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Maury Povich Launching At-Home Paternity Test Called 'The Results Are In'

#johnedward#jessicasimpson#clans#geeks#plasticsurgery
the transcript auto-captions · entered into evidence

0:00 thank you [Music] Maury Povich is launching a product Oh wait Maury Povich from the Mori boat oh can I guess yes you can okay is it a paternity test kit it is one for one wait you are not the father it's not that's really good though guaranteed you're not the father guaranteed a question mark Master brand name look at that what about um we have genius in the room um baby daddy and me you don't remember what he always said when he's holding the card and he's like look at the audience he's like and the results are in oh my God

0:55 damn that's genius that's smart he's 84 years old by the way so he's partnering with the same DNA testing long overdue it is he's partnering with the same DNA Testing Lab he used during the run of the show and yeah it's called the results are in and um cool it's it's gonna help you settle your paternity disputes you know what makes me sad is like the evolution of the talk show like how it used to be and then like it just ended up being like Jerry Springer and like like just Steve Wilkos it's the same thing over and over it's like paternity test or whatever right but before they used to have so much variety it was like it was like 600 pound people yeah and in their lives right my husband is a Clans member yeah Clans man with like a

1:45 uh and then they would bring them and he's like what what yeah I don't give a ████ and they're blurred yeah editor can you blur you mean like when it was real yeah like Jenny Jones remember her like Sally Jesse I mean like Oprah's OG stuff but you know what's funny he's Oprah flipped she was trash she was Springer in the beginning and then became she became more serious yeah so funny she's like a gay klansman and then and then the gay Clans will come and he's like I don't give a ████ yeah it's so good dude but that's how she started and then she became like softy more serious yeah they would start fist fighting they'd bring up posing yeah and then the bouncer would come in and

2:35 Tackle him but he wanted to see fights after him yeah that's true but that's what happens when you go viral right like you have a viral thing and then it was like let's get the sequel of that you become the recommended like the thing yeah yeah look at Mr Beast dude yeah and last person to touch this ████ thing wins every single video do you think you think his stuff is going down it's like a game show like his format works it works so well it's like Jeopardy or whatever like years until he starts bringing in Clans member to fight like other people dude which one of them goes insane like it's a billion views yeah that's all he'll do last last class member to uh renounce racism [Laughter] they would have like relationships where it's like a little person and a hot girl

3:25 yeah and I don't like they don't believe our relationship you know we're just in love but I have a confession don't judge me don't judge it definitely it definitely started to just be an act after so and there's always like a group of teenage girls that are like you're just jealous flash their tits real quick for no reason at all yeah like why are you flashing your tests it's pretty metal dude I miss those you missed those I really miss those did they not take a different form somewhere else like they couldn't have just yeah I mean a lot of it's on YouTube now I think we just don't have TV I mean are they on TV they're probably still there's probably but like I think the second generation of that was like Dr Phil right yeah yeah and then like Dr Oz was like the Next Generation Wendy Williams right yeah yeah or or that's real or the real

4:16 ████ or or the view you don't watch The View it's not the same not the same because the catch me outside girl I mean that's always you know like my unruly teen like that's been around since the 90s right it's usually a white girl that thinks she's black that has braids and she goes you're not my parent you can't judge me they always say the same they've been saying the same s████ as the knives yeah dialogues you don't know me you know my favorite was was those guys that it's like um they're they're always in like a circular like audience and they're in like a stage in the middle and they're like they're doing readings of like oh like um I'm getting someone's grandmother that passed recently John Edward yeah yeah that's almost like it's like I'm getting well

5:06 the first letter j j wait anywhere in the room they need to bring those back yeah because that was good ████ really good ████ because you're just curious to see like where is he gonna go and then like John Edward they remember they did that opening with him and he's like I'm John Edward and since I was young I knew it was different and they're like do a 360 because the Matrix just came out so you do like a 360 around him like being still and ████ and like his psychic mind is activated those are banging remember when the talk shows used to bring on the obese people to talk they would even show how they broke down the wall to get them out with the forklift yeah and then they flew him to the studio yeah yeah I mean they still have my 600 pound life that's pretty in-depth yeah that's true oh remember there was a phase where ladies would just do like a bunch of drugs to be able to have like 10 kids

