0:00 [Music] you want to hear about a really cool dad since you like cool dads cool dad I like cool dads all right so this Dad um ends up like I guess his baby ends up with some injuries and then they do a full assessment of the baby and the baby's got all right listen to this both arms and both legs are broken oh my God and the baby's mouth is bleeding 6 months old baby party too hard Jesus Christ what do you think not what do you think happened have R day is intense what do you think what do you think the dad's excuse or reasoning is for why his baby has four broken lims cuz the baby was raising the roof too
0:50 hard with the legs too yeah cuz the babies can't walk right so have you ever seen a baby but when you're about to change them they go like this will you do you promise to donate your brain raising the roof too hard parting too hard you know what's crazy is like parting way you're going to have to think like this to find to get closer to his answer cuz it's something like that and this is and I think that one was a fake baby but I think you have to do something like this to get that result and I think it was his stupid ass dad trying to swing on a rope or something and do a back flip with the baby on his back I think when he flipped a baby flew out of his the back oh my God god dude why did he do that I don't know I think it was a fake baby to make a viral video oh it is a fake B I know what you're talking about I think it's a fake baby I like it's got to be something like that
1:40 to do oh I know he tried to teach the baby how to ride a motorcycle and baby feet like but it was a Babys siiz motorcycle Anthony okay check it out this is what happened all right he's got this is a cat dad he's got a bunch of cats right and he's doing that test where every single time he drops a cat falls on his legs right okay cat up always falls on Li he's like all right sees his baby oh ████ but because babies will land on like they'll land right side up right no they land on their head dude my neighbor has a kid who's like 2 years old basically now and every time that I come over the their dog like runs at me and sometimes she's in the way and she just gets body checked cracks me up big ████ dog he's like a bulldog so he's just like body check hockey checks her against the wall and ████ but that baby's going to be tough oh yeah
2:31 she got a hard maybe you would empathize with this guy a little bit cuz I don't know ████ about parenting really but his reasoning for why the baby had so many broken limbs is that sometimes the baby will go through some very rough diaper changes see I told you so he broke the baby oh my God said because he said the diaper changes were were rough so he would like break the limb so the arms won't ████ go around and shake or whatever it says that when they when they uh when they looked at the injuries it's from like um it's the fractures you get from getting aggressively pulled so he's like yanking arms and legs but is that like that that happens yeah that was a misleading cool dad story yeah what cool dad this a good segment that we're going to start cool dads he's not very cool I don't like dads should treat babies like the Costco rotisserie
3:22 chicken but does that ever happen with changing a diaper when you're in a rush do you ever Stretch Armstrong strong show the guns dude you ever like your kid has a ████ green blowout on all over their back and you're just like ████ ████ all this ████ hey you never picked up Tao by his two feet to wipe his butt I've been really lucky uh as a baby he's never done the piss in my mouth piss thing and he's never been a ████ up his back I've never got the it's a green blowout you go you go in the you go in the room you go in the room and there's ████ on the ceiling in the wall I've heard of those the ████ I've never I've never been to bathroom that'd be plagiarism if you did that I've never been to that cuz I've heard like sometimes if you like there're sleeping and they're bored you know so they just start like oh yeah
4:12 yeah yeah yeah yeah and so I've heard of that um I never got any of those I got really really really lucky the only thing that I get now is sometimes we'll be getting ready whatever we got to do 20 steps to get out the ████ door like let's say trying to get to the air to ████ big and then no just like putting on shoes and ████ eating breakfast whatever and then finally at the last second he's like oh I got to use the restroom I'm like why why didn't you do it earlier and the house is so big he's got to hike a mile back yeah downstair bathrooms I'm not allowed you're like man this astroid surf is really far and hot you guys are so mean that's not mean we were saying you have a big house you have a big ████ house kind of a compliment if you would just take it it's like hey stop making my wife come so hard like I guess that's an insult H so do you think do you believe any answer that that he's saying it's justest from like some rough diaper changes what is a rough diaper change harded dad out there that I'm like it
5:02 could be it could be some people are just so ████ pissed they don't know how to control themselves so the impulse takes over they do some dumb ████ he's dragging that baby I think that's also called abuse yeah that's yeah for sure that's what the court is saying but he's he's really saying it's it's just from uh tight swaddling and rough diapering is this you got to try you got to try I think one at most to Accidental limbs but when you throw all four and bleeding mouth like what's the bleeding mouth empathy wise if you're him you got to at least try this ████ maximum empathy Max it's like my baby's ████ Samuel Jackson in glass like he's Ying that baby I heard this I was listening to this podcast and this dude he um always had dreams of like uh what is it called like it's always in the bathtub
