0:00 [Music] welcome back to another episode of careful boys ryan may back in the seat over here what's up i have to say anthony thank you so ████ much right now because that right there that is like child gold [Laughter] that sounds funny i could do it i could do without the wrap on the outside yeah saying what else would you have like the machine i think you want a jabbawockee mask i just put a trash bag over frankly yeah or maybe like some non-shim noodles or something that appreciates nothing she really just went out the door immediately like it's like gratitude gone we were just uh playing that ████ and i just couldn't stop myself from like smiling in the sounds and like everything that we were playing we played double dragon ████ ninja turtle street fighter and some lame ass
0:51 bowling game that they pulled out dude when i showed up you guys were playing turtles in time which is like dude i got that game for my birthday when i was like i don't know a seven-year-old kid lucky ass ████ that's a nice birthday i'll never forget right like my my mom comes in the room and they give me this present with my dad right and then i'm like oh no it's for the super nintendo we don't have a super nintendo and then we go downstairs and they got us a super fun guy so they knew they knew it was yeah that's so bad i thought they ████ up and i was like oh no you know what i mean my parents would do that though they would buy the game and you're just like ████ i can't play this on this game yep that's so good that is like dope i literally just got chills from that yeah but that was like my first game i ever played done on the super nintendo and yeah it was i mean that's the soldiers all the way through the roof great first game for
1:42 super nintendo oh yeah what was everybody's like main first childhood arcade game not necessarily first but like your ████ arcade not like uh nintendo like arcade at the arcade with the quarters ninja turtles oh yeah ninja turtles yeah yeah you know what was really good was a simpsons game yeah the simpsons game is that game in there i think so i think oh i don't ████ with my emotions dog ████ i'd rather tell you it's not there that that's the case like your parents i'd rather just fight her and uh is it metal slug you're like metal you get to jump in a little tank we got every metal slug on that nba jam is that gonna be a jam i bet it does we gotta play nba jam yeah jam so they had what like every game from neo geo every game from geo geo maine genesis nintendo super nintendo so it has four player nba jam then huh oh what wow
2:34 we're not going home tonight boys we're gonna stay this is home [Laughter] exactly it's the zoning in this area i think uh i think for me was also metal slug was one of those games and then also uh it was either a puzzle puzzle fighter puzzle fight i don't want to say bubble bobble but that was the nintendo version that i was playing yeah yeah but puzzle fighter with the street fighter characters i remember that being like the sickest ████ when it first came out never played that before how does that go it's like a tetris thing but with like gems like squares but this the street fighter characters are like little kind of like cartoon big head bubble versions that are on the side and then when you do like a major tetris style combo yeah they ████ shoot hadoukens and stuff yeah so fun marvel vs capcom hell yeah said where's capcom that's the one where you get to have three players that you choose three fighters right and you can swap them in whenever you want or you can like press the double button
3:24 they come and just do like a special attack and come back out just when we were kids it's like dude who would ████ who up spiderman wolverine and it's like you get to play it ████ fantasy yeah it's true were you able to get sailor moon what the ████ are you talking about right now you might be thinking about chun li no no no there was one where you're able to bring it you're able to bring in a sailor moon and everyone brought that one in because she comes and kills you like you get to see up her skirt a little bit what all of us would like get her to come in i feel like you're making this up nah dude once because you had a ████ weird video game fantasy doesn't mean it happened at all the rest of us you get wolverine right you get wolverine and he goes berserker yeah that's right yeah yeah he does get to have like sailor moon cyclops or a ████ hulk and then say a little bit you're talking about chun li bro
4:22 we should just ████ character in that that looks like sailor moon no dude you can't be doing steve jones dude come on you can't be doing steve jobs this doesn't wait we can't do that on on on on youtube right no there's a uh there's a sailor moon one you got to set it up you can't just drop the punch the visual punchline like that without setting it up you gotta help us you gotta show me first and then iron this guy's just gonna start showing naked pictures of people without any saying anything he just turns the screen around more naked pictures that's a steve you guys don't remember there's a sailor moon or something this will say he's like what the ████ are you doing is there not you're really searching for it i was searching for it but then the second salem cosplay stuff turned off is sailor moon part of capcom no uh she's not in any of the marvel capitals okay there's something called capcom all-stars versus sailor moon
