0:00 I look at Nina, I'm sitting there, you know, we're in the middle of the game. I look at her and I'm like, ████ dude. I'm like inadvertently passing gas. Suddenly Steve out of nowhere, who's sitting across from us, goes, "Man, it smells like s███." Oh, yeah, it did. >> [laughter] >> IT DID. THAT WAS YOU? THAT WAS YOU? I WAS LIKE, IT SMELLS LIKE ████ ████ OKAY, welcome back to Careful Boys. Today we are intensely debating the worst place you could ever ████ your pants. >> Oh. Um I I can tell you by by experience with one of >> No, please. Your graduation. Oh. >> That's pretty bad. >> Yeah. Like when you're doing the walk. Yeah, remember I told you guys I ████ my pants in my eighth grade graduation? I forgot this one. >> I think I think age plays a completely
0:52 different factor in the weight of and severity of the moment, though. I I recently like got refreshed in this memory because I was telling my cousins about it. Cuz um so like basically I'm standing up there in Norwalk Seventh Avenue Church, graduating. As I'm standing at like, you know, when you're all standing at the front of the um like up on on the risers or whatever, I I thought I was going to fart, and then I just total ████ >> Oh. And then everyone [laughter] was like On the stage? >> Yeah. Everyone's like, "What the hell is that?" >> What ████ is that? I'm like, "Yeah, what the ████ is that?" You didn't have a brown spot? You have a gown. You have a ████ So I have a I have a tucked-in dress shirt, and then I have a coat, and then I have the gown. So it's you're not going to know it's me. So then straight after when you walk back out after like the processional, I went straight to the bathroom, and then I was like, "Oh my
1:42 god, my underwear's f█████." I threw it in the trash. So I'm I'm in eighth grade, and then all my cousins are waiting to like say hi to me, but I I so I decided to hide. And then um and then I figured I remembered that um we're supposed to go on like a limo ride with like the class. Like one of our friends in the class has a uncle that drives a limo. So he offered to take the kids for a limo ride. I was like, "Oh my god." So I tried to clean up as much as I could, but I couldn't get rid of my shirt. My tucked-in shirt had ████ all over it. >> Oh, ████ That's I had to keep that on. I couldn't thoroughly clean enough. I went to the limo and then [laughter] I'm I'm the first person to go, "This limo smells like s███." OH. AND THEN YOU EMBARRASSED [laughter] HIS UNCLE? YEAH. YEAH, and then I I blamed ████ Cynthia's uncle. You had to. And I was like, "That guy smells
2:33 like he ████ his pants." >> There are casualties in war, dude. >> nobody ever suspected me. And then so like um It's what you got to do. Yeah, cuz you blamed it on her uncle. All the time they're like, "He's got a smelly uncle, Cynthia." But then like I was chilling Can I get his business card so I can throw it away? >> I was chilling with my with my cousins and then I was telling them like, "Hey, do you remember when you came to my eighth grade graduation?" Cuz they're older than me. And I was like, "Do you remember when I when you went to that graduation?" And they were like, "Not really." And I'm like, "You don't remember that I just never showed up when you guys were all waiting with like balloons and and you know, like out in the front." And she was like, "Oh, yeah." I was like, "I ████ my pants, man." [laughter] And I didn't tell them that until like a year ago. Did you tell the uncle and he's like, "I lost my business. >> [laughter] >> I I I can't work. They They canceled my licenses." I told two of my friends from that class like
3:24 several years later that I I ████ my pants. Hey, [laughter] you want to know what's really dumb? I'm called s█████ limo cuz of you. So So recently So recently [laughter] we we went to watch a Super Bowl at uh Spy Ninjas. All right, so we're sitting there, right? And I swear to god this happened in this exact sequence. I swear to god. No, it's not that bad, but it is bad. It's funny though. Um I look at Nina. I'm sitting there, you know, we're in the middle of the game. I look at her. I'm like, "F███, dude. I'm I'm mad gassy right now. I'm like inadvertently passing gas. So, she's like just cracking up, right? I swear to god in within like 6 seconds, suddenly Steve out of nowhere, who's sitting across from us, goes, "Man, it smells like s███." Oh, yeah, it did. >> [laughter] >> IT DID. THAT WAS YOU? I WAS SITTING RIGHT NEXT TO YOU.
