0:06 and welcome back to another episode of the Careful Boys. Uh question for all you guys in particular, by the way. And if it wasn't that you're your current wife, that's okay, too. Uh te tell me about the first time you brought a non-Asian partner home. Like, how did your parents react? What was like >> what was their mentality about it at the time? What was your mentality? They did a spit take when I brought her home. Ooong tea all over the ████ liong tea all over the food. >> High mountain ulong tea all over all the food. >> The scratched hurt. >> Chinese violin ruined >> the Chinese. >> Uh so my first lady I brought home was my wife. >> Um kind of crazy. It's I think about it
0:57 now. I'm like, damn it, that's kind of crazy that we stayed together this long >> that I was able to lie to my wife for this long. >> Um, >> you can still get out of it. >> But you know what? Like they >> they didn't have any like strong reactions. They all like pretended like, "Oh yeah, it's great. It's cool. It was cool." Um, I don't know how they actually felt about it at the time. They never >> They keep calling her Mexican. >> No, but my dad My dad did do one thing. This is like we were dating a couple years. This is like two years into it. I bring her So, my dad has met Tiffany plenty of times already. We're at a Korean barbecue restaurant and he goes, "For context, Tiff is Salvadorian." And I mentioned that a lot to the fam. And my dad goes, "What do people in like Guatemala eat?" He's like, "What do you guys eat in Guatemala?" He's like, and he, bro, he literally he literally
1:48 throws this in and goes like, "Do you guys like guinea pigs and s███?" And he's thinking of like Peru, I think. I think in Peru, >> it's all mixed up. >> Yeah. I think Peruvian like like the guinea pigs or something like I I think it's one of those I I forgot what country. I think it is. >> Yeah, Papa New Guinea. I was like, "Yeah, she's not from Papa New Guinea, Dad." >> And she goes, "Oh, I don't really know." Like, cuz I'm Salvadorian. HE GOES, "OH, S███." >> He goes, >> like a perfectly regular American accent, right? >> Yeah, he does. He sounds like this. >> He's like, "Oh, I'm Oh, I'm sorry. God, Drats, bananas." That's funny cuz that's what Asians go through when you're like when you go to a Latin family or or everybody else, they'll be like, "So, what's China like?" And I'm like, "I'm Japanese." Oh. And then in their mind, they're like, "I thought that was the same thing." They're probably just like, "But you've been there, right?" He's
2:38 like, and he's like, "So, it's different." You know, but like it he I think my dad's just kind of generally clueless. But my mom, she I don't think she had anything. she didn't feel some type of way, but she'll say kind of like generally like racist stuff a little bit afterwards. Like she'll talk about like her experience with like housekeepers and stuff and you're like why why is this relevant? >> Cuz they're all Latin. >> Yeah. But she's it's like her way of trying to connect, but it's like it comes it's racist kind of, you know? It's like it's like, "Dude, what is this?" Like >> Oh, well Consuela likes to do it's like >> Yeah. And you're like, "What the ████ is this?" >> They're just trying to connect, but it comes off so ████ up. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. And then if it wasn't, you know, eventually she learned that like, yeah, you can't be doing this kind of ████ But like that was kind of the more real version of that scenario. >> I think like when people who aren't like culturally exposed to that group,
3:28 >> it'll always be something about like food or something. >> Yeah. >> Like when I when I run into people that never met Asia, they're like, "Oh, I like sushi." >> And I'm like, "That's dope." Like I don't take offense to it. I'm just like, "That's probably the only thing you got." I like Panda Express. And I'm like, "That's sick." >> Yeah. Yeah. Some people go that far. Yeah. >> For sure. >> But that's that's just them trying to be friendly. They don't know where to even bridge. >> But on the flip side, when I go to Tis family, right, like calling you by your race is like totally normal. >> Yeah. Like they didn't really do that to me that much. Like I've you would hang out other like Mexican families and they would always like you know when they first kind of meet you they're very polite but then as they get more comfortable with you they'll be like oh Chino or like have like a nickname like one of their family nicknames will call me chinito bonito or whatever like something like cute like a pet name
4:18 ████ ████ you're like oh you just call me a ████ with a o at the end the ████ I like that >> what does that mean that Niko the ████, >> but it's just like, you know, >> hola Niko the ████. >> Yeah. Or like I remember the the only time I felt like not they were being funny but Manny Paco's fighting. They're like, "Oh, is that your ████ cousin?" Like, you know, like But that's it though. Like it doesn't get crazier than that. Like in my experience, >> your cousin. >> But when you grow up with a bunch of Latin people, they >> That's normal. >> Call you. >> Yeah. They always ribbon. Yeah. I used to be like >> just type, >> man, I'm Japanese. They're like, same thing, same thing. Don't worry, >> teach you geography. And they're like,