5:12 let me see what that's oh it's a mugen it's not it's a it's a mod but maybe if you show it to me i'm not i swear to god you're telling us there's a there's a game where sailor moon flashes her underwear to everybody no i should i mean she has her clothes on but she comes in and ████ like zaps everyone but there's wolverine in there there's ████ ryu there's always it's chun li dude who the ████ do you think chun li is i that's what it was that's what it was no i'd ████ i'll ████ literally any of you guys up button mashing mortal kombat 2. there's mortal kombat there too yeah dude dude how many games are on there over 2 000 you got to be kidding me how do you search for them you got to type in the name so it goes first by like the place play system so it's either like
6:02 nintendo super nintendo genesis maim neogeo or whatever this is the whole roster is that any one of these people i think they have some of the games that we're on in 64. um and so then you go into which could be her and then from there it shows alphabetical order the the games all right who's this ████ anime looking ████ over here she's got half her titties out with green hair morrigan morgan that is standard move bro i don't know some ████ anime looks like they're all japanese who's this anime in this world racist asian i know look at this ████ pirate chick with their tits all out yeah is that sailor moon ████ yes most of the characters got their tits out yeah i like how bart is supporting his case by not showing us sailor moon but yeah look at this look at his chick dude there's so many girls with titties that's spiderman girls kind of got titties though that's spider-man spider-man
6:52 does it have dream cast it could have been morgan no they're not they're not like that because morgan kind of looks like they're like the total arcade yeah but they have nintendo and all the genesis and at-home ████ i feel like the rk in the nintendo super nintendo era they did a lot more of like uh cross-platform games crosston gaming because there were only so many games out at the time right how did you find that thing i feel like me and mike looked up on craigslist to be honest we were just like we ████ won an arcade and then we looked on craigslist and then it was one of those things where it's like 2965 games for like 2 500 bucks or something right and the original casing on that or usually they saw them in just two player controllers right and then we're like no we gotta ████ find a four player one because yeah we have to have more people because and i remember us talking specifically about teenage mutant ninja turtles he's like you can't ████ play teenage mutant ninja turtles or x-men
7:42 without all that children because i used to play street fighter by myself right it's like one versus one and i can never get past the first level because i suck at video games but all four of us all four turtles i felt bad for the bad guys the foot soldiers we were just ████ beating the ████ out of here we were jumping them bro yeah we're straight jumping all the bad guys non-stop that was so tight you become the bad guys after you hit we went through four levels in like five minutes we're just beating the ████ out of everybody well it changes the narrative of the game and the foot clan has no training at all so it's just a wipeout anyway i mean the foot clan are just acting we were beating up high school kids yeah for sure yeah the foot clan are just juvenile delinquents with no ████ fight training
8:32 daddy issues that's why the foot clan when you guys were playing street fighter did the moves come back to you like it was slowly starting to come back but i forgot all the ████ down left something is hadouken is like riding a bicycle you know sonic boom is left right uh ████ punch yeah it's like bam that's not trying to do it i couldn't get that circle hold back two seconds front slip with you guys play with me bro i'll spam ████ doll seam ████ i'll spam that ████ the whole goddamn match i don't give a ████ dude there's a game uh there's a dreamcast game i remember it was like a fighting game and like it was dead or alive dead or alive and all the chicks had super bouncy tits yes they had like boob physics literally programmed for this there was another one that everyone talked about still it was a fighting game and i remember there was a guy named kilk or some ████ and he had both soul calibur soul calibur bro i will ████ spam the bo staff this move the entire ████ make magic from
9:22 like just doing random button presses in that game it's insane do you remember a killer instinct oh i love that game that one took some skill man who's the guy that looks like predator oh full gore yeah that guy oh he got it right so there actually is a character that looks like foreigner but i only thought about that because of the bouncing booth things because there's like a fatality type thing at the end where the girl with the boobs she turns around just shows your boot her boobs and then you die and then the guy yeah it just ████ explodes or something but i hated that she turned around i was like that's ████ ████ you can't even see it an age well yeah every single time she turns on i still went like this yeah i think the 2d screen was going to ████ show machine you're all gluing yourself to the screen dude if there was internet back then you know what we would have been doing right we would've been telling the developers they're ████ idiots because she turned the wrong way this guy's messed up you guys are so stupid she's not even facing the right
