0:00 [Music] welcome back to another amazing episode of off the record with the careful boys and really excited we got j.r today over here what's up jrm hey let us know about you dude let us know about you uh i am a comic i'm a that's mad funny no but you're telling us that you're telling us you lived in a van for a year yes yeah that's interesting i did van life for a year all my friends would be like oh you're like homeless i was like no no it's van life it's a thing you live the dream bro no i had a good time you lived judging yes did you have like one of those hooked up fans i had yeah so it had a it was a ford transit medium roof 250 and what does that mean what does all that mean it's a good stack it's like a white like unmarked van it's like a cargo van it's a cargo van so
0:51 that way you could do like stealth camping but what's the 250 mean what is the 250 it's like how much you can capacity of people yeah how much you can like what's the word toe how much you can tow oh okay i don't really know is it is it is it was it diesel or was it just it was gas okay because i don't know a lot about the diesel engine so if it broke down like i wanted to be able to like still do stuff with it all so you can fix your own stuff and all that nah okay diesel's actually easier [Laughter] you're a gasoline guy no not really no no but just like mentally for my head that's why i got ah it made me feel safer because i have a gas car if it makes it work if it makes a sound i don't even know if it comes with diesel dude honestly i just wanted to be a car guys they do they do have diesel yeah but i uh have like a mattress and a kitchen like that this is a bed there was a kit like a stove sink
1:43 oh like those things that people don't do ████ contests on instagram where you can win like ████ vans like yeah oh man yeah dude i hella tried one time i lost absolutely dude i donated like 200 bucks to amaze thinking like dude if i do 200 i'll get it but i don't know when did you buy it and did you buy new did you like i got it in 2019 and it was a 2015. you were one of those early adopting van life he was doing it before it was cool man no because i just i had the dream since like high school to do that oh ████ what made that dream like happen um what was i doing i think i was just like saw homeless guy yeah yeah i didn't want that so almost you're just so free yeah dude i want to smell like that guy i'm confined to this awesome house i know i have this apartment where i can walk around too much no i think i just i was like touring a
2:33 bunch and i would go to a city and always wonder would be like to like explore it for longer but i couldn't because i'd have to fly out the next day so for this i would go to a city do the show go to a national park nearby like go for like a week and then and then drive to the next show so did you just ████ in the woods no i have yeah that's pretty dope huh i do have ████ in joshua tree ████ in the grand canyon really ████ not america dude everywhere man that's the name of your tour right do you have a shower in there or you gotta like go to like a koat campsite i would shower at like planet fitness or a lot of times like i mean it's pretty isolated it's just you in the van yeah so i would plan stops at like friends places in like different cities so i saw my cousin in vegas um saw people here in l.a for a little bit stuff like that and which shower at their places or a gym so you just have a
3:24 stove and a mattress is there there's no toilet in there there's no toilet in there so i would pee in a bunch of bottles dude cool man are you pretty good your technique pretty good uh i'm not up there fill this up right now let's go dude on camera i like a wide mouth get your little ████ out of here yeah that's for me it only yeah you take this one funnel for that or just straight up do they have that though for girls pee funnels it's called the it's called the she-wee oh yeah it's like a little hammock you attach to your it's like it's like it's like a little funnel thing so they could pee into like a bottle or something so i did i did a van life for a little over a week and then the the hardest thing for me was figuring out where i can park over the night except i mean all walmart's week yeah but like when it came to like different states have different rules for like campsites and like forests and whatever
4:15 right so some of the places we did was straight gorilla i don't know if we're allowed to yeah same yeah and then um the other thing was timing my bathroom stuff because like when you live in a house you just go i gotta go right but then like if you got a ████ in the middle of the night kind of sucks it's cold or whatever um i would plan my s████ first yeah you got to plan all that so so how how did you get used to uh did you plan ahead like oh i could camp here tonight or like yeah so i like there's a app it's called i overlander and it would show where other people have parked and like review it like yelp reviews of like like no cops come here yeah no serial killers yeah exactly like there was like oh it's kind of loud or like it's creepy or whatever i parked one time on the one here in la like near like santa monica yeah pch yeah thinking like oh this is gonna be the dream but actually it's it sucks because like car cars are going by all night couldn't
5:05 sleep my van's like shaking and ████ like yeah so that one sucks but that is it by more like the malibu side where there's hella people parked there like surfers and stuff like i see a lot of van life people there are a bunch of vans out there like schoolies like buses and all that stuff but and you i've parked in a few neighborhoods but you're not supposed to because then it kind of put like makes van life people look bad because we're like staying in your neighborhood creeping out families you're like wait so you are living in advance and you live back in the neighborhood yeah yeah exactly but it was cool because it was a way for me to see la like i stayed in uh i parked in marina del rey one time and i was like dude i live in marina del rey yeah any like scary moments while you were van lifeing it was weird because like the same reason i got into it was also kind of creepy like i went i went to the i went to the grand canyon i was like by myself and i'm