5:08 you guys too serious, man. >> It's way more chill, you know? >> Yeah. Like, it's the same. I think for exes, the ones that were uh non-Asian that I brought home that my parents didn't like any of them that were uh I mean I'm just thinking white, but they didn't like them. They only liked two of them and and I know the difference. >> What was the difference? >> Because like >> love it. I think I think it's harder for Asian families to um I guess like get on the same page or like understand the the tone of like white American uh like city women. >> But if it's a country girl, it's way easier >> cuz you know what the difference is? It's the way the suburban white chicks
5:58 though. It's the way they talk to their parents. >> Exactly. It's so not the same as the way Asians talk to their parents cuz there's a level of respect and hierarchy that for country white girls country white girls there is the hierarchy. >> Country white girls have a better respect >> or more likely to traditional. >> Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. >> Cuz it's not like it's not like my exes were saying something in in uh they weren't being rude. It's the tone. This familiarity. >> They don't like that ████ >> Can you give me like a an example? Like if you're talk like like suburban girls are they're they're I guess they talk to their parents like they're their friends. >> Yeah. >> Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. >> So like if my ex is like even just talking casually, they don't like my parents don't like that. They need you to be like way below and almost sound like you're not sure if you should talk. >> 100%. People love that.
6:48 >> And then once I had a once I brought home an ex that was like a Nashville like country girl, they were like, "Okay, this is tight." because she's very like uh almost like a sweet homemaker vibe. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. >> Yeah. Versus like a career woman >> or or like a white friend's house. And the mom always goes, "Just call me Debbie." I would never call them Debbie. >> That is so weird. >> I go, " Thank you. Yeah, just call me Debb." And and I'll be like, "Thanks, Mrs. Johnson." I would just call her that. I would never call her by the first name. >> By the way, Nicole, my husband's not around. He's not coming back till Monday. >> Oh, then I look like a six-year-old. Are you sure? But my other like my other white ex would be like talking about normal ████ Like she would talk about her job or talk about like uh like she would just kind of start like very social, really cool to talk to, but that's not how my parents want to talk. They don't want
7:38 they don't want you to make conversation with them. They just want you to ask what do you need help with? >> And that's my my natural ex was like oh can I wash these dishes or can I do this? Can I do like she always wanted to do something like helpful and my parents are like that's ████ tight. >> Nails it. Yeah, >> that's how you get through to immigrant parents >> like spark conversation. She would just be polite and if you talk to her then she'll like say something. >> How old were you when you were bringing these two different girls like what was your age age range? >> Um I was already late 20s I think. Oh, >> okay. So you you probably already had like a full understanding of like what you're into regardless of what your parents >> Yeah, I think so. Yeah. Like I guess I asked because like now that you're older, do you look back then and maybe change the way you perceive or like agree with your parents more or understand something about that? >> Yeah, I think now that I'm older, I definitely understand where things were abrasive because at the time I'm like
8:29 what's the big deal? Like why don't you like her? Like >> you know, but then now I look at it I'm like oh duh. It's like super obvious but it's also like very baked in. It's like just tonal. Tonal is like the one thing. tonal is probably the biggest difference where it's like you just can't be too comfortable off the bat off the bat just cuz you're a comfortable person. You almost have to feain uncomfortability as a way of being polite. >> Yeah. Yeah. I totally understand. >> Like if like if we went to some older Asian person's house that we didn't know very well, we would be like this. Like you don't ████ pick stuff up and look at it. You open the fridge. Hey, what you got in here? >> Yeah. You don't even really move. Like you're just very like, you know, like oh yes. >> The restroom like everything. Yeah. >> Everything. And I think like country girls are more like that by default. So it's an easier bridge. But then like suburban or like city girls are just more like, "Oh, like I'm accepted. It's
