0:00 Do you have a whole list of the nasty dirty stuff? I I have some. Yeah, but I don't get to do them a lot. That's my problem because uh Here we go. [Music] Welcome back everybody to another episode of the Careful Boys and we have Joe Wong with us today. Welcome. Thank you guys so much. Yeah, it feels good to be back. When was the last time you were here? Oh, it was probably a year ago, right? Yeah. Was it? Wow, that was a year ago. It feels a shorter. Yeah, but we did a show together at the That's probably why. That was cool. Thanks for coming to support, dude. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't get tickets. Nobody invited me, so I just couldn't go, dude. It sucked. But the video was great. The the live stream was good. Oh, yeah. Well, how was your leg, by the way? Oh, way better. It's healed now. It's Yeah, he was on crutches,
0:51 right? I know. Have you ever performed with a guy that was actively on crutches before? Uh, no. I only did it with a guy who had a circumcision. Circumcision surgery. Yeah. He just got a circumcision. Yeah. And then he was on crutches. I'm like, "How heavy is that thing?" Crutches. And how did you find out about the circumcision? Oh, yeah. That that's what he told me. I'm not sure if that's true or not. I thought it was through experience. Yeah. Yeah. Through experience. He said he flew all the way from Seattle just to be on the show today. Dude, really? Really? No. No, you were already coming back. Yeah. Yeah. I'm trying to make you make it feel like you But Bar didn't buy it. Same coming on a show same day though. That does that doesn't mean you love us.
1:42 Okay. Cuz most people like I need a rest or something. No. Who needs that? So, how have you been? Uh, I've been good. Been good. Travel traveled a lot. Yeah. Are you on tour right now or? Uh, yes, but the last two shows are in uh greater LA area, so it doesn't quite count, I guess. But, you know, still is that lifestyle pretty hard? Yeah, it's hard cuz you're just one city after another city. So many groupies, so many partying, so much sex and drugs. I know. Yeah. Right. I'm I'm totally drained by now. man. But it's just the uh I'm very familiar with the airports now. Oh my god. What's
2:33 your favorite? Oh, my favorite airport I have to say Nashville. Nashville. Really? You basically you you fly in and uh uh suitcases one on one side and immediately that's the car rental. It was just so manageable. Yeah. You don't have to take a bus to go to another place. I hate shuttles to car rental. It's like I already need a car. I know. So why are you making me get on a bus to go get a car? You let me have the car right here. Exactly. Yeah. Don't give me a car to another car. Yeah. Yeah. It's annoying, dude. Yeah, that was uh that was pretty sweet, you know. That's cool. What's your favorite place to eat at the airport when you're waiting? That's what I wanted to ask initially before you got into the favorite airport. That's a good question. So, you go to Everybody wants to know. This This is just for me. This
3:23 is not for the fans. This is just for Nick. Airport restaurants. My god, that's a Yeah. Like, what do you eat? Cuz when you get there, it's like, what do you do? Most of them suck, but Houston, me and Bart used to be like, "Yes." When we were at Houston International, cuz there's actually a barbecue joint that was pretty good in there. Wow. Shout out to Houston. I lived there for eight and a half years. Oh, really? But everything else sucks though. But like I mean, uh, airports, airports, airport food. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. But their their barbecue is just amazing. They Yeah, there's still people who order barbecue from Houston and ship them all the way to Connecticut. Wa. Shipping to Connecticut. So be a ship. Yeah, exactly. Columbus. Yeah. So this is like what a domestic just tour for how many shows? How many
4:13 cities? Oh wow. I maybe 20 something cities. Yeah, it's been pretty crazy. But US, Canada. Yeah. I mean, is it back to back or like you like popping back in? Oh, sometimes it's back to back, you know. So, one day in Nashville, the second day Denver, the third day in New York, you know, just How do you How do you balance like family life like that? How do you No, there's no there's no balance. But you just have to you just have to go. Yeah. I have to kind of lump them together. I remember that since I was a kid. I know it's it's tough. Uh but I have to say, you know, uh it's not slightly easier cuz my son's 18, you know, he's even when I'm at home, he's got his own thing, you know. So, but when he was uh littleer, it was a lot tougher. Yeah.
