massive biggesting heartache ever? Like the very first one? You're like, "Mother." Yep. When I got dumped, my first breakup was I was I dumped her, but my first big one where she dumped me, I was like, >> "Yeah, >> crush." >> I think it it taught me to not smother. >> Yeah, that's what >> Cuz you because you cuz your first because you have no uh I guess like meter. So like the first girlfriend I had, I just showered all my attention and every part of my life and being around this person. And then like after we broke up, I didn't learn it in the
0:56 breakup. After we broke up, I just started reading our letters and ████ that we had to each other and I was like just disgusted by myself. Heard that, bro. I have no ████ life, dude. It's like all about her. And I was just like, "That's not hot. That's just kind of loserish." >> And then and then um and I just learned to just not be like always trying to be around them, always trying to rearrange your life so that you can see them. And and uh and then I remember how much my my boys were like, "Dude, you were so whack and gay when you were with her." You know what I Because that always happens in if you're still in high school, right? When you break up, everyone's so fast to say their opinion. Nowadays, that'll never happen. But back when you were like a bunch of teens, as soon as I broke up, they're like, "F██████ finally, dude." Like, now we have our friend back, you know? And that's the kind of thing that I think I think I think that's good for boys because if you learn that earlier on,
1:47 then you're not like cucking your whole ████ life, you know? >> That's true. >> Cuz there'll be older guys that are cucking and I'm just like, >> "What the ████ dude? you're like 30 when >> you literally become an incel that way because you just get mad at like stuff not happening the way that you expected to. But then when you're when you have a bunch of guy friends that all they want to do is kick it and you don't know how to mix those things together and you're just like, "Bye guys. Thanks for being my friends. I'm going to go ████ spend all my time with this girl that like none of them care about." And you don't know how to like mesh your life >> and then she'll get bored and feel like you're a loser cuz you're loses. You're just ████ tagging along everywhere and you're just like, "Yes, ma'am. I'll serve you." Yeah, because she's like, "What the f███?" >> Like, "Isn't she the best?" And all the guy, the boys are just like, "Huh?" >> And you don't pick up on it. You're just like, "Yep, she's the best." >> Because it's super selfish. You become a bubble builder. And then when you need things to socially be wider than that, you bring everyone else in at your
2:37 convenience. And that's kind of like s█████. So, >> how how old were you when this went down? >> That's when I was dating my cousin, >> the girl that from Kathy. Yeah. So, that was like uh freshman to freshman to late sophomore year. >> Wait, you were actually dating your cousin? Well, it turned out to be my cousin. I didn't know that it was my cousin. >> That actually happens. >> And it's cousin by marriage. Yeah. With Filipinos, it does. Yeah. No, it's like >> in-law. >> Yeah. It's that that whole thing. >> She was my friend in junior high. The >> one that got away. >> Yeah. But but Joe actually knows her cuz they went to school together, too. Yeah. >> But that was like maybe almost two years of high school. >> Were you guys banging? >> No. >> No, we we didn't get that far. >> They were holding hands, though hard. >> Yeah, we're hold. >> And that's Christian banging. >> It's Christian banging. When the fingers lock like that, dude, that's like home run. >> And the fact that like that would exhilarate you to the point of you could get a heart attack is pretty impressive,
3:28 >> dude. I wish I could get sensitive like that. >> That means that means the system works, dude. SDA system works. >> Be ████ calm. Like, >> dude, you're probably leaking a little bit. >> I know. >> I just want every day. >> Leaking. My biggest heartbreak was um so the story that I tell is when like I got sent away to Army and Navy Academy, the military school, and I was getting like a bunch of trouble and my girlfriend at the time was like goody two shoes. I've always been like attracted to like goody two shoes, so she was like cheerleader. She was like on the debate team, all that stuff. And then um but because of her, because of me, our summer lifestyle was like imagine like 15 16 year old kids waking up in random strangers' homes and stuff like in Arizona, San Diego, whatever cuz we're just going raving and and um it's just so fun cuz
4:21 you're so in the moment. But then when we when I got sent there and I think she had a break, she was able to self-reflect and go, "Dude, what am I turning into?" Because I'm like on track to being a really good candidate for a good school and go that path. And then I'm like ████ DGEN like this guy. And when she broke up with me, that was the first time that I really realized like how like who you the quality of a person that you can be with is highly dependent on the quality of person that you are. And I didn't really see that cuz I think you know when you're when you're a kid or whatever you're so outwardly thinking, you just go aug. But then it depends on like what your what what's your fishing pole? What's your fishing line? Like you can't catch a ████ shark with the big five kid or
5:11 whatever, you know? And that's that was like one of the first things I was like, "Oh ████ if I cuz like we're were talking about yesterday how like I've always been like focused on marriage and like marriage material." And I'm like, "If I want to marry someone that's marriage material, I need to be marriage material." And I don't think marriage material is like dropping an E and like Havasu. So I that >> just not every weekend. Every once in a while. >> Yeah. >> Damn, that's crazy. Good. That's a good one. >> And you learned not to be a ████ ████ early on and take what was you you were in high school. >> That was my second junior year. >> But it still took a long time. >> Junior year. >> That's when I repeated that's when I repeated my my junior year. >> Yeah. Yeah. That was my second junior year.