5:56 yep oh like Octomom yeah because because of John and Kate Plus John Kate plus eight and they were and that was like such a monetizable show that everybody was like oh my God I love them and then he flew up the handle right yeah because they're not even together anymore you know what's funny a clip popped up on my Instagram feed and it was like like say I'm Kate and you're John and we're sitting down and she's like can you stop breathing like that you it's really ████ and you're just like oh my God no wonder they didn't work out yeah a little warning signs yeah yeah yeah yeah I've seen that before okay Jessica that show Jessica Simpson yeah Nick Lachey yeah dude she's like art like she said like the chicken of the sea yeah yeah what was the chicken it was the tuna yeah

6:46 yeah but it was a whole thing they're just trolling the whole she was doing the whole um she was doing the parasailing bit yeah some people still don't know yeah good for her people don't know parasails whole ████ personality is a bit it's pretty crazy they killed it too they monetized the ████ out of it because they had their own TV show too right where they would like be Farmers or some ████ simple life Nicole Richie and her yeah but remember like um like Jessica Simpson right now is a billionaire billionaire billionaire with a bee wow is it because of products or Fox Clothing oh wow whole line whatever what's her line called Simpsons that's good at J by Simpson yeah I don't know one of my favorite uh formats for one of those shows is like the geek to Chic segments when they did geeked it like you would see the past and then like

7:37 they're like super hot now and then like they bring someone for their past of like their crush and then like wait do you guys remember this really old show me Jessica Simpson's Gold line is called because you were so good at Brandon earlier so you asked me his questions I can't think like a woman you'll get this one though no it's like one of their songs I bet we all get it out of the millions of words that exist yes Jessica Simpson [Laughter] oh do you guys remember this is gonna be like kind of a deep cut because I think it was like only like a brief moment but it was like Beauty and the Geeks and Beauties Beauty And The Geek yeah whereas like that show where it's like this competition game right pair like Beauties with geeks yep um interesting together for sure dude no

8:29 but it was it was like they would go through these different challenges Bachelor kind of oh there's like a nerd it's like love Island kind of but like I'm trying to remember like the premise of like the challenges though too like like getting them to get out of their own shell and no was that what it was like challenges that would be um like a little more tailored towards like yeah like dorks the Geeks like the Beauties would have to try academic subjects and the guys are challenged and physical yeah because I think I remember them trying to pick up girls the Geeks pretty good we're like trying to get phone numbers in this day and age you'll just be considered bullying or something bro have you seen that remember they just have a pickup artist show yeah with mystery ████ was crazy awful you're just like oh but it came at it came at an age where we didn't know if it was legit or not yeah we're like does it work no of

9:21 course you gotta tackle a set and it was like a bunch of people as soon as yeah check yet you're so vulnerable to all that ████ you're like you're gonna be this ████ what's up I gotta do that oh and there was another show called um it was like the swan or something oh yeah yeah the girls would get plastic surgery they'd be like I think they probably done enough but they'd be total Algos and then like go through plastic surgery and then they'd give them a reveal and they look at themselves in the mirror they go oh my God that's so beautiful that's crazy that's so that cheese is the right thing yeah to young girls I feel like we've talked about this on here maybe maybe no everything sounds like deja vu sometimes you know did you know that like a lot of La chicks get plastic surgery I didn't really know that until like two years ago Dude I should I feel like that's the standard yeah one of my homies is a nurse she's

10:11 an attestation type of thing yes estheticians things oh she's anesthetist uh your dad your hero didn't teach you how to talk anesthesiologist no no she does like the the beauty stuff okay estheticians yeah what did I say earlier an equestrian she's in a question no she's a nurse she's a nurse you gotta be a nurse to do that ████ are you sure you don't need to you do yeah she got you can eat an RN though like a legit she got a legit degree no no no I think depending on how far you want to go the higher and you think they go to school for that so what about this ████ but but she was so what about this no but she be

11:03 my friend tell me about this business you realize how many people of all kinds oh yeah yeah yeah in La whether it's moms you know supermodels or just normal folks they spend all their money doing that yeah yeah my uncle is a doctor a plastic surgeon and he'll ████ with uh my aunt she gets Botox done by him oh sorry she ████ it up all the time on purpose just to mess with her no because like but she's not gonna pay anywhere else no but like it's it's all temporary yeah but he'll like do it to like he'll do it uneven just to ████ with her and she'll be like oh my God and like it just goes back are they siblings depending on how you put what are these siblings my uncle and Aunt oh husband are married yeah okay no they're not so her face is lopsided for like 20 days he's Filipino and she's

11:54 British you just get it done all the time yeah so then you can just mix it you do little doses here and there to like he'll ████ with her eyebrows so it's like this God damn it [Music] oh [Music]

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