4:15 THAT WAS YOU? I was like, it smells like ████ ████ But the thing that made it really funny is cuz on any given homie situation, I'll look at him and be like, "My bad, I farted, right?" And I was about to go like this. I was like, And then V, who's sitting right next to us, he was like, "Oh, it must be because uh maybe he's like mixing the drinks and I I think sometimes like the ingredients" And she's such a sweet person. She doesn't know. She wouldn't cover for you. I know V. I was like, I'm not close enough with V to immediately be like, "No, I think it's cuz I'm farting." You're like, [laughter] "No, she's my rotten asshole." Dude, and he would have burned you if you told him. He would have told He would [laughter] have announced that ████ I would have let the bartender know. The embarrassment about farting is not a big deal to cuz we're all we're all ████ We've all, you know, we all know how to The thing that made it hilarious is that I had just told Nina this. He comments
5:05 and then Nina goes, I saw her do that. I saw her do that. And I I was I was dying by myself. I was like, "Not my best work." >> Any other situation, I would easily look at Steve and be like, "Yeah, you're smelling my s███." >> [gasps] >> But then the way that it went down was so ████ funny. I just thought in the moment, I was just like, "Well, Nina's my best friend, so she would laugh at what I'm saying." >> [laughter] >> Dude, oh, you know Dude, V is so sweet. She was so fast. >> Dude, that's so nice of her. >> She's already like, "No, I think it's uh the ingredients of the bar s███." Do you think she knew? It's also her business. That's what I'm saying. It was so sweet that I didn't want to be like, "No, I'm just" And aren't you guys all we're all eating, too? So, that's kind of That's what I'm saying. I was trying to eat a burger that tastes like ████ a fart. [laughter] I was like, "What the f███?" There was like pizza and wings. >> It was like crazy. I was like Wait, what
5:56 got you gassy? The pizza and wings? I don't ████ [laughter] know. You know when it just randomly hits you and you're inadvertently farting? It's like somebody says something funny, you're like, "What the" and you're like, It's funny cuz it did go away. Dude. Did you start taking creatine? I I've been drinking You must have been farting in succession a lot. >> I'm just saying. You were letting them rip, huh? >> it literally was like 6 seconds. I just told Nina and then this guy's like, "Man, smells like s███." How did you not laugh? >> Am I not who you expect me to be? She was like, and I was like, But V is so sweet. So, I didn't want to just I didn't want to be like, "Yeah, your ████ bartender is making ████ smell like s███." >> up though. She's V's like, "Yeah, we're not up to code." >> [laughter] >> WHAT IF SHE WAS LIKE, "F███, they found out about the sewer leak." She's like,
6:46 "Yeah, we have massive compliance issues." >> [laughter] >> I was dying. I was like, That's ████ funny. >> You know what's a worse place to to ████ your pants? Or even I wouldn't even say pants, but like when you're if you're in the doctor's office and you're in one of those gowns, that's a bad time to ████ cuz it's going straight down. They expect it. But it flies out of your ass. Yeah, they expect it. That's why they got bedpans under you and ████ >> ████ appropriate place. It's not like Barnes & Noble or like, you know, >> [laughter] >> They look at it like it's medical. You You also want to know like an unexpected like romantic moment that I like honestly evolved in my relationship with Nina. We was this like maybe 2017. We're living in Al Hambra, right? And then I, you know, sometimes as a grown adult, sometimes you think you fart and you shart. And you shart. [snorts] Right? >> Happens a lot. >> So, I had I had this like ████ I
7:36 don't remember the It's like just like a a off >> Underage underage kid. No. It's like a It's like a off-white underage kid. It's a >> [laughter] >> It's like some off-white like shorts, right? These like Stussy shorts or whatever. And then I I was thinking I was fine. I sharted in them. Nice. But again, to my fault as like a very terrible regular human being in a proper society, you should probably wash it right away. But I was like, "Oh, s███." And then I tried like wipe stuff off and then put in laundry cuz it's like these Stussy shorts are kind of pricey, you know? I'm like Thank god. >> I want to just clean it and then blah blah blah. I'm not Today's no laundry day. You know when you're an irresponsible adult? You're like, "It's not laundry day." So you just put it And then [snorts] you know, I go off and I do whatever I got to do and then she's being a great person. She's doing the laundry. And then I remember I come home and then she pulls these things out and then she pulls the shorts out and
