0:00 yeah did you try Jessica off all the time honestly it helped because that's like my first go-to if I feel sad yeah and if I just golf that's your first go-to it's a nice little reason if I go oh ████ I'm still sad sometimes [Music] and that's uh my uh very very royalty free music so go for it go for it [Music] also royalty free and welcome back to Hot Seat part two with him everybody make some noise [Applause] thank you all right where's the can we get the dick pick up real quick no dude we're gonna demonetize keep it right there it's just more for inspiration I just like to see it out the corner of my eye so uh if you explain Nick why we have to do a round two what would it be because
0:51 we only talked about Hannah and her relationship with Joe so now this time we get to do part two and talk more about you as an individuals yeah you spent all that time last time talk about British ████ and then how I'm not gonna say anything with less interruptions from Joe's the intention but it started in the wrong direction right yeah we want to know more about Hannah tell us about who you are as a person right now I mean to start with a cold one we're your own all right okay and you're trying to hook yourself up are you trying to hook your niece up with you with a Japanese guy with a Japanese guy nice obviously how would you how would you how would you
1:41 introduce her like how would you describe her and summarize her well I'm growing that good genetics good breathing stuff it's our family very fertile family in the future uh no medical issues no allergies that's how you describe yourself if you're trying to sell me to something let her let her finish dude I'm already sold he would be yeah good Britain stock very fertile family very fertile they're pretty fertile all right let's warm it up a little bit okay what's a guilty pleasure of yours guilty pleasure mm-hmm besides eating in bed don't be started pleasure I'm just probably when I first started eating meat again I tell anybody
2:32 I felt really bad about it why'd you feel like you needed to tell someone because like so a lot of my friends were also vegetarian or vegan I had two friends that ran like a vegan podcast whoa family members that are vegetarian vegan yeah they're all doing it too it's fine I don't know but I felt so guilty and I would be saying to him like because I was so worried about officially um we went out one of my friends came to LA and we went out for dinner and she was like you went to a steakhouse and didn't and didn't realize it that steak I was like oh ████ no it's vegan speak yeah and then after that it just all came out my mum actually called me one time and was like are you eating meat now because this has been like a decade yeah no like no one tell everyone when you became vegetarian when I was like 11. see
3:23 what made you want to be vegetarian and 11. we were in school and they showed us a video of an abattoir that's like the executor of the animal can't show that to Asians they'll just go hmm that happens in Rosemead I know I was traumatized and I went home and then the whole class went vegetarian but I was the only person that stuck to it really wow wow damn you got the commitment also like everyone made me feel so bad about it like my brother's made fun of me so bad for it that just despite them I had to keep going um so vegetarian out of Pride yeah I couldn't let it go 20 years holy ████ are these older brothers yeah and then even when I stopped like when I was 18 I thought I don't know if I want to do this and they roasted the ████ out of me because I suggested that I didn't want
4:13 to be a vegetarian anymore suggested it and then you're like well ████ it and then they they became one not that vegan what and they start telling me how I should be eaten cheek of it yeah that's the shake of it what did you what did you want what did you aspire to be as a kid uh different things I'll get there one day when you're like in elementary like eight eight years old what did you go I'm gonna grow up and be this pretty much what I ended up doing just designing like I always knew I wanted to do something in design or art and then I did that I'm quite like a tunnel vision person like that's the only option so I just did that so what did you design costumes how did you get into costuming by lying honestly so I was making like designing and making
5:03 stuff for myself and then I had like a few shops that would sell it but it was very like an isolated thing so I said I want to go into costume it's like more social there's more going on so I just the first place I just sent them like a bunch of stuff that I'd made and they were like sure they gave me a job then I went to London and I was working at a theater there just making costumes doing whatever and one of the producers girlfriends did like film stuff and she said to me oh do you do costume for film and I just said yes never done it figured I'd work it out like how different can it be and so she was like oh cool my friend's a director and then she got me a job on this film it was the first one I ever did how different did it end up being oh it was bad because I think the the difference with stage is that like it's from a distance so everything's just the silhouette and
5:54 the color the detail really mattered yeah everything's in the detail everything's in like us the first time I saw them do like a close-up headshot and I could see all the problems oh I was like were you the only one who saw the problems or did the director also see the problems and was like ████ this oh I didn't ask no problem nobody's voicing it why why would I ask beautiful beautiful I remember saying there was one thing where the girl was like it just didn't like fit properly like you could tell around the thing and I was like oh but you know I think it's her character because she's kind of crazy she's a single mom she's got all these kids yeah it's Canon yeah it was a creative choice and they were like oh no I can see that because I was like yes like all the other costumes look
