0:00 just a summer of love man I know we just had a fling Bart that's sad that's so sad B's like I don't mind a one night stand just don't act like you love [Music] me have you ever imagined that somebody didn't like you imagined yeah absolutely and what's an example of a time that you were right about it or wrong about it well it's not an imagination if you were right and if there's a reason to it yeah I think that's what he's asking though like you imagined it and then you were either right or wrong oh like like you had no reason well yeah because like they they don't know until there's something explicitly said like a ████ dream like you had a ████ dream like you're like you don't like like a dream but
0:50 like if if someone was just acting certain ways that felt like they were Clues and you're like I feel like this person doesn't like me they never explicitely said they don't but that's not imagin then what is that that's a fuing good ass assumption dude okay has that have you ever been right about the Assumption with somebody let me think about it cuz your question was confusing me but then also if you're wrong about the Assumption then you were just imagining it yeah now that's imagination has that happened let me think about that about it think about it I think most of the time I'm under maybe this is just like a me thing you strike me as somebody that's always thinking people don't like it yeah I feel like most people think I'm annoying most of the time annoying is the thing that you think they don't like you people think you're annoying yeah yeah most of the time that's the quality I feel like there's others annoying or I'm just not like yeah yeah Ry do you kind of nailed it
1:41 actually you wait what why did you why did you nail it what about did you nail that what about I feel like in relationships there could be like you're thinking your sign significant others mad at you or something oh yeah but then you find out they're not that's my default that's my default really you feel like that happens all the time right that's Bart's current I feel it happens all the time you feel that way who watch the opposite he doesn't know that he's in trouble yeah that's probably better I think you think as a default you tend to feel like people don't like you yeah what is that like almost sort of like a fail safe I think so probably it's probably an error in my thinking I think it's something that I'm like yeah that's probably not healthy for me to think that do you think across the board or generically speaking you consider yourself misunderstood if somebody like doesn't get to know you no not not really I just feel like I I
2:32 could see I'm always like yeah I could see why you would ████ not like my ass really yeah yeah yeah D I like that um would you consider your self-esteem pretty low absolutely but at the same time it's like I don't know I think maybe I'm in a time in my life now where like if you don't really you know like me like me it's okay it's totally fine that's pretty cool too they're not affected so you're okay with being misunderstood maybe earlier in my 20s for sure I would be like oh God you know and I think a lot of my I would want to try to get people to like me all the like too much um but now I think I'm in a place where I'm like yeah that's like it's too much stress on my own head I think also what kind of positions in your life are you in when you really want people to like you you know what's funny I think a lot of it started with like uh when I would try to get new
3:23 clients cuz a lot of it's like oh I got to make sure they really like me and they train with me right cuz it's like it's tied to a monetary but after doing that for a while you realize that like yeah you can't make everybody like you like some people will will work with you because you know for other reasons than you thinking you're ahead right so it's like if they're not there to to work with you then that's fine too maybe they'll find something else maybe we're not a good fit so it's kind of like you kind of want to be around people you want to be with anyway um I think that's probably a natural progression that I feel like I've had plus it's kind of like I feel like with your service let's say that someone's hiring you to help them lose weight that almost takes precedence over whether or not they like it exactly and that's something that took me a while to understand too is like at the same time we're trying to get a certain result not really like for you to be like hey do you like me hey do you like me as a
4:13 coach it's more of like can we get the job done and are you willing to to go through this with me or whatever um but yeah I think after a while it's like being a drill sergeant going you guys like me right no hey no that's the thing though is like success rate has gone lower right especially when I'm teaching like some of the guys that are getting ready to compete for like J competitions it's like I have to give them the information like very bluntly like I can't like sugarcoat it cuz if I sugarcoat the in this information like this one dude competed at a tournament and I told him after he competed he didn't do that well but I think he just jumped in it too early and I had to tell him like and I think maybe a couple years ago I would have not said this and I would have bit my tongue but I was like hey man you can't go out here and compete unless you've got x amount of days training a week m for 3 months or something yeah you know because
5:03 otherwise it's like you go out there like yeah you're it's still Jiu-Jitsu and it's like fun to games but if you go out there yeah if you go out there unprepared you're going to not only lose but then even worse you can get seriously injured and it's like what's the point of that you don't want to come here just to lose you want to come here and give it your best shot right but I feel like a year ago maybe even two years ago I probably wouldn't even said that I would have been like good work nice you know oh you're really becoming a black belt I don't know dude I just think it's like bigger picture I think I think I'm just looking at things differently I don't know you you mature since you got your black belt do you like me that's fun though too after you got after you got black belt I liked you more probably probably I have more to offer maybe or do I or do I do you like me I don't know I feel
