0:00 but that like helping me cope with it that moment hey hey hey what the yo look at Joe's face though what he said cheesy and Joe started smiling and I was just cracking up at Joe's face I I don't know what you're talking [Music] about so there's a there's a fan of ours his name is Denny and uh he had a good question hi Denny's and this is really him asking for legitimate help which I think will be good cuz so don't make fun of him no no no I think that that's he's a fan so he must enjoy so make fun of him he he's going through something right now the loss of a family member and he wants to know how to deal with the grief there there's no weird angles to this that's just that's it that's it's like somebody died which family member I don't know I
0:51 don't know which one it was I mean surround yourself in things that you like I think is Big go on the cruise the best that's do you have a motorcycle or do you have a sports car that's a good place to start how did you deal with grief oh you made like Cruis in a car I thought you meant like a freaking like a 5day carnival cruise I thought he was talking like a boat Royal Caribbean yeah yeah that's what I thought too you meant like like a cruise like a car cruise yeah if you you know if if you're a car guy go on a little Cruise man hit up gmr Bubba but if you got a motorcycle how you guys okay how would you guys deal with I've never really lost someone that I feel like oh I lost you know U my Grandpa died and I played Grand Theft Auto for like ████ a week probably it was pretty weird Grandma and
1:43 Grandpa both in the days or just actually enjoying it no I was like sort of numb you know yeah actually it was weird cuz my grandpa dad the same day I had to do this like clown prank it was really weird day man but yeah me and Nikki did this like clown prank on the same day my Grandpa died then we came home and I played Grand Theft Auto yeah for like 5 days straight just not saying anything just not really yeah not really just single player pretty much not ████ play online baby I'd like to ask him ging people yeah of course like who it was what they meant and then like all this stuff cuz it's like I don't know I don't know if there's like a cookie cutter way I mean if you've never had this experience it might not matter the only the only
2:33 experience I've had is my dog that's it yeah and it I cried 24 ████ s for like 2 weeks straight wow ████ I would just burst into tears out of nowhere like I would just be eating a taco and ████ and then my tears would just start rolling down my ████ eyes and I would start wailing like I wouldn't be even I can't even even my finish my taco I put that ████ down to ████ cry I'll be like and I'm like like all right ████ this ████ and then I go back to damn no this is good I didn't know that this was maybe 20 ████ 17 or something like that I don't know or yeah maybe 2018 167 man no like I I ████ cried hard like like ████ every day I would just
3:23 wake up and then I would just ████ cry and tire myself out from crying and I'm like you know what I'm just going to try to sleep this off and maybe it's like a flu right you just keep sleeping and then you won't it won't hurt so much so I would just binge sleep and ████ and it didn't ████ help dude it just made it yeah probably feels horrible when you every time you realize it wasn't a dream nah and my ████ dog would visit me in my dream and ████ too every like every night and so we're like playing in my dream and it's real and I wake up and I'm like ████ he died and ████ yeah and I was a full grown adult dude well when was crying like a little ████ for a dog no that's completely warranted but how did it eventually like what was the turning point of it getting better just time it's just time yeah yeah like it's literally like there's no way at least
4:14 for me I don't have good coping mechanisms so like it's it I if I want to ████ cry it's just it's gone it's like that's it and I can't stop thinking about it did you have different stages of grief where like you became like you know people say like before you really let go like different things happen where you start to blame different things you get angry about other elements like it's not just like one note hates Coy to this day I would say maybe the first week was like ████ this ████ that but then the the thing is it happened when I was on vacation yeah so then it was it was even worse cuz I wasn't even there so I'm I'm just like in a foreign Place everyone's trying to enjoy themselves and I'm just like miserable and then like but I don't want to ████ ruin it for everybody right but then when I come back and then I'm like settling in and I'm just like man I just want to stop crying I can't
5:06 stop yeah yeah and it's just automatic yeah this's your dog yeah my dog passed when I was overseas too with the crew ████ sucks oh yeah the dog that you traded for the thing huh de dog how long how long were you sad for though you know what's crazy um for me well one when I found out when my sister told me via Mike's laptop on Facebook Messenger at the time cuz she can get a hold of me uh I left the hotel lobby and I went around the corner of the the hotel we were some like ghetto city in China and I start balling and I was just like I just had to like cry it out and I think crying honestly when you have to is better than not when you have to like you just it you kind of need to get to that emotional depth in catharsis to like almost reel yourself back into like okay like you're all cried out so you're
5:57 just like all right let me you need to feel the reality of it and that helps ████ and then I feel like I feel like uh I I I had to keep working and ironically it was I think that's helpful for my personality to like have to keep doing something I think if I'm just like stranded to my own like thoughts and stuff I I might have been more saddened right um but because I had to keep working I had to choreograph for like the next class and stuff like that I ended up choreographing this is cheesy as ████ I end choreographing to this like very soft ████ piano routine that uh you ended up doing a cover for our culture shock set by the way which one was that the the Sam Smith one no way I didn't know that that was connected in any way to your it was for my dog I was like imagining my dog so