5:04 Cuz I just remember pulling my car out from the driveway. I just saw his little face on the window. But I still got to go, man. Those are those are the top. Yeah. Yeah. But um least favorite city in the nation. Oh, least Oh my god. But least favorite airport is LA X for sure. For sure. It's the worst one. It's the worst one. I don't know how they can handle the soccer game like next year. Oh yeah. 2026. And the Olympics. And then the Olympics. Yeah. But it's like people all over the world will come to LA. The first thing they saw is that That's what I'm saying. Yeah. the eyesore of an airport. I'm like, God, you know, remember LA? We don't even have a Chick-fil-A there. You used to have Lift and Uber pick you up. Now you have to
5:55 walk like ████ 5 minutes. There's a shuttle, dude. Or you have to get a car to a car. It comes every 5 minutes. It comes every 5 minutes and then you can go. It's not true. That's probably the only thing that works. What if you're already at, you know, terminal 7 and you can just walk there. It's quicker. Or terminal one. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Or fly a lot. It looks This guy flies. This guy ████ ████ You know, I used to park there. That was my parking lot. Joe's parking. Yeah. Where where the LA exit is. You just park there and you just leave your car. It was like 20 bucks a day. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, man. Now it's like $30 a day even at the Ontario airport. Yeah. I've never flown into the Ontario one. How's that one? It was really good. It's nice. It's clean. Yeah. It's big. Yeah. For for a smaller versus like It's bigger than Burbank and Long Beach. So, is it nicer than Burbank? It's not nicer. It feels like a big bus stop. Is it faster? Cuz I like that Burbank is
6:46 fast. D is really fast, too. On Yeah, Ontario is fast. And And they got Dunkin Donuts. Oh, I know you guys don't like it, but No, I like Duncan. Oh, really? You like donuts in general. I actually like Dunin. I think it's Nick's turn to order donuts. Actually said that last time. Oh, yeah. You guys want I'll get some donuts. No, I'm not saying I want that. I'm just saying, you know, sometimes we want to be attacked. We can't tell you when we want to be attacked. Yeah. Yeah. I got I got to surprise you guys. Yeah, for sure. But now we talked about it. I don't know if we're going to be surprised. Anony's favorite restaurant at LAX is the Rolling Stones Cafe. Have you ever eaten there before? No. I'll tell you which one is really not my favorite for some reason. This is going to be a hot take though at LAX. What? Lemonade. Get the ████ out of my face. No one likes lemonade. Get the ████ out of my face, dude. Do you like lemonade? No, I don't like lemonade. I hate it. Then why you fighting them for it? Oh, I thought you said you liked it. No, no, no. That I'm saying it's hot take what I don't like.
7:37 Who likes it? Okay, good. Jesus. This is why we're ████ friends. I feel like I feel like they're hanging on by a thread right now, dude. I feel like the only lemonade that's open is LA. Cut that ████ out. Put something simple in there. There's one in Old Pass, right? Yeah. That one's garbage, dude. No one likes it, though. Yeah. Yeah. It's just steak on salad for like $30. Yeah. And it's cold. You want the coldest chicken? You want cold chicken? Are they trying to like copy what? Tender greens or what was it? The They will never be tender greens. They will never. They remind me of that one place where you walk up and then they put a bunch of stuff. Chipotle. Chipotle. No, it's not Chipotle. It's like that Panda Express. I was going to say yogurt land. High end. Highend. Taco. Cold. Yo. What happened to cold? Sweet greens. Green. It's not tender greens. Sweet
8:28 greens. Sweet greens. It's a salad place. Oh, sweet greens. That was pretty popular. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Chipotle. Nah. Hey, you know there's that one panda uh that is uh down in is it San Gabriel area? Rose like the the HQ one or the ball looking one, right? Yeah, the one where they like do test food. Oh yeah, the test food kitchen. I've never been. Yo, it is bomb. You can get like a No, I've never been. It's like the luxury flagship Panda, but it's Panda in. So it's not Panda Express. Oh, you know I I've been I have been there. Panda in. Yeah, it's like fel or something. They just reopened it. It's a real Oh, okay. Is it good or did it? I I couldn't remember. No, I was there like years ago. Yeah, this is it. But you compare it to real Chinese food. Is it good? They didn't start as Panda. But honestly, I I don't I don't dislike
9:19 Panda Express. I love Panda Express. Yeah. I mean, I just You don't feel like they're stealing your culture and it's not real. My culture that is the American way. Mexicans in the back cooking Chinese food. And as long as you have a ugly face Chinese lady in the front of the cashier, authentic. It has to be ugly. Don't say this stuff about my mom. It has to be ugly. Like a like a hot Chinese girls at the cash. That's true. That doesn't work. It was the last one. That's Heidi Lao. Heidi. Oh. Oh, do they do they say Heidi? I didn't know they they have the dance. No, the only hot people there are the noodle guys. Oh yeah, noodle. Oh, yeah. Yeah, they're they're hot. Super hot. Yeah, I know. I'm very sweet, but I do stare at the guy.