5:55 looking out the window dude i'm like completely alone this is beautiful i was like dude but if i died here tonight like it would just be me yeah yeah and it would be beautiful it would be so beautiful yeah privacy and death dude i i was high as ████ sleeping in the hammock right in the forest and i was like anybody could come with a spear right now and stab the ████ out of me but still the spears happened in this forest yeah they could javelin thrust me right now i and a spear will just come at you in the morning i don't even know they're coming i'm like i have a gun in my pocket and i'm like it does nothing to it you gotta sleep with the frying pan on your chest [Laughter] full armor medieval armor thing i saw you coming ████ that's why i got this so any uh any uh you know oh man okay so actually when i started this thing turn it into a shag wagon
6:46 see if the suspension works i did like a year um of like abstinence i didn't have sex for like a year what made you do that i broke that abstinence in that band was why why did you make that choice and does this jacking off count yeah i didn't i didn't i didn't i didn't do that no sex yeah well i mean what got you to do that because to me they're actually glory at the end [Laughter] no that's just i can't even consider that that's suicide if someone said you got you you you'd rather ████ fast or get some ████ i'd be like i'll i won't eat it are you just angry all the time i feel like you didn't even jack off no no no why why did you why did you get like i did through like i jumped down just so strong i could like read people's minds but only if they oh only if they were jerking off oh man yeah i was like
7:37 no like i i wanted to like reset like my mind and stuff because i felt like i don't know i just needed like you know growing up like watching like porn and all this stuff i felt like my brain was just super like different you jacked off too much jacked off too much dude jack my life away that's a lot of discipline though yeah for a whole year dude your sperm were crowded bro yeah what the second i first noted they were like hey excuse me excuse me [Laughter] what was that first one like when you came back too you know it was passed out because it was full on sex that it wasn't like jacking off after a year i was like the whole thing was it different damn it was like i don't know it was cool it was cool yeah it was like a rece it was like was it worth it was it worth the year of not doing it it was it was yeah you were surprised what made what made it worthwhile what made it work was like
8:27 kiss busting out and be like all right let's reset that's your boy right here what made it worthwhile was like i did feel like kind of different i felt like a little more like intentional about stuff versus before it might just be like uh like compulsive or something for me and then so in this what does that mean it's so vague i don't know i'm trying to be intentional what do you mean by intentionally before maybe before you when you have it all the time you're just trying to bust at the end of the day yeah but maybe when you have a bus in hell long you're like i need to make this last or something i don't know like i'm like saving my bus you know it's like okay this is like a good buck because it's a little tally instead of like busting to like sneeze or something you know you gotta edge bro take that ████ out and need her out i don't know what any of that just take this ████ out eat her out baby that's that's a shirt too black comic dude this has a black comic
9:21 that's crazy words of wisdom the whole year of nothing happened to java did you was your dick ever in pain the r version yeah sometimes my different no wet dreams right not necessarily did you have any wet dreams the whole year i don't think i did that's the name so yeah i don't think i did are you are you uh would you consider yourself an introvert um i feel like i like recharge by myself like that's introverted yeah yeah yeah yeah so then like doing the van life thing you would be there for for days alone and then you didn't feel like sad you just felt fine because people weren't dealing with ████ people yeah yeah uh you know i think there were times that were like harder but it was like there was one time i went to like st george utah and i would go to this like yoga studio
10:12 like oh that's dangerous how do you not jack off after going to a yoga studio bro like the ████ dude you you haven't had sex yeah even dudes busts look different yep it's man it's all morning it's all morning there's a tempting time everyone just jacks off at the end of yoga right i would be in the front or else the back game over i can't ████ connect my chakras right dude my chalk was all centered toward my ████ growing area dude that i feel like there's a lot of people that uh have like whether it's like a one percent fantasy or or as much as like a 80 dream of like wanting to experience something like a van life yeah um who do you feel like you would
11:02 either suggest that to you like what type of person or like what is like the greatest thing you received from that experience um first off he ain't asking no ████ because they're just too ████ just kidding i didn't mean women i'm saying like yeah like dudes are like yeah yeah yeah you're too risky yeah yeah too ████ too ████ like i would i think i'd never knew if i could i've always done crazy ████ like that i'll like have a regular life for like two years and then i like traveled to asia and europe like working odd jobs i was like teaching english to russian students like in amsterdam and stuff like that just random just random like crazy ████ and then so but this one i didn't know if i could actually pull it off like live in a van for a year so it was like something that i think for myself i always wanted to do prove to yourself you could do it yeah exactly and spend that much alone time too yeah and that much time alone not
11:53 jerking off too yeah that's pretty crazy you did a bad life journey but you dedicated monk life journey yeah you're like no jackery nothing it was kind of like my reasoning as like a rehab how about the phone and all that stuff too uh no i had the phone and everything still too did you feel like you needed to rehab from well you know actually at that time like i didn't drink for that time either so i didn't drink i didn't like do anything so did you read a lot of books uh i didn't even know i wrote a lot of soul cleansing oh you because you were using all these things in a way to escape like you were using pleasure and dopamine like whatever to yeah yeah that makes sense it's like if i feel like if i can really attend it's almost like what's his name david chowi oh david yeah that kind of ████ it's like doing that but in the van just like who am i type of thing that's tight man i think