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12:44 western arcade remember that i don't that's way well well four doors down from that in that plaza was something called diamond cleaners these were dry cleaners that's my parents dry cleaners i remember in the same plaza the same plaza so literally i think i've been in that plot the luckiest kid on earth yeah there's albert tacos there's a master lube um there's a kfc yeah there's albert tacos yeah yeah yeah and a bank of america anyways so um is alpha valley view it is valid on lincoln let's go back you guys grew up in the same city it's kind of like close enough cerritos is close enough yeah i'll just cereals all the time for sure too cyprus that's the city you grew up i wasn't i was growing up in my hometown is buena park but i went to sunny hills high school in fullerton but like fullerton born to park cyprus cerritos like you're always there's only a ████ four town centers and two malls so you have to like kind of yeah look like the sgv over here it's
13:34 like people know people from rosemead monterey park alhambra whatever it's like it's like that it's like those cluster cities point is there was a western arcade right next to our dry cleaner so my sister and i would always go over there as kids and you would always ████ try to like sneak behind the machines like there was like island of machines that were back-to-back as kids we would try to slide back there because you knew that people dropped quarters every single day yeah right and every day if you were willing to hide from the ████ worker in the in the arcade and we were just a little ass kid so nobody ever really cared you just shove your arm down get super dirty and stuff but we've always found maybe like two dollars and fifty cents in quarters a day you missed a lot back then yeah yeah all every day we played for free until finally i got addicted to the off-road game right oh yeah yeah this is the worst this is the worst stealing i've ever done i got addicted to it because you can never beat games unless you have unlimited that's true because you're
14:25 programmed to ramp up after the first level yeah it's just so ████ impossible right yeah so i got into this flow where you know under cash registers there's that silent little thing underneath if you flick it to the right if the cashier opens without going ding anyways it's consumer ████ i don't know these things i don't know these things so okay so that was the way that you would go in without like alerting anybody that the cashier was opening so you know you start slow i start stealing quarters at a time but you can't ████ win a game by stealing quarters at a time so the first time you steal like a dollar and you have to change your recorders that's a whole new jump but then the difference in the size of a paper from a dollar to a five is really no different so you get a little bolder you like move your hand over to like the different segments finally out bold enough i stole a 20. i turned all 20 dollars into quarters at your at your work at your mom's place oh no we took the 20 went to the the change machine right i don't want to ████ keep resetting going back just
15:16 in case the timer so i take all 20 dollars in quarters and put it all in at once holy ████ all the ones so i have as a kid you're like infinite credits baby i'm going i'm going to win this game and after i put all of it i play for like five minutes and then my dad's like hey we gotta go no ████ did you have a pocket full of no it's already painted in the machine already already in the machine and i thought this is the worst what about the glowing red button you can't push it and get it you can't you literally just unload all the coins every quarter i have to say as far as crimes go you reinvesting it into this business is like you're literally like stealing from the register and then putting it in their game anyway i'm seeing it from my dry cleaners register oh i thought you were stealing from the arcade no i want to steal from the arcade you're doing it for your family bro yes yes it was the worst stuff is how old were you probably six seven it's good for your family
16:09 but i wasn't thinking about the morals i was thinking about the fact that i put it every ████ quarter of twenty dollars and within like 75 cents of usage my dad said hey we gotta go dude if i told my dad that i stole that 20 and then it's in this machine he'd be like well you better get the ████ value all right all right play it through play through first your dad does things like speak english and how many 20s did you take at 120 oh i thought you took like all the 20s in the register same feeling when you're ████ seven years old it's 80 credits right it's four quarters yeah in super off-road is that you can pay money to upgrade the car as well you're like you use yeah so you can get better tires so like you know as you drive on this dirt road you can like run into like little items you get points oh is that the one that goes nitro yes i remember that you know why don't you ask for a refund as a kid you don't have that long because if you push you know if you push the uh you know the coin dispenser red
