0:00 thank you [Music] all right you guys do you guys remember Ninja Turtles the movie the first one absolutely the movie is still incredible I could still cry watching just the Splinter scene by the fireplace yep dude when they're when Leonardo's or when Raphael's in the bathtub I'm like yeah yeah do you guys remember how Shredder um I'd like to say died but he hasn't died absolutely remember how he goes at the end trash compactor yeah but then he goes yeah yeah dude you bust out yeah that was like the thing after that I remember and maybe it was cartoons first but I remember everything had that thing where the arm sticks out afterwards yeah that started by um the Deliverance I heard that that was delivered like the first Ninja Turtles one okay
0:52 recollection it's all started by Ninja Turtles that is how our generation is right or like every generation is like oh that is from our thing yeah and then like when when they like the kids are doing tick tocks right now with like Richard Pryor jokes and ████ yeah and it's like that's not their joke yeah you can't use that so yeah occasionally anyone hasn't seen it at the end of turtles one Shredder falls into a trash compactor truck and then uh Casey Jones Goes oops and hits the crush button and then it just slowly um and he survives unlike this 19 year old kid to do it dude what a setup god dude Ryan is good I'm like my child came out like the kid is alive and then the kid just ████ found death right now it's a little harder to survive that in real life uh even if you have ancient Samurai armor on this kid uh I say kid
1:44 because he's 19 but he's an adult but really this is like a really unfortunate thing that happened to guide Pennsylvania they've first of all they're like how the hell did this happen they ended up seeing surveillance of this guy um coming back from like a night out and he might have been drunk he's like kind of walking along this alley and then for some reason he just gets into a dumpster like and sleeps yeah and he's in there for hours and then he gets crushed and then a truck comes picks a dumpster up loads it into the uh back good guy and then just crushes him oh my God yeah this is how he wakes up yeah that's that's literally exactly how it happened and really crazy that's probably one of the worst ways to go for sure yeah I mean because if you think about it imagine like getting unloaded
2:34 and then you kind of realize you're not in the dumpster anymore and there's nothing you can do and then you just hear the hydraulic presses go um makes me go oh yeah we're ████ taking the stick trying to have him stop trying to stop it from getting crushed that's what I think of dude this is how deep and layered stair Wars is so uh I saw There's a comic book out about that particular garbage scene and about how remember Luke Skywalker is getting pulled under by that monster yeah well apparently that monster was trying to communicate with him using the force really that's how ████ deep and layered Star Wars wow what was he trying to say I don't ████ know it's like unbelievable how lazy the ████ Disney buying Star Wars has gotten yeah they're like trying to make everything even
3:25 deeper it's like when Luke went up those stairs it's like wait it's actually about those were stairs from Tatooine that got shipped to the Death Star it's like are these all fan fit things or is it Canon like me Canon comic book ████ wild dude people are wild out there it's pretty funny just come up with some new stories for ████ sake they're gonna do some kind of ████ social activism ████ in Star Wars I like that though just saying and door's good what's kind of interesting about this and how like he was alone and guys were staggering around goes in the dumpster dumpster gets loaded he dies um so me being sober my whole life I've always imagined like you know when I'm the person that takes care of the drunk people because everyone's ████ drunk and I in my head I imagine ████ like this happening I'm like damn when people go like oh take care of my friend they're drunk some people go take care from how and I'm like because if they
4:17 just ████ go off on their own they're not thinking the most random Final Destination ████ could just happen yeah you don't remember when trash day is yeah you go off and to spice I will say though crazy the decision on whether or not to sleep there yeah is all dependent on trash day yeah yeah just getting so hammered that you go into a dumpster though is like that's drunk that's a move it's a move he likes to party come on I don't want to say like you deserve it because that's the worst thing to say so I'm not gonna say that you're telling me you think this kid has a drinking problem I'm not gonna say that can you edit it so it just sounds like you said he deserves it he's asking for it he's asking for it dude what was he wearing have you been so drunk that like every time you blink you're in a different
5:07 place that's why I don't drink holy ████ that's why I don't blink it's a hard time every time you blink you're at a different place yeah like I was like boom I'm in the garage boom I'm in my bed boom I'm in the shower boom boom you're somebody's in your butt basically and then the next morning my mom's telling me I was pissed in the trash can and ████ the pillow and then she's like she always called my pillow my girlfriend and that affects that affects you how old are you have it happened 14 14. that's probably 14. you could end up in a ████ dumpster ████ the pillow are you gonna bring your girlfriend to dinner tonight introduce me to the lovely uh what is your name Simmons silly yeah my pillow was my girlfriend for me it's a great roast they were all going to sleep with your girlfriend
