← back to the archive // episode file

Improving Stuff That Doesn't Need Our Help

#improve#diamondcut#beltsystem#toilet#bedet
the transcript auto-captions · entered into evidence

0:00 There are times where I wish that there was like pedals in my car, >> like a Flintstone. >> I'd be down to have one just for steps. >> That's what I'm saying. >> I'm sitting here burning zero calories. I might as well have like have something. >> Yeah, but if you want to burn calories while driving a 4-hour drive, you should just put it on cruise control and your meat. >> I can't last 4 hours. You know how you know how good I am. >> 4 hours of edging, dude. Once he finishes, he's going to fall asleep on the road. >> Exactly. Okay, think of an an invention that hasn't really changed much through the years because it's just been so good. Like the toilet, right? Toilet hasn't changed very much. It's still got the same U pipe, same drainage system, whatever. For the longest time, how could you improve a toilet in a way that's never been improved before? >> Masturbation hole. >> What the

0:50 >> Get out of my head, Bart. Get out of my head. >> What the? >> He's been thinking about this. >> Where's the hole? >> In the front >> of the tank. You sit towards the tank. >> So you sit down, right? So you can poop. >> Shoot it. >> And then after you're pooping, >> that's disgusting. >> After you're pooping, then you can hit >> such a caveman. >> Press the bedet option, right? The bedet goes >> and then you press the the dark knight option. >> Yeah. And it just sucks you off. >> Wow. So loud. >> What if now every time you take a it doesn't feel complete unless you come. So now you associate the two. That's what we're hoping for. >> That's what you're hoping for. You're pairing it up. Pretty gross. >> But then now you also look forward to taking a ████ every time. >> Yeah. >> Oh, >> you don't need to improve the toilet. Everybody just needs to adopt ████ Japanese toilets. >> The bedet is a game changer. >> It's not just a bedet that's already game changer. But you know when you go to the music, >> it's also the ████ automatic like ████

1:42 cleaner. >> You know, it's like the the basically your time you go to a public toilet, you got to take the little seat cover, you put it down, you do the whole thing. In Japan, it's there and then when you're done, it rotates to the next new clean world. >> That's sick. >> You're like, >> they got it all figured out. >> But what if it doesn't actually? And it just goes in a circle and it's an illusion. >> Wipe them off. >> Yeah. >> In Japan, ████ dust the whole time. >> No, I think it actually goes to a discard box. >> I have a I have a real one. So like the toilet, it has ████ like pedals for your feet and then when you sit on it, when you're ready to ████ it brings you up kind of like a squatty potty. Because this is supposed to be way better. >> And then that way then it pushes it up so you can poop like this. And then when you're done when you're done it goes. >> Oh, I thought you meant like a like a bike like >> No, you meant stirrups.

2:32 >> Like stirrups. >> Yeah, like a papsmear thing. >> Or you have a little tripod that comes out. Put your phone right there. >> So that way you can like Cape Canaveral the ████ down. >> Yeah. You don't have to put your elbows and look at your phone and let your >> How about we figure out a way where a toilet is not so loud? >> What do you mean? What part of the toilet is loud? Did you wake somebody up when you flush? >> When I have my kid, I don't want to flush the toilet. >> Oh, and the kids wakes up. >> Is the kid sleeping next to the toilet? >> No, the kid just just >> any little sound. Yeah. >> Yeah. What the ████ >> Yeah, it is loud. It is loud. >> No, but you know what I'm saying? Like, what the ████ >> And then it when it fills back up, it's loud again. >> Yeah. >> You kind of need it to be forced. >> Rich people have quiet toilets. >> Yeah. Let's go to porta potty. >> I got a deep bowl. That's what it is. >> Rich people in a porta potty. What the freak? They just did a lap and end up at portaotti. >> Yeah. >> Or maybe their bathrooms are big enough

3:23 where it's like the toilets here and then your ████ room's over there. >> Everything's noise cancelling. That's true. >> How would you improve the belt system in jiu-jitsu? >> Honestly, ████ get rid of it, dude. >> Just white. >> Get rid of it, dude. >> All white, all black. >> How do you know you're progressing? >> If you're beating everybody up, that's how you know. >> Yeah. Yeah, but then what if you're like a grandpa and you're you're just getting beat up, but you know a lot and you've been in the game. >> But that's that's how it is anyway. Like it's still like that to this day. >> You you really feel like that about the belt system? >> I get rid of that ████ >> I think the belt system is cool >> cuz you've already got yours. >> Yeah, that's true. >> You pulled the ladder up behind you. That's like being a millionaire and being like, "Trust me, guys. >> You pulled the ladder up behind you." >> It's like Nazi Pelosi. Yeah, but don't let ████ senators trade, dude. What the ████ >> ████ ████ But I do think I think there's going to be a point where that's just going to be kind of like it's not going to mean anything anymore. Like