6:01 >> My junior junior year in high school. And I was like, I just had time to think about it. But then, you know, it's like I don't have the discipline or willpower to go 180. So, it took like a long time to still like But then it was something that I was trying to strive for now. >> I was I got to fix my ████ while still going, but okay. But I got to like I'm making lots of money selling e so I got to figure out how to keep doing that. >> Still a businessman, >> dude. Nick, have you ever experienced like heartbreak heartbreak though since you've >> The girl that the girl he was dating before? >> I thought Oh, for some reason I thought Tiff was your one and only and you never dated anybody else. >> I t It's hard to even call it dating, right? Cuz I started talking to this girl. Um, and it was it was funny how it
6:51 all happened. Like I think like I thought, you know, I was kind of interested in her. My friend was like, "Yo, she's she's interested in you." And I was like, "A girl that finally likes me back? What the hell is this? So, I was like super hyped and much like Ryan, I was like everything I knew about relationships was coming from movies and ████ right? It was very idealistic. So, once again, I was smothering the ████ out of her. I was like, "I love you. You're my one, you know, like ████ like that." And she was definitely not that kind of girl. She was like, "Yo, I don't know what the ████ was." Yeah, she was she freaked the ████ out, which I totally understand. >> To the point where she was like, "Yeah, I don't think we should talk anymore." And I was like, "Yeah, it's okay. I still love you." you know, things like ████ like that. And and I didn't realize till later on in my life where I was like, "Oh, yeah." Like I just was like just caught up in the moment, >> you know, and it was like it was good
7:41 that I learned how to >> get that first relationship out of the way because I definitely didn't handle it properly. >> Were you crushed crushed though? >> Oh, I was crushed, bro. I was crushed. You do the thing in the shower where you just slide >> and it was like like I remember I remember one time we went out to eat with my mom and I just was like I can't even EAT RIGHT NOW. >> I KNOW that feeling. I know that. I know that feeling. >> Yeah, bro. So bad, dude. Like everything was just everything was so like Yeah. >> I was so sad about everything to me. >> Yeah, bro. It was like every cliche out of every movie you could think of like your boy did it. Um, >> yeah. And I I just was like, >> and I I became very cynical of like, you know, women. I became an incel incel phase. I'm never going to find a partner, dude. Like, I'm a lone wolf. If
8:31 you don't stand if you don't stand beside me, you know, you're an enemy to me. >> Just everything you could think of as a as a junior in high school, my first junior year. >> I remember one of the gayest things I thought to myself like during like >> There was a lot of it like Yeah. crazy heartbreak cuz you know it feels like when you go through crazy heartbreak it feels like someone turned down the desaturation on your life. >> Yeah. >> So I remember I remember going like >> I can't even look at rainbows the same as >> dramatic. It's five different shades of gray. >> Exactly. >> They're just all shades of brown. THAT'S ALL IT IS. >> That's a bad one. >> In the symbolism you see in the music. You're like I got to turn this song off. It reminds me of her. Yeah. >> And it was it was so funny cuz this is the first time I realized like and I on the other side of it was like I was
9:22 really angry with this girl. I was so mad with her and we still shared a locker at this point and I just started calling her like names. I just was like I was like you're a ████ I was like get out of here. I was like don't ████ talk to me. >> And she liked me more after that ████ >> She started what? And we started to like talk again after that. >> Oh my god. It does work. And it and that blew my brains as a young >> it blew my brains at this point to the point where she started being like even more interested in me and I started trying to talk to somebody else other like ladies and stuff and I was talking to Tiff. >> Oh man. And she >> and she was like, "Yeah, bro." It was crazy. It was crazy. And yeah, that moment after that, I just realized I was like, "Oh yeah, this is there's
