0:00 Just turn around, spread your cheeks, and bend down. And I was like, "Yes, sir." What are they checking for? Coen or something like that. Yeah. That guy for sure was not trying to be your twin. So when they when you spread your cheeks, they're like putting a light in your ass. Yeah. And he goes, "Are you Korean?" He goes, "Are you Korean?" All my friends say I'm a crazy. Do you eat kimchi? He's like, "Shut up." Papa clown. Welcome back everybody to another episode of the careful boys. We got Subin here guys. Sub an almost member of the National Guard. Subinski sir which is you want to clarify for people. It is the army. It is army. Yeah. It's it's it's the army. You heard? Basically it's the army. Every training you do, every AIT school you go to is
0:51 the army. It's just army boot camp, army schools. go to shooting school, sniper school, whatever. It's all army still stuff, but your mission isn't to defend the country like uh nationally. You're more responsible for the state, right? The state. Yes. Yeah. So, when there's like uh it's like a state militia. Yeah. Like humanitarian issues, whatever, your first um I guess like commitment is to protecting whatever state you're part of. Mhm. Yeah. So, each state has a Army National Guard. Yep. Yes. Yes. Like Texas National Guard. California National Guard. Is so who controls it? The president or the governor? So the president has the higher power but at the same time uh the the governor. Damn. Gavin Newsome's your boss, bro. Yep. Can't talk. Can't talk. When I swear and I can't talk back. But what happens what happens if what
1:41 happens if the governor wants one thing and then the president wants another thing? Who you going to listen to? That's why they go to court. It's not who it's not who I listen to. It's it's who my boss is listening to, who he has to listen to, and he just sends us out. That's it. Yeah. We have no say. We have no power. They hash it out in court. Yeah. That's why when people go up to like people, you know, like cops or ICE or like uh Fez or National Guard's faces and they're yelling at at the their face. That's like yelling at the In-N-Out employee why the recipe sucks. And they're like, "Dude, I literally went to In-N-Out school to learn how to make this. If you don't like the recipe, go yell at the owner." Yeah. Right. Yeah. It's like you're yelling at the National Guard doing their job. They're just doing their job. If you don't like the policy, go yell at the policy makers. Yeah. Cuz we we obviously I'm not even in there yet, but like from what I'm seeing is just like
2:32 we just have no, you know what I mean? We just have no power. We have to follow the rules, the order. That's what the Nazis said. Yeah. But the same thing with That's why everyone always go, they go, you know, that's what the that's what they were just following orders. It's like, no. Yeah. Yeah. But at the same time, everyone's just following orders. Everybody like, and that's what makes it work. Yeah. Like everyone at work is just following orders. Like no one I don't know why people don't go for the top dogs. They always have to ████ with the people. Yeah. And Yeah, that's true. They're not accessible, right? Like you can't just say you're right and then dip out and say I'm done with this cuz bro, Court Marshall Article 15. Like you're in big trouble and you're going to ruin it for yourself, your future, and your family. Oh, right. Yeah. But there's hell of comic warriors that'll be like, "If that was me,
3:23 if that was me in 1939, I would have ████ stood up." ████ dude. That's those are the funniest things, man. If that was me at the protest, I would have dropped down my gun and walked away. Guy like me would have broke the chain. Yeah. ████ lies. Once again, I'm not I'm not I'm not even in it in it yet. So, I don't know. I don't know. You know what I mean? I don't know what the whole protocol is or the laws and rules like that. So, until I'm in there, then I'll know more. They don't discriminate cuz you're gay or anything. You have to tell that. You have to tell them that. No, it's a don't don't say don't tell, right? That's a don't say don't tell policy. Um is that the same thing? Don't say don't tell. Where the ask? Don't ask. Don't ask. Don't tell. Don't say. Why does it have Don't say don't tell. Don't speak. Don't make noise with your mouth. Realistically, you don't even have to
4:13 mention it. Don't tell don't yell. Honestly, don't even me. You don't have to mention it. Just do your thing. Did you choose not to mention it? Do you tell him that you're gay? What? What? No. None of that is true. What are you talking about? Oh, okay. I see. He's doing the don't ask don't tell right now. He's like, "What? I'm It's me. What are you normal? It's me being stupid." when you go through and you officially join, when you go through boot camp and school and all that stuff, do you get to uh request where you're stationed? Like, can you No. I mean, what the heck? Are you just singing singing it to us now? A musical? No, no, no, no, no. But I I'm I'm stationed and I'm here I did everything for California. So, I'm I'm here for the California.
