0:00 [Music] so imagine you're on a plane oh from Hong Kong to New York oh and an's taking that that's a long flight long flight Hong Kong to New York is it yeah Hong New York is 16 hours I didn't know that that was possible so um 3 minutes 3 minutes into the 16 hour flight the bathroom door broke off its hinges oh ████ the ████ yeah so while someone's taking a ████ while someone's taking a fat ████ Green Dump while they're taking a ████ ████ boy Green Dump that dump wasn't fully developed and ████ yeah dud the guy's in there ████ he's got his legs against the thing he needs leverage dude to get that yeah ████ the turret is on his ████ going no get down yeah dude he's got his hands
0:52 against the wall he's got his legs up puts on the sink that's all he can do dude he's tring to get that ████ out of there so then breaks clean off its hinges right and then the flight this flight attendant has to for the rest of the flight hold the ████ door against like yeah as others people ████ the J yeah dude is that protocol there's hundreds of people that need to use it too it's probably 200 there's only one door bath and I'll tell you why that's maybe there's one B I don't know there this one 16 hours but I mean the bathrooms are for the sections so the first class people probably fine they got like five people that share one bathroom got like 200 probably to share one like two bathrooms and they probably have War smelling ████ oh yeah you know an economy yeah yeah yeah I was I was on
1:43 an international flight maybe a couple months ago that for some reason the piping on one side of the plane uh went down in some way so none of the bathrooms on one side could work oh my God so every ████ bathroom had a line that was you always had to wait like 30 minutes to use oh my God what a nightmare with these boing planes I just ████ pissed in a water bottle brother was anybody like hey dude I got to go ████ diarrhea dude I'm going to go in my pants if you don't want to go no no they're all speaking Chinese dude I'd say you got to sit in your ████ I've been the only time I ever Big Boy the only time I ever de with something like that was like in a greyhound I went in a Greyhound to from Arizona to here worst experience of my life and it's ████ it was like 30 bucks some guy just oh yeah sick ass ████ savings uh and this guy just took a dumb dude and it just he could just smell it everywhere
2:33 oh God and it was like I'm like what the ████ dude did he come out of there and go man somebody took a real dump in that dude it wasn't me I just peed I peed I was washing my hands piss the ████ down yeah it was like the scary homeless guy that wouldn't know what he is like a walk card so he had a backpack on he looked like he showered in there and everything his hair was wet just shut down dump and ████ showered in a toilet just sweaty but I bet he felt inner peace yeah and we're all like dude what the ████ dude you think he smeared Kaka on himself o That's yeah that's a possible one ████ wrote on the wall sorry with this ████ ████ finger and ████ but also I don't feel bad for these flight attendants cuz they do nothing they do nothing okay okay
3:25 chilling they're out there ████ they're playing ████ it's time to serve coffee ████ okay it's like what the ████ they're there ████ playing grab ass over there and what are you going to do when you get to Paris oh that's cool I'm going to take a trip you want you want go back there try to take a ████ piss you're just like hey can I use your and you're just like yeah go ahead I'm give five the just like oh sorry I thought you were doing something here I thought you were ████ working ████ you're the guy who asked if you can if you can go pee yes I ask for you're can I get up now can I get up when you gr up when you grew up with immigrant parents we have to ask for everything CU they don't know what they can have and they cannot have in this country I'm I just take what I want I'm a white is it okay if I eat the food okay thank you cuz look white people are always complaining there's laws to be made you cannot eat here ████ godamn I walk by I go it's a ████ America
4:15 I'm going to the I'm going to take a ████ see that's that white energy I need you know who the ████ I have ████ rights right that's a good line to have though yeah yeah dude so uh I don't feel bad for them yeah hold the ████ door for 16 hours is cool you you work for one job gave her a job yeah dude come on man they playing ████ Drop The Angry Birds down put it down just hold the door player playing Angry Birds or playing Beed or something you can still one hand that though you see if if it was a white person yeah if it's a white PL T they make it hard just like we got to ████ stand like this ████ black dude just lean on that ████ you know I'm saying so where you going this ████ oh you ████ with these Chinese what's up yeah I feel you that's a good black guy when we land you know if you down we can