10:12 something going on here. Once I figure this game out, dude, this is going to be very important for me as a male." But yeah, >> you didn't really have to figure it out cuz you got >> doesn't apply it. >> Yeah. But later I just like I was like took me years to look back and go like, "Oh ████ just because I was kind of mean to her, it kind of worked." So if I started with that a little bit, if I called her a ████ off the top, maybe >> she'll find out you're a s later. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I can hold off that I'm a s, dude. But it was crazy. It was a crazy realization for me. >> Learned like ████ the first 15 years of dating. Like the first one, the first biggest heartbreak was when I went to Thailand with my church and ████ for like a month or so. And that was back then when you didn't have it's hard to call international and then like there's no real pay for there's like there's no way you just got to wait. You can't see
11:03 them for like and a whole month being away is like long, right? >> That's crazy. At that age, ████ yeah, >> that age is massive. Yeah. >> Yeah. So, I was excited to talk to my girlfriend at the time when I got back home. And then she was like, I got to tell you something. And then I was like, "What happened?" She goes, "I lost my virginity when you were gone." And I was like, >> that was like, >> God piece of news you could have got. >> What? >> Yeah. At 14. >> 14. God or 16? She was older than me. Were you guys broken up when you >> Oh, we were together. >> Oh my god. >> I've been GONE FOR 1 MONTH. >> LIKE YOU DIDN'T EVEN CALL OR WRITE ME. AND I was like, ████ I WAS ████ TRAVELING. I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO GO to a Thai post office. You were you were ministering the Lord's word. I know. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> And I was like, dude, that ████ me up. And she goes, I want to try to make it work. And I was like, I don't know if
11:53 this could work. >> Lord virginity while you were the That's my my first breakup. I mean, my first heartache and she was trying to make it work after. That's sick. >> Yeah. >> Good for her, man. >> The same after that. >> Well, I was conflicted cuz I still ████ loved her. And then I was like, "What do I do?" And then like, >> "Let me put it in your butt, >> dude." And I I was just mad cuz I'm like, "You let this ████ other person had it." And I haven't had ████ yet. >> And then who was the other guy? Just some random. >> Yeah, some rand They're not even together. I think they're just hooking up at a party. I didn't even want the detail. I was just like, "This is ████ crazy." >> Yeah. Tell me the details. >> No, somehow I was just like, let's just try or whatever it was. >> And then um Yeah. And then we went to the movies and the first time we like
12:43 saw each other and ████ like she basically gave me a hand job in a hickey and I just we just got back. >> Really? >> That just got me back. Like I was like, "Dude, that was the first girl who touched my dick." I was like, "Wow." And then I didn't come. >> I didn't know how to come. >> I do this now. >> I got some experience. >> She goes, "It's not as big, but you know." >> Yeah, I could do it. >> Dude, that's all that's all it took for me to forget everything is getting my dick tucked. >> Such kid brain, dude. >> That's all I need. That's >> I was like, dude, I got my dick tucked. >> But that age is like electric. >> Yeah, that fall out. Don't even look at it. don't even remember how we broke up after that or like how it fizzled. I just remember that time and then my first time getting a hand job and I was
13:33 just like >> yeah and then she did a couple times too after that and I was like dude hand jobs are so ████ cool but I was too scared to like have sex with her and I had this rule of like I'm only going to have sex if she's a version two but she already broke that rule so we're never going to have sex. >> Yeah. >> H >> you broke up with her after that you got your hand dropped. I don't I literally don't even remember how it ended after that. >> Machine for a couple, >> dude. I got my redemption through the I got my payback through the hand jobs. Yeah. And what did I learn? Absolutely ████ nothing, dude. >> All I knew is it felt good to get my dick touched and then I want more. >> I'm going to do this again. >> Yeah. That's all it was. And I was such a simpleton at 14. I don't know any guy that actually thought things through. >> That's fair. >> All the way up until I was in my 20s. I probably in my 20s is when I started probably thinking about my actions. >> Wow.
14:24 >> Mine I learned >> I learned that >> she's not you don't have to force her to be the one. You know what I mean? Like you're going to it's you just just take it slow. Like she she doesn't have to be the one. Like we'll find that out as we go. Like I go into a relationship with the intention that she could be the one, but I don't have to force ████ it into like she's the one. And I that was big for me because I was really just trying to make that work. >> I think same >> because you're in love with the idea of being in love. >> That's it. That's it. >> But we got to go cuz K's adding a bunch of North Face jackets to cart right now.
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