5:57 dude yeah yeah cause she said like um I told the story tons of times but we got drunk in the garage before they came home and I thought it would be fine but you in the pillow me my friend we were drunk and then um when my parents came home they all scattered and bounced and I was just like puking my guts away on the driveway they brought my dad basically carried me threw me in the shower like they they rinsed me off and obviously I was naked so then they put me in bed and I started ████ the ████ out of a pillow and they're just like what the ████ and I got up and I pissed into a trash can and I went back and I started ████ the ████ out of a pillow hey if you're gonna piss somewhere that's not the toilet all time remove I think yeah it's a trash can yeah some people like ████ open drawers and piss on their ████ clothes and stuff
6:47 you know what's some other crazy ████ you've seen actual drunk friends do other than like ████ themselves you've seen a friend ████ himself that's right himself oh he's wearing white pants because after Labor Day because when you're hosting the party somebody's gonna help clean up you know oh no you have to do a little poopy ████ went down to bangoria oh yeah that's right Gloria where the ████ is that it sounds like is that like wakanda so hey it's where we used to live it was all kenja's house I remember in high school this is kind of mean but it was funny at the time we had a friend who like he'd always talk about how much he could drink all the time we were probably like 16 17. I didn't drink and I was always the sober guy and ████ because I was a wuss and this dude he it was like he was like dude I'm gonna get so ████ up tonight bro it's gonna be crazy we're like all right bro I was sick whatever he ████ uh takes like
7:37 three shots of whatever the ████ by like 9 p.m he passes out on a chair and he's just a ████ drunk mess and he's just thrown up everywhere we drove with him so we're like ████ we got to take them back like whatever so he kind of ruined the night for everybody so we we brought him back and he woke up in the morning and then I was like Yo dude like you ████ missed out do you remember anything ████ no idea and I was like dude you got your dick sucked and I told him that he got his dick sucked by some like random chick and he was like dude like like that's sick like he was like really hyped about it well you'd even know and we just kept pumping him up and it just became a whole laugh between the whole friend group and we're all just like dude you're the guy that gets his big sub bro like we literally fed up something like that and he was like ████ yeah bro like that's I'm the dude I'm that guy he's like dude I get ████ up and the chicks come over start sucking
8:28 my dick he's like I can't really remember it dude and then and then like a week later I was like hey dude you never got your dick sucked like shut up about it and like that's that's what I did yeah I'm a piece of ████ dude that's actually pretty great yeah yeah it was funny it was kind of funny you really took care of him he had to pay yeah down in Austin when me Bart and Geo were just we had a show out there and then they took us to a club we were just like Austin like that Sixth Street or whatever they go ████ wild dude like we're in this upstairs part this guy comes out of the bathroom this girl just ████ making out she goes down and just rips his dick out and starts sucking everyone's like what the ████ yeah that's a while see could have happened all that sounds exhausting when you hit
9:19 a certain level of 30s you're like there was a really funny situation it's like legendary with uh my friends because we were in some ████ City God knows where this was I think it was somewhere in Canada this uh me and my friend were hanging with these two girls like for the night he got really sleepy decides to go to the hotel room to you know knock out and then the me and these two girls are hanging out though other girl's like why'd he go to bed like where's your friend tell him to come back I was like he's he's probably asleep but you know what he loves he loves when girls sneak in his room and just start sucking his dick he's gonna ████ love it so it's okay so I go into the room this one girl like me and her friend are both egging around
10:10 to do it we're like yeah crazy stroke so he's ████ knocked down in his bed she goes under the sheets like leg side like they do in scary movies and ████ and then me and her better we're just in my bed just like it's like a two bed ████ room so we're just looking like this and then you see him go oh and then like the deed is done and then the next morning so the lights were off this entirely he doesn't even check who's sucking his dick complete could have been a ████ ghost the lights are off the whole time the next morning I'm like hey uh do you even want to see a picture of this who this girl is or anything he's like nope he never so to this day every time
11:02 I ask him I ask him like every year it's a mistake I'm like hey before I lose this picture of her do you want to know who it was and he's like no wow it's been like 12 years wow I know oh you know like that was you not even my friend was behind it because it could be better I want to know so I could be like thank you that was a really nice morning exactly can I buy you breakfast that was ████ awesome yeah he does be grateful because we did a lot of things that day so it's hard for him to like even like narrow it down but he wouldn't he wouldn't have thought like you know they they were hitting it off and everything he just got sleepy so he has no clue I thought she's just the most agreeable chick in the world yeah unless items like it very trolley nature very gullible it would be like exactly annoying me nobody wants to know yeah that's a could be some Gallagher looking
11:54 dude
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