16:59 part in yeah would they have come out it does it didn't it did it not every single game did that dude do you think the next kid who walked up to like thank you yeah i know except i don't think it was kid i think there's nothing with other grown-ass men in that arcade all the time we were i was like i was like i'm the kid here yeah can you play that game on on this one yes oh did i get my 20 worth eventually yes did you beat it did you ever beat it ████ it no it takes forever is it unbeatable it's just an infinite loop did you that's the price make 20 bucks and put it back in the register you son of a ████ i bet you did it you got to do that tonight yeah go to your ████ parents leaders put a 20 in their damn register with inflation because you know what i did i ████ sold drugs and put money into my mom's purse i never ████ took from her i i am disappointed in you you are definitely better than me i like
17:50 that joe involved his parents in a drug crime and that makes him better he's laundering money for his parents mom yeah you don't take from them being in laundry you let them collude with you on a drug crime you don't take them they're an accessory now very nice let them collude i should have done that you got a clue with your parents did you were did you you should have stole from the arcade not stole from your parents did they ever find out that you sold you took the 20 out your return yeah i think parents are are like i honestly guarantee they like knew and just like chose to not say anything yeah or punish me in a different way yeah that's why your dad was like all right let's go cause like you know as a kid you're always just kind of like two just watches have gone away with that one but like at the same time it's like you knew you were ████ doing it and like old school mama and pop shops they probably run a balance at the end of the day right like this is how much cash every shop every single day how often would you even see 20s at the
18:41 laundromat well there would be 20s because like that's like the highest bill people would ever pay with and it's not like you know people don't do 20 with the laundry but i think it's just more the idea that in your mind as a kid you think you're getting away with something but it's like if you ████ just count the cash at the end of the day you're gonna know something's missing you notice because you kept taking the one and the five and the twenty i remember when i was stealing my dad's condoms right i'll steal my dad's condoms and he probably had like seven eight of them and i remember thinking like dude if i take like two he's not gonna notice right meanwhile flash forward i grow up and i think myself i play a pack of like 10 20 condoms and i'm like i would ████ notice if suddenly some condoms were missing do you think your dad ever went in there and he's like he's like i have been getting hella laid you know i've been ████ no ████ ████ no but if he steals them back from you
19:31 all of those things caused so many marital problems like stolen condoms was like from the wife like stolen money was like your dad was being accused of it and they were ████ arguing and you had no idea that's true and have them collude with drug sales your mom's like i bought those condoms jeremy i know how many we have jeremy i'd be so funny they're just linked in his dress like first the condoms down the 20s to the wrong order did you use those condoms though were you six when you stole those two [Laughter] because you have to learn yeah yeah
20:21 it's not stealing when you first do it i stole 30 bucks from my mom when i was like i think nine or ten because that's fifty percent more than mine i stole a lot no i just never stole from family bro i stole it from my mom everyone everyone had a walkman and i didn't have one uh so i was like ████ go get one and i was like oh yeah my mom keeps money in her purse so i took 30 bucks i went down to thrifty's and i bought a walkman and i remember my mom's like have you seen my money i'm like no and he goes where'd you get that from and i was just like so innocent i was like i stole it from your purse i guess you're honest you're so innocent dude you beat my ass i stole it first did she at least put on your walkman while she beat your ass played some mortal kombat music ████ kicked your ass how old were you i think i was like 5 10. i was like in like fourth or fifth i stole it from your partner
21:13 yeah you keep money there dude for 30 bucks you got the biggest piece of ████ walking i've ever heard about you still got ████ up about that you get to keep the walkman no well my mom locked it up she's like she you know like my my super religious uh upbringing so she was like what are you doing listen to this ████ ████ and should put it away you should have been like i'm listening to buddhist chants the buddhist church you think if tigers stole a walkman that you'd go to june you'd be like baby he stole a walkman isn't that crazy and he'd let him keep it because we know that you don't punish yourself yo where the ████ did you find a walkman at this day and age that's pretty cool that that would be impossible to return that to best buy next time you go there okay walks in the house with a walkman that's pretty tight dude he's watching laserdisc at home yeah no i got it like moonwalker on laserdisc he's just a guardian of the galaxy
22:03 star-lord i'm just impressed good transition to cutting cameras bart [Music] [Applause] [Music] you
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