5:54 like it's more like common in younger years right I think think the older you get I think the less you care about that and you're more okay with being misunderstood that's what I actually think the like um in our generation like the junior high high school you know how like you just be in a hallway either you bump shoulders or like head nods turned into what's up oh oh you want to throw it down it's like just two insecure puppies that escalated quickly do do you like me or not or not cuz if not we're just going to ████ fight we're right now that's basically what it is yeah yeah or going like hey dude your shoes are pretty cool man what' you get just being friends that's fight when you're younger like when I was younger I was so much quicker to judge people over and nothing
6:45 like just be like oh that's the shirt you wear what a ████ loser you know whatever but like maybe not as fun yeah yeah like I'm just so quick to judge people and I was like a older you realize like dude that's I'm such an idiot like why would I even think that I think it's such a weird thing like when I was going to Community College there was this guy in my class who we had Japanese class at SOS college and then there's this one white dude who just looked like a regular like Josh haret looking white dude but all the girls ████ thought he was so fine but he was so dumb and they were always telling me Oh my God he's so fine and they would say it so much to my ear I'm like dude he must be fine and then like he this dude always wanted to talk to me or like hang out with me cuz he thought you were fine he was just like a nice guy but then I always thought he didn't like me because he was so cool and I was like oh this guy doesn't actually want to talk to me but what if he thought you were really cool like
7:35 he's probably he's probably like secretly making fun of me or it's ironic or he's sarcastic but the whole time he was just totally Earnest and he like wanted to be friends but I would always be like yeah right yeah yeah you want to hang out after school yeah you and then like later on like years later he's like yo you never want to hang out with me bro I'm like what yeah you were the coolest I would love to hang out with you yeah but it's just like I was intimidated by like there's no way the coolest guy in class A kid as a kid you don't have much to worry about right like as an adult you have so many other priorities and things to handle that the last on my list is worrying about whether or not somebody likes me but as a kid whole social Dynamic also though like outside of just like do they like me as a person or not I think maybe when I was younger my thoughts were more
8:26 flooded with like the opposite sex of like does she like me does she like me dang Anthony sex ways always about love making with this guy or or or your home you go to you be like dude she likes you and you'd be oblivious you're like what like really I had no idea when you want your ████ flirting through third and fourth period all the time you know what I mean like so I think the conversations and the imaginations of always being like Oh I wonder she likes me I feel like that ████ was honestly fun now as an adult thinking of how innocent that was you know what I mean but at the time it really was just everything all the time yeah I think early on it was so hard to answer this question because early on I realized that like like if someone likes you it doesn't stop them from doing
9:16 dirty like shady things like like like backstabbing you like they can still like you but they don't have loyalty towards you so then in my mind I think there's like just because you're validated and accept there's no real value behind it that's what I learned I think early on so I don't care if someone likes me I care if um if there's Integrity behind this relationship so then when I was I think growing up I'm like well he's my friend he likes me but he'll steal from me so we like each other but he likes my things more and he'll steal these things if he really likes you though you think he would steal from you right he likes well I mean there there's a like there's people that hang even like in the gang culture like you hang out you hang out all the time but everyone's cheating and
10:07 doing shady ████ like it depends on this you know the type of crowd you're around like everyone's like yeah I see what you mean just because someone likes you doesn't mean they won't ████ do you can be likable and pleasant and you can hang out and share like laughs and enjoy each other's company but it doesn't really do anything but that moment that's that's what I'm trying to get at like I like hang out this friend because every time I go over to his big house his mom always feeds me yeah you have a gain there's an incentive what's up guys if you do not know we have a patreon I want you to click in our description and go over there and check out all the beautiful stuff we have for you it's super duper access for only our super duper exclusive lovers like yourselves you're going to be getting one never
10:59 been released director's Cup every week but not only that you get another fresh two hot for YouTube video we say some crazy ████ on there two videos a week but not only that you get to join our Discord and come chat with us direct access we're in there the whole careful Boys in there jumping in dog piling on people laughing playing joking whatever and you can come talk to us directly so if you like what we do and what we've been doing for the past 10 years please support our patreon and click the link below to get all the details there's so many different tiers you can see it when you click that yeah and and so I think like wanting to be liked was probably something that I didn't really think about unless it was like what Anthony
11:50 said like I I like this girl and I want her to like me back but then I didn't really think about that um I think the only May way I can relate is like if I had a friend and they didn't like me anymore so I'd be like what happened then it's like you don't like me anymore why that's a funny situation to be in I always felt like there was a it's I feel like it's so linked with your current self-esteem your self-image yeah I think cuz like there was like uh one of my exes had a dad who was so cool he was like this this white uh that dude that like worked at Oracle he was like a sales guy at Oracle and he's so like snazzy had all these classic cars I always wanted to talk to him but then I always felt like man this guy probably like looking down on me and ████ so I never uh took him serious as like a guy
