0:00 Jonah Hill says he can kick everyone's ass. Check this out. >> I love Brazilian jiu-jitsu. I love uh except my body is is begging me to not love it. Um 42 isn't my my wife is often like you're not going to become like a professional fighter. You know that, right? Like you're a comedian. Like >> But let me ask you something. If we got into it, >> I would ████ you up. >> You ████ right? >> I would ████ all of us, right? >> And that's the best part. My favorite thing is people are like, "Oh, Jonah Hill, ████ fat guy from Super Battle." And I'm like, "I would ████ annihilate you." [laughter] >> I'm not kidding. >> Every fight if you see me try it. [laughter] >> Every fight ends up on the ground. >> Bring it. Who's got it? >> I will. Unless you are way bigger than me. >> I have like a >> ████ ████ around and find out.
0:50 [snorts] >> Oh my god, dude. Insufferable, >> right? How is he? Is he a big guy? No, but I So, can I be devil's advocate? >> Please, please. >> Okay, so there's a couple things. The first thing I think the jiu-jitsu part is just one drop in his whole sentence. It seems like it seems like, "Hey guys, like I've been working out. I did jiu-jitsu, whatever. My body hurts, whatever." And then I think it's one of the homies that was like, "Screech, what would happen if I like fought you or whatever?" And then I think that get that part gets zoomed out because now he goes, "Oh, I'm addressing what you brought up." So, I think the the sentiment feels like he's saying he could ████ it every ████ everyone up, but I don't think that's what he really meant in the beginning. He said he ████ up all the guys there cuz the other guy called him out. >> Yeah. Okay. When we call when we call out Nick, Nick's like, "Yeah, you could kick my ass. You could take >> You know what I mean? Cuz Nick
1:41 has confidence." >> Yeah. At the mastery level. Yeah. Yeah. >> That's what I'm saying. Like, I think the confident people don't need to take their dicks out all the time >> and he's taking his dick out and I I feel like he took like 10 classes. brought out he brought up a very specific chip on his shoulder. Oh, fat guy from Superb. He hates that. So, it's like him he's just trying to tell he's not talking to them. He's talking to everyone that ████ with him online. >> Exactly. >> So, it's a period of his life where he probably felt very embarrassed and felt bullied and he's like this new guy. So, he is like all you ████ >> You know what it reminds me of is someone who took a few lessons but now he's around non-fighters. So, he thinks he's the baddest one in the room. >> Exactly. >> Yeah. Exactly. >> Come on. They're around actors >> and like Yeah. Comedian. Yeah. >> And like the the guy from Arrested Development. >> Yeah. >> I know, dude. That's kind of weird.
2:31 >> I would have loved to see them just go at it right then and there. >> Oh, yeah. And one of them's a ████ black belt is going >> cuz he knows comedy. He knows you're supposed to say the ████ opposite cuz it's funnier. But he's going out of his way to just reinforce this like idea, right? If Nick like we the amount of times we do bits about Nick getting knocked out all the time like if he was taking it seriously and ████ Can you imagine? >> That's not unique to that's not unique to Nick. Like a lot of really like great fighters speak like that. Oh, you ████ me up, bro. Exactly. Like or they'll compliment you and be like with those legs you're going to kick my ass. You know, it's like cuz they're they're they're secure like where they're at. Yeah. >> Yeah. So it's it's more so like his insecurity as well. >> He showed his cards I feel like you know what I mean big time. Yeah, >> that was probably Bart's biggest L take I've ever heard. [laughter] >> I was trying to get his back to >> He's not in politics today. No, [laughter] >> he's not.