5:03 Do you know which reserve unit you're going to be? Yes, I am. I got all my paperwork right here. Oh, cool. Yeah. So, he knows what's the nearest What's the nearest place that you'll be at? You think? It's a secret mission. You can't tell. Oh, it's secret. I don't know if I can say it actually right now. I don't know. Don't say it. If you don't if you're on the fence, don't say it. Yeah, I want to. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not going to say, but yes, I can show you guys later, but everything about it. Yeah. Show us your files, dude. See what you got. I remember when So, aside from like, you know, like things getting out of control like riots or whatever, what else does National Guard do? Do they do like n natural disaster ████ relief or That's why they're called natural guard. Army natural guard. Well, no. That's why that's why I wanted to join. Like if there's like, you know, when there was fire happening, the National Guards got uh deployed to protect from lutters. Pasadena. I was saluting them. Crazy how they had to do that, man.
5:53 Dude, they were sitting on the on every corner just chilling. Yeah. And then I would love that. I would love to, you know, away from the looters or just anything natural like if the fire was happening, we can assist somehow. North Carolina when the flood happened, they're out there building bridges so the vehicles could come by and stuff like that. That's why I would love to, you know, that's why I wanted to join to help out. But also, the National Guard now has a program called Rattlesnake, which is firefighting. Oh, sick. Yeah. So, after everything you can do, you could go back to that uh schooling and program and then become a firefighter. be you could become a firefighter, right? But now you're with National Guard, so you guys would be deployed and doing your own thing while the firefighters are doing their thing. Why is it called Rattlesnake? I don't know why it's called Rattlesnake. I just saw on the poster it says Rattlesnake. Got it. So I was like, I I asked him about my recruiter about it. He's like, "Yeah, that's that's a whole another program
6:43 you guys can apply for as a National Guard." That's pretty cool. These are just things you guys can do. If you were National Guard and they deployed you during the like a riot and they were like, "We want you to take down those rooftop Koreans." What would you do? Damn. He just blindfolds himself. Wait, let's make it easier. What if they're like, "Hey, we want you to take out those rooftop Chinese." What would you do? Oh, yeah. They're They're gone. I'm just kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. They're gone. They're done. Done. Blow it all up. That's not our our job would not. We can't be doing that. You know what I'm saying? Unless they're firing at us. Hey, you don't you want to be on the right side of history? Yeah. He's You're looking at the sniper. You're like, "Fire at me, man. Fire at me." Oh, no. For one day. Listen, man. Everybody got to be on the right side of Instagram. At the end of the day, we got to observe
7:33 and just do what we have to do. Observe and report. No, but what if your commanding officer goes, "That's the target. You see, you see those You see those terrorist Koreans on top of the ████ liquor stores and he's like, "We trying to get rid of these foreigners." Yeah. They keep yelling, "Sheal specky." Well, we can say everything we want, but at the end of the day, we won't know till it really happens, you know? So, I don't really have an answer for that. That's a good answer. You know why? You know why uh rooftop Koreans happened? They did deploy the National Guard, but they did it above Ktown and they're just like or whatever. Like they're like, "Oh, well, um you guys got to fend for yourselves." So the army didn't come down to like South Central and stuff. They just kept it from coming out.
8:23 But pretty but pretty much they're on the same side cuz they're defending the lutters. Same thing. The National Guard is defending the lutters. Yeah. So they're still on the same side. I mean the whole protest thingy like I don't even know the protocols for that regardless. You know what I mean? Cuz I'm not even in there yet. And they they they pick a specific brigade for that too. So remember when they um when they're doing the protest during COVID and then the National Guard was deployed? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I was um I went down to Little Tokyo and there were hell of National Guards guys, but they all looked super young. Like I I remember I remember like that's what it is. They all look like 18 years old. Yes, that's a lot. And then some of the uniforms look too baggy for them and I was like what the ████ Which is weird because you're when you get in there you're supposed they're going to size you exactly to your fit for majority of the time. Like your boots and everything they have to like
9:13 measure everything. Yeah. I don't know. But then they're nice. I said, "Hey, I have a business here. I need to park over there. Can I get through this line?" They're like, "Okay." Well, a lot of them, remember, they still live here. And when they just get when they get called, they just got to go in. Yeah. Weren't we supposed to talk about your physical? Oh, yeah. What happened at your physical test? You got grabbed. Your balls got grabbed besides the guy in his hand. It's like this doctor. No, I feel like physical. Don't be shy, sir. No, physical like if you if you've been going, physical is just like any other physical. They have to They pull your pants down for you, right? It's crazy. You know what I'm saying? That's the finale, dude. What the ████ They separate and lick. They go boom, rotate, lick. But, you know, it's it's it's a normal
10:05 thing. Yep. Tastes good to me. You're on your way, soldier. The National Guard physical is no different. No, it's no it's no different. But but because it's in the same processing building, so they process for everybody. They check they they check for they check for everything. Speed bag. You're nuts. They check for everything. But but when when I was next to the kids, that's the it was like the best time because I was just messing with these kids the whole time. They're all like nervous cuz they never really got their physicals cuz they're so young. They they they don't or none of them go to the doctor. So I was just like, "Bro, they're going to they're going to spread your cheeks. They're going to they're going to they're going to touch your nuts. They can they can do everything. And the feeling you remember when we're like 17, 18, just having our license, learning how to drive, and then you get pulled over by a police officer, and then the police officer to you feels like ████ Universal Soldier.