12:40 that likes me likes me even though we got along I was like I bet he just like thinks I'm like ████ and then he's just trying to like be nice and then like he he was like a guy that contacted me way after like I broke up with that girl and he like checked on me and I was like w wow yeah he goes you were one of the coolest boyfriends I miss you man and you're like I didn't even know you like me honestly kind of yeah I did kind of you're the reason we broke up it's like our assumptions of other people deflect the possibilities of a friendship but it's my own self-esteem cuz I saw myself as like oh I'm low I'm beneath this guy yeah yeah I was like oh in the pecking order of life like this guy's so made he's like one of the guys that created that's the lesson cuz that's why it's called building self-esteem right like we all start off with like a zero
13:30 you know basically a neutral plane and then we have to go through ████ in order to find ourselves with it it's hard to like when I imagine all the things in my life that I had to do to reach net zero that's a lot of ████ so I imagine some people never even get to that like they spend their whole lives second guessing if anyone likes them all the time but I I feel like there's airheaded people like me too that don't even ask that question and they're still on the first stage of do I even like them that's funny too yeah that's like the inverse yeah cuz I'm like yeah I think I spent a lot of time thinking that growing up is like I'm not sure if I really like them or I like them and then I'm hanging out temporarily but there's never like this like do I really like this person they're around and then
14:20 maybe I'll drift away to a next person so I never get around to feeling that that feeling of do they like me better back oh yeah as a friend group you know so it's it's kind of weird also during that time I think it took me a really long time to acknowledge this to myself uh it's like if somebody was like uh I found out that somebody didn't like me obviously like the cool thing to say would be like I don't give a ████ but it hurt but then like really I gave a ████ you know what I mean and like it would bother me in different ways or I pretend that like it was bothering me but you want to know why because I thought it would be like we and then you have to first go through the acknowledgement that it's like you are feeling that and then afterwards go through the understanding that that's not weakness like that's just your own compassion and just figure out how to
15:10 use it for like the benefit of your actual relationships you know what I mean also some people just don't like you for silly things yeah like maybe not even the reason why they don't like you is even credited to anything it's just true they don't like you they just don't like you forever reason going there's there's no like yeah they're going through some ████ it's like they're they're projecting their own distaste for their own life onto you it does matter to me if someone likes me if I really respect them though sure cuz if they don't they're like oh man like like Tim Kennedy yeah like someone like him or like my Jiu-Jitsu coaches like people that I respect that I'm like oh I hope they like me mhm yeah but I I always think like if you don't give a person a reason to dislike you and if they misre you then that's a that's they're bad
16:04 yeah yeah but then I think like when you're just not sure about yourself like you you think that you were the one who caused it said the wrong thing or behaved the wrong way that you turned the tide on yourself that part sucks what if you could immediately identify why someone doesn't like you I think I did when that happened to me probably change a little bit yeah right that's when you go okay I'm the one tripping I think I did yeah because I remember we were there was a point where like my friend group had extended like I was hanging out with some like kind of more like gangster ass people and I I kind of felt like they didn't like me cuz they they're like Ryan's a ████ they just I think they thought I was annoying cuz I was talking too much cuz I was so excited cuz this is when I was like 18 or something and I think like I hadn't yet been a chiller like I was always
16:54 talking like I just couldn't ████ shut up and I think like I just look like a Squealer like a a rat or something so then like I've noticed when we were like at the mall like they just would mid ditch me like they would just walk away that sucks I was like oh okay I'm annoying oh you know it's like another way that's like kind of like that but kind of not it's like let's say you meet someone and then you guys hit it off and like oh this is pretty cool and then later on when you go back to like either text or DMS the same energy that goes back and forth isn't like that oh interesting but then you're like oh I had a different understanding oh like imagine like we we met at Stanford right during the show and then like right away right away like me Joe and Anthony jailed a lot so from that point on we came back started shooting skits it was
17:44 just like way more interaction and that Vibe stayed the same yeah but imagine like cuz that has happened to me or even like with thatch it was like he did our podcast anytime I had advice hit me back up and if he ever didn't reply same day he like yo my my bad bro I was was ████ traveling what he'll leave me like voice MOS where it's like I feel it's really personal but then there's also people you do like the thing with and then hey hey that was really cool y y y and then just silence a week two weeks and you're like oh I wonder how how everything's just you just check back in like a month later still silence and you're like oh ████ I I misread this situation that I thought we had a really cool time or we had some sort of connection but then we don't well how you know they're not texter yeah it could be just a miscommunication or they might I feel like that's how it happens a lot of time when you meet other when
