0:00 for her. I just think actually I don't think about it. I don't think Tiff is that suffer at all. >> Welcome back to another episode of Bar from the Heart, where we take some hard-hitting questions and we answer them solo for each episode. Today, we're going to talk to Mr. Nick Dunn and we are going to ask him if you can only pass one lesson to your child or future children, what would that lesson be and why were you taught that lesson or did you learn it yourself? One lesson just one if you can only pick one. >> The most valuable. >> Yeah, the most valuable. Exactly. >> That's really I think about this a lot actually. I think about like what I'm going to pass on to my future child if I
0:50 do have one. >> If you could pick one that will guarantee transfer, like which one is that? [snorts] >> That's really hard. >> I I asked Taika this question. >> What did he say? >> You know what he said? >> I if you can only pass on one lesson to your son, >> what would it be? >> He said math. [laughter] >> That's the most Chinese ████ I've ever heard. >> M That's not bad. >> That's already in both of your aptitudes. I thought it was like some going to be some deep thing or so maybe something I taught him. He's like math and I start thought about I was like that's a pretty important lesson actually. [laughter] >> This is a really good question. >> That's really tough. >> Yeah man. >> So I guess essentially would be like what's like the one code or one thing that you live by or you feel like has benefited you the most that you want your kids to also like live by that? >> That's really hard because I feel like
1:40 no sex till marriage. >> Nah, that's whack, dude. That's ████ whack. Honestly, try to have sex before marriage for sure. [laughter] I think it has to come to something with uh about trying to achieve some sort of self-awareness as early as possible. >> Oh, that's actually really good. >> Cuz I feel like whenever you think about all the things that you need to fix in your life or the things that you need to change in your life, it all comes back to how self-aware you are. >> Damn, dude. That was a good answer. >> Really good. >> No, I I don't know. That's probably going to be I'm going to think about this later and be like that was a ████ dumb answer. >> No, dude. >> Should have said math. [laughter] >> She said geometry. More spec >> self-awareness is that's a sick ass answer. >> Just trying to achie but but it's hard because it's like I think about this too. It's like if you had to reverse engineer it like how you would try to do it. I think for me growing up um
2:33 and I'm not saying I'm the most self-aware person. I'm >> Yeah. No, you're pretty self-aware, bro. >> I'm not. I'm trying. >> She's self-conscious. I feel like I try to be Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But that's that's the the double-sided ████ coin though, right? It's like, >> yeah, >> it's two sides of the same coin. You're always trying to find that balance of being self-aware and like, is my reality correct about how I'm looking at this or am I being overly critical? And I think for me, I'm usually very overly critical about things I do. >> Yeah. Well, you're you It's true though. I think out of all of us here, you are the most self-aware. >> You think so? >> Yeah. The guy that asks, "Is this good content?" Yeah. He's self-aware. [laughter] >> Oh god, I can't believe that's my catchphrase, dude. That wasn't self-aware. >> So like I guess like going to the side, like how did you personally learn that trait? Like how did you catch on to being self-aware? Because that's
3:23 >> I think so me growing up I think it was a product of me always getting yelled at and always getting in trouble. And for a while my identity was oh I can't do anything right. Like for a while really >> you're just a screw-up. Yeah. Yeah, I just anytime I try something I ████ it up. I ████ it up. And um I think I learned very well not actually not very quickly at all. It took me a while to understand that like um not even until like my 20s or 30s like I was so worried about trying to do everything perfect that um sometimes it would stop me from doing things or I would just worry about the wrong things. And then you realize that like you have to kind of fail and put yourself out there to really understand that like it's it's part of the process and not like uh a negative
4:13 outcome, you know? And I feel like for me, I'm so worried about outcomes all the time that it would stop me from uh from moving forward or just being afraid or like living in like this like but [laughter] after a while you realize that sometimes when you just get and I've been lucky in my life that I've been thrown into situations where it's like sink or swim. You just have to make it work and then you realize like I'm over here worried about nothing like I'm worried about the wrong things, you know? But when it comes to like self-awareness, I just feel like uh I was always worried. I was like overthinking any little thing I would do. Like any little interaction, whether I go to the store or when I'm by myself, I'm overthinking. Overthinking. Overthinking. >> How'd you learn to laugh at yourself though? Cuz I think that's a big key to being self-aware. >> Cuz you get made fun of a lot and you realize that one way out is you just