4:14 we're not there yet, but I think >> do you think it only means something cuz there's a lineage you could trace now. And like cuz it's like a lot of the McDojos, it don't mean nothing. >> Yeah. Well, I I think as anything grows, right? Like there was so many there was only so many masters you could learn from. So that's when that's when your lineage really mattered, I think. But I think it still matters. >> Oh, okay. But >> I don't know, man. And I feel like we're going to get to a point where even like the top level guys, they're like, "Yeah, belts are good, but >> it's all they're all like Nick though. They already ████ they already got to the top, so they're pulling the ladder up." >> No, dude. >> Yeah, you're right. You probably should leave it. >> I have a suggestion. >> What is it, Suban? >> Because you know how regardless of Mike's martial arts and ████ >> Mike? Mike's eliminated. >> Yeah, Mike. No. >> Who's Mike's martial arts? >> So, I'm just saying >> Mito Joe. Look, at the end of the day,

5:04 it's skill versus skills. That's where the real test is, not your belt. When they when they go black belt versus purple belt, burp belt, >> purple, >> purple belt, smoke the black belt, now everyone's like, "Oh, this guy got his black belt." Too late, right? >> So, if we got rid of the belt, what if we had a ranking system on your shoulder like right here? >> Like stars. >> Yeah. Not even stars, but just color stripes. It would be cheaper. It would be faster. Why are they still wearing Why are they still wearing Japanese clothes when Japanese people don't even wear that ████ >> Because there's tactics using geese. >> Yeah, but that back then it made sense cuz people wore that. So you learn how >> it represented someone's normal. >> This guy's trying to take the ladder back up too. >> Damn, dude. I know. Just cuz you're a master now. >> Wait, what? >> Japanese. You trying to take the ladder back up with you? >> Hey, how? >> No, it wasn't. It's not even that. I'm just saying we should all just be doing no ghee or regular clothes. Like go to

5:55 ████ just go to class >> wearing dockers and polo shirts. >> I like that. I like that. >> And you learn how to ████ fight in average clothes. >> Normal outfit, right? Not just geese. >> And then cuz you're not fighting anybody in rash guards unless you're in Hawaii. >> That's right. >> That's what he been saying. Yeah, >> that's right. >> How would you improve how would you improve the steering wheel on a car >> if you can connect the steering wheel? Right. Take the steering wheel out and there's two plugs in there. You plug it into you know your your head. >> What? >> It drives with your mind. >> So, you know, you know those things where you put on your body, it's like a sticky circle thing. >> Yeah. Yeah. Those electrodes. >> Put it in your head. Instead of doing this all the time, you're just going to tell the ████ thing to do it for you. >> What if What if you're sweating and it goes like this?

6:46 >> ████ or shoot, boy. But then they already but they already have cars that can do that with its own brain. Why would you want to do it with yours? >> You know, when you were saying like pedals for the ████ toilet, there are times where I wish that there was like, and again, this is by choice, but I could have like ████ like pedals in my car. >> Like a stone. >> Yeah. Because if I just wanted to number one, just >> like a fidget spinner. Huh. >> Yeah. If I just wanted to do something and then also if it just gave me more power back to my car. >> Oh, boost. I'd be down to have one just for steps. >> That's what I'm saying. >> I'm sitting here burning zero calories. I might as well have like have something. >> Yeah. But then if you're going to do it too, you're not only burning calories, you're also adding energy back into your car. >> That would be sick. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> Yeah. But if you don't burn calories while driving a 4-hour drive, you should just put it on cruise control and beat

7:36 your meat. >> I can't last 4 hours. You know how you know how good I am. >> 4 hours of edging, dude. Once he finishes, he's going to fall asleep on the road. >> At least how do you improve teeth? The idea of teeth, >> make them sharper, >> dude. Just get rid of them and then install new ones. >> All titanium. >> Yeah, just like right off the rip, get rid of your natural ones and just install new ones. >> I would just install a vacuum cleaner. >> Have you seen the Have you seen the diamond cut tooth? >> You ever seen that? >> No, not a diamond cut. >> They've already improved it, actually. >> Diamond cut? >> Mhm. It's like a design for uh for teeth. >> Why does it feel like it's not getting cold in here? >> We need to ████ redesign a air conditioner. >> Joe's full. How would you improve matcha? >> Can't June be already has the best kind. >> Don't worry about that. >> Or make everyone buy from June so they can get elevated to the same level. I

