0:00 [Music] do you guys know about gwyneth paltrow's company goop goop oh yeah she made a candle that smelled like a ████ right she made a candle that smells like her ████ smells like ████ they sell they sell vagina eggs that you can put up there they sell vagina eggs you shove them up your vagina you shove them right on up there right it's like it's a crystal it cleanses your are you lying no that's a real product they have these things called yoni eggs bro and they they say they harness the power of energy and you ████ shove it right on up in your vagina and then you squeeze it out i wish i was kidding i'm not kidding i wish i sold crystals yo what a ████ market that is dude it enhances the connection that you feel with your body enhances the connection of that egg up in your vagina so you know what does it do is it helps them with their kegels absolutely ████ nothing oh oh that's
0:51 not true actually oh yeah it's a nigerian accent it's not true yeah we have a documentary series about a goop it's ████ real i looked it up it's ████ real what up with the ████ candles they really have ████ candy they have a candle that smells like one of the pouches ████ that's what it says it says this smells like my ████ we're not even kidding well it's her personal personal vagina notes of lavender and honey blossoms and snake oil and scams hey whoa dude her ████ smells that good i don't know she thinks it smells that good because she wanted she made a whole candle line off of it imagine being so ████ full of yourself that you made a ████ like body deodorant like basically imagine being right like it just smells glorious yeah imagine if barbell did a bunch of r d to get like a perfume it's not like your ████ ball sack dude
1:41 imagine bart thinks he's so tight that everyone needs to smell his balls and then people actually ████ buy it oh and the brand's called shmegma smegma but like spelled all french like with the accent on it with two dots over the a so yeah you step two you gently shove it up your vagina like you would a tampon the slighter the slightly larger side of the egg first work your pelvic floor while you're shoving it up there and feel the connection to your body by squeezing and releasing the egg you might begin with a 10 to 15 minute session if comfortable build up a practice if it brings joy i need to see an example of this for science purposes does it say like the dimensions of how big the egg are just says it's it's it's 1.57 inches in length and 1.18 inches in width for you to shove it up there i feel like if you shove it up in there you might get lost
2:33 well you're not a woman so how would you not i think there's a i think there was a lawsuit actually with one of her products or whatever that had to do with a vagina that got stuck or whatever dude i hear things get stuck in vaginas constantly yeah this is what i hear it's my ear on the streets there are a series of lawsuits involving there was a man who bought um this smells like my ████ i'm not kidding he actually did buy this and he left the candle burning like like by his nightstand and the whole ████ thing caught on fire oh nice wait was that it was that was that a problem with the candle or was that a problem with him just leaving things burning for too long it was a problem with her flammable ████ that's what it was yeah yeah no this is fire no so the problem is that it exploded oh that's a problem what exploded blew up
3:23 blew up dude so he yeah he's he's that push is too ranked that's a guy from texas which is just hilarious to me a guy from texas bought the busy candle and let it burn between the costumes guys that's what it is yeah so he says it exploded on his bedside table when he left it burning and it engulfed in high flames and left a black burn ring on his nightstand and then but gwenopaltro's like yeah but we say on the candle not to burn it for more than two hours at a time oh sucks slam dunk did your candle be ████ imploding like that well you shouldn't burn it for more than two hours have you ever burned a candle for longer than two hours yeah it never explodes and never exploded but it didn't also smell like a vagina so you got to be true thoughtful about that this is a 75 vagina smelly candle is that how much it is it's premium 75 ████ dude for 75 dollars jesus it better be a
4:15 fleshlight am i right hell yeah bro quarter cam corner tab are you sure it wasn't the candle next to the curtains oh the candle next to his bomb stash and his are you sure it wasn't the gun powder yeah he's texan after all his convenient gasoline stash [Laughter] so some there's there's been another incident involving goop oh boy um there were two guys they're all guys why are they all guys attending you don't smell their ████ that's why attending an event at gwyneth paltrow's group store in the hamptons um so these two guys are there and she has a store she has a store yeah what yeah they're in new york how do you know so much about google i've watched a lot of documentaries on google because i i hate watching it they have documentaries dude this guy wears so many american flags and he ████ goes to goop
5:06 he's at the store like but i ████ hate this ████ this is not even ████ like the ladies like the ladies like like scanning and ████ he's like oh i'm just hate buying just the ladies ████ it's like oh you're a regular i have the rewards points and everything because every time steve says something he has so much info and i'm like oh my god how do you ████ know so much that's a good idea is this the same business that did the ████ glitter ████ yeah wait what was that okay there's ████ glitter they did all of that billion dollar company right the glamping or whatever the ████ it is no because every ████ year there's like a weird hollywood celebrity company that comes out with some weird ████ a lot of it is it the same one it's like ████ jewels a lot of it is just goop yeah a lot of it is what is ████ glitter and ████ jewels
