0:00 so then after the cop nuts they're like oh you're under arrest [Music] all right this story is a classic it's one of those ones that you're like of course there is um a Hitman who created an assassination for higher website on the dark webs on the normal web okay so an 18 year old woman in Miami contacts a site about a hit job and she's like hey I got a hit that I want to take care of um she sends photos and tells them the job's got to be done by Thursday I believe this is like Monday when it's happening oh ████ um the site then contacts the woman to get details on it like okay I'll do your hit let me get some more information
0:55 they agree on a fee of three thousand dollars to assassinate the woman's three-year-old son what oh my God what did he do yeah he was tripping huh I heard the uh after the terrible twos there's the crazy threes that doesn't rhyme though there's no alliteration there what's speed there's no literation there's no catch to it is it the crazy craze or the Tracy three the crazy thing I got worse you never heard of those I never heard of those terrible twos is the theme three was cool Triple Threat three I played three four it got better and better better better better I kind of made it up that's why it doesn't make sense tumultuous maybe it's it maybe it's the it's the e3s the y3s okay oh yeah
1:46 yeah maybe it's that yeah because I know a lot of people that wanted to kill their kid at two because they're like this ████ ████ it's a Louis CK bit right over some ████ about twos he wants to kill his kids so I think like um when they're baby baby you're like oh they're cute they can't really communicate that's cool because they're not really like mobile you know you set them down here they're here then once they get to like about one they start to like be able to crawl some can walk they can hop over the fence you have like your little baby thing like you look away for a second and then they're like trying to stick their hands in like the sockets um and then when they're two I think they start to like know that oh the world isn't a program that I follow I get to make my own choices but then also they don't quite know how to communicate just yet so everything is about me me me me and if if I don't get what I want
2:37 I'll cry immediately but I'm also extremely immobile so you have to be very careful because they can get into all kinds of crazy ████ and then also uh when they're crying they're not they're also not old enough to really articulate what's happening so you can't really reason or figure anything out so it's just like a a Rubik's Cube that that is constantly trying to commit suicide all over the place that's pretty much what it is sounds great but once they're three they start being able to talk and you can understand and the 40 gets better and better and better and better and you're like okay I understand now I know why you did this when you're two because you can articulate it so maybe the baby just turned three probably right so she's probably thinking she was trying to assassinate yeah good reason that's what it says amazing yeah I'm good dude this crime unit is sick terrible twos yeah so what happens is they uh so they end up showing up at her
3:29 house to like because that's where the kid is oh my gosh they go to the house the mom opens the door for the Hitman and what do you think what are you thinking she gets arrested immediately she gets arrested because the Hitman was a cop because it hit man it's always a cop classic classic assassination has three asses and the website itself was just a bait site that's some random independent dude made so that he can report to the cops who wants to have an assessment there's no more Hitmen out there I'll tell you that's fine it's all cops was it assassination for hire.com the four was a number four assassin four higher they had a really good copy on the website I thought um she went on a telephone and wrote help wanted and had those little phone numbers killed that you rip off you guys ready to kill I'm ready to pay you have someone who's a pain in your ass that needs to be removed but they know the
4:19 loophole a cop can't show you their dick I'll see as soon as they hit matches up show me your ████ dick don't give them the secret Steve intermediate this trial dude have you seen all that like with prostitution wait what but yeah so if you're a prostitute like there's a there's like a it was like a urban legend that cops can't show you I didn't know that and so yeah hella chicks were like show me your dick and then they do and then the copper recipe they're like oh oh ████ I forgot like situations where
5:10 there was like an let's say like a Hitman was hired right it's never a career Hitman that does that for a living it's just a guy yeah who just need it down as a luck yeah and he's had other priors but he's just moved up to like he's like three G's that sounds like a good like they don't end up linking him to five other hits like he's just a ████ yeah because I feel like if you're a real hit man your marketing is probably like Word of Mouth probably that's how it versus Facebook ads you're not online right you're not online right yeah play that you're not you don't you don't really uh fall under the SEO you can't play that game we still don't know who killed Epstein for example that's true like you know once bet she was three thousand dollars yeah yeah holy ████ this is a dumb question uh because everybody's got a price how much you charge usually off somebody okay also that's fun how much would I charge to off someone 69.5 do I you mean
6:02 I do the Dirty Work you're murdering stuff you do all the work emotions you don't know do I have to dump the body is it a kid for hire no it doesn't matter you this is what you're actually who doesn't do kids dude honestly no I only do kids I if it if it makes sense I could get talked into killing someone if it makes sense if it makes sense you're adding morals to it I'm looking for a price oh oh no no morals you're just looking yeah but what if I show up and it's a kid and I'm like ah then you go like this I didn't know yeah do you um you have to dispose of the body what's the situation where it makes sense to you do you think when it uh makes sense let's say um there is Justice was not served let's say something happened to a family member and they come in confine in me and then I'm like oh okay and then the cops didn't do anything okay well that means