5:05 either >> join them. enjoy it [laughter] and they go, "Oh, that's not that fun." Actually, >> uh, I don't know, man. I just feel like I just never took myself that seriously. >> You never did. >> I did. I did. I did. I wanted to be >> fighting days, right? >> When I was in like elementary, middle school, I wanted to be like ████ Bruce Lee. I was like, I want to be stoic like this dude. A killer where no one ████ you know, gets >> like everyone looks at me and they go like, "Oh, that guy's scary." But that was not in my cards. You know what I mean? >> How How old were you when you had a self-deprecation that you were aware of? Cuz I think that's something a lot of kids don't >> I think it wasn't until I got to like high school. >> Oh, okay. >> That's pretty young, too. >> That is young. Yeah. >> Like in high school, I still thought I was too cool for >> It'd be too risky to be self-deprecating. >> But it was it was a balance, though. But I learned that like when I would lead
5:56 with maybe a little bit of humor or I would joke around. >> Where'd you learn that from though? Like how did you even figure that out? That's advanced. I think it was just based on people's reactions and how they would react to me versus when I would be very like cold and like like to myself, you realize like nobody wants to be around that. Like it's not really like you kind of you you kind of scare people off a little bit >> and that's and maybe if that's what you want, you go with it. >> So that was your way of making people comfortable socially with >> Yeah. So, I realized that like me cracking jokes or ████ you know, >> making fun of yourself and making fun of the other person when they're making fun of you, like it's a fun little exchange and banter [clears throat] and you realize like, oh, this is actually kind of fun. Like, this is and and it was just more like that, just how we could laugh in this conversation. And then when we laugh, it's like, all right,
6:46 good vibes. Like, we're cool. We can move forward. Um, and I and I learned that like, oh, okay, if I'm more open and not so closed off that you can make friends with people and then you could have conversations with people. And I think for me, that's what I kind of learned was my way of like making friends, you know, and I think that was a big part of it, too. Um, I don't think I'm actually that self-aware [laughter] now that I'm thinking about this. I think there's room to be made. I wonder what the actual age is in development that someone can start doing that because you know like toddlers they're just reacting to the world and they don't really have a concept of self yet. So like at what age is the earliest age I wonder that someone can be taught that this is something that you can
7:37 self-reflect and then be aware of. >> Yeah. Even like like when it structurally forms or something. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. Cuz you can't even do it unless that part of your brain developed. >> Yeah. And for guys, I think our preffrontal cortex isn't even ████ developed until we're like 30 or some ████ >> That's what amazes me about child actors. >> Like, are they self-aware or are they just portraying self-awareness? >> I don't think they're that self-aware. >> I think they're repeating >> actors. I don't think a lot of actors are selfaware. >> When you watch their interviews, though, like Okay. I've been >> Is that media training though? >> Might be. Yeah. >> Like, you know, like um what is the guy like, have you guys been watching Knights of the Seven Kingdom or whatever? >> No, I heard it's good. But that little kid, Aegon or Egg in his interviews, he's like, "Oh, I was just, you know, I was just thinking about what make people laugh and and you're just like, wow, >> that's crazy." Like I'm like, "How?" >> That's a kid that hangs out with a lot of adults, maybe. >> Probably. He's also a kid you probably
8:28 want to sock in the face, but you're like, "Damn, this kid is self-aware, though. Like, he knows he's acting where he pulls inspiration from. That helps him dictate his acting choices in the scene. He has a good grasp of like where the Game of Thrones story is going, supposed to go, where he fits into it. That's a deep ████ story, dude. I'm like, damn. So, for like this would be the hardest part to answer, I think, knowing that you do have this trait of being self-aware. How does that translate into being a teachable trait? >> No, that's that's the hard part. I think >> that's a really cuz for me I think it was a product of like just how I grew up and like my >> So you got to simulate things around your son. >> Yeah. And it was like my mom would always be so like hyperfocused and hyper critical on like me being considerate for other people.
