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Off the Record: How Much Have You Changed for a Woman?

#leavemessage#clarissa#lebron#rams#rachel
the transcript auto-captions · entered into evidence

0:00 [Music] and welcome back to careful boys we have with us mr walter hong ladies and gentlemen rams fanatic rams fanatic oh that's right look at your uh almost as if you were there huh almost oh how did you guys did you know how did you know yeah oh ████ we saw you on tv it's amazing you think you'll go to another one now um dude so next one's in arizona and i'm already getting like offers to get like you know cheaper tickets that's still like 20 grand uh yeah are the rams you think the rams are gonna make it next year it's you know unless you're the patriots like bill belichick thomas it is very unlikely to do two years yeah two years in a row it's very unlikely because other teams have coaches too yeah and they're figured out they're they're figuring out what's going on and then

0:50 our coaches have to like figure out other things to do why is the patriots so dominant just because tom brady and the brady and village belichick do you think do you think belichick is a actual cheater do you think these allegations are true about him i think so oh god who was it wife cheater or the sports games all of it yeah deflating the ball cheaters which barber said it may have been tiki barber he's like every year there's a limit of what supplements we can take and then the next year it becomes more even strict even more strict so everyone does right up to that line yeah and so i believe coaches probably do that too they push that line right they do everything they can right to that line like hey go ahead just just sit there and film and then someone asks you just say you're filming us that's what makes a good coach man no way in line yeah some people can cross the line so i one of my buddies the strength and

1:40 conditioning coach for a couple nba basketball players during the piss testing uh everyone goes a piss test right and then they go oh lebron their turn nicole's iphone called me and he just walks out and it takes the phone call it doesn't have to come back in are you wow i say ████ about lebron james play for the cavs and also the lakers but if anyone's going to be on peds that's probably what's adults dude that dude is like he's stuck i didn't say ████ about stuff i don't know what you're talking about lebron lebron does all that stuff make you look like younger because like he looks the same now do you see his hairline though oh yeah that's just that's just like right here black don't crack you know they just they just always look young yeah but then when he was 17 he looked like a poor man yeah he already looked forward to this what was the name the situation

2:31 on mtv jersey shore they had that like old man face yeah yeah that's true yeah lebron does have an old man yeah he's finally growing into it that hairline also makes a big difference he's just shaving i don't know why he just don't shave it he has a dream he's also tall enough where most people can't see it right then then you're like oh wait that looks like an alfalfa farm that's like going through a drought but then mark marketing's tough too because clyde drexler he had a receding header line and most people don't know who he is black people know who he is but he was a great basketball player but he had that old man hairline that's funny that i never thought of that as a hack for baldness just be taller yeah yeah that's true are you bald no mugsy bones on the other hand gotta get keeps you good yeah yeah lebron gotta get keeps i don't bring yourself i'm surprised

3:21 keeps doesn't try to like head out and try to get him like what you think you think he'd be a hell insulted though they can't know when they're offering he would go why why are you coming to me yeah wasn't diddy promoting like proactive he goes yeah my god ████ acne that's diddy though you see how many things he hoes out for it's like you wanna you like you wanna fix your acne and drink this vodka he needs to didn't he buy his son at maybach i'm not surprised he's like 16 year old bottom of a baby what father hasn't yeah bart's gonna buy tycoon right now for myself so wait are you married walter no i gotta bring that up man that's that's my shirt i wanted to stab you right before i asked this next question how many you've been in a lot of relationships um relationships is a strong word uh a lot of flings situations okay good

4:12 out of the situations we've all been in in the past what is the most you've ever changed for a woman whoa most you ever change what do you mean by change like physically either anything the most different you've ever acted appeared been i remember in eighth grade junior high uh i think we all do these simp moves where when you're talking to a girl and you just want to have common interests right because it's so exciting to be like oh you like that i like that ████ too right so when you're on a conversation any hobby that she had i would be like oh what a coincidence we are so i ████ love that much felicity too i love felicity this one was like clarissa the teenage witch or like