10:55 Yeah. Yeah. That's the feeling in there when you're 17 or 18, you know? Everyone's like ████ G.I. Joe or ████ JeanClaude Vanam or some ████ and you're just like, "Oh my god, I'm ████ 18 and this is ████ Bruce Willis and Tears of the Sun." That's what it feels like. So, everyone's ████ bricks when you're a kid. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But but some of the kids were just terrified. But when I got in, I looked out the door cracked open and I was just like, "Oh, it's an Asian dude." I was like, "I'm Gucci." Why does it matter? Who's going to pass me? Because Because it was just it's just my thing, you know? I'm just like, "Asian doctor." Tied it up with him, said what's up. And I get in there. He was like, "I'm Dr. Yang Jun." And I was just like, "Okay." I was like, "Oh, that sounds Korean." So, I was just like I was like, he's like, "How are you doing today?" And I was like,
11:46 I was like, "Okay, okay." Is he a military doctor? Yes, he is. Yeah. He's going to ████ speak Korean to you. What the ████ But I know. I know. But that's what I'm saying. I didn't know, but I was just like, "Okay." Thought he was in K Town. He's He's He's maybe like this, you know? I was just like, "He's cool. I bet you he's cool." I sat down to the flag on Yeah. Like I sat down, bro. But then when he when he tries to speak when he tried to speak though it was just like it was like you could hear the accent still but I was just like he looks at your butt he goes oh my god oh my god I just asked oh my god oh my god oh my god I just asked him like I had to say are you Korean like five times and he finally looked at me like this just like yes and I was just like oh okay this is the why did you have to ask five times because I wanted to know why to know so bad you could probably tell him talk to him in Korean so we're
12:36 comfortable just to relate but then he he's already like over he's like I have to go to 1,000 more B okay that's what it was that's ████ I don't care if you're a ████ tanguk like me okay that's what it was he was just super serious and then he was asking me questions have you gone to he's like we're both traitors then no we're serving we're proudly serving but proudly serving look dude he was just like and then I was just Like he just asked me so many questions and I was trying to explain my stories and he just I don't care one word. He looks at me and goes like it's either yes or no and I was just like this guy really I was just like maka I'm not trying to make a friend here. That's what it was. Exactly. I'm trying to make a friend. Oh that's that's what it was. I was you got to pro like a thousand people a day. I didn't know
13:26 you are number 999. Okay. He's like do you have the allergy? Subie's like, "Well, I like shellfish, but I still eat it." But like sometimes my throat flares up and I shouldn't eat it though. I should stop. Hey, that was me. That was me. I'm so bad. I'm so bad. What about you? Do you like shellfish? Is that weird? That's so weird, isn't it? You say I'm 5'9. Can you make it 5'9? In my boots, I think I'll be 5'10" because I was just trying to conversate, dude. Okay. I guess we're trying to have chit chat. He's not even at like a family doctor. He's trying to have chitchat. I was just trying to chitchat, but it was you serious the whole time. All right, doc. Top five favorite foods. Go. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding, bro.