10:10 Well, especially when they're like just flirt with you. Are are you touring to put like a bigger act together or is it just like gigs or how mostly gigs I put together? uh my 1 hour act, but then you know I don't think anybody's going to take it, you know, so I just do it. Do you have about an hour put together now? Yeah, of course. Of course. Do you actively like pitch it to networks or whatever to try to get I got a I got a contact at Netflix. The email is info@netetflix.com. Oh wow. Oh my god. It's pretty connected. Yeah, I know. Customer service@nike.com. Oh yeah. Oh, by the way, I know they're at Comedy headquarters, too. So it's on Woo Boulevard. I'm pretty sure somewhere. Yeah. But but you know Yeah. It's uh I I don't know. So many comedians
11:02 with uh comedy specials, you know, so I just have to see, you know, just I'll do my best. Is that the Is that the dream or or No. Or for you, it's just fun doing Oh, I just It's just fun. My My dream of course is every comedian's dream, you know, having your own show or something. That's the best. Like TV show? Yeah, TV show. or now it's more, you know, Netflix and stuff. So, yeah. Do you ever see like a Netflix special, like a comedian, and then you're like, I could do better than that? Oh. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Well, oh, well, I if they're so bad, I don't remember their names. Yeah. But then I I don't know. It might offend people, but I just feel that I would say 20% of their shows are good, you know, like everything, you know, just like 80% is crap, you know, you
11:52 got, you know, 20% that's good. So, yeah. Did you see Schultz's new special, Life? No, I didn't see. Is that the one about IVF? I heard people. It's really good. Yeah. So, that actually that actually hit me and Nina real good because you know that he's just literally talking about how he just had a kid, but the process to get there and stuff. So, it was just like relatable. Yeah. But then, you know, you're just like, "Oh, like when a right comedy special hits you at a time where it makes sense to you in your life versus just like I want to laugh." Like it does extra little cuz I know people that are younger that watch that special that were like it wasn't funny. It was like a TED talk, right? That's what the younger crowd was saying and they were expecting him to be like cuz you know Schultz is more of a jokey guy so they're expecting more like his other stuff. But I guess that's the evolution of comedians, right? He's still joking a lot and it's a special. You know what I mean? Well, but the thing is if you're not into the
12:43 subject matter exactly. Yeah, I sense. Yeah. Sometimes when I do a show, I feel that way too. If the crowd is really young, all they laugh at is about, you know, dating or, you know, or or school, something they can relate. Exactly. Yeah. They're not going to talk about IVF yet. Yeah. You don't even know what that is. Oh, yeah. But we'll all relate. Yeah. If you talk about, you know, job or getting laid off, they just totally tune out. They have no idea. Do you do you ever like pivot when you like look at the crowd and stuff and you're like, "Oh, they're really really old." Yeah. But it's kind of hard to judge cuz sometimes, you know, the older crowd, they like, you know, really nasty, dirty stuff. You know, you you can't tell. You just have to go up and try it there. Cuz this is true. You know, every time you go do a show in front of a older crowd,
13:35 the baker always tells you, "Oh, these are elderly. Okay, everybody be clean, but that's not always the case." You know, sometimes they just love this. They've been through more ████ than us. Oh, yeah. I know. Exactly. Just depends on if they want to be honest at night or not, you know. Do you have a whole list of the nasty, dirty stuff? I I have some. Yeah, but I don't get to do them a lot. That's my problem because uh Here we go. Yeah. The thing is that we like nasty dirty. Yeah. The the Chinese immigrant crowd are very conservative. You know, sometimes my dirty jokes bomb, but then later on people say, "Oh, people don't have the vocabulary. They don't even know the dirty words." So, there's no way they will laugh at that. But yeah, but then if you do in front of a regular comedy club, but then you know the
