0:00 [Music] so a texas man has been arrested after storing his son's dead body in his kitchen since 2018. kitchen texas man why do you do that that's what you got from that texas it sounded like a superhero killed his son and put him in his fridge does he have a big ████ belt buckle and a cowboy hat in his fridge for four years texas and then he's and he's being arrested taking the car in his texas man costume and the little kid's like saying so texas man yeah son i killed my son he's in my fridge yes son i killed my son the second ████ he's like texas man what's the superpower what's the way to immediately make a joke about a death guy's genius making light how insensitive ryan
0:50 two seconds all right let's take a picture of what let's imagine what texas man looks like big ████ cowboy hat right big ████ belt buckle the ████ state of michelob in his hand he's a big dude he has to be a big guy extremely leather belt extremely extremely well sitting on a ████ the long horn ████ thing oh yeah he's got a long horde here and a longhorn here bro and a longhorn mustache and his t-shirt says free mustache rides cause he's funny he's a funny he's got he's got some friends he's like the deadpool it has a tattoo of a revolver on his penis whoa ████ that extends to a shotgun when he gets a boner oh whoa barrel truck nuts trunk nuts oh yeah truck nuts big ████ big rig you got another mustache right here tattooed so you can
1:41 go like this oh cover the big the big one that's the austin texas guy the mustache oh yeah awesome that's hipster that's him that's his nemesis is [Laughter] ass beer dude who cares ████ beer get a nickel up get a ████ corona how could you texas man texas man did his son die of natural causes uh they're they're not saying they believe that his son died in 2018 um and he is being charged with abuse of a corpse um due to the storing of it in a domicile due to the story i could try to
2:31 empathize here we go maybe maybe his son died of natural causes but he feels so sad and he misses him that yeah he's like i'm a star this dude so that's what i want to talk about right so like trauma bro these these guys really don't you don't want to let go of the sun why'd you give me an asian father good yeah yeah they don't know they don't know the cause of death he's being taken for an autopsy now but it was he was largely skeletal um and so obviously he wasn't preserved very well but right i was like dude if he's frozen shouldn't he not be as skeletal you would think was he was he frozen was you know he's just chilling in the kitchen oh he's chilling in the kitchen like decomposing bars oh he's like sitting at his kitchen table oh yeah i did that huh which part of me let me elaborate which part did you do
3:22 all right let me elaborate you said a kitchen table right i could empathize with how he felt with about his child because my friend he got a baby sparrow right he used to shake the ████ out of these street signs because um in gardena the street signs they had holes in it and then they would do bird nests right so he thought it was funny to shake him and then he would stand there with ████ ralph's bags right these grocery bags and when the birds fly out he would just go like this like a net and grab him right so he would grab them but sometimes baby sparrows who can't even fly it will fly down and then at first ████ eggshells would be cracking ████ birds and ████ dropping and he felt lord so he he ████ comes over with a grocery bag full of birds and ████ that are like not moving and
4:12 i'm like all right what are you gonna do with things you want one and i'm like ████ yeah i want a bird this is like what third grade or whatever can i get a bird you want a not moving bird no i get a baby bird that's still alive okay oh you're like i don't want that one that was not moving that was not moving in bart's defense you did set that up horribly [Laughter] i was like there's a bag of dead birds thinking of the movie once some of them weren't i was like give me the one that's actually moving okay okay i take that ████ cute little chick right ████ hops around every day i can't wait to go home from school so i can feed it some ████ bread and ████ and ████ tries to fly away i grab that ████ no you don't you're my baby right one day ████ dies
5:03 i think it's the first time i had a pet die on me man that ████ was ████ so sad so me and my mom we went to the you know front yard we had this whole bush area she goes we're gonna give it a ████ funeral and i'm like all right dig it up bury it next day in school that's all i think about this ████ dying right and then my uh parents brainwashed me into christianity and i always had this image of you know when god comes the ████ everybody gets out of the grave and then they come back right and i'm like looks like thriller but good good thriller right and i'm like wait and i had it in my head that if this ████ if jesus comes this bird is gonna be decomposed like a ████ i gotta mummify this ████ right so i'm like ████ i'd even put it in a coffin right yeah so as soon as i get home
5:53 grab a ████ ziploc bag dig the ████ up he's still fresh all right tight right throw it in a ████ plastic bag zip it up bury them all right proper burial if jesus comes we're going to resurrect this ████ jesus comes he comes up and he's in the plastic bag he can't believe it i was in third grade goddammit god's grave doesn't no heaven's right there the ziplock is so good and then i feel better about it i'm like all right when jesus comes it's all good man ████ because plastic bags they save everything they say food leftovers let's go right my mom is doing the like garden and she ████ she digs up the plastic back with a dead ass bird and she comes up to me she goes what the ████ is this how long ago was it how long after
6:44 i don't remember but i remember getting in deep ████ she goes why did you do this where he buried him like i was ████ i was so shocked i was doing the garden and ████ and then this thing pops up did you explain yourself because you had such good rationale yeah yeah i i think i did i mean if it's god based i said yeah well for a third grader to think that deeply of like the body's not going to decompose properly yeah i don't think i would get mad if i saw that i wonder why your mom got mad or make sure there's free fighters with a ziploc no i think i ████ up the garden like i think i dug everywhere you know like third grade yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah he's just like oh yeah where's that bird again digs up everything i probably did so i remember i left it with a couple of plants and roses yo oh yeah and i i grabbed all the
7:34 flowers and i put it on top and ████ like i relocated everything okay so i probably ████ some ████ up i know she was mad about how much i ████ it up rather than that but i told her my ████ we ████ cried together and then i was like but i want it back and then that feeling of like i want to preserve it i if that's his kid he's gonna have a giant ziploc bag and save that ████ he should have because he's gonna wait for jesus to come back the whole time he's away for jesus well that's not what the egyptians believed about the pharaohs and ████ like that you gotta preserve them so that they can yeah they believe that jesus was gonna come back so he's like we need ziploc we need to create but jesus comes back is all i didn't have plastic in my day i don't know how to deal with that yeah that's on you dog how does that open just like normally or yeah christmas was pretty sick back then
8:24 i heard uh no so would you guys would you guys i mean is this something that because i think i have a problem with letting go of things but i i can't say that i um i know how i would deal with like a major family member's death like other than my even my grandfather i still think about it all the ████ time so it's like you're tight with their grandpa oh yeah who's the man i think these days we have better technology so you could get that whole vacuum seal thing where you put the plastic on both sides of the body and you can preserve it better you turn on the vacuum and it goes yeah yeah and then you can souven it later and then you can see like this against the plastic bag and they're like keys preserved and then when jesus comes back everyone's like getting out of their coffin and ████ and his ████ like i can't get out man what the ████
9:15 he dies again they were wrong during the coming back everyone was wrong that's it there's nowhere else to go [Music]
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