0:00 [Music] anybody ever heard of vladimir the cannibal he a people well done thank you yeah i'm a history buff yeah cannibals in his name so he kind of gave it away is he an ancient warrior if my ancient is still alive uh yeah always recently are you thinking about like hannibal the cannibal i'm thinking about you know they're like oh alexander the great i'm like oh his this guy was like from the 1600s because he got like a the in his description he ate his enemies and stuff fluffy shirt and a nice coat a piece of ████ i guess he's like i don't know megan's stallion's kind of cool v that's different that's megan v stallion but she's great i'm a big fan so vladimir i always get these names crazy nikolayevich nikolayev sounds like a
0:50 wrestler it's kind of redundant age 63 was convicted of killing two men in 97 in novocs in russia sounds like a nuclear power plant thank you although initially handed the death penalty nikolayev had his sentence commuted to life behind bars after the country abolished the death penalty my god dude so he's just randomly in that pocket during during a change in the uh in the law would it turn non-soviet yeah but he took part in a national geographic documentary titled inside russia's toughest prisons oh those are tough in which he spoke about eating one of his victims holy ████ a person can't be that tough if he's still alive in it yeah that's true he's surviving but maybe because he scared everybody maybe he's really likable and everyone likes them well the inmates like him he's eating people yeah
1:41 that's how he survived why is it a lot because he's eating everybody else only living prisoner and everyone else dies everyone else is hungry he didn't do that in prison did he no no why are you guys gonna go so dark what if he's just like a really fun cool guy everyone likes hey vlad dude vlad's the funny guy on that i'm a seller oh you're talking like uh like uh noho hank and barry oh my god he's great right he's like obvi he's hard he's tough but he's also very nice yeah he's great he just wants out he wants a life too you know he wants to experience he's misunderstood so speaking while inside the notorious kasich's dolphin prison where he was transferred in 2001 nikolayev said he had no intention of eating human flesh when he carried out the murder but was tempted to try it while dismembering his victim's corpse you know i know what he feels like yeah
2:31 god because like i was so ████ hungry during lunch right and then um like today it was during lunch we were filming we were we were filming at the community college and i was playing a student and i had an anatomy book so i was like man ████ flipping pages were the titties that ████ you know cause like they always show obviously go straight to the titties no titties female reproductive all these muscle fibers and i was like you know what that arm looks kind of good like it kind of looks like steak right now and i was like see this is how cannibalism starts you're curious it's a curious cannibal that's how it starts all muscle fibers look the same i'm i'm not i don't discriminate red meat purple meat whatever me human it
3:22 looks the same when it's underneath friends me same thing exactly but then when you're looking at it in an anatomy book and you just it's like sectioned off you're like yo that looks like kind of a ████ that looks like oxtail right now like right there that ████ spine with a little bit of meat that looks like oxtail yeah once i get rid of the human hair and the teeth thing well they're not they don't show this that it's the muscle fiber part it's just that and in the dried part that looks like beef jerky so i was like man i don't want to do this i'm getting too hungry looking at human so if they so if they came out with you know how they have lab meat where they just make meat not using an animal they just create it that's gross would you i agree i agree i'm a jaundice i'm i'm going to say if they if they were manufacturing like lab meat that's human meat would you try it only if it's dick i'm
4:12 just kidding i don't know um if i won't get sick yeah you won't get yeah i won't get sick if it's manufactured i mean if i won't get sick i would try that too yeah if i won't get sick if i won't be sick but you're gonna eat a human man if someone gets sick i would try that too but uh hey you're going to do it i don't want to be if i will get sick yeah i don't want to get sick would you eat a human flavored gummy i'd eat a human before i eat a dog but i heard that people cannibalism and people that eat human they get sick like oh they get sick from it yeah i heard that so yeah in the mind even if they properly cook it i know a guy that actually ate a ate a person what do you say you got sick how do you know a guy who actually ate a pizza oh uh he's my friend's uncle and he goes whoa yeah so he's like in the vietnam he goes man we got lost in the jungle and then you know uh we got attacked and
5:04 then for so many days we don't even know where to go you know so hungry and then um my friend died and then we have no food for so many times you do the math for so many times you do the math we decide okay we have to cook him i was like you couldn't find a banana no food you couldn't find a ████ coconut it's a jungle no there's nothing man i eat a tarantula before i eat a ████ human but what ended up happening is they didn't want to eat his like body and his like parts so they opened up and they said i got the lever and we we wanted the most unhuman pot and then we chop it up we fry it and we eat it unhuman part and i was like did you eat till you were full and he goes i couldn't do it man i took one bite and i
