0:00 I hate when cops think they did you a favor when they're like let's say they pull you over speeding they're like so I clocked you at 95 put down 92. [Music] this has been going around the interwebs lately but there was a dude in Colorado recently who was arrested for allegedly driving under the influence but police say that he tried to switch places with his dog oh I saw this taking the rap for it did you send that to us I just don't see that situation being like a win-win because even if he switched with his dog it's like what if the cops a dog lover though yep if that was if I was a cop I'd be like that is so cute this is literally I have a sucker for that this is the reason why I don't vote
0:50 because ████ like that's voting so I'm like what's the point who the dog like the the level of intelligence in this world it's not even like the same hey give them some credit though okay because this dude this guy is just trying to be great he's trying to be smart he's trying he's he's making decisions while intoxicating he's gonna oh you know on economic policies are gonna affect me but he's he's plastered though he's not a switch with his dog yeah he's plastered he thought in his head if you're drunk that's a good idea it's gonna be my default setting for any circumstance I'm just gonna switch places with the dog they can't be mad at you can't be mad the dog did it with the gun in the dog's paw yeah exactly this is the dog ate my homework on another level this takes the
1:41 whole like the dog farted like to a whole different level yeah I'll say this since I'm having more dogs in the house it's interesting yeah since I'm a dad blaming um farts on dogs is like it works out the other day my dog took a ████ on my shoe why because he's a ████ ████ ████ not because when you have puppies you have to keep an eye on them at all times right we had leashes on them we're about to take them out I went to go grab like treats so I could bribe them into walking right yeah all right come around this dude is squatting over my shoes oh ████ right into my shoe is your women's shoes no the ones that he shot on were men's wait on the whole or like on the front right on the front like bang that's not as bad no it's a
2:32 little you know from diarrhea well like it's a little mushy I have too many shoes anyway I should throw these out so I threw them they weren't your super rare shoes were they no dude I don't know what the f oh dang good the nogi just finally released so everyone go check that out people commented on that like it was like my ████ ad he's on the super I thought it was your ad no it's it's super rare the shop but loading their new drop there's a gold set right and then what's the other color it was a navy blue yeah navy blue set you can get a full no game how do you feel when people ask ski do ads like that do you say yes automatically honestly I'd I live God Did It Alex did it but like anytime I see you being serious I'm like I just can't help but wonder that you're thinking I'm such a ████ ████ I I hate that video I don't like that video because I'm just like what are we doing dude what is this what's the product
3:23 it's called super rare super rare I'll totally I'll totally buy they're friends with uh we're friends of the gym yeah even when the gym posts like instructionals of you like talking like you could just tell you hate your own voice so we're talking about dogs dude this is just his regular coaching yeah he hates his job like when you're being recorded it's you just sound so over yourself what's up guys my name is Nick Dunn I'm an instructor here at Lionheart Jiu Jitsu Academy and we're gonna show you an x-guard sweep that we've been working for these past couple weeks so you're a spokes model too yeah I didn't know that no not a squirrel yeah what's a spokesman he's just a brand you do good contact piece of bread bro we're talking about the dogs print model stuff too or I've never done print model stuff is that like in magazines yeah yeah
4:13 no he's not naked naked print models you do runway for like a ghee thing if I could like move my hips really well no you can't ████ around again I have to be serious yeah then I probably wouldn't do it yeah right what it feels if it's a friend that's like you'll do it but I'd be stomping my feet the whole time [Laughter] yeah I have a bad attitude about it but yeah dogs what about dogs have you guys ever been in a a DUI or a any type of situation yeah what's it like what's it like I wish I wish I had my dog when did you get a DUI oh gosh like 1963 years ago yeah like I'm like like probably like 10 15 years ago probably 15 probably more like 15. when was it like like legit drunk or were you like I
5:05 I don't think I was that drunk I was driving like 30 miles an hour like on the freeway that's pretty drunk and then I was like I was like passing in and out but like at that time oh ████ what the ████ at that casino I was a champion Drinker at that time my body automatically knew like and so I fall asleep and my foot would go off the accelerator so then I would just go Safeguard oh yeah I would just automatically did that so I happened to be on the freeway and then I remember the cop pulled me over and you know I got off the freeway and then I did try to do all the tricks that they do like when they put the flashlight you're supposed to like you know like squint because I guess when you're drunk you don't squint you just look right into that you look right into the device oh that's what happened oh ████ I was like all squinting and stuff and then um he's like he was super cool he was like a really nice guy and uh he he goes like
5:55 you've been drinking I told him and then uh he goes do you know where you are and I go is this like a trick question thing is I had no idea where I was going in a car but his his badge said Orange Police so I go is this like a trick we're in Orange but like so I thought it would like you know but he was just like okay what are you a professional comedian I know seriously so he had me do all the tests and uh you know the crowd work with the cops but you know so I found out later a lot of that because he told me he told me stuff he goes it's for you so you feel so you know that you're drunk but they can tell right off because I've been doing this for 20 years I I know what you're kind of gonna kind of blow and you know we we know like the the pen test is supposed to be the one that really lets them know because when it gets to this part uh when you're drunk it starts your eyes start fluttering and