3:21 >> It reminds me of girls that are known for their beauty that are like, I'm more than that. >> And it's like, [laughter] >> I'm way more than this. >> It's like a porn star who leaves porn and then she starts doing fantasy football picks. >> Oh god, your favorite. >> Why? >> I'm a sports commentator. >> People want my pics. I'm like, no. >> Okay. Have you seen everybody's like scrutinizing footage of him now doing doing jiu-jitsu? >> Really? >> Yeah. There's like all these clips of him like >> so many super I don't know what stage of his training he's in now, >> but they'll bring out all his early stuff and they'll like check him out like he does this wrong, that wrong, whatever. >> But even if I did only like jiu-jitsu, like I I wouldn't ever tell anyone I could ████ him up. Even at a mastery level, >> I would do this if I took a half a class as a bit. >> Yeah. I wouldn't ████ do this. Like
4:11 seriously, he's dead serious. >> You know what he sounds like? He sounds like when nerds and someone brings up that they play Counter-Strike and someone goes, "I would ████ you up." >> Yeah. >> You know what I mean? It's like it doesn't there's no merit to that. >> I feel like there's only two people that would speak the way he did. >> He's one of them. The other one would be Mark Zuckerberg. >> He's been doing MMA, too. So, I feel like he's the other guy that you would be like, "Hey, so I see you been doing MMA." He goes, "Dude, I'll ████ you up right now." You think Mark Zuckerberg would say that? >> Yeah, >> I I heard he's actually good at it. >> He's probably is good at it. But I think when you are like a nerd, >> that's that one thing that like you you you fixed every part of your life, right? Like you're a millionaire now. He's married. Like you couldn't get a girl, you got a girl. And the last part where you're like, "F███, I got bullied my whole life." And you're like, "Oh ████ I found a art form that can
5:01 reverse that." It's like the last thing you unlock. >> You're so excited. >> So ████ excited. He's he's hyped about it, but it it just feels weird. It's like one of those things where like if he was in a room with a bunch of other actors, is he saying, "I'm going to ████ you up in acting." >> You know, I I'll act you. >> He has more right to say that because he kills it in his roles, but he's not saying that. I'm like, there's a reason. >> Yeah. Or or comedians, right? >> Yeah. Exactly. >> You wouldn't be like, "Dude, I'll ████ roast the out of you. >> I'll make you laugh so hard." [laughter] >> That's true. >> Yeah. There's like a weirdness about representing anything you do in that way, you know? >> But now they are trying to set up super fights. I don't know if it'll ever happen, but what they want to see is uh Mario Lopez versus Tom Hardy cuz they look like similar stature, similar [laughter] training. That's nice. >> And then Jonah versus Mark Zuckerberg cuz they cuz people that have been following timelines, they're like, "Oh,
5:51 they're probably roughly the same experience." >> I love Mario Lopez, too. >> That'd be sick. >> I I want to see Mario Lopez get his ass beat. I I'll pay for that. I'm not a Mario Lopez guy. Why are you? [laughter] >> Cuz I love him. >> You don't like him? >> From Save by the Bell. >> I just think he's corny as ████ Bell and he's the ABCDC host. >> Yeah, but he's been Oh, that's why. I see now. >> Mhm. >> Favorite. >> I see now. >> He's a legend, dude. >> But he's just the host. >> I mean, but if you said Mario Lopez versus Zach Morris, then that's a different >> That would be good. >> He's in He's uh I've heard he's a terrible tipper. How about that? >> Really? You heard that? >> Yeah. Yeah. Mario Lopez. Yeah. >> Oh, from like when you were in Hollywood and stuff like around restaurants. >> Yep. >> Oh, >> the bad tippers are not great. [clears throat] >> Destroyed his brand and he stayed out of ████ Well, he's like hosting Access Hollywood forever, which is the worst show. >> Everything now. He hosts everything. >> Maybe that's what he likes. He likes I
6:41 mean, he likes hosting. It seems like >> he likes being a Hollywood person. Yeah. >> You know what's funny? Little trivia. One of the Quest crew guys is his personal like dance uh coach. [snorts] >> He has coaching for dance, too. >> Yeah. Well, he has one of my buddies, his name's Nick. He's the only white guy in Quest that like no one's ever seen this guy damn near. And he uh goes to his house and teaches them dances. and the kids as well. So when they film like Tik Toks or fun like Tik Tok dances, it's him teaching them how to do them. >> That's great cuz my old boxing coach was his boxing coach and he was telling me Yeah. He's like Mario Lopez is super into combat sports. People don't know it. He doesn't really show it, but he has uh over 50 amateur fights in boxing. >> Yeah, we've heard he's a really great guy in perfect >> in boxing alone. He just doesn't share it. No, he just doesn't share it. He just really likes it. [laughter] >> Like is Joe going to chime in with a great Mario Lopez story?
7:33 It's almost like he can tip nothing and it's fine. >> Yeah. You got one, Herano. You want to get tell a great ████ Mario Lopez story. [laughter] >> Let's all go around and praise Mario Lopez. >> Good god. >> He can do no wrong, man. >> Uh we should thank him for everything that good that's happened in the world in since '90s. >> He still looks so good. >> He does. >> He does. I'm just jealous. >> He's over 50, >> dude. That's crazy. >> Looks like he aged like 5 years after Save by the Bell. Do you think it's all natty? Like his looks? >> No. [laughter] >> Who knows, man? Who knows? You hate him. That's sad. >> Mario Lopez versus him was a a conversation topic, too. >> He'll beat the ████ out of him. Mario Lopez Lopez will kill. >> Yeah, Mario Lopez has like secretly loved combat sports the whole time since uh since Save by the Bell. He's been wrestling in high school. He does jiu-jitsu. He does boxing all on his own. He doesn't share. He just loves
8:23 that ████ He signs up for tournaments all on his own. He just started. Like I think he'll get >> What if the What if What if the new thing is you're secretly good at jiu-jitsu by hiding it behind bragging that you're good at jiu-jitsu? >> That would be crazy. [laughter] >> What do you mean? Like so he actually is >> like if we full circle, you know, the the normal thing is to be to sandbag and be like, "I'm not good." And then you kill someone. But now we've reached the age where that's actually so people brag at a pool hole. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> Doing that to get baited like to bait people. So then they'll he'll get challenged and he can show the world how good he is. >> I think it's really you know what it feels like? He just feels like he's commenting angrily against like people that are making fun of him for being fat. That's it. Like it's not that deep. It's like he has such a huge chip on his shoulder from being called fat guy from superb and now people going to do it 10,000 times more.