18:34 you're networking yeah yeah but that's the part that I that also makes me oh man like yeah they don't like the only way that I can take that is oh they don't like me as I thought they thought I did I thought they did or it's like like it looks like like when you go to like YouTube ████ and you meet a bunch of influencers or whatever the ████ like they're all acting like they like you but they're just not they're not acting like they like you they're trying to act like they're likable think that's misconstrued it's like oh wait you weren't like you didn't like me you just wanted me to say that you were really cool yeah yeah yeah well I guess for me it would be like let's say you do a YouTube thing and it's a whole YouTube event with like 20 YouTubers but then it ends up being you and this other new YouTuber the whole time so like okay cool we kind of have a cool thing and we Mash this is dope and we it's going to take off into like this new realm that we've never been in and then afterwards
19:25 it turns into nothing it just evaporates then then it it feels like oh I imagined you liking me but it's actually you don't do you think that interaction felt inauthentic um I don't think it feels inauthentic I just feel like I misread the situation like I thought it was more than what it really is cuz to me I think actions always speak louder than words so in the aftermath I go oh this is how you truly feel and then what happened then was not how how how you truly feel that was just a summer of love man I know we just had a fling Bart that's sad that's so sad B's like I don't mind a one night stand just don't act like you love me that's why they that's why they say like the real ones are rare in the industry right it's like you don't
20:15 really meet real ones and it's so easy to be real you know I don't understand like why it's so difficult to I disagree with that I think I think you're intrinsically better at being real I you know what it is there real is Shady so yeah that's that's the thing is like it's difficult for them to actually be real because their default is hiding and shady and manipulative and Afraid and insecure so I'm like an ugly but trust me stop describing me dude if you could get to the point of being just comfortable you don't want to go ever back to anything else it's difficult because that to me um when you have that other mask and that you know that
21:07 performance it's very exhausting I think I think you know there's like yeah I don't know how people do it I can see it but I accept people for what they do because it's natural like they're afraid and they want to be accepted but I don't know we all can see right through it though that's the thing it's like you think you're fooling people most people think they're great performance actors but I'm like are you like people can see it yeah I guess it depends on uh if you're I think the reason I didn't see it for a lot of other people is I was so focused on myself not saying something dumb yeah I was so like you're focused internally that you're not observing I'm not looking who you're interacting with I'm more looking at how they're reacting to what I'm saying and do the crazy thing is all of that ████ especially as an adult like a real adult is like all
21:59 all of that can be remedied through just good communication you know what I mean in any situation most people suck at communication that's what I'm saying that's crazy you don't even putting up a front being fake being real like you could just if you have honest conversation you can figure everything out and that's the adult thing to do sometimes confrontation is very difficult for a lot of people I know for a fact there's people out there in the world like don't like me but I also know that it's because like we probably just didn't have a conversation when we probably should have that takes practice yeah that's true or some people might just even prefer the silence and not have to deal with it yeah that's a more comfortable thing to do I don't even want to deal I don't want to confront or deal talking too scaryy which is also a a a sign that like for at least for me those are people that shouldn't be in my they're not ready to have the
22:49 relationship you're ready to have some people actually like that they don't like certain people yeah absolutely well that's like the perfect opportunity to practice it's like okay this is uncom for me this is my time to at least frame it like hey this is uncomfortable for me but I'm going to try to do this communication as best as I possibly can because they've already accepted that they have something to grow and learn from but if you're already there then how do you do that and you're the problem if if I think Anthony Lee's the problem anytime we interact or anytime I see Anthony Lee interact I'm GNA find reasons why he's the problem in my head they don't say my full name like that you know what I think is funny yeah he's just always looking at me with in his eyes dude I don't like it you know you know I think it's really funny that all humans do is um we will completely hate a person that we've never met based on
23:40 the representation of what they are like like a public figure yeah I hate JLo dude I've never ████ met this person and I'll hate their ████ guts because of what they represent or the stories around this person and we do it all the time to politicians to celebrities we do it all the ████ time even like you know people that we've heard of from other people before we even meet them we have a bias of who this person is cuz it's a shady ████ you did my friend wrong and it's good reasons sometimes too but at the same time you never gave him a chance and I think it's the is is one of the most hilarious things ever cuz like you never even met Trump Biden whoever but you ████ hate their guts and it's like they don't even know you exist and I think that's hilar that's like our haters like we don't even know who you are personally but there are people that ████ hate our
24:31 guts and I think that's just some of the funniest things about just The Human Experience is like you could spend hours just dwelling and ████ hating someone you never met and and like wasting all these like painful energies and they don't even know you're there yeah well it goes back to what Anthony was saying they're not on like the self-aware timeline that they need to be on to even overcome that that's true that's what Anthony said yeah that's what Anthony said that's what he meant but he didn't eloquently say that's what I assumed hey if you're unsure let's just talk about it and want to I don't know if I can do this shut up
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