6:45 like that yeah that was like on purpose we've got a hand raise over here oh yeah what do you want baby you need to stop glassing all over juicy details okay go ahead what what's the juicy what's the GCT type you just went straight from oh I had a couple of shops and then I went to London yeah there's more meaning in between you went there like a homeless Gypsy ████ with a backpack on your back and you went to London by yourself you didn't just do this because people think oh what a ████ rich girl daddy probably ████ did that ████ for her no you were a homeless exactly what I was thinking glad you clarified thank you yeah I went down to London I didn't have any I didn't know anybody I didn't have jobs or nothing like that why does it go to London uh I felt like I was running away a little bit one from was a juicy detail yeah
7:36 I was very stuck in my head like quite an anxious person very tightly wound and I'd had like a bad year with that with like mental health and like all that kind of stuff and as I was coming out the other end of it it's very difficult to snap yourself out of the headspace when you're with the same surrounding so it's easier to just completely remove yourself put yourself somewhere different and pretend that's fixed the problem whereas if you stay in the same environment and you're looking at the same things you actually have to deal with the issue whereas if you put yourself somewhere else you can just pretend but it's all better yeah so that's why I went to London is that better no I'll tell you the story cheese take over by Joe I had a ████ mental breakdown I didn't leave the house for a goddamn year and I said you know what this ████ is getting out of bed packing
8:27 my ████ and I'm going to London because I need to do something with my life and then if you ████ had a suitcase and then you went in with no friends nothing you went into a hostel and then you started building yourself up found a job now that's a ████ you don't have the first stories I had a mental breakdown ish I didn't leave the house for three weeks not a year how does a British girl cry silently oh and with guilt it's not oh no oh no oh no it's not like yeah oh heavy it's just one single thing yeah and then the queen behind you rubbing your bag rip rip and there's a ████ Queen's guard just standing there just waiting what was the moment that caused the mental breakdown of you just crying and
9:18 like uh I think because I'm like introverted if I'm not forced to be social I don't so I think I was just too alone too isolated too stuck in my head and because I was like self-employed and working a lot on my own it gives you too much opportunity to like lean into the anxiety whereas if you're constantly forced to be with people and you have other things coming in it's kind of easier to get pulled out of your own head yeah whereas if you're just like sat in a studio like you're on an island though yeah and then it's just so easy just to lean into it so unless you're like very self-aware and can see yourself leaning in and pull yourself out you just keep leaning in until it's like too late and then what were your thoughts then were you like ████ what am I doing with my life or like what were the things I felt like I was caving in
10:08 honestly got to a point really remembered it and this was after I was in London actually so I didn't really live in one place so there was about four or five years where technically I was living in Liverpool but I was like traveling for jobs and doing different things so I was like moving around a lot and I was like lying in the bed and I should say like this is like dark yeah that's the juicy stuff just for people like so this isn't like a good mentality to have this is like a bad like this you know what you take this isn't advice but you get to the good part by showing them how I could go so so ████ illegal coaching the come up illegal coaching all right but for people watching who care about me too like a lot of people this isn't like a thing that I talked about with people but everybody cares so I was like lying in bed right insomnia I couldn't sleep and I had this thought that I was like am I gonna have to live in this brain
10:59 for the next 65 years and that was like so scary to me I was like I'm either dealing with this or I'm opting out so like everything after that was like almost like religiously geared towards moving myself out of that headspace and then trying to get into a better one literally just because in my mind I was like 65 years of this it's brutal that's just not happening that wasn't an option so I kind of lined out the options I had the last one being professional help which is where I think I made the mistakes I do think actually you probably should go straight to professional help usually but it was that was in the ████ category or that but I just did research man I read books went online did as much as I could like compiled it but I think even to get to
11:51 that point you have to be some way out of the darkness because I think if you're caught up in it bad you're not even thinking you're not going to apply yourself in anything so I think I would have already pulled myself a little bit out of it before I got to that point no oh okay describe what dark was what does that look like you warned everyone and you're like be careful for the darkness and then there's nothing dark to be worried about I think that having the mentality of fix it or opt out is not good advice that's what my brain was what's up yeah that was like my mentality oh I'm trying not to say it because then it'll get you out okay you guys didn't get that you didn't get it either