6:45 you can't control that and you don't even know it's fluttering I didn't know that and then um he was like I said he was cool he put He he didn't tow my car he he reparked it and then he put what he thought were valuables in the glove compartment wow this is super dude that's a really nice car yeah really nice and then I found out later he's that saved me like 300 bucks what a cool guy yeah he was really cool um and then like after went to the police station like did all those paperwork stuff and he goes you want to call you a cab I'm like uh yeah she's supposed to be in like uh the the jail for a night that's so it's up to the cops discretion from what I understand but he just he just basically I signed the thing this is before Uber he goes you want to call you a cab and he goes if you go back to your car and you move it then I'm gonna I'm gonna um put you in like in jail like oh no no I'm just gonna go home and so he's like okay and the next day I woke up got a
7:36 cab to get my car um what a cool car he was really cool so then you went on a date with the cop yeah dude I was 300 no no If he if he had towed my car it would have been 300 that's a pain in the ass with 12 yards if you get if you get a DUI you you're looking to spend an extra probably like 10 to 20 grand depending if you get a lawyer that's what I heard yeah because your insurance goes up your first you get kicked out of your insurance and you get to get this other special kind of insurance and then you can't drive for a year like you can only drive to and from work school doesn't count getting groceries doesn't count good so if you get pulled over during that time you you got to be drunk when you go grocery shopping well it's more fun than that what about you you got a DUI well no I had to I had two I had two uh why are
8:27 you laughing at me that's ████ up dude no way you'll get this lameo he doesn't party I got two uh ecstasy ecstasy associations with driving oh really yeah so one of them this was in high school I was making a delivery uh out to Fullerton from El Monte and then the car that I was driving um the engine just went out on the freeway and I was like oh ████ so you like power steering turns off everything so I'm like on the five you know like we're close to where like Cerritos is like Harmony to exit and I have to pull it all over like this and then I had like a bag of maybe I'm like 50 uh ecstasy pills and I was like oh ████ and even when you're a kid you don't know like what happens I'm like I need a call to get my car towed does that come with like cops was there ████ like police
9:19 report like what the ████ is going on so I just like grabbed the Ziploc bag and I opened it I'm on the side of the freeway just and that's a hell of money yes a couple Grand worth oh my ████ ████ oh my God call the tow truck and they come and they pick me up oh there's accidents this is amazing yeah he tows my car and then I'm like oh so the cops don't come you've been like hey man let's turn around I'll give you some money if you can help me pick up all these parts all the pigeons are all ████ up no way what a waste okay
10:11 and I paid 80 bucks to get towed from like Cerritos area all the way back to El Monte and your suppliers like you did what so there was that would come one of them was um that's something I would for sure do though and the one it was uh I came out of a rave like still like rolling like crazy and then um you know when you're in high school you don't really go to downtown that much there's no reason to right but then I'm trying to drive home at like 4 a.m and then there's all these one-way streets so apparently I was driving on the wrong side of the road and a cop pulled me over and then I was like oh ████ I gotta ████ hide all these like neon pacifiers and ████ and I was still glowing and yeah and then it comes to Justine and he goes uh he's like where are you from they always ask where are you from and I was
11:01 like oh I'm not from around here and then um he was like you know you're driving on the wrong side of the road and I'm like oh I'm so sorry yeah I'm from China that would have been a good game go on that street make the right over here you're back on the right side of the road as he lets him go he talks to his partner he goes they don't know how to drive in China there's a right side that's racist dude but you know what though that's cool because like that is that old joke about like you know if for white people if the cop pulls them over you don't you don't like pretend you do anything wrong you just go like oh hey how do you get to like this one thing and then like sometimes that convinces a cup oh yeah yeah you just kind of go this way and then you just take off too what it's a dumb ass cop bro
11:53 like if we did that no way but like if a white guy did that like oh hey how do you get to like you know Disneyland oh yeah yeah you're in the wrong City you know what I ████ hate I hate when cops think they did you a favor when they're like let's say they pull you over speeding you're like so I clocked you at 95 put down 92. yeah ████ just don't give me the ticket oh you know sometimes that sometimes it is a favor in which like I know there's like a stipulation where if you're is it 25 over or 30 over it becomes reckless driving right oh okay but still but still though but still though just don't give me the chance don't give it to me just don't give it to me you're like nobody goes slower in a construction zone go ████ yourself dude in the far left lane you're one guy gave me a ticket once because I was in the far left lane which is the Speedy ████ yeah yeah yeah yeah and I'm just trying to drive with traffic and he pulls me
12:43 over he's like you passed me I was like but you're in the far right lane what do you want me to do dude I'm in the far left I gotta uphold traffic these are the unwritten rules of the road and he gave me a ticket one time I was driving to LA and a cop pulled me over he goes well what are you doing you're gonna rush I'm like yeah trying to get to L.A hahaha dumbest question are you are you in a rush aren't we all yeah dude like I know sorry my job isn't to just drive around foreign
14:01 they'll put a plastic diaper on you [Music]
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