5:04 sabrina explains it all maybe where you grew up clarissa you think about clarissa from your eighth grade class or some ████ because there were like three of them it's it's rachel the vampire slayer did you grow up in the philippines they had bootleg version oh that's rachel she's the slayer we don't have the puppy but we have the rachel poppy kalista no but i saw myself like on the phone and just being like oh my god that's so cool like we're you know i didn't like he used to lie about having the same hobbies i didn't like i don't know i just wanted to be liked you know so you lied i didn't lie i did the same thing when i was in high school like uh tiff was reading this book called the lovely

5:54 bones and you were like i too am a serial killer yeah i was like yeah i know how to kill people too is that like a romantic novel i don't know what you said you were reading it too oh yeah she was reading it and she's like you should read it with me i was like i'm gonna read that ████ are you gonna read it with it at the same time and ████ yeah there's a movie so so get this get this this is so she goes yeah you know like and this is when i was like courting her and she's like we should read the book and i was like all right we'll read it together and then she was like oh have you have you been reading i was like yeah totally like your boy is reading this book front to back like yeah and i was like oh yeah i'm ████ i'm reading all the ████ things i've read about every bone already yeah yeah they're all lovely and then and then like she didn't realize that i didn't read the book at all and we ended up watching the movie together afterwards and you were like

6:45 shocked throughout the movie whoa she dies i was like yo mark wahlberg is in this you know all you have to say all you have to say is like the book was better yeah you did read it but like that's what she said and i just let her do all the talking about it because she was like yeah i didn't like the the movie it just wasn't as good and i was like yeah that's what i thought too and it wasn't until like years later like as we're adults probably like eight years later i was like you know babe i never read a lovely book oh my god you should have said you should have saved that for your ████ honeymoon night you'd be like and she just was like oh all right she didn't give a ████ it was just funny it was just funny that like oh yeah of course you're a little ████ b████-ass into reading it of course the thing the sole thing that our relationship is founded on his face you know what that means that you should

7:35 just continue lying to her because she's just gonna be like okay that's cool she's like yeah all right whatever i like her i lie to her about like complicit eating pork and stuff i'll like sneak her pork oh that's not pork and she'd be like oh okay it's a bacon burger yeah i mean that's how i do it nowadays it's a beef bacon it's beef bacon he's making the rare pig cow hybrid hitler anyone have anything worse than that or is that as bad as guests i i don't compromise myself you don't compromise at all nothing that's probably why i've never been in a relationship i'm too honest every time they ask have you read the lovely bones hell no i read that dumb ass book stanley two what's the what's the like closest that was about to get into a relationship you're like oh man it's gonna make me change ████ that um i was in relationship with this one girl where uh first day of the relationship like like

8:25 we we said like we're going to be like seriously yeah she goes we need to talk i'm thinking it's the first person already what could i have done in the first day you already assume you're in trouble yeah because you know we need to talk that's like that's universal code it doesn't matter what language you say it in something's wrong yeah and then she goes like the texting what's going on with that i'm like what do you mean like you know people just text yeah you need to call me so i was like okay oh yeah okay cool you know like it's not a big deal so the next day i call instead of text that's why you call me yeah and then no and then she she calls me back like a couple hours later she goes we need to talk oh dude you can't use that that many times man okay you're getting too much anxiety right and this isn't day 10

9:16 or like a month later this is day two i'm like what could i have done you yeah we didn't even see each other like physically see each other and then she goes hey when you call and then don't leave a message what does that mean i'm like oh it just means you call back when you have a chance you know because i'm assuming you're busy yeah no you need to leave a message is this person from 1963 like i was like all right that's cool and then send a pigeon send the pigeon you didn't leave a message set a western union telegram why didn't you send the white pigeon like i don't know you know and so the third day i forgot what it was that that i did but she goes we need to talk i go yes we need to talk wow and and then that was it you're just like what did she want to talk about i don't remember what it was but it was something similar on the same level of

10:06 the you didn't send the email yeah after the voicemail and so i was like yeah no we need to talk i also feel like in this generation though they would actually praise her like she's set in her boundaries yeah she knows i don't know about that it sounds a little crazy yeah they're setting the boundaries though that's great you want to do that that's great but then at the same time they want to do love me for me at the same time they don't want to change that's all but they want to change you exactly they're okay with you changing and not you not sending your setting your boundaries because if you set your boundaries you're being mean yeah and that's not fair who the ████ scolds you after the first day of being with them right yeah that's and i just i just couldn't because then me the way i am is i start thinking in the future so i'm thinking five years from now this is gonna be like ten years from now it's gonna be like like we need to talk this is 1275 times that we needed to talk