5:56 was already full i was like damn yeah so they got they all chopped up his liver and all they all took like different but no one could actually like eat a lot of it but they just ate like well the organs have more nutrients than the meat anyway how did they have everything else he's like we don't have food but i took out my air fryer one hour i love this guy though his name was uncle ricky and he would tell us crazy he was he would he would just be like man the wall it was so scary sometime i
6:47 get a soul nightmare you know and i wake up in the morning i'm choking my wife i'm blessed oh ████ damn some wolverine ████ bring that fool on the show yeah i'll try to find him no you know what i'll try to find him he was one of the craziest storytellers and then so he's like he's not really my friend's uncle but you know how in asian culture you call everybody uncle yeah but um him and my friend's dad became best friends in a refugee camp because then and then we so we and then they like i forgot what we were watching but we were watching some kind of vietnamese movie about the war and then these guys i think they went to hong kong or something and it was their first time like being able to like explore a city outside of vietnam and they were holding hands everywhere and you know like us being like we made fun of everything that was gay
7:37 in in the early 2000s right so me and my friend was dying during the whole montage of them running around holding hands looking at all the shops and we were dying and ████ crying right you guys kiss already and then and then uncle ricky was there and he was like you know in the vietnam when your best friend you hold hands everywhere and he was getting mad like he goes that's normal and i was like damn dude okay uncle richard hey that is that is normal when i was a kid i remember going to vietnam and like people would hold hands like that or an asian in general a lot of a lot of countries do they're yeah they'll hold hands with their friends yeah yeah and i thought i was like oh is everybody just gay here and it's like no best friends will just hold hands like that and i was like that's wild yeah it goes when you have a best friend you just hold hands everywhere some middle middle eastern countries do that yeah and i just pictured this dude like fighting war
8:27 and then in the in the middle of it he's like holding hands with this soldier like homie and just walking around town and i'm just like oh ████ [Laughter] i can only eat the liver of a man i hold his hand with i know that's crazy the ████ that he told me dude i was like dude that is crazy to get a first-hand like account of eating humans well yeah so this guy it's actually pretty chilling what this guy gets into and the way he starts talking about because uh um it's in a chilling way very human the way he thinks about it or maybe not human i guess maybe i'm dark i don't know he says talking about the murder he says i was coming home from a party a little drunk and next to the door of my building another guy also drunk asked me for a light we started arguing and got into a fight he hit me and i hit him and it turned
9:17 out he died in the chilling clip he goes on what was i to do i dragged him into the bathroom undressed him and started cutting him apart after cutting the man's head and limbs nicholas nikoi nicole gave a laugh and said he then felt the urge to try him wow i cut off a piece of meat from his thigh and boiled it he said he said i tried it didn't like it so i chopped it up and fried it in a frying pan so he tried it again it's because he boiled it my guy like of course he's all like oh even more horrifically he then gave some of the flesh to an unwitting acquaintance who took it home and fed it to his children and wife with none of them knowing where the meat had originated he said he took it home and gave it to his wife she made dumplings
10:07 with it she had some herself and fed some to her children they didn't know what it was then nikolayev was accused of selling around five kilograms of human flesh at an open market claiming it was kangaroo oh selling it that's kind of a really smart way to get rid of it because they're like i don't even know what this is he was eventually caught after a woman noted the unusual taste and took it to a doctor for examination where it was discovered what a ████ snitch dude what a ████ rat this is a very weird he's not a cannibalism but she's a ████ snitch that's what happened i just can't believe a guy like this would be candidate for rehabilitation that's hilarious i know well he's he's he's just not so much candid for rehabilitation but it's just now that they don't no longer have the death penalty it's just life behind bars for the rest of his life i'm kind of on the side actually that guy should have been
10:57 talking ████ dude she should have just got it it was just a drunken like accident yeah brawl killed the guy and then got curious as he was dismembering him he got lemons and he made lemonade you know what i mean he got human human human aids yeah that's what he did ████ crazy that he was selling this meat to people maybe he was like oh i'm not down to waste food makes me feel like this wasn't the first time he dismembered someone either yeah for sure yeah like you go straight to dismemberment yeah cause why do you do that why don't you just throw it away bury the guy i know like a normal person oh that guy looks like a crazy nut but he also just might be a russian dude too i was always wondering like where they where they still wore those jail hats you know those jail hats like brother where art thou yeah we always saw those back in like hot dog on a stick [Music]
11:54 [Applause] [Music] you
// end of tape