12:42 okay that's dark Optometry what's the opt-in but I think that like I wasn't really in that position because I think if you were really in that position you wouldn't even be thinking about fixing it the people that have really got to that point like I don't think I ever fully hit the rock box so it was like okay I see well I mean you know to give the credit to it though even to acknowledge and to see that is is a very dark place you know yeah it was it was a weird thing because it was like a logical decision it was like the world is great and I've got wonderful things happening but like this thing where like I can't get out of my own head that's the bit that needs to be fixed yeah did you try jacking off all the time honestly it helps because that's like my first go-to if I feel sad yeah and if I jack off that's your first go-to it's a nice little reason if I go oh ████ I'm still sad
13:33 sometimes but if I jack off and everything's gone oh I was just tripping yeah yeah I'll just be an emotional yeah yeah okay yeah until like the dopamine wears off and you're like oh ████ this is awesome sometimes you jack off after you bust you go like start feeling really guilty that happened didn't you do it again oh I was tripping eight hours jacking off in a room I'm not talking to anyone anybody you climbed you out of the darkness you were it seems like you were like thrown into a well and you're looking up and you're like Bane and you're like God what am I gonna do man and then you climb up out of this well and you ████ you're like the ginger Grudge you just come out of that well right and then you just a color TV
14:23 Grudge yeah just ████ you just do this and you go I'm going to London and then you just ████ rolly back yeah Vietnamese [Laughter] what was your biggest fear like what was so bad about living here in first another 65 years like what was like the like the worst nightmare the essay about really dark ideas of thoughts or like constantly feeling like you're doing things wrong or you're hurting people you're doing bad things it's like um I would call it intrusive thinking and just the conversation that you have with
15:14 yourself that bully inside your mind and just constantly and not being able to like shut it up that I think that because you spent your whole life trapped inside your brain right so if that's not a nice place to be then it doesn't matter how good everything else is that's like yeah but I also felt like I did it to myself because I hadn't always been that way it was like a very specific period of time where like I think the lifestyle I had led me to that yeah so I kind of also had that guilt of like I did this to myself like I deserve this yeah yeah yeah but then you pull yourself out and now look at me yeah I'm here with you guys I'm gonna hussy [Applause] um you know thank you Bart for insightful like jacking off to avoid depression type of things I think a lot of fans will find that helpful it's a good starting test yeah yeah you got to
16:05 test always it's like the doctor with the ████ rubber triangle right go hit the reflexes first make sure that's working you can move on to other things you can still bust nuts but for going like this and you're like whoa your leg's not kicking yeah but now we gotta we're gonna listen to somebody you know trying to figure out what's going on if you're not kicking we gotta bring out the stethoscope you still need some sort of like mental brain power to get you to to the outcome yeah yeah yeah yeah you gotta make sure some things are working right but everything's fixable everything that's what you learn what do you feel like you're most talented at and what do you think you need the most work at um I think I'm got a good survival Instinct like I'm very she's very resourceful resourceful yeah communication you know they're a good
16:56 communicator hey hey man safe space you don't want to make a bane again or do you think in like all aspects of communication or arms I think that because for so long I was hiding what was going on that like it's very difficult now to like talk because you get into a habit right so I think I'm getting better what I do now though which I think annoys him is that if I'm annoyed by something I'll say like I'll tell him like I'm annoyed but I don't know why yet so you have to wait the whole day until I work out why I'm annoyed and then I'll tell you that's great but until process what you said much later too when you don't answer her till like two three days later I'm annoyed okay
17:47 are you ready to oh you're gonna tell me now okay so the delay kind of works delayed receptor yeah we're both delayed delayed processing this is why it works we were staying at bat and GEOS one time and like I was so annoyed with him right do you remember yeah remember you're crying I was crying you know what he did right I'm pretty stupid now what happened do you remember I was saying it was in jail and I hadn't been sleeping like my I was just like we were traveling a lot I was just tired right so then one day I'm like I finally get to sleep right so I'm sleeping in the morning and we had made this plan that we were gonna film in the morning right so he's just sticking to the plan but I'm asleep finally after like a while and I didn't know that she didn't have good sleep so I was like knocked out and then I just feel like the whole bed shape this man jumps up opens the curtains turns on all the lights right
18:37 and starts filming your face dude I feel it like you know that feeling of just like I can't believe this is happening right now yeah but he's thinking in his mind like this was the plan this is what we were gonna do we were gonna wake up and film yeah so he's sticking to the plan so it was really hard for me to like okay how do I word why this annoyed me because I know that I'm the one who's changed the situation right yeah and I haven't communicated to him that I so what I'm annoyed at is that he didn't look macro at the whole situation right so then he's gone downstairs I'm in bed I'm pissed right so I texted and I was like I don't want to talk about this now but I'm really angry at you yeah and then we were like went through the whole day just the whole day normal hung