6:53 Justice must be served every Father's Day there's that post about the um father whose kid got molested by the karate teacher yeah and then he shows up at the airport with a ████ gun and he blows the guy away that's real fun yeah he's on the phone booth yeah yeah phone booth sunglasses did you see that interview with the with the with the pedo what he said is uh they would ask him you know what type of targets you would would you not go for and he goes oh kids with strong dads they're like kids that have got dads that look aggressive um or whatever stay away he's like they'll kill you yeah like I told you guys about what happened to me right like ████ Kane Velasquez oh yeah remember the UFC fighter he found out that um they're touching his kids this fool
7:43 went on a rampage drove his ████ truck out was shooting with his AR like dude this fool doesn't give up and he was in jail for like ever and he's still proud that he said I don't regret anything that I did this is my these are my kids you don't ████ with my kids yeah did I tell you guys what happened to me I think I did but it was a long time ago um it was like 1995 or some ████ I was like 10 years old and or nine barely and then uh there was a guy in our neighborhood and this was a national news story like um I remember talking to chip Reed from ABC because this ████ was crazy no you did not tell us this okay so there's a guy I think his name was Tim I don't know if I can say his full name allegedly his name is Tim Walsh but it was a national news story and he was in our neighborhood talking to all of us I had a little group of friends right it was me and a bunch of kids and he used to take his moped and he was like an older dude but like you know he's like it like it seemed like he was like
8:33 an older kid almost because he would like come in our neighborhood and he'd like talk to us and then he would like race us on his moped but we're on bikes moped would have been a kid magnet for me oh and it was as soon as the moped come through I'm like bro ████ it I'm right he was smart because he would race us but let us win and then we're like yeah we'd be showing him open a little ████ you know I mean like but he was like an overdue he's like over like I think he was like 20 years old and so then um my mom like all of a sudden one day for my birthday we were at Pizza Hut because that was like the ████ happen in place right yeah it was happening oh yeah I told I go up to my mom and I'm like oh that's my friend who like keeps on like come up to us in the neighborhood the moped and my mom's blood froze when she saw him because she remember seeing him in the paper and she remembers this guy Tim Walsh who
9:24 actually we met in karate at jewelry karate Taekwondo um he would come he was a red belt and he would come and he would like talk to us and stuff this is years prior and then my mom remembers in the paper seeing that he got picked up for ████ a kid in our neighborhood molesting him sexually assaulting him and then um so when I when when years later I go that's my friend at the Pizza Hut her blood freezes and she's like holy ████ that's that ████ guy and then um she starts calling around and nobody gives a ████ and the cops don't care and then my mom's like you know what ████ it so she goes to uh Kinko's and she like z rocks is like all these flyers but did you know this ████ child molesters in our neighborhood talking to your ████ kids and ████ oh ████ and she blasts it she blasts it all over our neighborhood
10:15 everywhere she put it in like everybody's doorstep and ████ it's amazing and then the ACLU tried to sue my my family after that which is crazy I hate those guys forever are you ████ kidding I didn't know ACLU ████ protected pedals they do um what's ACLU I thought American civil liberties Union they go after people that like talk ████ about they go out look I agree with their mission statement which is to like serve people who deserve defense but this guy was a con he was convicted and he was violating his parole by talking to kids but talking to kids and he wasn't supposed to be even talking to me kids and if I was in your friend group and that fool pulled up in the moped I would be going off into the sunset on his moped exactly was the fear was with my mom right because you know we all knew not to do that with strangers but he didn't seem like a stranger he seemed like he was my
11:05 friend yeah so it was a different thing he was establishing a relationship he was grooming us basically right right and then my mom was so ████ militant that she did that and then because she put the Flyers out it became a national news story and then the cops got involved and then he went back to court and then he went back to jail but like until then nobody was doing ████ so yeah my mom's a ████ hero forever strongest woman I've ever met wow what was your dad doing ████ off dude oh you give a ████ he was too busy at work and ████ yeah no he was working he's working what would you guys do in that situation I would pull up next to him in my moped and be like wanna race let's type I'll be like stop making it all six yeah that's sexy that's hot angel you're a kid no right now oh if I found out that he was doing this in my
11:55 neighborhood and I'd be like want to race and then as we're going side by side I ████ kicked the ████ out of that moped so he falls off of it and I turn around and ████ run over his whole body with my moped mopeds are pretty small too and he's like yeah you can't go really that I mean it's kind of fast you probably go like 40 miles per hour max dude imagine Joe running against me ████ yeah right after going won a race yeah wanna race foreign [Music]
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