8:26 think >> you know how I would improve matcha the color. >> What do you make it? What color would you make it? >> Turquoise or something. >> What the hell? >> It's green still. I thought you were going to say >> you want to add you want to add artificial coloring to matcha. >> You want it to look like an adios? >> Hey, he just asked me a question. I answered it. Okay. I didn't ask. We're just talking. What's up with all these rules, dude? >> Why you got to have so many rules? >> Why do you always give me rules? >> How should Toyota improve their their warranty for new vehicles? >> Dude, the Toyota warranty and all that is really good. It's really really good. >> What can they do better? >> Have a 500,000 milei warranty. >> 500,000? That's ████ fix a Tacoma, dude. >> What? >> How would you make the Tacoma model better? How would you fix that? >> Actually put a V8 on a Tacoma. >> That's old one, too. the 5 the 5.7 liter >> not the V6 cuz the V6 is known for four

9:18 cylinder horsepower but and a ████ 8 cylinder gas efficient tank >> if we can get rid of that and actually put a LS >> whatever a V8 in it >> LS not even a Toyota motor >> a Chevy motor >> LS concept but Toyota branded >> oh branded >> how can Saturday Night Live improve >> the the show >> yeah the show >> stop being woke >> yeah just stop listening to Like the the other side. >> What? >> What was that bead? >> You know what I mean? Everybody knows what they mean. >> And how could Kinjas improve? >> Ooh. >> Are you a Kinja? >> No. >> Oh, too bad. >> West baby. >> Too bad. Cuz some of us are both. >> Yeah. >> Really? >> How could Kinjas improve? >> What? Just add flavor. Honestly, you if you guys got rid of the hat and just do

10:11 your hair like cool or something, that would be sick. >> He's too quest. He's too quick. >> What's a cool hairstyle you? >> Well, you don't like the rice hat. I like the Raiden hats. >> I It's >> It looks like they're going to go to the rice patty. Harvest some rice. >> Is it appropriate? Why? What's inappropriate about it? >> Cuz it's a Vietnam hat. >> No, it's China hat, too. No. And Japan. >> You don't think they You don't think they share that? They don't share that culture. >> In the movies, when you wear a straw hat, where are they at? >> I've seen every Asian culture have a guy that wears that hat. Korean, Japanese. >> Korean. >> Yeah. >> Do Koreans wear that hat? >> I'll show you one right now, dude. >> You see it, man. >> I've seen every I've seen movies with every single one. >> I've never seen Koreans do it. >> I've never seen Koreans do it either. >> I've seen Japanese do it. >> Let's see. >> Yes. Samurai. >> I've seen Chinese do it. >> Chinese? I don't. Oh, it says they it

11:02 says Koreans have traditionally worn conicle rice straw hats. >> Perangi. How do you say that? >> Pirangi. >> Perangi. >> Pirangi. >> Hey, what are we doing? We're just talking here. >> That's what they call. Hey, I just as a question. >> This is close enough, dude. It's close enough. >> Yeah, that's pretty That's pretty legit. >> It's a girl. >> Looks pretty Chinese to me. >> No, >> bro. That ain't no Korean, bro. >> Shut up. That's a Korean. >> No, it's not. It's Look at that Vietnamese. >> It's a genuine Vietnamese conical act. Okay. Sorry. How um how do you improve Japan as a whole? >> Maybe change the work culture >> from what to what? >> Stop making everyone work so hard. >> Really? Give them some time to have some sex. >> Oh, they just don't have time. That's why they having sex, but they're not. They're pulling out. >> Oh, okay.

11:52 >> How would you How would you improve uh karaoke setups for Filipino families? >> Damn. If you can just make it uh if you can make every single one of those systems solar powered >> by default, that would be the best thing. >> Why? Cuz they'll die eventually. >> Cuz some of them don't even have electricity, but they want to do karaoke. >> And that ████ would be like >> I thought you meant like they want to obsolete like cuz it's like 2:00 a.m. and you want them to stop so the battery runs out >> when the sun goes down. You >> ambient noise like in Philippines now to just hear like it's like part of the environment. It's like hearing a freaking cockatu somewhere. Hearing someone singing karaoke. You know why Filipinos can sing so good? Because cultures that live in the jungle, they're like really good at mimicking animal noises. So their vocals are really really good. >> Oh, that's good. I I thought it was like, you know, hard work or something.

12:43 >> No, >> the Philippines in the jungle. Ain't no animals in the Philippines. >> They got monkeys. Ain't no animals in the Philippines. When did you ever go zoo style and you >> zoo style? >> When did you ever imagine animals and go like Philippines got it?

// end of tape