0:00 [Music] how many people in here use their phone while they're driving for directions block folio yeah dude it's fdx now ftx now look down just both i always but i have a lot of uh courtesy and manners so i always write sorry for the typos i'm driving but honestly though texting and driving isn't that hard bro it's not that hard why don't you guys do the voice thing yeah like i used that car play thing and then or apple play whatever it's called and then i don't really text that much while i drive but people that text and drive they're just so bad at it because they're completely focused on their phone and they're not even looking at the road they drive like this they'll slow down at 20 miles an hour to text and then that's my biggest gripe that's actually driving i've definitely seen people in their free before like driving 80 and they're just like looking down the whole time like this i saw someone
0:50 reading a newspaper oh i see someone reading a script for real yeah they were reading a newspaper and then i saw one time somebody was reading a script while they were driving holy i saw somebody eat spaghetti meatballs when they're driving that's actually not that bad that's not that bad not like a whole plate i'd like bowl of cereal white dressing like the twist twist like that that's pretty good though that's the way to eat spaghetti meatballs though like like when i used to when i was in high school i see my breakfast on the way to school and so i was like i've seen your bowls noodle soup noodle soup so i was like eating noodle soup how's the soup not ████ spill i don't know he's like initial d dude wow you don't drive that crazy dude but i was like when i was driving you know what's amazing it's driving and doing makeup oh that's ████ amazing that's crazy dude
1:40 because they could do ████ eyeliner and ████ and they don't even pick their i mean they don't even like poke their eye dude or if i'm driving and nikki's doing makeup next to me she's like you gotta ████ tell me before you break and i'm like this ████ ████ broke yeah what do you want me to do what am i gonna do that kind of ████ yeah my worst one uh like 10 years ago i used to drive a manual honda accord coupe ooh manuals are fun yes so stick shift on that while being on like the phone while like packing a bowl of weed and eating and eating a spaghetti sandwich let's go dude that was like i was reckless i want to drive with this guy we were multitaskers that's true people people really do suck when they text and drive like it's like just be better at it or if you're gonna do it just be better at it or don't do it i saw this girl she was we were all at a stoplight right she was just on her ████ phone she was so deep in her text she didn't even realize that there
2:31 was a cop right next to us and the light was ████ green it turned green and then he was looking at her and he's like and then she was just good oh man and she looked up she goes oh my god oh my god and then she drove straight and he didn't he didn't do ████ see what's the point of that thing dude nah she was like you got to give that lady a ticket how many seconds until you bust what do we need to get back to the bart skill ████ three hours scale three hours okay is that like constant stroking or is that a whoa mike that's a weird ████ michael you said buzz man it's just a quick question man yeah dude it was this beautiful thing that we did yeah what a weird detail you made it weird michael uh so police
3:21 broke it dude police in canada say they they were working on uh distracted drivers they had a little initiative they want to pull over more distracted drivers right and so they pulled over this guy who was obviously distracted and the officer walked up to the window expecting to see a cell phone but instead he saw that they were holding a flute the cop says that the driver was quote following along to a song on an ipod while playing that's crazy you gotta send that out of jail play some careless whispers how are you gonna drive while you're playing bro if you're playing kenny g you have to get arrested yo honestly though he's just serious about him he's practicing you know what i mean sometimes you got to get your practice no dude because you're not getting real practice ████ that you should go to jail maybe he's going to band practice and he wants to
4:12 show up knowing his ████ but how do you drive yeah i should kill himself with a severe sword is this ████ with a flute like this and he's just using this to control the wheel he's using this well you just need the knee technique the knee technique actually works pretty well on straight away i don't i've never i never used my knee before to drive how do you do that oh dude it's really simple it's actually the best method to drive i always strive to with their knee i drive with my finger but then you still need hands yeah no she would go like this i tried to u-turn my knee before it's really hard all the way up here yeah you got to like put the pressure on from the front side and then you got to be able to go like this and then sink into it i'm going to try yeah tall enough i can't no i can't i couldn't do it i'm saying it's really hard i'm going to try i tried maybe it's it's the short legs that's the flute oh what the dude you gotta say that the evidence yeah and this guy was charged with distracted drug good he's
5:02 going away for a long time good take his ass to jail no just stick that flute in his ████ mouth and make him deep throw it i'm one of those dudes that's like your years of justice here is ████ we're not gonna stop people from being distracted you know what i'm saying like people are always gonna do it so it's kind of like that's why more smart cars or like tesla's like self-driving ones or i think it should just be more realistic like when you're getting your driver's license a part of it should be distracted driving and can you drive distract like just make the test like applicable to how it plays out in real life the driving test is too easy i think you should have to drive you should have to be able to perform execute a text while you're driving you should be able to make trades on your ████ wallet or your crypto make an instagram post while you're driving you know during the dip
5:52 and you have to make the trade before it goes back up while also being able to make a left turn that's like that that hacker movie swordfish or some ████ when that guy had a hat hitting a dick yeah that's a great scene by the way yeah it's like that should be the dmv test dude for real i think so he tests his road head yup you got to get road head while you're driving you're like ████ i got the wrong driving instructor that's the district you got to give roadhead while you drive yeah oh that's hard oh yeah you got to jack the dude off while you're driving yeah that'd be good no nose up for that one huh like what i don't like yours this is the most realistic i don't know about that one you're like a san francisco driving instructor [Laughter] i don't get it what do you mean driving ████ stick shift in san francisco is one of the worst things