8:28 immediately I already I start sweating immediately cuz I already know. This is the early part of our relationship. We maybe have been together for like two plus years. >> Yeah. And she's like, "Wait, what is this?" And in the same in the same spy ninja fashion, before I had a chance to be like, "Oh, dude, this is what makes me secure about myself. That was me. I sharted in it." She was like, "Did you shart in this?" I love that, dude. She's great. Wow. >> I was so caught. I was like, "Yeah." But she'd never seen that side of me. And she like Man, you >> laughs it off. She laughs it off and then like like finishes putting it in like the wash. She's laughing. That's amazing. >> And I swear to god it was one of the most romantic things that involved >> That's one of the early signs that I was like, "Who ████ with this idiot that loves me for
9:18 this?" >> cuz you're you're also hella good looking, so you can get away with that ████ But then she goes to her girlfriends and she's like, "I think I'm a lesbian." >> [laughter] >> Think I'm actually a lesbian. Oh. Okay, debating intensely debating the worst place you could ever ████ First date. >> Bart. Yeah, first date's really good. First date's really good. >> ████ not only sharting, but then leaving her in the forest. Cuz you're Cuz you got to go take a ████ so you leave her. Like you go hiking, and then you leave her in the forest. >> date on a hike, you mean? >> Yeah. You just leave her in the forest, you drive off. >> I think forest is easier to leave her to go take a ████ than like regular >> hiking in the forest is a pretty bad first date idea. Especially if you have the s████. Or shart shart Is it what ████ yourself? ████ yourself? Yeah. On a airplane. Yeah, that's really That's real bad. But don't you have your luggage, Bart? Isn't
10:08 that kind of a lazy answer, Bart? You have your luggage right over Well, if you're doing international, and you're like flying for 13 hours >> People got to be sitting next to you. >> Yeah. Or how about Or how about you're at home, and then you have ████ on your shoulder in the showers and stuff, and you're just like putting ████ in your hair. >> heard anybody do that. Yeah, I never heard anybody do that. I would say a buddy's wedding. It's pretty bad, cuz How about like at those powerlifting meets? Does anyone ████ themselves? Oh, they got to lift, huh? A lot of chicks pee themselves. Oh, but no one s████. That's actually crazy. Yeah, a lot of chicks actually do. Ever seen a guy ████ Okay, I'm not trying I'm not trying to be weird about it. Is that like super accepted? Like when when like a chick like pisses herself from crazy lifting, is everybody like, "Oh, I get that." The The athletes get it, but then the family members that came to support ARE LIKE, "OH." >> [laughter] >> LIKE KIDS LIKE THE KIDS THAT ARE THERE. THEY'RE LIKE, "OH, what the Ew, Mommy." Like that. But the athletes get it, cuz
10:58 they're Mommy, she needs a diaper. [laughter] I heard chicks on trampolines always pee, cuz it's accidental. >> What? >> Gravity pulling that ████ out of there. Yeah. No, gravity's pulling the ████ out of that out of them flaps. I [laughter] will say when you know I was super pregnant, she get She get mad at me if I made her laugh. Oh, yeah, cuz she's peeing herself? No, she literally would pee herself. >> And she'd be like, "F███, I have to change my pants." When you were doing the marathon, did you see a lot of people ████ and piss themselves? I heard it's pretty common. No, I didn't see that. I was too locked in. >> That's people trying to like break record, though. Like they're willing to break >> and record. I think I think in the area of the race that I was running, there wasn't people that desperate to win. My grandma used to piss herself if she laughed too hard. It's kind of hot. >> [laughter] >> It was super hot. Made me hard. ████ yourself