5:52 or whatever and then it wasn't until later that he like where he tied two and two together and when he was a baby his dad to tell him to shut the ████ up you cuz he was trying to watch TV where he take the baby and then uh run his the baby's head underwater in the bathtub to make him shut the that'll definitely work St doesn't that make the baby cry more dad's out there like that that's CRA yeah it wasn't Aram Cho telling us about that how like how like laws are put in place to like um what is it for the common denominator people but there's some people that you just can't do anything about it cuz they just operate at such a low level there was a dad who like bashed his baby's head in cuz it wouldn't stop crying and then Aron was saying that like when they were talking to him the guy was like plain face just like yeah he just wouldn't stop crying like laws won't save this guy from anything like he's just cuz in their head they think they're ex they're
6:43 looking they're looking at you like you're stupid so what was your craziest dad moment then like where like he did something where you're like ████ I just want to squeeze his little head yeah you never had that that happens I mean you get that feeling you get the feeling but then you just got to like walk away and then come back probably be like Bart's probably like Superman with that ████ he knows he has superhuman strength so he knows it's actually easy for him to stop himself because if he flicks Tao he'll fly to ████ Zimbabwe with a great responsibility no extradition there such aone great power great responsibility limitation pretty young though I heard Z yeah so that what do you doing that feeling happens you just walk away I try to like never act upon a feeling cuz I want to be a good dad trying to like be logical yeah so if I I once I can return a logical State then I'll try to address
7:34 it by try not to act on the FI does it feel as satisfying though mhm I don't want to I don't want to unleash on the baby you crazy guy but dude you're heart CL dude you go to bed itch you need Rel you know some parents they good dad dudey what what you minutes dude what are you doing bro I thought I thought you gave me the look I thought I thought he gave me the look like blame it on me dude you you give him the look act on a feeling you're not going to get it where's the logic this one's going to 20 now okay every time it looks like you're about to say say something funny he's like you Superman literally Superman who are you more more likely to accidentally hit Tao or Gio oh yeah yeah great question oh Gio for sure yeah for sure she can take it cuz she deserves it
8:25 well one I don't even know if I'm talking a woman I'm talking like this the whole time confused most of the time you're talking to Tower of Terror yeah I'm talk I'm talking to ████ bouncer at the front of a ████ club talking about tree tree in the Lord Rings already shoving her you already feel I'm already ready to ████ just chop her down in the face a bouncer yeah when you're talking like like this you already just feel like you're talking to like a little like a little ████ thing like a little pomeranian have she ever picked up have she ever picked you up and suck your dick one handed did you see the video I showed you show me there's one where she picks a guy up and sticks her finger in his in her butthole with one hand and it sucks his dick what can he do about it what can he do wait what can he even do I would love for Tiff to do that who's had who's had
9:15 more more that who's had who's had more walk away blogical moments Gio or [Laughter] Tao probably definitely Gio you've known her longer well cuz I'm not I wasn't as an control in the beginning you know in the beginning itd be like you know dude you know many arguments I've had with Tiff where I'm just like I'm going to murder you if I don't leave this house yeah dude like like I'm going to murder this whole house maybe the first 10 years of the relationship was was crazy like now it's like I got all the system ████ suicide stuff triple homicide I've been doing that bit all the time I'm like this is Nick's bit but triple homicide suicide but you know what I mean we everyone knows what that means it's perfect where you can't choose one or the other oh brother I got
10:06 you know me pillows I got to scream into I'm just well he's also cing the dogs that's the best part most ████ up part he's like I'll drown the dogs I'll kill I'll kill you I'll K they can't be adopted no they have to die they have to die that's who even goes for the pet fish everything I told T if I have to murder her I'm taking the dogs dude taking the dog dude I'm going to get ants spray and get them too yeah I can't kill my dogs dude can't kill my dog any life in the house drowning is less intense I feel dude I'm killing shut the baby up the ████ fit dude I'm even going to the pet store cuz Hannah's been wanting a beta fish so I'll buy one after and then kill that why doesn't she want an alpha fish or Sigma fish she wants to cook the fish in her life that's a good answer sick that's so fish are hell insecure that's why they got to fight each other yeah I know that I know but they they PFF out big act all
10:58 tough just just this on a funny note the um that video we did about like what's your weirdest plug and we were like hey JK if you guys are have plugs for any interesting things hit us up we got hit up by a lot of people that have really interesting hookups one of them was uh I can hook you up with child protective services no way ████ out of here some nobody wants to be hooked up with child protected service some guy works with CPS and he's like get his number get you hooked up in this department what does that do I don't know I can tell my neighbors in a situation like this oh interesting HOA play M you might be able to get away with a little bit of a baby break shouldn't have messed with me move wait what other what since this is going to 20 anyway what other uh what other things are we getting hooked up with we can do an episode yeah that' be fun that' be fun that's child protect you're the only one that qualifies
// end of tape