6:42 bro that's what i did in l.a bro ████ driving my truck stick shift was horrible everywhere i went my left leg is like completely numb because of the clutch that's right the scary thing is when you stall out in san francisco your car ████ rolls back dude because of the hills you don't get it perfectly you're going down you have to do ████ at san francisco where you pull the handbrake you know what i mean you're just waiting there and then and then you gotta slowly press that and then you're like okay cool i'm good but i got really good after that though if you roll back too far you're not gonna stick dude i'm so glad that i don't have a stick because now i can text and drive much easier yeah so but it's so much easier to text and drive while you're uh have automatic but that's why people got tesla's right so you could text and drive because even that big ass is a tech screen yeah tesla do you think people are worse drivers these days oh ████ yeah yeah it's worse than it's ever been yeah people don't
7:33 even look over their shoulder now when they turn when they signal no or this guy doesn't what i mean i always look over my shoulder and i signal dude bart goes good luck everybody nobody knows how to ████ merge dude when you merge with somebody perfectly they have their blinker on i have my blinker on and then we perfectly merge nothing gets my dick harder dude it's like synchronized driving no dude when it's perfect or when i go and the guy waits and he's like breaking the whole time and then he signals over after i've made my move that guy's a piece of ████ dude you might what pisses me off is if you come in my lane and you don't wave i'm like where's my wave where's my ████ wave i wave all the time too even if it's raining i roll down my window a little bit oh thank you yeah in hawaii they go shaka dude they go thank you very much thank you they're like shoots they do that see i think the
8:23 problem with especially for like anybody who's in like california or la us maybe in general right it's like everybody's so entitled which is why we we feel comfortable with the text because you assume that everybody's following the same rules as each other it's right it's like this is my lane this is my right of way if the light's green i'm not expecting a pedestrian so you don't pay attention because you think that like the system means i should go versus like really paying attention what might be happening regardless of the system whereas you go to like china or india or vietnam or where there's like no intersections there's no street lights riding in vietnam and everybody kind of has to like anybody could die at any moment so almost everybody drives safe because they're paying attention i like that i feel like they drive safe but in that dangerous way because it doesn't look safe it doesn't look safe it doesn't look it and yet over here people are driving like 85 miles an hour and then hitting ████ and ████ flying out
9:13 the window it's just a different driving culture because it didn't look safe because we i didn't get it but when i when i started riding i was like oh ████ this is actually pretty nice yeah it's just like it's like when you walk at the mall that there's like a oh like you're like you're right you're like a pool he's walking into people even though there's no order yeah you just always you're aware dude you're not like over here like you know if you bump it if i bump into nick at like disneyland oh shoot my back so over there like i'll see people like get little fender benders and they just look oh i show my back and everyone's coming nobody died yeah like there's like little scrapes in there but here it's like it could be a little tap oh my god let me get your insurance in the middle of the freeway you got to get the ████ out stop all of traffic it's like a little thing and everyone gets ████ like look at my bmw while in asia they got a ████ golden
10:03 retriever that they're holding while they're riding their mopeds yeah with a family of six on their ████ ████ i seen that ████ i remember this one time when uh i was in beijing and we went to go see the uh the uh like i forgot some monument thing right and so basically like really made an impact it was something a wall of china it wasn't the great wall of china temple it wasn't a shaman temple what was it basically so we were going this way right and we were all the way on like the left side so like and then um the entrance to the monument was on the other side and so basically we had to uh i was like well you know driver we could just be dropped off here you know over here and then you know we could take the underground tunnel and walk to the entrance which is you know not that far away but then the driver is like no you guys i want to take you to the very front so he basically he decided to do
10:54 like a massive u-turn from the left no it was free because my friend had a driver so he we were in the left mostly he does a u-turn across like 10 lanes and then he ends this up like right in the front of the monument did he cut anyone off though he caught off tons of people like one two three just like made the massive left massive u-turn and then we were right there i don't mind if people bust the crazy if it doesn't affect anybody yeah affect anybody i'm pretty sure people honked at him no it affects everybody out there but still it's like no accidents and everybody gets where they need to go i think there's a new rule that should be made in the u.s if you're driving on a clear straightaway and there's no crosswalks and somebody's jaywalking but that person is like taking their time knowing that the driver's not going to hit them i feel like you should be able to hit that pedestrian that's good new york style yeah i think that's the way in new york the cavs will bump you a little bit
11:44 these ████ cruise by jaywalking acting like you ain't gonna hit me they won't even look over their shoulder for other cars and i feel like they should be hit by cars yeah especially the old ladies with the ████ walkers taking so long that ████ i'm just kidding i'm talking about cool guys i'm talking about cool guys yeah i feel like if people don't choose to acknowledge you then you get to not have to acknowledge them exactly i think that's a great role right versus like somebody walking down the street like second like somebody looks and you're like okay you're conscious of me i want to be conscious of you today every time i see one of those shoppers too i'm like what the ████ are you why are you shopping out here why do you have a ████ they're pushing this card along and i'm like don't ████ shop here dude [Music]
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