5:06 you know we can ████ yeah let's link up let's link yeah I'm tell about yeah cool that's what's up that's what's up yo someone took a ████ here I didn't take a ████ some guy took a ████ earlier damn that's crazy do the pilots ████ in the same ones we do or do they have their own bathroom I seen no I seen them come out and they take a ████ they take the little hat off oh ████ pilot you you haven't seen you taking a ████ I seen the over there what are you doing who all the dude I didn't realize that there was like two there's always like a co-pilot I didn't know that I swear to God I didn't know that and then ████ one time we were flying I was like I look I'm like what the ████ I just see a pilot just open the door just like all right he's like yeah and then goes in there the whole the whole ████ the whole five minutes he was in there I was like what the ████ who's flying this ████ flying ████ I
5:57 thought the sist was just like yeah go in there you know most of the time it's on autopilot right I know dude but you know I'm dumb you notice that after 911 now every time they have to ████ they ████ block it with a drink cart oh really why not yeah so like they the oh they block the cockpit yeah the uh the the flight attendant will come out with a ████ drink cart and then they would like block that entry way and then the pilot would come out go to the bathroom oh so it's like security for the pilot you can't compromise thing that's crazy imagine the hijackers the drink carts away Ginger Ginger I am thirsty throws them off I saw Karen touch the cockpit door cuz she was ████ pissed because we had been on the tarmac forever she just touched the cockp pick door that's all she did
6:48 they dragged her off the plane charged her 15 grand and they made sure we all knew it like as a way to like hey don't ever ████ do that oh wow everyone stood up don't ████ with the pilots man yeah leave the ████ Pilots alone guy yeah dude what the ████ dude the plane hadn't even started to take off or nothing that's crazy so she wanted to do it excuse me I know they hate when I go on flights I know they hate me I have the most difficult order when I'm up there what do you order how you can I get a smoothie I've never ordered you get when you get free drinks dude I want something else what do you order can I get adios or they throw pret bag in my face you're like can I get a Coke Zero with two ice cub also orange juice on the side you want you want some Luc I'm very it's like it's it's OCD do you have any
7:38 uh something might happen can I get it's got to be this way it's the only way I do it the only way do you don't want the ice to touch the bottom of the glass no I wish it was that simple man but it's not it's a it's a poor man's shamp uh it's a poor man's Mimosa okay it's Sparkle water okay right cup of ice mhm and some orange juice that's nice the orange juice can't you can't put ice on the orange juice cup why cuz I don't like it like that oh cuz it dilutes it it dilutes it I don't want to dilute it very simple I tell them but it's hard I'm in the window all the time so I'm like here's all right here's what I want I want orange juice in a cup and then my Sparkle water but do not and get a cup of ice but do not put ice on the orange juice and she's just like what the so you need three cups yeah three cups three cups oh yeah three cups I see why
8:28 they hate you they ████ hate me and I get it and I hate myself when I'm saying it but it's like the OCD I'm sorry it's not me it's the guy up here it's not me behind you who's waiting for his drink hat you too for and it's not me dude I promise you it's not me it's this guy in here going yeah that's all we need dude I'm ████ freaking out here and I'm like he needs to calm down and I need this to be like this and then I can just relax so ████ I I got you dude I got you right hey I'm going to make you UNH hatable all right tell me you first go oh can I get a sparkly water oh do you have orange juice too can I get orange juice but no ice oh can I get an extra cup thank you not bad I still hate you but it's less or what about this this gu ████ save me what about this what about this there's zero alcohol in the Drinker making yeah don't call him Osa ever again it's a poor man's