9:20 cool. Like we're all good. I'm, you know, I'm happy. You're happy." And they don't even read into the dissatisfaction of your parents. They don't even think anything's wrong. So then afterwards they'll be like, "What? I thought it all went great." And I'm like, "No, it did not go great." >> That's crazy cuz it's almost like two different cultures, but they're white. >> Yeah. Why is it that they have the way more manners respect and they understand all those things? >> But then it's not like the city girls are being disrespectful. It's just they don't operate in the same culture, but they're both white. Yeah. It's weird cuz I Exactly the Yeah. >> Same deal, huh? >> I remember I would go to my my buddy's house and his dad was like a ex like cholo dude. Like super gangbanger, like tats, everything. Super intense. And I was going in there with my other friend who was like his family is more from like a traditional Mexican country. Uh Mexican city, Mexican country, one of
10:10 the ████ hole countries. No, he he's from a Mexican like city like you know. So they're a little bit, you know, like I guess they're a little bit more I don't know like more ranch style and ████ you know. >> But he was always his relationship with his friends. He would go to his friend's house, open the door, come in like, "Yo, what up?" He was like that. Yeah. Like that. And one time we were about to walk into my buddy's house. He opens the door, walks right in, and Pops is there, and he goes, "Hey, don't you ever ████ do that ████ Don't you ever just walk in another man's house unannounced. Like, I know I know you. I know I see you guys all the time, but don't you ever do that type of s███." Like, you get your ass beat for that. And then you go, "Oh, okay." But it's like that type of ████ where you you don't read the room. And like I knew this was this crazy like scary gang maker, so I would always be on my P's and Q's like super Asian like, "Hello, sir." type of ████ you know? like he
11:00 was he liked me because he's oh he's a good kid because I'm not some like rap scallion like my buddy who just bust open doors LIKE WHAT UP GUYS WHAT'S what's in the orange juice like you know the poor like make himself very comfortable in someone else's home you know so it's like that type of you don't really know until you walk into a door unannounced >> the acknowledgement >> to overdrive of everything like cuz imagine how that feels kind of the same feeling of let's say that you're like you have roommates and then you walk out of your room and there's just like friends of your roommate hanging out and they don't even say nothing to you. It's that feeling of like the ████ like you guys are in my house. What's up? At least say hi, what up? I'm so and so's friend. Like it's that same feeling of like imagine that times 10. That's like what parents are expecting them to do is to be like oh I'm in the room. You have to act different when the parents are there. Like you can't just you can't be
11:51 yourself. Be yourself is a ████ myth. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You have to >> you got to it's like the head down type ████ >> Yeah. Exactly. your tone has to change. Everything has to get more like uh intentional like you're not you can't relax. >> And it's also reading the room too, >> right? But some people have never been in a situation like that. So they walk in blind and they're like this is how I live my life. >> And you could probably earn the comfortability over time, I think. But you can't ████ first phase. You can't be like that. That's how like most white exes that I brought home or just even white girls in general would just have that like feeling of like, oh, everything's cool. We're all good. Everything's chill. Like we're fine. Like, >> dude. No, bro. >> Yeah, it's weird, huh? >> Well, there's also probably just such a huge culture shock and disparity from the way that you perceive and live your life as like the rebel, as like a B boy, you know, and meanwhile, you got like pretty typical Filipino parents that's
12:42 like working as x-ray techni, you know, you go home and you act like a ████ little >> Yeah. So, she's seeing you the rebel on the outside with the hair and the this. It is weird because even I talk to my parents like pretty funny. Like I don't sound different when I'm talking to them, but like you kind of have. >> Yeah. You got you got 40 years of rapport. >> Yeah. I know it's like weird, but like don't follow my lead. >> You know what I mean? >> It's kind of like the uh the first impressions thing, you know? It's like you don't go into a job interview all relaxed like in that way. Like that happens after rapport after you've been in the company for a while, right? So it's kind of like >> unless that's so your selling point and you're so good. >> Yeah, I know. >> Your charisma is just insane. I used to tell my friends that would come to my house before they come in. I'm like, "Hey, my mom does not ████ around. You got to say, "Please, thank you." You got to be super polite, take your shoes off.