19:28 out with them I think we went to dinner and he didn't even know why you're mad it's a stalemate in your head a little bit what did you think oh no we talked about it Midway through oh no we did we went into the car park well but before that so me trying to be considerate I made her even more mad because she was like I didn't ████ sleep right and I'm all like oh she probably doesn't want to she wants like to take a nap or some ████ right so I was like so then I just like left her and then I worked out with Barton Geo and I was just like yeah she's tired man you know and then she was mad because she wanted to come work out too but she did it so she got left and then I was like I didn't know yeah and then what I ████ up is I should have checked in and been like and and then just asked and I I wasn't a good communicator because then I just made up the decision that she needs more rest
20:18 and I'ma leave her alone and that was like neglect rather than like because you just diagnosed it and I just ████ said let me let me just solve it and I'm gonna go work out with bar and leave him man yeah so we went to a car park because we were driving and he was like we can't finish the day unless you tell me what's wrong so then we went to a college park and just talked like an hour about how he woke me up and I do wake her up a lot yeah but it took me like a whole day because I couldn't work out why I was annoyed because technically he had done the thing that we'd agreed upon so he was technically in the right right yeah but then not but he didn't read the rules yeah you didn't read the room yeah yeah yeah but I think that doesn't work right either we don't fight much because you look at all those
21:09 pieces before you lash out on me yeah I mean you did get mad at me but then I didn't feel like you were attacking me I was like oh I ████ up but what did I do and then yeah we did argue because we're like defending each position but then it always ends and I think it is the first relationship where it ends with like a resolve yeah because it's always been every fight that I've had in the past was like no you need to understand me and then why you're wrong and it was that kind of you just glaze over and there's no resolution there is it because it usually comes in the form of an accusation or attack that already Cuts so then I'm already at this position of no I didn't do anything wrong you're just being crazy I'm gonna tell you why you're wrong yeah but then the approached it was like I was like oh I ████ up but I have a little pride and we're gonna fight this out and then
22:00 later I was like okay the fact that she was able to be like I know we were you're sticking to the plan but then I wanted this to be done and you didn't do that and then the way she laid it out to me I was like oh damn no one's ever like did A to Z for me like that and that makes a lot of sense and so you are a good communicator in that sense but it takes me a minute like so it took like that was like early morning and I think it was like late afternoon before you just sort it all out in the car packed was it in the castle he's trying to tell you how to say it I know oh is that what's happening all right you're a bad Communicator it's just the timeliness of the communication makes makes the most I'm usually the one that pulls you into reality and talk to
22:51 talk about whatever I get caught in my head a lot yeah yeah I mean the fact that you started off by even saying straight up that you were angry is nice yeah yeah like some people don't even do that most people they're just angry at you already and then they're already dishing it out versus telling you like hey I'm angry yeah and then but there's some time yeah yeah but it's like cool I know your feelings but you're not like physically or like being throwing that you're not taking it out yeah you're not taking it out on them no you're not punishing for it yeah yeah a little bit I'm like if I'm gonna be mad you're in this with me what's wrong nothing nothing no nothing you you should know already yeah I'm fine the real question is was there makeup sex in the compact
23:50 s in a few rooms in your old house nice me and Nick did in your bedroom in separate beds dude you got you guys are supposed to talk about her oh no it's fine okay uh uh bring it back to her um if you could be any kind of Asian what would you be oh that's a great question oh Japanese probably really yeah don't make it about him yeah why because she already share some of my DNA yeah I'm probably like 40 job but there's only gonna be like a few Generations left it's not like you're sending your kids there anyway so I mean we could I guess the profit is cheap okay if you had a hall pass for any male celebrity who would it be cool you can ████ them I um for any male celebrity we can't take a shower after because I need to have some of that residuals
24:43 silly and silly and Murphy you know the peaky blinders guys that's Anthony's too that's a great choice why did so many guys agree that's a great show I thought you don't like white guys that's just what I tell you okay fine yo what's what what's one of your I want to know what's your fashion goal like do you have any more things you want to do in fashion that you haven't yet I don't know because I've been thinking about this a lot right because I don't know if this is gonna be like get me in trouble if we do have kids I don't know if that's the industry I want to be in when I'm a mom really why I think the way I was doing it anyway the way I was working it's long hours you travel a lot you're going out a lot it's like a lot of socializing I don't know if that's the family structure I would want and that's not like to criticize other people that do it in that way just how
25:34 like I grew up and so I started thinking like if we're planning on doing that at some point do I want to keep pushing down that path and then have to cut it short or do I start something new that I could do whilst also having kids like work at Gymboree apparently that's your choice though could you be Liverpool or something Liverpool be good actually or June B Wales I love whales but there's not that many people there yeah freak whales yeah thank you
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