0:05 Welcome back to another episode of the Careful Boys. Hey Bart, what was what was the story of your parents' immigration? >> Uh this is based off of me putting it together cuz my parents as you know they were divorced and they both love to tell lies. So this is me like deciphering over the years which stories make sense and I put them together. So the story goes my mom met my dad as a pen pal pen pal playmate pen pal I don't know. What's >> pen pal >> Yeah, pen pal. as a as a pen pal in the news in the in the newspaper and >> newspaper >> Yeah, the Chinese newspaper apparently like um so one of the newspaper >> That's tight. >> publications they print in Taiwan and in
0:55 America. So my dad was already here first. And >> Oh. >> was like lonely or whatever, but it's got to be Yeah, it's got to be like looking at the classifieds, right? Like seeing big booty >> Before we get into that part like why was your dad already here first? >> Oh, so my dad he grew up >> We skipped half the immigration story. >> So he he grew up in communist China, which is why he hates ████ communism cuz he was during the period where they shut down all schools they were burning all the books and he said like the the way they passed out jobs was so ████ ████ cuz my dad was really good at math and science and one of his closest buddies was a straight ████ but then the way communism passes out like your jobs it's not based off merit, right? It's just like equal shares or whatever. So my dad got assigned to go work at the rice fields and then his ████ friend
1:46 became an engineer. >> What? >> So he was like how the ████ is this supposed to work? He was like ████ that. I need to get the ████ out of here. So my dad is uh seventh youngest of seven kids. And the youngest of seventh kids, is that the seventh youngest? [laughter] >> Youngest of the world, yeah. >> He's the baby. So, everyone is like older, right? And then you know like when you're older >> He's the last oldest. >> [laughter] >> Yeah. Like they're the they're already set in their ways, they're comfortable. So, so even when s███'s ████ up, it's hard for people to leave, right? So, I think my dad and his other brother, the sixth brother, their plan was, "We're going to find a way to get the ████ out of here and eventually we'll sponsor and bring people over." Cuz they'll do the the hard work. So, it was him, um his brother, and there was like his
2:36 girlfriend at the time, and like four other people. When they were 15, they fled communist China to go through Hong Kong. Like that was the route. And he had to go, I think, two or three times cuz the first time uh one of his homies got bit by a snake in the mountains or something and he died. And then so they were like, "Oh s███." They freaked out, they went back. Another time was uh the mountain guards, you know like the immigrant like their ICE or whatever or their border patrol, like shot a ████ or locked them up. And then so he they had to go multiple times. He finally made it to Hong Kong. And then the gig that he had was he convinced a restaurant guy to let him work there and let him sleep in the kitchen. So, he'll be the one to close up shop, rinse down the whole spot, and then he'll just sleep there. So, he got free food. He started getting paid and eventually saved enough to come to America cuz that was the promised
3:26 land. Like America is like the furthest away from the spectrum from a communist land. So, he came to America and I think he was still in the um like Chinese restaurant business. That's what he was doing. And that's in in other videos, that's where he also, I think, banged a white girl for the first time. And uh So, I guess maybe he was lonely or whatever. So, he was like, "Oh, I want to like talk to some ████ ████ on the newspapers. And then my mom was probably lonely. I need to talk to some of these N-words on these newspapers. And then >> [laughter] >> eventually we're able to connect. Which still that part of the story I still don't know why she was so ████ lonely. >> Do you know who wrote first? >> I don't know. But what my mom did say was the N-word. What my mom did tell me, and my mom is
4:17 like, you know her, right? She's ████ like asexual, like ████ Buddhist what person. When she talks about my dad's writing, she gets flustered. Like, the way your dad wrote, oh my ████ god, I was so ████ wet. Like >> in my DMs. That's a >> No, that's like she said she fell over heels based >> poetry. >> based off his [clears throat] writing. So they >> Damn, I wish you could read those letters. >> Yeah, I know. And then like they were got to meet, we got to do whatever. >> Oh, ████ honey. >> [laughter] >> And then she And then so he was like, "Yeah, you got to come to America." And then so they arranged a trip. My dad was going to come visit my mom in Taiwan. And you know, back in those days, it's like three-step marriage process. It's like, if they cool and your parents
5:07 like them, ████ it, tie the knot, you know? >> Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. >> three, it's ████ it. >> Right? It's >> [laughter] >> There's not like >> Parents like them? >> ████ it. >> Yeah, they don't they don't have all these ████ checkboxes the way we have these visas. >> So my red flag >> Yeah, so my mom Exactly. My mom told me she went to the airport >> No, divorce quick. >> She went to the airport to go uh pick him up. And my mom was like scared. So like every step of the process, she would like phone in and talk to my grandma. So she was like, "Okay, I'm at the airport. Um I'm going to be in like the reception area and then and I'll call you back." And then my mom said she saw my dad come out of the plane and she was immediately disappointed. >> Oh, no way. That's real for real how she felt? >> Yeah, she was like, "Uh, she was like, I don't know." She calls my grandma and then my grandma says, "So, what does he look like?" She's like,