6:49 like there's movement and stuff where I'm dancing with the ████ Spirit of my dog I know oh no but that like helping me cope with it that moment hey hey hey what the he's thinking about a Simpsons joke oh yo look at Joe's face dog what when you said that your face was cracking up dog Joe thought it was a little gay he said cheesy and Joe started smiling and I was just cracking up at Joe's face I I don't know what you're talking about I agree that Joe's face said that yo yo I'm serious I'm not laughing at an I was laughing at you no it's okay I understand he cried 24/7 for 2 weeks straight couldn't finish his Taco it's okay we're coping right I did I I ad it's a very cheesy way to do it um but that like helped me get through that moment but I I also realized that like when you busy yourself it's like
7:40 helpful to pass time but if you don't like sit in it it still comes back that's that's a good point I wish I had that like at least on balance cuz um I was at I was just at home and and we weren't filming JK we came back from the trip everyone was jet lagged and you know when you're jet lagged too like you're not even operating on normal hours so it feels like a weird Haze of like you wake up in at 3:00 in the morning and you're just like what are we going to do yeah just go to ████ King Taco and David shows up cuz he's always down for King Taco and you're just sitting there like eating King Taco and then like you're going home and you're like man this is so weird yeah yeah that must be worse cuz you woke up at 3:00 a.m. where everyone's everything's quiet yeah it's a weird Eerie like reality CU it doesn't feel like time's moving either yeah and then um
8:30 I mean eventually you get over it but like I'm just not over it hey hey for that fan hey just go to New York and go straight into Wall Street it's going to be so ████ loud and busy you're not going to have time I was like and get a jum become a Wall Street Wolf Wall Street yeah what are you doing here no just just yeah I think keeping busy joking about it is good joking about it joking about it is really good another thing that helped me is being around happy people mhm yeah cuz like latching on to their Vibes uh yeah that's true when my grandma died Nikki you kept on asking me how many grandmas I had and that was my favorite thing cuz she's like she's like how many grandmas do you have again I was like oh yeah I have none and she's like yeah yeah that's right I you know I still have my grandma and I was like that's true yeah you got me she just kept on doing that sh might only work for some personalities but yes well yeah if
9:21 that's your Vibe right like I'm a we like we like ball busting I feel like you did that to Joe one time a long time ago I don't know what he did but you responded with how many dads do you have that love [Laughter] oh yeah for sure well this guy was doing that to ████ Bart's new well I know Bart so that's you know I mean I think we were all kind of going at it a little bit but that's that's how he likes it that is one of the best I think he's a pain ████ he's a pain ████ but then it also is you it's got to be around people that are skillful at joking about that yeah the right way is important you can't be a first timer with somebody in that way Elite level then you punch him in the face I wouldn't yell at B in the airport about that hey what's up guys just in case you have seen some of these lovely pieces on some of our gentlemen here these awesome Jade pendants or you may have seen the recent JK Adventure where we went to J Jewelers just remember that the sale is on now if you want to visit
10:13 the J jewel. you can even find some of the stuff that our guys have had and way way more the selection is huge so make sure to visit the J Jewelers and check out what they've got check it out let's go I think a good mix of keeping yourself distracted but also giving yourself moments of intention to to acknowledge it and reflect and be okay with whatever the sitting in the the pain is cuz like time time's the Healer yeah let it hit you you can't force it you just yeah yeah it does make it's like a breakup in a way in a ████ up way it's like you you know you're not going to see that person anymore and that that part of your life is gone but I think one one of my favorite things about about like having known someone who's gone is like they're always corny with you always because you have the so many memories of them that's why you love them so much that's why you gri them so much so they never ever go away they're always with you it's just after you die they're
11:04 probably pretty close to going yeah I think like see when it's fresh the pain is still like ouch but over time you start thinking about other dope ████ like good memories and all that and it doesn't really hurt anymore and eventually comes to the point where you're just like yeah dude like I mean I'm I miss them it's sad or whatever but it doesn't feel like oh I can't even ████ eat today cuz it my my and everything is all ████ up I can't deal with have to get through that threshold yeah but like I think that's what they're doing is they're they're going through the suffering and it's like how can I speed up the suffering and I don't think that's actually possible you Pur it's like a purge like you have to purge your system of the and then you have to recognize it and everyone has different time frames of it some people they'll need a week other people like need a
11:54 whole ████ month or months how long was the period for you where it was like the worst when you lost last year Dad I think it took a good few years before it started to feel like I could talk about it without tearing up yeah yeah cuz that's like yeah that's that's that's your PR but it it goes in waves right um you're not I mean you do you definitely do for me personally I slept a lot cuz you kind of go into this you don't want to live in the reality of it and if you you wake up you kind of think oh that was a dream but then you kind of get reminded of the fact that it wasn't so then you go right back into the cycle um but you do have to face it um you do have to surround yourself with people that bring different energy to to remove yourself from that as well yeah um but it takes
12:46 time 100% you can't avoid it I do think like when you're when you don't have good like selft talk skills like in your mind it ████ you up harder M cuz you can go spiral right and like and it's not always sadness yeah you get angry y you start regretting certain things you start having other conversations with yourself um maybe about how it happened or why it happened lot of unanswered questions yeah things that you wish you could have said if anything like I would suggest maybe take away those answers from those conversations and apply it to the people who are still here today dang that was ████ righteous I think that's a really good one cuz then you can it's actionable and that I realized like whenever I'm in a rut when I can do something that it brings kind of power