9:13 >> Yeah. He doesn't know that though. >> He doesn't know that. I'm like how do you not know that? >> How do you not know that? He's been in the spotlight forever. >> Why are you showing your Achilles like heel to these people? >> But we love fat Jonah Hill. He was funnier. He's the best. >> But he resents that side of himself, I feel. But he got skinny and he did that one weird film. >> That '8s one. Do you remember that one? >> He's only done weird films since he got skinny. >> Oh, yeah. >> Yeah, I know what you're talking about. >> Yeah. It's like a weird '8s like >> it was he directed it, I think. >> Yeah, it was on Netflix or something. But any Yeah. After that, I was like, he's not the same guy, man. I didn't think he wanted to be the same guy. I think it's why he wants to crush his old image so bad. >> Yeah. You know, >> that's fair. I think it really comes from a place of he was ████ with a lot. >> Self-loathing. >> But then the more that's the thing. The more you ████ say ████ like that in public, people going to keep getting you for that. They'll never let you live it down. I know. >> His debut like sucking on titties all
10:04 day on that movie Grandma Boy. >> Grandma's Boy. Yeah. >> Like why is that >> so I That's a great role. >> Great role. >> Imagine going back. Oh, I got to go back on set to suck some tits. >> Yeah. He could have just stayed a Mount Rushmore of like you know Teen Ranch. >> Yeah. like and then moved on and just like gracefully. But then to keep bringing up how much you hate people bringing up old stuff, they'll do it more. >> Yeah. >> Like come on. Like like Mario Lopez for instance. >> ████ >> He hated that people brought up AC Slater all the time. All the time. >> They still do. >> And then when we were on >> AC Slater to me, >> when we were on ABDC, we had a [clears throat] special uh like announcement. They were like, "Guys, just whatever you do, don't ████ say AC Slater around him cuz they we're such assholes." Uh, >> and then of course ████ Drix when we're doing a mockup of like the show, we're just doing a a blocking run.
10:54 AC Slater's like, "Congrats, you just won ABDC. What do you think?" And then Dietrix goes, "Well, it's just an honor to receive an award from AC Slater." >> He did that. And then what happened? >> He got pissed. >> He just was like, >> he did this type of ████ you know? >> I can't imagine getting pissed about that. That's so funny to me. >> Well, I mean, that's what I mean. Like because you made that announcement. >> Yeah. people are gonna do it now. You know what I mean? Because they know it's gonna get them. >> It's like uh Jal White being recognized as Steve Urkel, I bet for the rest of his life. >> Deal with it. >> Oh, for [laughter] sure. It's for sure that. Yeah. >> But that's what I'm that's what the whole point is. >> Porn star and then not want to be a porn star anymore and then be taken seriously. >> Do fancy football tips. >> Well, it's even worse if you're if you're that porn star and you keep bringing up how you don't want to be known as a porn star. You can't keep saying it. >> Mia Khalifa, you can't keep saying it, girl. >> Cuz all commenters want is to be noticed, right? All they want is to know
11:44 they have power over you. So you're giving you're giving them the sword. Yeah. >> Here, don't stab me with this sword. Like, come on, dude. Stop giving out swords. You think if you say don't do that, they're going to be like, you know what? Let's respect it, guys. That's off limits. Oh, it's off limits. I can't do it anymore. >> Hand up. That's my bad. >> Are you These internet trolls are not that way. >> In his defense, though, he's not saying don't do it. He's saying come at me. >> Yeah, but they can't. They're online. Well, maybe on the streets. Maybe they find him on the streets. >> Where? He's not like Adam Sandler playing pickup basketball. [laughter] >> You don't have >> That's true. I've never heard of a Jonah Hill sighting. >> No, ever. >> I've never heard of that. >> I feel like Adam Sandler's always outside like playing. He's like outside playing like a kid. >> He's probably like on Loiago or something. >> Yeah, exactly. >> You'd probably find him there. [laughter]
12:34 >> I think Bart you I think you'd kill him. >> I don't know what level ████ training has been at. >> But see, that's what I'm saying. >> Probably kick my ass. >> That That's what I'm saying. because you're humble about it. >> Well, cuz I get my ass kicked every day. I know what it feels like. >> That's That's exactly >> I just find it so mindboggling that a guy who's played characters similar to the people antagonizing him can't understand how well he's feeding them. Like, you've played these guys. Like, you should know. >> Yeah. >> As a Cartman, you should know. >> Exactly, >> dude. Can never feed the trolls.
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