9:18 >> Oh, okay. >> So like it'd always be like like for instance we'd be standing I'll be like in the grocery house. She's like why are you standing in the walkway? Like get out of this way. you see people coming in like just ████ like that where you're like, "Oh, f███." And I realized in my life, especially my early years, I was like hyper considerate, >> like too considerate of like other people around me. >> And then I would feel resentful when people wouldn't like >> cuz you would think that like, oh, that's the way the world works. And then that isn't isn't shown back on you and you go, what the ████ Like, what are you a savage? What are you born into the ████ in a farm, dude? You know, like just like that's how I would think about things. Yeah. >> Uh, but what was your question? >> Oh, like how old were you when you were overly considerate? >> Dude, like I think >> like a child, huh? >> Yeah, bro. I was like just so worried about like >> it never crossed your mind to being
10:09 like, "Mom, you're wrong." >> No, >> like you stupid. >> Like I I would I would just get mad. I'd be like, "You're ████ ████ [laughter] dude." You know, but like >> Oh, >> but you it was just it kind of made sense after a while. Like it made sense like yeah, you should think about other people. you should be or like the things my like my parents would complain about >> and I would I would see that or like to complain about like my older sisters or something like the behaviors that were like not unruly and I go oh ████ >> you take notes >> like yeah I'm going to make sure I don't do that because I don't want to be seen as this type of person you know and then I would you know I would just hear people just talk ████ all the time and I think I'd always like be like oh I don't want to I don't want them to talk about me like this like and I would just like internalize that and then keep that with me as long as like wherever I went and I would just notice what people would say and how to just make sure I'm like, "Okay, I'm just going to try not to do
10:59 >> Don't be that guy." >> Exactly. Like don't be the piece of ████ that everyone talks about behind their [laughter] back. >> So would you say that like do you think that you have to be towards your son in order to instill that same quality? Would you have to be as hard on him as your mom was on you? Is there is there another way? >> I would like not to be, you know, but that's the dilemma in my head. That's what I think about. >> What are you thinking? >> Yeah. Like I I'm like I'm sure there's a better way to do that. And like if I have a baby with Tiff, she's going to for sure be like, "Hey, like don't be ████ Yeah, relax. Like think about all this s███." >> Telling your baby to get out of the walkway. >> She she tells me she tells me that with with the dogs, dude. You know, like already like cuz you know, you see like little conversations about how she thinks I should, you know, train the dog versus and it's like it's like a sneak peek. It's not obviously having kids, but it's like what you could expect later down the road like cuz we're going
11:50 to have differences in how we think we should handle situation. And for me, it's always like hard work and discipline or whatever the ████ And then she's like, you know, just like peace and love and like you just be kind, you know, like that's how she kind of approaches things. Okay. And in a lot of ways, she kind of got the other side of it with her family and they just approached it from a way of like support and like, you know, obviously that comes with their baggage too, but they're a lot more I guess, >> hey, you could do whatever you can. You could do whatever you put your mind to that. >> Would you say she's self-aware? >> Yeah, I think so. >> How do you think she got that quality in a very different way from how you got it? Right. >> Yeah. But I think it's like the contrasting styles of like parenting, right? And um that's actually a really good question of how to be self-aware. And I think that's something we're all >> tough. Yeah, it's tough, man.
12:40 >> For her, I just think actually I don't think about it. I don't think Tiff is that suffer at all. [laughter] Really? No, she is. >> Does she have brothers? >> She is. No, she's the oldest. >> She's the oldest. >> She's the oldest. So I think >> cuz I feel like parenting style also changes if it's a girl or boy. >> 100%. Yeah, >> that's I think is the why the question is so hard because the dilemma is that we I think all of us >> have examples of developing positive qualities through negative >> things >> but and that's life though >> and I don't know the positive way to create those positive >> I really don't know [laughter] >> we gave you a tough one >> because the negative things that created the positive things also come with like a side serving of trauma >> so you're trying to do what can I how can I do the positive thing so you get the positive thing and then we can ex out the serving of trauma.
13:31 >> Well, maybe I put this question on you. Like if you had to I think if we were to frame it in a way of like if we had explained to our son like how to be considerate of yourself and like of the people around you and how to make sure that you're not being a ████ when you're like acting out like how would you explain that to your kid? I'm in that phase where your mom went to you. >> Like Ta come, he comes in the door. He just ████ just >> like that, right? [laughter] >> And I'm like, >> where is everyone else supposed to put their shoes? How are people going to walk? Oh my god, I'm so sorry. I'm like, so it's cute that he like [laughter] knows, right? But when he comes in the house, sarcastic. >> Yeah. He's just coming in. He's just coming in the house. [laughter] >> He's just me me everywhere. Right. And I'm like, dude, I'm like, you don't just stand there. >> Yeah. >> Right. Right. I'm like, you got to like put your shoes off to the side so you're not tripping everyone.
14:22 >> I think I think for that it is maybe constant. >> That's a funny example. >> Like it it's constant like hey pointing something out like hey if you do this these are the consequences. Like people are going to be like hey this guy doesn't put his shoes away or people think that he's like incons. So, I think maybe it just has to be one of those things where anytime you're in that situation, because I'm thinking about it from like when I was being raised, like it was anytime I did something unruly, they'd point it out immediately like, "Why are you doing that? Don't do that." >> Yeah. I got to constantly point it out >> cuz it's like it's a it's a behavior more than anything, right? So, >> you may have to go outside of your own personality and be a little bit meaner to get these qualities. >> Oh, I'm mean, dude. I'm ████ mean. [laughter] I can be mean. Yeah, sometimes I'm a little too mean with with with kids. Yeah, I'll roll my sleeves up. Dude,
15:12 [laughter] >> we should be like our dads and JUST SAY, "WHAT THE ████ PERFECTION." [laughter] >> Slamming doors. >> Well, thanks for answering that, Nick. That >> I don't think I answered it very well. [laughter] >> Put in the comments below if you think Nick answered that for you. And if not, tell us how he could correct his answers to better suit these uh conversations. This is another episode of Bar from the
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