5:58 "I don't know. I think he's probably like a B- minus or something or a B." And then my grandma's like, "No, he's got to be better than a a B. Just meet him." She's like, "Uh, all right, fine." So, she takes him, brings him back home, and she stays with my uh grandparents for like 2 weeks. And I guess in this period, he really won over my grandparents. So, like and and I this part I think kind of like plays pretty true to um a lot of Cantonese stereotypes, I think. Cuz I think the Cantonese stereotype is like from the other Chinese like Cantonese dudes will do everything. They'll They're They're down to clean if they need to help clean. They'll cook. They'll do like the They'll break traditional gender roles or whatever. So, like he was helping out around the house, helping like my grandma take out the trash or whatever. And then like my grandma, who was like more like
6:48 Mandarin-based, she was like, "He's a dream. Like you got to marry him. This guy does everything." >> Yeah. >> And my mom was like, "Uh, I don't know. I don't know." >> Wow, she really had doubts the whole >> the whole the whole way. But then my my mom's like, "Ah, ████ it. She's already here and like I think she was old already. She was already like 30-something. So, she was like, ████ it. Let's do it." They get married. They go to uh America. And this is for Now it's from my mom's side. She was like, "What the ████ did I get myself into?" Cuz she remember putting on my dad's blankets for the first time at their home. And she said it felt like a draft coming over here. Like there was like holes in the in like the comforter or whatever. So, she felt like she Cuz I guess in Taiwan, she would have lived like the Japanese like what Joe was talking about. Like she didn't need to leave. She was college-educated in Taiwan, had a great job, worked for like one of
7:38 those like big Fortune 500 companies in Taiwan. There's no reason for her to leave. She's cushy, you know, and then like my uncle was going to dental school. So like she they're of that class of people in Taiwan. Then he like gets married to a Cantonese refugee and then goes to America and is living like the apartment life and she's like, "What the ████ did I do?" >> Damn, okay. >> Yeah, and then so they they came here and then they got knocked up and then my dad convinced my mom to go back to Taiwan to give birth. So I was actually born there. I came here when I was like 6 months. And >> ████ fob. >> Yeah, I'm a fob. Yeah, yeah, cuz the the benefits are hell of good there. Like socialized medicine. >> didn't want to go through the whole
8:28 pregnancy process. He's like, "Just go over there AND GET GET THAT'S >> MY MOM SAID the reason she he sent me back home so she he could ████ cheat on me and so like all the stories are always me like like, "Is that true?" And then my my dad and I'd ask my dad, "Hey, did you cheat on mom?" And he'd be like, "No, I love your mom to death. Like we wanted to have you. Like why would I cheat?" And that also sounds like a a way a a cheater guy would defend himself. [laughter] >> Cheater logic, yeah. Cheater logic. >> Cheater logic, too. >> It's always, "Why would I ever do that?" >> Yeah, and I'm like, "That kind of sound like you're cheating, dude. I don't know, man." >> [laughter] >> So yeah, that was their immigration story. >> Damn. >> Just ending on the cheater logic. >> find out Did you ever find out if your dad actually wrote to multiple pen pals and your mom's just one of them? >> I don't know. >> ONLY ONE THAT RESPONDED. >> OH.
9:18 >> IT wasn't even his words. Just found some other Casanovas ████ yeah. >> That would be sliding into multiple DMs, right? It's the slide into multiple mailboxes. >> Yeah. >> He could have. But my dad is a good writer though. I've actually >> Like I added in the classifieds and then who's going to hit it? You know, back then that's what you do, right? You you put >> No, I I read his like letters to my mom cuz like they ████ hate talking ████ out. So even like when like when my uh my when I got kicked out of high school and my dad was trying to convince um me to move to El Monte to go live with him, they'll never talk on the phone cuz it'll just turn into a fight. So that he has to write ████ out and then give it to my mom like this is pretty much saying like you ████ up, give him another try, let me try to be a dad or whatever. And then so my mom will read me like word for word what the writing
10:08 said. And I know enough where like I can tell she's not lying. So I'm like following along what she's saying. I'm like, "Oh yeah, dad's actually really good at writing." >> So your dad, was he a citizen and then he got like a marriage visa for your mom or like how do you know the process? >> First, citizen first. >> Did you ask him the process of like how he became a citizen with no papers and ████ >> I don't know. I don't know if it's like some sort of asylum or I I don't know. >> Communist runaway? >> ████ but but I remember run from communism. [laughter] citizen after I was a kid though. >> Oh, ████ >> So I remember being like yeah, I remember being like four or five and then they were going to some You know when you're a kid, they just go to some big administration building and I remember them going to his a big day. You have to wear a little dress shirt. I have to wear whatever. The mom's going
10:58 to wear this and we have to go take a picture together and do all this stuff and I remember the day they became a citizen. And so I was like >> So that means he was green card >> Green card, green card, yeah. Green card. >> Damn, I didn't know that you could have a green card and you could bring over a immigrant and marry them and get them a green card. >> Yeah. >> That's cool. >> Just to remind you though Joe, you are a citizen so you don't have to worry about that part. >> [laughter] >> But when I went to the place the the immigration place with Hannah, they kept talking to me like I'm they're trying to >> Well, I mean optics would make quite the quick assumption, for sure. >> And I got I got angry and I said, "I'm an American, b████."
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