13:32 You got to look her in the eye. You got to shake her hand. You got to say, "Thank you for everything. Like, don't be a d███████." Like, I have to tell my friends that before because if not, I would get in trouble. She would yell at me like, "Who the ████ you bring into the house? Like, you let these people in here?" One of my my sister's friends, one of her best friends, like I we still see her to this day. We still really good friends of her family. First time she came in the house, she was eating chicken and like talking to my mom like, "Hi, I'm here to pick up so and so." And my mom, bro, >> she was like, she was so mad at that ████ >> So, >> when she walked in with chicken, >> she was at the door and she was eating her lunch, whatever, cuz we were I remember a ████ drumstick. >> We were about to go to the beach. She was going to pick us up. We were about to I was about I was about to tag along my big sister about to go to the beach and ████ And we didn't go cuz my mom just ████ was yelling, "Just give me this s███." And it created this whole ████ thing. That's what I'm saying. But but to her, she can go and her
14:23 family, she can go and it's fine. And I would understand as an American, it doesn't make it's not that build up with some KFC. >> Yeah. And my mom was just mad like that is so rude to us. >> Exactly. And my mom is still thinking she's in Singapore, but my mom Singapore. >> You know what though? My parents were so racist that they actually gave everybody that wasn't Japanese a pass cuz they expected to be them to be an animal. They just think it's funny. >> That's the inverse. >> They're just like, "Oh, you know those white people crazy ████ laughing and they just roast them, but it it wouldn't bother them in a mean like like in a way where they're like >> from an imperial background." >> It was just the reality of the situation. >> They're just like they're not going to know. Oh, wow. These are cockroaches speaking your English. Speaking of English very good. >> No, no, no. Like but but like what what their mentality was I thought was so
15:14 cool is that they're like we're in America so obviously you guys are going to date anybody who you went to school with who you interact it's so it's it would be naive for us to believe you're going to marry a Japanese. So so it's like but when you do like meet these people they're like just pay attention to their family >> cuz they're like it doesn't matter what race there's going to be trash regardless right so he's like just pay attention to how good their family is. >> That's what they would say to me. Yeah, but then like when they come over they were just like laugh after was like that was funny like that they did this. They just went they just walked right in with their shoes like they're like damn they live like that at home. So like they'll like roast them but like >> it wasn't like oh your friends are ████ caveman. Like don't ever you can't do that ever again. You know >> they also had you in the garage. >> This Yeah. Yeah. And my brother already
16:06 brought like non-Japanese girls home and dated and so like you know >> your brother was a pioneer. >> Your brother was a pioneer. >> I think my parents actually liked people like they wanted people over. So >> you know you know what the funny double standard is just as a bonus. >> What? >> When you bring someone Asian home then they're like the ████ wrong with their parents? They let you bring them home. >> Yeah. >> They're even more judgmental. Yeah. That's true. is never good enough.
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