0:00 If I was just paying attention, I would have saved 13 minutes on this drive or whatever, you know? >> So, but that's a boring answer. Let me give you something a little bit juicier. Come back to me. >> Okay. How about this? >> When you're talking, sometimes I go on autopilot cuz I'm just like, this is a little bit boring. >> What' you say? [Music] >> All right. I'm going to tell you guys a little story and then ask you a short question. But this thing happened in Maryland. Okay. It's a 24 year old mom who brought her son to the park and she starts pushing him on the swings. Right. Then after some time, people began to report that they saw something odd about how she was doing it. And then uh when the police finally arrived, they discovered that the boy was not alive. >> Oh my god. >> And that the mom was continuously still
0:51 pushing him on the swings. And she had been doing it nonstop for 44 hours. 44. >> Some demonic ████ >> Is she on meth? >> She's um I think she was schizophrenic, >> but she just didn't She was just pushing his dead body on the swings. 44 hours. >> So, did the boy die on the swings? >> Yeah, he died on the swing. >> Oh, so he was >> Yeah. She just wasn't stop pushing it. So, my question is like, have you guys ever like been on autopilot where you just don't really >> Oh my god, you ████ >> It ever happened to you? Has it ever happened to you where you just like zone out? Yeah, I could remember a time, >> right? >> Yeah, I remember a time. >> What the ████ >> I have a short story then. I want to ask you a question. >> I have something I think you can clip.
1:41 >> Does that ever happen to you? >> You have something similar. >> Yeah. What was it? >> I missed three exits just being on autopilot. I could totally relate with that. Mom, >> if I'm talking while I'm driving, I'll miss exits. >> Oh, yeah. I miss >> I do, too. It's so embarrassing. >> Have you ever done like the wrong Have you ever been on autopilot and done the wrong like uh >> kill the child? >> No. Like this one time I was like I don't know how I got there. I just remember I was chilling in my house. I was like freaking a teenager or whatever. And then next thing I knew I was standing in front of the trash can about to pee in it and I was like whoa this isn't the toilet. That happened to me. >> I do that when I'm like super drunk. >> Okay. Yeah, maybe that's >> uh so Monday night I came home and football's on and Nikki told me at the she's like when you're at the store get popsicles so I was like cool. So I got the popsicles no problem. And then when I got home I had the game on and so I'm
2:33 like putting away groceries looking at the game and I put the popsicles in the fridge. >> Oh no. And it melted. >> And then they were melty. And Nikki found them like an hour later. And so she like busted my ████ absolute castinets last night cuz she's taking out a popsicle. She's like, "Look how s█████ this looks. >> Way to put it in the fridge, ████ head." Basically, >> that's really funny. >> What kind were they? Were they like otter pops or you could just freeze them again or they're like just fully deformed? >> It's over. >> They're deformed and they're the ones like um >> on a stick. So the popsicle stick is just floating now. >> Exactly. But do you ever get the rocket pops? >> Yeah. Yeah. So, it's like that but nerds flavored. Check that one. >> Wait, so you just try to freeze it to save it? >> It looks like a ████ up dildo that like you you bought on Alibaba, but then you left it outside and like it's Vegas weather, so it's like 110 degrees outside, so it melted a little bit. >> Damn. >> Yeah. You guys ever bought a dildo?
3:24 >> I know exactly what you're talking about. Yeah. >> Yep. >> Coming out in 2026. >> You ever had You don't have moments where you zone out? >> Yeah. I mean, everybody zones out in different ways. What's the oddest thing you've done while zoning out? >> I think I mean the pet peeve is missing exits. That's for sure. >> That pisses me off >> on autopilot sometimes in the car. >> Oh, that's like But no, but it won't miss it. It It doesn't normally miss exits, but it's not perfect. So sometimes it will make the wrong decision, but because I wasn't paying attention, I'm like, >> if I was just paying attention, I would have saved 13 minutes on this drive or whatever, you know? >> So, but that's a boring answer. Let me give you something a little bit juicier. come back to. >> Okay. How about this? When you're talking, sometimes I go on autopilot cuz I'm just like, "This is a little bit more." >> What did you say?