11:48 >> [snorts] >> during uh court. >> [laughter] >> As a juror. As a juror? Or you're trying Or as a judge. As a stenographer. [laughter] You're trying to prove your innocence and you just ████ yourself. >> [snorts] >> Can the witness come up? >> I would like to represent my Oh god damn, HANG ON. >> [laughter] >> AND THEN LIKE AND THE JUDGE IS LIKE, "THAT'S WHY YOU SHOULDN'T REPRESENT YOURSELF, BOY." >> [laughter] >> That boy don't ████ himself again. It's a Mississippi burning courtroom. That boy don't ████ himself if he can't hold down the Mississippi cooking. >> [laughter] >> Well, one of one of my favorite uh situations ████ yourself story. Not when they ████ them Not when they ████ themselves. But when ████ happen, was remember uh that one dude that tried to steal our camera and then as we're interrogating
12:38 him, a bird ████ on him. I was like, "Dude, that doesn't beat this." >> It's like Mike Pence with the fly on the head. It's like, "Yeah." There was a skit that uh Bart did. It was called Mission Impoopsible. Where during a mission, he had bubble guts. I think that's probably one of the worst times to flood it. You're trying to do an assassination, some spy ████ Oh, and then you got to push Missions a good answer. Or if you ████ yourself in a public pool. That's really bad. That's a But you can cover that up a little bit. >> How? I think it Well, it depends if it's a log or not. >> Doesn't it just start turning cloudy brown right away? If it's a log, Oh, if it's intact? Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's fine. >> Then some kid thinks it's a diving stick. That was a diving stick. What is that even? Oh, isn't it It would be pretty embarrassing if you got caught in one of those WorldStar fight moments and someone knocked you out and you ████ yourself. And some And then they're just
13:29 like filming you. Oh, dude. And you were the aggressor. Like >> And you're the aggressor. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Dude, that's the thing. When I was at the Fabric War Room gym, nailed it. When that guy I was rolling with that guy, he like made me fart like hard. Oh, the jiu-jitsu guy? Yeah. He's like squeezing the ████ out of you? Squeezing the ████ out of you and you're like And I'm just like, "Oh, thank god I didn't ████ That would have been terrible." But then I'm like, if I did ████ kind of would have been sick video. Cuz he's big as ████ too. >> Yeah, he's massive. >> There's there's a moment when we were on ABDC, like me and Anthony. There was this one thing I had to do where we did this move where like I pantsed myself. So, I'm like in pink underwear as a joke. And I do like this one backflip move and I swear to god when I landed, I believed with all my heart that I had ████ Whoa. I thought I ████ cuz I
14:19 farted really hard when I landed. >> Thought you felt something wet? No, I farted so ████ hard that I I remember landing and this is like recording on TV and everything. Right when I landed, I was like In my mind I'm like, "I just ████ myself on TV." I was like >> On NBC, brother. >> With pink underwear on. And I just I You guys ████ yourself and win that show. That's how gangster you are. >> No, I I mean I didn't, but like I just That was That had to be the record for the biggest fart with no ████ coming out because I it fart I farted so ████ hard when I landed. Yeah, I think [laughter] being a the record. I would have bet my life I had ████ Farted so hard. >> Yeah, it was hard and I could smell it when we got up to look to camera. >> Oh, wow. It was so bad. >> bad moment. >> Yeah. And there's a stink everywhere. Yeah, and I just was like, "Oh my god, I just hope" I was I just hoping that it didn't show cuz I I just I was so convinced I ████ And then right when we
15:09 got back, I just pulled my underwear down and looked. Ah, that's dangerous. >> ████ Any There any time you're a performer and all eyes on you, but I think like you know when you're doing circ ████ and you're doing acrobatics, imagine a ████ flying out while someone's like on the top of the Speeding on a ring. >> [laughter] >> AND YOU'RE LIKE WOAH AND THEN THE ████ just Yeah. You're doing zoom manity and Hits a kid in the crowd. >> Yeah. That's pretty bad. >> Yeah, imagine that but Kane, you're not going to get us this time. No, that's right Kane. We're on our ████ >> [laughter]
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