13:38 back to me so if I could solve a problem or like oh yeah maybe I couldn't do this to this person cuz they're no longer here there's still people that love me I can apply that to and that does feel good yeah and it starts to heal the the parts of you of maybe there's certain parts of you that you regret certain things well you get to fix that with the people that you have yeah still currently um and then forgive yourself for for the fact that you couldn't do that dude forgiving yourself in general as a life trait yeah that's that's something that people got to like learn you got to forgive yourself for anything cuz like grief usually comes from a mixture of feelings not just the loss yeah um a thing that really started helping me out um from like the monkey
14:29 mind ████ is actually writing so like if I have um a thought that spiral like spattering a way that I don't want it to go I'll write it down in a concise way and I'll argue that so I have to be my own lawyer yeah cuz it's like if you like let's say I made a mistake and I'm beating myself up for it right and it's like yeah you can recognize that not be in denial of it but then now you have to like do the work of all right where did how did you learn from that countering yourself cuz like it's so easy to just be like I ████ up there I'm I just keep ████ that up I there's no hope I can't you know learn or whatever but a lot of people do this where you spend hours in that time and I realize like oh ████ like like that's a lot of hours of
15:19 talking ████ to yourself yeah so it's like that can't be good yeah so like it kind of sounds lame but maybe try writing and then you know like I found out like half of people don't have that inner voice in their mind internal dialogue yeah so like writing helps because you can work your thoughts out on something no yeah I don't suggest this but I know that this is something that I do okay going to a br no oh okay that's probably something you do probably but when I have a tough day or when I've experienced moments like uh like loss or like just hardship or like just really tough ████ yeah I will get my drink on oh okay okay A lot of people do that and I'll go I'll go into the deep knowing that I'm not going
16:09 to like like thrash a public place or like you know like kick somebody or anything like that I I'll know that I need to have a a moment of rage and and just uh almost like unleash versus need to contain it versus need to be in control cuz I think that's also like but that's just how I work you know like instead of just trying to yeah our Our advice is not to get your drink on yeah there's healthier advices yeah yeah yeah but for me for me it's like knowing that like I got to hold it together is like yeah you you're you're going to have to hold it together figure out a way to let loose yeah if there's a safe place for you to kind of just be like hey don't don't need to hold it together right now I'll go 10x on it cuz that's going to lubricate your feelings out you guys know uh whm Hoff the cold guy that does
16:59 the breathing and you know his yeah you know how he found out all of his techniques and ████ so like um his wife basically committed suicide I forgot how but it was some brutal way and he was in so much shock that he just didn't want to live anymore right so the only thing that made him feel better was going into extreme physically challenging environments and that's the only time when he felt peace in his mind he was like kind of abusing him s at first Jesus yeah but through that he was able to find peace so some people need to be in physically like shocking kind of environments to like get them out of their like rut yeah so that's a pretty cool method I mean he has his own like whole therapy thing and then like it
17:49 makes a lot of sense to me like you kind of shock your body out of the element cuz another thing is like if you want to stop thinking the way that you're thinking in that state of mind you have to shift your environment so that's why people do a quick little cold shower or something that's why you move out of your apartment you shared with your ex yeah cuz the environment has to change right so your mind State changes so there's like things like that where yeah if you could change kind of like your physical state and your um like your living State yeah just like a spring cleaning of some sort that is true but I don't know if uh cold baths are going to actually help you with your morning dead family member but like I just think like if you add all these little things up though it probably there's still State changers in a moment
18:40 yeah yeah it will shrivel and it's it's also whatever keeps you from taking an action that could just make your situation even harder yeah like going on a Carnival Cruise probably won't help also I have seen this too uh I have seen other people do this and i' I've seen just like bravery out of it and stuff like that but like of course like you know when a family member passes it's like every family member is hurting and then some people just kind of hurt more than others so you'll see like hey I know you're hurting too but because somebody's hurting more it's like easier to be stronger for them be stronger for them yeah oh okay and you know so so like maybe somebody else in your family is also like going through pain too but you know instead of just uh feeling like you're going through some pain by yourself like share that with and maybe you could be for each other
19:31 that is actually really nice or go on a Carnival Cruise uh yo watching old people do YMCA every 3 hours is pretty hilarious and that's a Princess Cruise that that would be fun they just bust out YMCA like randomly and then the whole boat stops to do it you got to do it even if you're carrying stuff you just got to drop it you got to break all the GL it's a rule yeah so man good luck with it hopefully uh rooting for you Find Your Way time time above anything else watch she comes back and goes yo Anthony thanks for the advice man I'm alcoholic now and hey honestly this video takes so long to come out it'll probably be better by the time his next question is how do I get out of being an alcoholic yeah how do I quit Hennessy yeah yeah
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