12:44 um a lot of people just dream of like oh i want to study abroad and they'll be like that's cool but then you got like a bucket list of like five people's ████ life dreams that you've done man that's sick yeah yeah i got a bunch of drinks not busting out for a year possible i did it on one unwillingly unwillingly what way because nobody wanted to ████ me dude that's why and i got sad and i didn't jack off and let me let me tell you this dude it's not the same experience when it when it's not unwillingly your body shuts down to the possibility of sex when you come back to it your limp as ████ i never had ed problems in my life dude i used porn to rehabilitate myself yeah yeah that's crazy so all the no fat people that's not the truth man
13:34 i had the opposite experience i came back to ████ sex and i'm like what happened it's not working but then thank god you know i i had a lot of good nurses to help me through holy ████ peter sinai thank you shout out shout out is there something that you think is like after doing it for a year you're like there's a big what did you not expect that happened during the van life uh what i didn't expect like passing it on to someone else where they're like oh this is probably a common misconception it's not like the instagram thing where it's always like beautiful you open the van door and it's like there's a beach or like a mountain there's usually a homeless man saying the first few months i had to stay in la of it like i thought i'm gonna go i
14:25 wanted to go to florida and back but for the first few months i was like sleeping in a park like in l.a i got parked there because i knew there was overnight and i would wake up to like like instead of waking up to birds and all this stuff it was like two crackheads arguing in the morning dude like that's what i wake up to like oh ████ i want to like make an instagram video of me like coming out and waking up to that yeah instead of like just like van life reality yeah it'll be a sick ass show yeah yeah that's what i'm always curious about because i know la right and then we have these like van life influencer girls who have the prettiest cutest little vans and then they go to all these different places and i'm like you don't really van life i don't think so because the the picture that you're painting is not reality or they only show those parts of it true but yeah but you know the other cool thing was everybody wants to ask you about it and you meet other
15:15 van lifers and everyone has a cool story because no one did like van life just one day like okay i'm just gonna do it i met this family it was like a family of five or something and they were traveling around with like a trailer hitch to their truck oh sick and doing like homeschooling and stuff like that wow wow i forget why they got into it but yeah i thought it misheard you i get why they got into it but it was like it was uh it was cool so they were very intentional about it and stuff too should we make a jk van that would be cool let's throw that in there dude i saw the kids he has a pretty good a-team bam oh man you think that'll fit in there yeah it would actually get a big enough band yeah no there's no way it has a ████ 18 band dude you're either gonna freeze or or roast like depending on there's no insulation at all yeah insulation's like the first
16:06 thing you need we need a jk or the cameraman yeah the driver is always the dude cracking the jokes in the front while they're ████ no girls allowed though yeah yeah yeah we're just picking up other homies dude no girls jk baby bus hey boy you want to make 15 bucks it's always a hella cheap whatever like nah i'm good let's get a short bus and call it special school we're special boys yeah we're special everyone here is very special where are we driving to each other just like no jacking off either oh man no only jacking up yeah for a whole year yeah for a holy jacket only checking out
16:57 for a whole year every time you get in you gotta check off you can you can't even drive the van you just gotta jack off instantly when you get in where would we go first definitely not vague is that please suck we're gonna melt if we go san diego san diego sounds great yeah and we could park san diego is like one of the van life capitals man really it's beautiful so beautiful i would say san diego has the best weather in california we should get the biggest vehicle and try to go into the smallest streets isn't that your whole life is that just barkquand.com what is that no dude try to cause a ruckus go on the bridge when it's like rush hour so we can be stressed out we're not even no we're not even going on going to work so we don't have a rush but everyone has traditional asian music from our cultures yeah just be in the way yeah you know what i like vietnamese cha-cha music we played it all
17:47 throughout our colorado van life trip because we yeah because we were at a fuzz restaurant and then like the uncles in the back were karaoke like and just having a blast and i'm like damn that's some dope ass beat and i looked for it and then i'll ████ show you dude i'll play that ████ right now man cha-cha yeah you're going to be cha-cha they got vietnamese ████ cha-cha why is it spaced out like that i don't know man like they have an hour-long playlist [Music] this is chat i'm not sure this is chad it's [Music]
18:38 i understand what you mean because they'd be doing like two step cha cha's to it yeah yeah that's pretty cool and specifically the two-step cha-cha not the triple step so that's all the elements van vietncha non-stop jacking it yeah pay the fare that's what we call it yeah that sounds like walking animal base no girls no girls no diversity either yeah only yellow faces only yellow face that's it and we'll call it the yellow scubas i'm not sure if i'm sold 100 all right what do you want then we'll take the bus to cedar sinai find some nurses what does it take for you to do my best monster truck wheels food okay yeah yeah
19:29 [Music] you
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