4:14 >> I liked your answer. >> What a bully, dude. >> How about you, Bart? >> I go on autopilot on this show. >> Have you ever zone out and realize that you did too many reps or something? >> I think the most autopilot thing is when I don't know if it's autopilot or ADD and I just get distracted in my own ████ >> and then later I'm like ████ where the ████ did I put my keys and I'm it's usually in my pocket or somewhere and I check all my usual places they're not ████ there and I'm like oh boy if that's not in the normal places if ADD took over it could be anywhere now. So now I have to wor >> I have to check like theed places now like inside the trash can inside the
5:04 laundry or like just places that it would never be >> and then when I find it >> it was in your pocket or something. >> No, no. It's like it's some in the trash. >> I'm like ████ It's in the fridge. God damn it. Why' I put it there? >> My wife is the same way. But I know her is better than she does >> because I always have to find her ████ later. And so I'm the guy who fixes that because she will put it the dumbest ████ place. Like she'll puts it, you know, like there's a if you have a closet with that with like a cube in it, she puts it like in the closet underneath all the shirts and ████ You're never going to find that like in a million years. >> ADD took over. Yeah. >> Cuz she's just like doing other ████ but like I know to look there and she doesn't even think that she puts it there. >> One of my favorite moments though is when I find out of that. So Gio will like open like a cabinet. >> Yeah. And then it's like a gallon of milk. Like what's that? I just started
5:54 laughing. I'm like, dude, how was I to put the ████ milk in the ████ cabinet? And I don't even know why I put it in there. >> The cabinet. >> I can't even clown. I put popsicles in the fridge. >> Want want to know how I almost died while on autopilot? >> How? >> So, we were snorkeling one time and man, there were so many fish. So, I was like, "This is sick, bro." And I was like diving and I was like this is I'm getting closer and closer and I forgot I was underwater. >> Yeah. >> And I just took a big inhale with a tube and I was like and I was like oh ████ Anyway filled up my lungs and ████ and I started coughing underwater. ████ And I started swimming up. >> God damn man. This sucks. I got ████ sea water everywhere. >> You were really deep in the water
6:44 >> and he's saying stuff like godamn. So he's he's taking more. >> And I'm at the surface and I'm like and my friend's like paddle boarding and I was like, "Thank God." And I just swim toward him. He's like going this. I'm just like, "F███." And I'm holding on to it, right? And I just go cough ████ and I ████ puke, right? And then when I puke, >> all these fishes come up to eat the ████ puke. And all these tourists are just like, "Oh my god, look at all the fish." And they're just all swimming in my puke and I'm just ████ trying to breathe. And that's uh being on autopilot, dude. ████ >> You forgot you were underwater. >> Yeah, I forgot I was underwater. Hey, >> I thought I was at a like Monterey Bay Aquarium looking at beautiful fish. >> They were tight though.
7:34 >> That is a good way to to Yeah. to drown. >> But I I think uh after that I was like, man, I got to pay attention more, dude. And did you >> did you >> I never ████ breathed underwater again. >> Sick. >> It is pretty funny to go on autopilot when you're talking to someone. >> You know how that happens sometimes? >> No. Not to me. Not to my wife. Not to me and my wife. I don't do that. >> What do you mean? Like >> that never happens to you? >> No, I don't do what I'm talking about. >> Where you're like stuck in a conversation with somebody and then you just realize that you just haven't been paying attention at all. That's every day. >> That's for sure, Joe. every day. >> Yeah, I feel like that is you. Yeah, >> but moments like I'll miss a few words, not the whole thing. >> Maybe miss a few hours. >> Oh, did you ever did you ever used to go on autopilot? Remember back in the day when you were in like high school or college and you had to write the longest paper and then you would just go and so
8:25 much of it was written. That's never happened to you. >> What? >> It's like, who the ████ wrote this? But it doesn't make any sense. >> I think so much was written and I'm in the same spot. >> That would happen to me where I'm like, oh ████ I wrote that and it's like total garbage. I can't use it. I got to like delete it. I had to work so hard just to just to type all that out. Dude, there's no way I was autopiling that. >> I remember I did some stupid as ████ Um, you know when you have a like they tell you to do three to five pages, right? So, I just want to make up those pages. So, I literally started with a quotation and I would just >> write word for word until it hits three pages and I end the quotation and then that was it. >> So, you just copied exactly what plagiarism said, >> but I put it in quotes. I put it in quotes and double spaced. >> Yeah. And you cite the source bibliography and all. >> Yep. And then on the bottom like I
9:16 didn't get a ████ A for ████ >> They actually checked it and we're like what are you doing sir? >> I was being stupid. >> That's right. That is a little life hack though. >> Right. >> Recently Ta had this homework math homework and they're they're learning multiplication and division and then so the way they teach it is like like groups of things. So like three by uh three * 5 would be like three groups of five. >> Yeah. And then so like one of the word problems was like so h how did Sandy real uh uh figure out that she needs like 15 books in total >> and then uh you're supposed to write Oh, she used groups. So three groups of five is 15. Ta wrote her brain. >> Did she write her Brian >> by the way? >> That's correct. >> But he but did he think he was making it a joke or was he just like that makes sense? both. It was one of those where
10:07 like he thought it was also funny, but also he's like, "How can it like prove me wrong? How did you're telling me she didn't use her?" >> He's at that age where he's like, "Well, it's not incorrect." >> Yeah. >> How'd you explain to him like what to write instead? >> So, I had to explain to him um the way tests work >> is they want to know that you understand what they're trying to teach you. So, you have to use language to show that you know what they're asking. So I'm I'm trying to teach them the game. >> So I'm like later on there's going to be more of these games. So you could give the right answer but if you're not playing the game it's going to be wrong. >> That makes sense. Yeah. It's like the game is like you try to guess what they want you to say. >> Yeah. Like kind of like you know how like they always go, "Oh, can you make sure you repeat the question in your answer?" >> Like that. Like don't just give the
10:57 answer. Like you have to understand the game they're trying to play. >> Her brain. >> Yeah. Otherwise her brain works for a lot of the questions. Yeah. Otherwise, it's a A+. How did Christopher Columbus find America? His brain. His eyes. Brain. It was a big brain move.
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