10:59 you keep putting a running tally yeah why are you with me like that's a panic attack if you hear that too many times yeah but then or it'll get to a point where you're like i don't give a ████ yeah okay i'm not wired that way but i'm sure after like you know the 900th time i'll be like you know what i don't it's gonna wear you down you know i remember in my 20s right like me and my buddies um we would sell illegal substances like what cuban cigars piranhas and drugs like dvds of clarissa the teenage witch bootleg dvds of rachel the vampire slayer all right i remember though okay so one of our one of our buddies he went to prison and he came out right and then we're just like okay let's get back to business and then he's like actually i'm going to school and we're like so after school you can't ████ do this

11:50 and he goes nah like i talked to my girl and like i'm out and i was like your girl and we were laughing and we're just like you're a little ████ girl change you you ████ right and then he goes off becomes successful great human being and i'm sitting here in my late 20s like oh dude he made the right choice i'm so glad i'm so glad he didn't turn around and say you know what ████ that i listen to no girl because he's still with the same girl yes wow i do i do remember when you're like with your boys the first one that wants to start backing out you're like mother ████ you ████ ass ████ yeah it's almost like they're backstabbing you yeah even though they're better in their life they're bettering their lives you're supposed to go off the cliff together it could still be both it could still be a backstab but i could put that context into other time-wasting things that guys like to do together right and

12:40 it's like women probably have this long-term thinking of hey we need to like save money have children you got to stop ████ around with your friends right but you're like 25 24 just like man you don't know what you're talking about i'm ████ doing things i'm gonna be a rapper or whatever it is right i remember in early college like everyone would hang out every day and i remember one of them was like hey i think i'm gonna join the fire academy and i'm like oh how often we're gonna hang out then he goes i'll probably only maybe like once a week we're like once a week ████ that fire academy that's so often in adult time yeah like super often yeah we're lucky if we could meet up once a week like in adult time i'm like what i'm like nah dude i don't

13:31 know if you should choose it i love how your ████ can have such a sway over the things you do solo yeah yeah i love how 19 year old joe was like i'm not gonna change for nobody and then i'm looking back like god dang you should have dude yeah no it's like you know when you're young like you have your crew and you're like oh i'd be cool if we all lived in the same cul-de-sac yeah oh yeah right now that we're older we're like hey man i'll see you next month you know because like if they if they live next door to you you don't want them knowing that you know your kinks that come in and out of your house every day you don't even know hey i saw someone come into your house and then someone came an hour later yeah don't worry about it why are you looking outside your window walter got some wild kicks yeah i'm just saying though you know hey richard

14:22 jefferson from the spurs and a great basketball player he had this great thing on tick that he goes don't kink shame we say that here yeah well for me because if i say it's like oh you're just trying to defend yourself but if someone else says it it's like oh someone else is defending me and he played in the nba he's very an authority a successful authority said here's a question for hasagawa let's say you meet the girl of your dreams super hot everything you have a girlfriend i know but let's imagine she doesn't exist yeah you're single no he's saying the girl of your dreams not your girlfriend i felt the underlying joke sitting underneath it i was like i'm gonna nip this in the butt right here i like where walter was going what if she goes she goes i like everything about you but i just hate guns

15:12 no way will you change guns i'm probably not what if she goes but i love knives i would be like what's the distinction here like the ████ ryan goes he's like what's up how's it girl let me tell you let me tell you the distinction it's the 30-foot rule the amount of time it's going to take to close the gap 30-foot rule they changed it it used to be 25 feet now it's 35 feet how many times 30 feet what rule is this the amount of time it takes to you know still run up and stab you if you have a gun and i have a knife right and um i'm beyond 30 feet you can't shoot me you can't claim self-defense but if i'm within 30 feet you can claim self-defense by shooting me because that means i have enough time to get to you and stab me okay yeah but i don't know what age group they interviewed for 30 years that's all