14:26 dirtier stuff usually goes better. It goes well better. Uh, you know, that's that's kind of where I am right now. What is a conservative like older Asian crowd what are what always hits them? Oh, well, beating their kids. Beat Oh, yeah. Like I beat them. Yeah. Yeah. Well, older conservative crowd, I guess. You know, you you talk about the old days in China, I guess. Do you remember the parades? Yeah. No. No. uh no heat in the house or that kind of thing. They're Oh, yeah. Yeah. That that's exactly what it was back then. Yeah. But it's true. You know, like I I used to tell people the story, you know, we used to not have even heat in the classroom. So, we have to bring coal to
15:16 school. Coal? Yeah. Just burn the coal. Coal to burn. Oh, I thought he said coat. Not coat. Coal. Actual coal. Yeah. Actual coal. How do you get coal? Do you have to go to the mines and grab it yourself? Oh, no. No. You just steal from home and it's like a potluck. Everybody brings it. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And then it once I forgot, I literally was told to stand outside as a punishment. Like minus 20, 30°. No hats, no gloves. What did you do? Tell a dirty joke? He just didn't bring the cold. Yeah, just didn't bring Didn't bring the So then the angller's t-shirt came by. He put his hands uh over my ears. My tears almost came out came out cuz his hands are colder than my ears. He's trying to warm you up. You're
16:07 like whenever I say this that the all the Chinese cross, they're like, "Yeah, yeah, that's exactly what they're like, oh yeah, remember when you didn't bring your coal to class?" Oh ████ dude. That's so niche. Yeah. American crosses like, "Oh, that was horrible." Honestly, you tell that to American kids, they'll ████ laugh. No, no, they don't. Really? They just look at that's horrible. That's child abuse. Yeah, exactly. That's really bad. They want to help you and ████ Like, that's child abuse. You can't do that. You should make a report, Joe. That's what they tell you. You should sue them. When When you look into the crowd, when you walk out there and then you see this demographic Yeah. and and your stomach just like goes down and drops. Uh, well, it sinks a little bit, but now I'm kind of used to it now. What's that demographic for you where you're like,
16:57 "Oh, ████ here we go." Oh. Oh, all Vietnamese. All Vietnamese. Well, I think the worst show is still, uh, there was a city close to Boston called Quincy. One year the mayor wanted to do his re-election campaign. He invited me and we signed a contract, 45 minutes of stand up. I went up there, no one's laughing, but I was, "Okay, I'm have to just by by the bullets stick through it." How long? 45 45 minutes. No laughs. Yeah. Not a single laughter. And after the show's over, it lights up. You know, it's all Cantonese people. They don't speak English or what? They They don't speak English at all, you know. They're just like restaurant workers there, you know, just they just stare at me for five 45 minutes. Did they think that because you were Chinese, you were going
17:47 to do a Chinese standup in Chinese? Oh, no. The contract is in English and and the guy who's running doing the re-election. He's a white guy. So, I just assume this must be English show and it was I went there, you know, it was dark. I just went st Oh man, that I think I think let's blame the white guy for that. That was probably his fault. Well, he probably doesn't know either. Yeah, honestly. He just just a white dude. He's like, okay, you know, I want these guys. Hey, you guys look alike. You you guys will get along nice. Yeah, exactly. Oh god, this is crazy. But they weren't laughing because they didn't think you were funny. They just didn't understand English. So they're just like, I don't know what's happening. Yeah. Finally, after one guy just said, you know, do you speak Cantonese at all? I'm like, I I don't I speak Mandarin, but I didn't know I'm supposed to do it either. So,
18:39 did you ever like ask any of those, you know, basic questions to get a feel of the crowd? Make some noise if you're single. Make some noise if you're married. No, I didn't used to do it. But that's the thing, you know, the standup culture has changed. Back when I was doing it, it was looked down upon uh if you do crowd work. Really? Yeah. Yeah. People just feel, oh, this guy, you know, he doesn't know comedy. He just wants us to make noise in the crowd. Yeah. Yeah. He's relying Well, usually the opener is supposed to do the job. The winner is supposed to do like 15 minutes, but after a minute and a half, the guy just split. He didn't get any laughs. He's like, "H, I'm going to take off." He go, "And next up, we got Jo." You guys are a great crowd tonight. Awesome. Whoa. Energy is through the roof. You're going to kill him, Joe.
19:31 Kind of warmed up for you, Joe. take over for the next 45
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