0:00 [Music] the biggest complaint from new yorkers complaining the three one one go three one one there's a rat is that their four one one what's three one calzone three ones like i have a complaint about something going on oh it's a suggestion box for the city oh like karate rat kung fu kung fu new york rat so i want to tell on people but there's not much there's a stinky sewer around here yeah the cops are gonna hang up so like there's all this trash in the street there's a bum in my apartment again why is the bar was closed yeah i was totally safe so that's what it was so sorrows is a new york institution no it's not that dammit noise complaints what kind of what kind of noise sex sex that's what it is so loud sex is the biggest complaint from new yorkers complaining to three one one so the city that never sleeps am i right
0:51 hey give me five right now please thank you i demand it all right so new york city's non-emergency hotline has been inundated with complaints that from callers who are not fans of quote loud sex more than 270 sex related complaints were called into 3-1-1 with reports of everything from backyard orgies massive sex parties sounds of loud quote ruth laughing sex that kind of stuff sex that's happening ruthlessly in the middle of the afternoon and what one person described as grunts from a sexual tyrannosaurus i mean read it am i making this up sexual trauma holy ████ you know that was a storyline in sex in the city remember when we were visiting our friend at the brewery we were walking around and there was like that couple
1:42 ████ in a container home explain so at the brewery at the brewery which is an artist colony in here downtown l.a and the back part of it there's like these container home looking things they're really artsy oh i know which one you're talking about i remember us like walking in the back and you just showing us like how cool that is and they just hear we're like oh it's really cool here it's pretty cool this place is cool it is an artist colony a lot of art being made so one complaint was listen i'm a christian woman please help this girl stop having loud sex before god does no there's not even me another one christians have some of the loudest sex though oh bro so much repression it's no more it's not sinful anymore when they're married so they're like finally unleashing unleash the beast dude the mirens do that too the mermans that's why they get so many children do
2:33 they just get sex calls all the time because they just live on top of each other so just everyone is just maybe the buildings are so old the walls are just mad things dude dudes don't get any nights off bro they're just ████ confident they're drained huh valentine's day those guys have heart attacks and die most of the time that's an observed mormon holiday yeah yeah it's the most deaths on how did they make their rounds you gotta lock those ████ up do the girls fight over who gets first yeah there's a pecking order probably yeah there's a pregnancy do they all get along too they all know i don't know but they act like this you gotta watch the reality tv shows of mermaids we watch them the mermaids are ████ fascinating yeah everyone goes ooh i'd have five wives yeah and i'm like no you don't want that i thought that wasn't legal anymore in utah it is because all the sounds all of you taught the entire state yeah holy ████ weird especially if you're ████ in the caves which is where some of these people live
3:23 yeah they have sick homes so orgy going on in the backyard boobs and penises being flashed in the street that was another call 3-1-1 i thought wow bear boobs are legal in new york city only at certain temperatures that's why they call it 3-1-1 just kidding i don't know yeah it's a complaint hotline nobody really can do anything so what happens when you go through who responds just like who shows up uh underpaid people the old rock band 311 wow that's the ringtone hello energy the most common complaint is the volume at which many of their neighbors are having sex one brooklyn resident told 31 that the loudness kept him up and he lost his job due to over sleeping while a person in in queens said their
4:14 neighbor was quote shouting loudly that he is a sexual tyrannosaurus i'm a sexual tyrannosaurus you don't get any better of a response by saying it's sex noises right if something's just a loud noise yeah it does a priority go up if you can say a specific type of noise like there's gunshots or something or maybe they know that it's an individual now like oh it's personal room 13 versus gunshots could be anywhere around the vicinity maybe so they go like hopefully send someone to room 13 album then wouldn't you also think that like it's like oh it's like this person's having crazy sex noises maybe by the time somebody actually goes out there to investigate it's like the sex is done i feel like that's like that's almost not as bad like when you say it's sex and the ████ mystery solved the cops gonna take their time or whoever comes here because just people ████ just give it a minute or two but if you're like i don't know what's going on up there like when i when i lived in
5:05 little toga i lived underneath this asian couple and i swear to god one night he was beating the ████ out of her oh and she was like screaming for her life and you can just hear him pounding her and i was like my whole floor was getting out of their units and they were like do you think that's what it sounds like and then everybody called the cops and ████ and they took their ████ sweet time you know by the time um they got over there he opened the door and just said no it's fine and then the cops were like okay later really didn't go let's see the ladies 100 exactly but i am directly below him and i could hear her every word and everything has happened i'm like dude no he was beating the ████ out of her the cops like no he said it's fine so it's fine dude my friend holy ████ man she she lives her and her boyfriend live in burbank and they heard like screaming like a girl like screaming for ████
5:56 bloody murder she grabs a baseball bat her and her boyfriend they run up to her room and they're knocking into her hello hello are you okay fine they come to find out that she was filming a self tape the audition yeah and then and then she posted this video and it went like viral on tick tock that's insane and she was like oh my god i thought you were going to ████ die bro like keep it down wow and it became viral that was crazy i did not sleep well last night because i'm staying at a hotel because i'm hanging out with you guys because i live in vegas now i appreciate you and i'm not kidding but through the walls i heard uh and that guy is a sexual ████ he's like i'm a tyrannosaurus sex that's what you sound like i wish wow i'm very quiet you got you guys like to talk loud during sex like do you like that it's good yeah it's good huh it's good you want to feel
6:47 that yeah i like answering the question i like i like asking the question no you like asking rhetorical questions if a tree falls in the woods is that what you like i like it who's the ████ is this one who's yours yeah it's mine i don't wait for the yours oh you just say yourself it's my ████ joe's like joe's like say my name jill i said it first ████ yeah i'm not a big uh talker during love not a lot of dialogue huh what are you what are you are you a big breather what do you do you cry i'm a mouth breather so i go and i have to drink water in between ████ with the camel back on do you talk about that you talk about nutrition
7:37 [Laughter] or you count the reps and sets yeah yeah yeah take a break time time more set hold on two minutes burning so many calories right now i'm gonna end up at a deficit but no just give me five more minutes girl today is a ████ endurance day we doing five by five that's right let's get ready now let's get ready now i have a stop watch around my wrist push through yeah that's never happened to you by accident no no ████ got a ████ janet jackson mic and ████ where the headphones go and one and two and three if i saw nick in one of those peloton commercials where he's like biking in a desert i'd ████ love life i don't think i could ever do that type of ████ really why like peloton that's all right guys let's go come on like nah i'm not i'm not really interested that sounded really good that's your natural voice dude no dude yeah have you seen me teach a class that's exactly what you sound like i talk like you guys all right
8:27 warm-ups everybody all right guys let's go since you have so much like martial arts habits like in your body by that accident have you ever countered like a passionate movement with an attack sometimes well not like that but i think sometimes tiff is like she's like suck man she likes to like grab me sometimes and like tickle me and ████ but i do get really worried that i might like flinch and there's been times where i have like yo with the f and it was and i'm like sorry you ████ knock her off the ████ couch dude uh no but i have to restrain her sometimes because i'm like yo because i'm really ticklish i get really ticklish to the point where i'm like i will ████ you got natural jujitsu like you would like underhook and ████ yeah bro i tell her that all the time like can you tickle him with is also mostly naked right now yeah i'm
9:18 dude i keep getting hot and then cold if only your past opponents knew that was your weakness back when you were doing tournaments and ████ but they all knocked him out anyways and then tickled his cold body hey this guy's not ticklish he's also not breathing i still might laugh a little bit down there [Music] [Applause] [Music] you
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