16:03 25 is a lot there's some anonymities that change that you got to be you got to be fast like that means basically i have my knife out and you can't have your gun in your hand it has to be holstered and then you can pull it out but i'm i'm not gonna lie to you ten feet i'll be shot i i feel like like you know so but also if you're hyped up on coke like like that that that range that range is fast like you watch like shooting videos of like cops like officer-involved shootings you see the distance that they close you're like oh that's that's not a lot of time oh yeah i've seen cops where you know they're literally like arresting the dude yeah and then they turn to their partner and they look back and support everybody oh ████ i'm like what the hell is going on the other thing with this rule is who knows what 30 feet looks like yeah yeah yeah like you know obviously you're in tunnel vision with a yeah you're

16:53 trying to scare like honestly like if a guy came at me with a knife and i had a gun and i shot him but he was like let's say 50 feet away or 40 feet away i'm not gonna lie to you i'm gonna take a few steps forward just run the market and be like yo this is where i was standing that's not measurable ballistics wise is it wherever you were standing you can well well they'll probably depends how much they care about the victim or what color the victim was that's why you pick up the casing and you throw it over there [Laughter] so that's uncompromisable guns for you is uncompromised she's a dream girl she's everything it's just a big part of my life like half of my work is like let's say you and your girl get married and then eventually she goes i'm just uncomfortable having guns around the house well we probably have to talk about that before we get married that's probably that's something that you got to like hashtag so there's non-negotiables for you guys i think now there are i'll change everything for

17:44 when i was younger i would change a bunch of ████ i mean certain things are like well it's just it's a big part of like my my work and stuff too like half of my like work is like involving like some sort of like funny not speaking to the heart dude you got to be like girl with this gun i could save our family like you've definitely like joe you've definitely gotten like dating a girl from church have you ever gotten more religious no i try to corrupt the ████ out of her or did you use this the spiritual rape thing we're like hey yeah let's pray together let's pray together what the ████ that's what they call it in the you know sva communities they call it yeah like when you're when you're trying to you know fake using god yeah to get closer to a girl oh that's what it's called spiritual rape i thought it was like let's pray i thought it was like that that's just

18:34 regular race you don't need the spiritual part of it it's universal it's regular yeah dude i think non-negotiable for me like a deal breaker would be like you know you know you want me to be happy you know yes of course well i need to do things that make me happy okay you know cool i need to cheat on you to make me happy i feel like those things would be like deal breakers you know like where their fundamentals go against your fundamentals unless it's like an open relationship yeah but i could be open it could be open yeah i mean if you and i were in leadership it would be totally open but like you know you guys gotta ████ other people yeah i hate sports but you can watch hockey and that's it that's hilarious i hate sports i'd love to know what her what her specific beef with all the sports but not hot she's got reasons she

19:25 got a reason you wouldn't be able to live off just a minute i did yeah i did go out with a girl that i remember getting tickets to the usc north carolina uh game this is years ago and someone just goes i can't go here's tickets they're free you know like hey let's go you didn't ask me i literally just got them like there was no time to ask you but let's go i don't even like football like no let's not go i think he dated a lot of korean chicks it sounds like how does he know these things he can smell the bulgogi have you dated a korean chick you know i could smell the drama yeah the type of ████ they say they're already conspiring before they even got with you dude it's yeah i just and i was just and then you know me just being like you know a regular dude at that age because you know it's like like

20:15 teens early twenties okay we're not gonna we don't need to go no like if it was now i'd be like okay well is it cool if i go yeah like you know i'll just go myself like i don't care if i find someone to go cool but yeah there's it's just if to answer your question i don't know that's such a it's a laughable moment for me um to ban sports yeah then replace she goes all right instead of football games we're just gonna watch amy schumer stand up oh no and then i have to tell her well i don't watch stand-up because you know it's what i do i i don't watch it that's not what you do not amy schumer's that's true i don't know [Laughter] we hadn't sold ourselves i think i think at that point though it wouldn't be a dream girl anymore i i think honestly it would be like a because in my mind like i said i would think five years ahead ten years ahead

21:06 and then it's like okay today no more korean food like from now on we're only gonna have japanese and filipino food oh damn that's kind of interesting combo just get japanese food and add a lot of spices and sesame oil and you got korean food are you trying to say we copied your cuisine is that what you're trying to say we just took out the sesame oil that's all we did put on the side that's all it is

21:56 you

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