14:16 I'm just kidding. Okay. I'm just kidding. I'm not trying to get to know you, ████ Yeah. No, but that's what happened. He just He didn't give a ████ You know what I mean? We're never going to see each other ever again, so shut up. Hey, the the the scary part was when you staring at my ears cuz you might they might say no. You know what I'm saying? I was just like I was just like, "Oh, he going to say no." You stare at it like mad long. I just like what happened? What the heck? I never seen that before. Okay, next. And then I get up. What they like to look for is like any scars for like surgeries or anything cuz if it's a surgery or anything like that, they're going to be like straight up no really. Really? Cuz you're damaged goods, bro. Cuz like you just got surgery. Like sometimes like I from other people that said no, like they told me I heard their stories and they're just saying like because they had a mark crazy scar. They
15:07 would ask you what happened. They would be like, "Oh, it's a um I had a surgery." And they'll be like, "Okay, cool. Thanks for telling me." And then next thing you know, they'd be like, "You failed." You know what I mean? Oh, maybe it's a li maybe it's a liability or something or it's just not as strong as before. He didn't he didn't comment on that you weren't circumcised or anything. No, they don't even they don't even care anymore. I mean, it's the army. They don't care about that. But Oh, yeah. They make you do the duck walk. They had to do the duck walk. They had to check your stomach with your dick out. You have to do duck walk. No. No. Boxers got to touch the floor, Stephen. But dude, they they they check all that. Thanks for coming. The duck walk. You know what I mean? But can you do the duck walk real quick so everybody knows? Duck walks are hard, dude. Yeah. But look, here's here's the thing. I was a big boy. You know what I'm saying? So I did my dog walk and then a 90. She's like, "Stop trying to tow off, motherfucker." I just like this. And she's like, "Okay, very good. Very good." Not flat. And I
15:57 was like this at the end. Turn around. Do it again. Oh, look at the mobility. You know what I'm saying? So I was like moity mobility, this and and then at the end the way that the check was just like you got to drop it. But they make you hold everything. You know what I mean? They make hold your own penis. But then except the nuts like they have to check it yourself. Cough. He has a chalk cough and then the but part is like just turn around spread your cheeks and bend down. I was like yes sir they look inside your butthole. Why didn't they have to do this? They have to what do they check in for? Coen or something like that. Do they put like something in your but for sure was not trying to be your pen. I know that man. Now I know that after that I picture him every single time it's like the wrong timing. So the doctor's grabbing his balls and he's all like,
16:47 "Are you Korean?" I could tell by your hands. Like when he says it. Yeah. So when they when you spread your cheeks, they're like putting a light in your ass. Yeah. And he goes, "Are you Korean?" Well, just like any physical, right? When you get your when you get your Hey, are you Korean? No. He goes, "Are you Korean?" Sorry. Every all my friends say I'm a crazy sense of humor. Do you eat kimchi? He's like, "Shut up. Stop being a crass clown." Karass crowd. Yo, but he was like serious, dog. He was serious. He's staring at your ████ since 6:00 in the morning. He's been checking cheeks. Checking cheeks. Yo, you think you're very funny. That's why I wanted to lighten up the mood. I was like, "Yo, you're tired. That's over your thousand cheeks
17:37 already." He's like, "I literally heard you farting earlier in the past. Damn, I would have been like chasing me, dog. You think you're a PK? But it was crazy cuz at the end of everything, he goes, "Congratulations, man. You passed. Have a nice day." And I was like, "Damn, that's the door." Okay. He smiled one time saying, "You passed." That's a serious Korean, man. Huh? Maybe a lot of people try to be friendly to like get on his good side so they could get past. Sure, bro. But this dude's he hella good at like finding the in for like people to get comfortable. So it's probably pretty surprising that he didn't have no like I know like he's good at that. When you're when you see that many people your game's tight, but I bet afterwards he was like that guy was
18:27 cool. Yeah. You met your life. He probably wanted to get to know Subie more. He was really funny when he was your age. Yeah. You know what's crazy? when you said that I that's 100% that's like what it is, right? I always try to find a little in if you're too serious or whatnot, but but then you're right. I really did find my match that day and he ████ smoked me. He smoked the first time looking at him like you're not going to charm me and it's Korean, too. I was like, man, I'm going to catch you next time, but this fine you got me. This is real good guy right here. Not on a first date. Maybe on photo up. No papers probably. He's only funny on the followup. Hey, but some dude out there couldn't even couldn't pass his vision test. Final phone. And the doctor came out. Yeah, go to the doctor. You need to go to the doctor.
19:18 When do you So when do you ship out then? November 10th. Wow. ████ dude. Oh, damn. Is it November 3 months? November 10th. Is that Veterans Day or it's around there? It's around there, I believe. So, yeah. Are you going to have like a send off thing? Send off event. I'm good. You don't want You don't want nothing like that? I don't want none like You're going to spend the whole holidays in boot camp. I think the holidays they might say we might be able to come back. You want to do a Oh, not if you're in boot camp. You go right through it. Yeah, probably not. Dang. You could just leave in the middle of it. You might get one You may be like you might get a turkey leg or some ████ on Thanksgiving, but you're going right through it. It's going to be like that any other day. All I had, all I said was to my wife is like, "Yo, let me just get this over with. We at least get BAH." You know what I mean? Basic allowance housing. So,
20:08 utilities plus groceries. Cuz you guys are married too, right? Because I'm married and I have kids. So, that check is going to be super nice. That's sick. I didn't know they do that. Damn. I want to join the military. I want to take the ASVAB, right? It's ████ up, man. You going to pass? I want to I want to take that test. Too old, bro. Actually, I have the book, so next time I bring it. Are you? Yeah. Well, maybe they'll give me an exemption. Yeah, if you're fit, they'll they'll wave you. Doctors going to hook people like 40 and they join. He's like, I've never seen anyone like you before. I'm like, are you Korean? Are you Korean? Are you Korean? Korean. That's what if Anthony does it, the guy's like, yes.
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