9:18 M come on poor men don't have sparkling water poor hey that's a rich guy drink that's ████ Poor Man's Mimosa sparkling water for rich people it has perryer you can say middle class Mimosa middle class mimos hey why don't you buy a why don't you should buy a $7 sparkling water before you get on the plane and then just ask for orange juice and Ice bring cups and C your own cups cup can you fill this up with the ice please that's so much prep is there something that you guys do that's like you know people hate a little pet peeve that hon if I'm traveling I keep things tight and simple so usually I bring my own bottle of water that I bought for ████ $13 and I don't even bug the ████ flight tend for anything really I feel bad when they ask me for if they ask what I want and I go can I just get a like a a Sprite I feel bad asking for that
10:10 yeah why do they go I envy you know who I you know who I envy I cuz I'm always like nervous I'm always on edge I'm always just alert I'm always looking at ████ he looking at you know and they're looking at me what the ████ is he staring at so we're just having a little staring contest but you know what I hate I I envy the guy who gets in the plane and just throws a hoodie on that's me I can't do that I try to leave the smallest footprint so I pee before I get on the plane okay when I sit down I already take out what I need from the back so I'm not the guy that's like whatever whatever I need to take out I take out already and then boom I'm invisible you're chilling for the rest of the flight and then I wait till after so do you get do you get annoyed if like if your girl's not like that if your girls like little no I just don't like to be that person to other people I was
11:00 on the flight and this Mexican dude was on his phone on Tik Tok volume all the way oh yeah they be doing that and I think all you guys that I can't stand that ████ wor ████ I kept on giving him looks like hello dude I was on a wasn't he didn't even notice didn't care me my dad took a a train to like Arizona he's never been on the train and I was like dude we can just sleep and I had my headphones on everybody kept staring at us and I'm like why is every staring at us I took them up and my dad full blast watching like YouTube video just like news from Mexico which by the way guy you're in United States let that be Mexico but he's just like just like Dad what are you doing like people were trying to ████ sleep and you were here watching news from Mexico it's like loud as ████ too it's very
11:50 dramatic that's what it sounded like on the guy's phone yeah I was behind this there was Asian ladies behind me on a long flight and she had like peaceful like ukulele music playing the whole time ukulele it was playing like peacefully and loud it wasn't that bad I don't mind that yeah I didn't mind it yeah that's nice peace I say Nice N Out of 10 times China China number one but Chinese people on planes I I never want to get into fights like I do on ████ airplanes why do they do it for real dude the just one it's like the second you get on the ████ reclines going in right the second you try and get like before they even ████ do the fasten your seat Bel ████ they're already on the TAC the plane's still moving everybody's getting up trying to get it line and stuff old people are ████ picking their boogers and throwing them on you people who stand up and run to the front of the
12:41 ████ plane are the worst unless you got a connected flight you're a piece of ████ exactly and it's crazy too and and then even when you get up to like it's like your turn because like people started moving through people are they're still trying to like keep going as if like you don't exist you got to shoulder check them dude you got got box them out I'll be doing that to like l old ladies that's the game they're all playing they're so they did it to you into themselves and like so like uh I got to survive one time I saw like this older Uncle looking dude trying to put his baggage into the top thing I was oh ████ he needs help when I went to go help him he thought I was stealing it no no no no no I was like no I'm helping you you were like yeah but I think I think they're so used to their own program that I was like oh ████ he need tell no no no no no no and I'm like what the ████ it's a guy it's like it's like guy where am I going to go yeah where
13:32 will I go where am I going to go dude over you saw my face ████ am I going to go God damn dude that's ████ crazy I'm trying to help you so funny when I'm traveling with like Nina or something like that on these types of planes I literally have to like shove my body out to stop the line and I willingly go it's our turn I say that ████ the way that they're working is so going say that yeah that you have to be equally obnoxious to get the ████ point they also don't take it personally if you're like like it's our turn like okay no they they're like they're like but it's not like anger yeah yeah they don't take they just go oh like what's wrong with that guy even though the the ones that started it
// end of tape