5:56 what's that what do i have questions it enhances your ████ body's connection with your natural order bro ah i'm in i could use some of this stuff i want some penis jules george clooney needs to come out here yeah yeah if george clooney came out i'm ████ signing up to that email list today every time or matthew connaissance bro matthew mcconnell i'm a stroke right now no remember when matthew mccoy that's how binding pronounces it remember when he was in like reign of fire like a bunch of s█████ rom-coms yeah but then he was like on true detective yeah interstellar true detective was like wow and it's like he had the mcconausons dude he's like he started doing lincoln commercials yeah dude he's a tight guy he's a tight dude i was like lincoln's pretty cool car man i like wild turkey now cocaine and hookers my friend cocaine and hookers when did when did goop get created uh ryan i don't know man early early you watch the documentary
6:47 what are the coordinates to every goop store don't have one on a on a list at home in a manifesto you have to say for internet purposes that was a joke nice nice well handled um so these two guys are at a group store and all of a sudden they they're using this kind of lotion that they have this door and they got set on fire it just combusted it's spontaneously combusted sensing a theme someone added alcohol to a sternocan which caused it to flash what's a sternocan uh i don't ████ know just i thought you would know i don't know i had to ignite it somehow i think they ████ went like this and then probably went like this and then went yeah
7:37 yeah from all the indoor smoking that we're doing in the 2022. i think a strong hand is those things that you you can light up you know and like i'm gonna google it because it's gonna bug me i start okay yeah i'm a googler too who's gonna get it first yeah me yes it is that ████ it's a it's a little can it's like a little burner thing let me see it's a little burner thing it's like you know like the hot plates or whatever like food yeah yeah banquets but some dumbass who works at goop is like let's add alcohol to that and so it set these two cats on fire who were next to it i mean but why would they put that in a loan everyone getting caught on fire there's alcohol in hand sanitizer yeah yeah so that's what's going on goop is a ████ show that's what's going on who doesn't get it wait so when you watch these goop documentaries right yeah they don't talk about this ████ they're pretty what was it like expose on ████ like well a lot of theirs was so scary one of them one of
8:27 them was on there because they have a netflix like docu series or whatever where gwyneth paltrow has like these like scared employees that are going and doing like life-changing stuff they did one with wim hof she like pushes her like employees into the freezing water or whatever they're like it's so refreshing and you can tell like a lot of them don't want to be there yeah stuff like that so it's like a s█████ company like exposing the yeah but i mean when you the documentary is trying to paint them it's like wow revolutionary it's gonna foul so i'm going to read a statement now from goop who says that the claims about the exploding candle have no merit but i need you guys to understand why i'm reading it like this it's because the so so here we go we're confident we're confident this claim is frivolous in an attempt to secure an outsized payment from that press heavy product we stand behind the brands we carry
9:17 sorry i just shoved this this ████ thing up shoving it up there and you gotta hold it on to it and the safety of the products we sell we stand by here heretic the brand that surprised the candle oh god it fell out a lot has substantiated the products performance and safety through the industry standard to testing wow and then they picked they reached down and the whole crystal ████ right now is so cracking like you could make a ████ ton out of it tell me we gotta start selling some ████ crystals bro i have a friend that buys way too many crystals like way too many crystals i'm like jesus christ for your friend what's the draw like what's she just likes them i guess i i don't know i think that they i think it's like having like a collection well they're supposed to like do energy ████ or some ████ right that's better than the ████ pet rock phenomenon that happened i'm more on board with the pet rock it's
10:08 have you ever seen crystals with led lights behind them that's pretty cool i'm okay with that i like the glass bone mushrooms that have that oh i like that too i got this new product right here you could stick it up your ████ it's gonna help boost your success it's gonna help you ████ be rich as hell it's so we can tell when joe's coming when you're walking around you already have a rattle all day though it's like a rattlesnake they hear you coming dude yeah you're gonna be ████ rich as hell it's gonna hear your food's coming with an easy price of 4.99 not four dollars 499. yeah because if you want all that fortune you know you got to pay up and look it balances by itself if only we were shoving those up our ████ why luna wouldn't have gone down i know right fix inflation am i right
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