0:00 All right, imagine that your parents or your mom or your dad they were able to acknowledge and apologize for one thing. What would that be? >> Oh, just one? >> Yeah, just one. You got to pick one singular thing that they can be so it So it can't be a general like sorry for everything, Joe. It's got to be like one thing and they fully acknowledge that it happened and they are extremely apologetic. What would that be? >> I don't think it's the apology that I care about. For me, it's the action taken after. So, mine would be to respect uh what I say. Cuz I think my whole life it would be like um I guess people call it setting a boundary, but you know, as a kid you
0:51 would just voice things. Like, "Oh, I like Fruit Roll-Up." You know? And then my mom has always been Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then she's like, "I bought your favorite Taiwanese pineapple cake." I'm like, "When the ████ did I ever say I like that?" And it's always like that. Like every single thing it's like, "Oh, isn't this your favorite?" I'm like, "No, I told you I ████ hate that." Or like, "Oh, you hate this." I'm like, "No, I told you I love that." So, I always felt like she never knew who I was. >> Was she like that buying you clothes, too? >> Everything. >> What kind of clothes did she buy that she thought you liked? Like, how did you dress as a kid from what she bought you? >> So, a lot of the stuff was hand-me-downs. Okay. And then uh she'll have like, "Oh, this was the most popular thing all the kids wore when I was in elementary." And it'll be like a wool knit sweater. And [laughter] I'm like ████ third grade going like, "God ████ damn."
1:42 >> And it's in LA, so it's all hot. >> Yeah, like, "God, this ████ the itchiest ████ I ever ████ wore." So, like she never listened to you know, what what I like. I really wanted a bike. She was like, "No, you can't have a bike." And then finally, I don't want a bike anymore because now we're in junior high phase and people are getting picked up by their older friends or whatever. Then she gets me like everything was just it's almost like she never ████ listen or heard who I was. So even until this day it's like that. >> No, right. Yeah. >> So she'll be like oh like I have a I have this roommate situation cuz she knows I'm into like real estate or whatever. She's like I have this roommate situation blah blah blah so the house like what should I do? And then I'll go you know what this is this is what I would think what I would do. I would do this if you're trying to save more money this would be more risk averse. She goes okay. And then I go and visit her house and I'm like what the ████ is all this? Oh I just decided to do this with the house. I'm like what the ████
2:33 And then and then in in her mind like she's like you know at the end of the day this house in Monterey Park this rental property it's going to be yours one day. So I want to make it where it's easy for you to manage. And then I'll be like okay cool that's how you want to see it. This is what I would do so it'd be easier. But she still just does her own ████ all the time. >> Even though she said what this would make it easier for you. >> Yeah. So I'm always just like you know what don't even give it to me. You just keep do all your ████ and give it to ████ Buddha or whatever the ████ you want to do. Like this keep your ████ your ████ >> It's like when you told her don't come over to my house when you moved and then she magically appeared and needed to pee. >> Yeah. Always. Just ████ like that. So for me it's like >> [laughter] >> I don't need an apology. >> Yeah. >> But when we're having a conversation I can sense whether or not you're actually hearing me. And if she does that would actually like really move me. Talk to her about this and been like
3:24 ████ why don't you listen? >> I have. >> Do you think she understands the concept? >> I don't think so. I think she does or she's trying to. >> She's like what do you mean I don't listen? In her brain she probably just thinks I'm a kid and I don't know ████ >> Yes. That's how that that's how it is. >> But then why people go through this too? >> It's a boomer thing. >> It's a boomer thing? >> Yeah. That's why there's so many of these like millennials going on Instagram talking about like I'm ████ doing no contact with my parents cuz they don't under they don't listen and or like let's say they try to confront them be like hey look like I had a hard childhood because like you know you asked me for my opinion I give you my opinion and then you gaslight me into saying that it doesn't happen, right? So like doesn't matter if you're Mexican, white or Asian ████ boomers do this ████ right? And then so like when you and then like now
4:16 let's say you're in your 40s, right? And then they're you know boomers are like 70 80 same ████ It's gotten to the point where they're like yo I want to level with you man if you want to be around my children all this stuff we got to do this you got to listen you got to do this and then they go I raised you so good get hella defensive gaslight and then they just and then they're like oh I can't have a relationship with you then. I don't know what the ████ happened to boomers I really don't but all there's so many like this cuz my mom is similar but in a different way cuz my mom till this day she probably already promised me 12 times cuz every time she ████ up she ████ up she's apologetic and the the main thing right now is don't ████ get mine Tyco's or Geo's fortune read. Don't. We just want to live our life and we're free if something happens it happens.
5:06 And she's like oh I'm so sorry blah blah blah blah blah blah and there'll be a time where she's like she just slips it in and then you can't unhear something, right? >> Oh that's so annoying. >> Like oh we're going to go on vacation blah blah blah blah blah oh not over there right because you know this was going to happen the ████ legs going to fall >> Oh my god dude. >> why would the legs fall off again she's like >> [laughter] >> She recognizes it. Yeah she can't even like catch herself you know. >> Yeah. >> Oh my gosh. >> you're not going to buy a house that faces the east are you >> [laughter] >> And I'm like ████ and I'm like you got to read again she was yeah I did. >> I would hate if someone got my fortune read and I didn't want it. >> I ████ told you ████ don't ████ don't ████ get it read and she can't help it. >> Oh. >> I think it's more impulse control. Like they're they're so used to whatever they
5:56 do. Like like my mom trying to like force relationships upon me with like family members that I'm not talking to or whatever or like she's trying to like she thinks it's what's best for me, right? It's the same kind of thing where I'm like, "Hey, listen. It's my boundary. I'm working out an individual relationship with them." They're like, "Okay." And then they like ambush me on the phone. "Oh, guess who's here? Here, talk to her." And I'm all like and I just hang up. And and then but the the thing is what's cool is she'll text me and she goes, "Oh, I messed up, huh?" Like, "Yeah." She goes, >> [snorts] >> "You know, I just thought it'd be nice if you guys would talk and stuff." So, it's an impulse control thing, I think. It's so crazy that I'm like, "Yo, what the ████ Like, this is why we were raised the way we did." It's like we had a ████ child that had no self-control raising us. >> And your opinion has no value. >> Yeah. And they think they know best.
6:46 >> They do think they know best. >> But they have a low IQ and I'm like, "How the ████ did this happen?" >> from good intention and a good place, but they're just they're so stuck in their way and they just think that they have the best thought on on like how to fix it. Or how to go about things. >> Yeah, I I agree though. It's it would be nice like the apology doesn't matter. It's really the action. It's like, "Dude, can you just stop being ████ annoying?" >> But what about the thing with your dad how he's like, "I didn't beat your ass." It's more important that he not beat your ass now than apologize that he beat your ass. >> He's beating your ass? >> [laughter] >> Imagine. >> I think an apology would be nice to recognize >> rather than deny it never happened. You know, like that >> No, no. That would be the beginning of the healing process. Yeah, yeah, I think so. Cuz it it probably really sucked for him to say that he doesn't remember
7:37 doing that. >> That's wild. >> Not only did he say No, that not only did he deny it, he told me it must have been another guy. I think you were confusing me with another guy that beat you up. Are you sure your mother didn't have a some other guy around that was like and you confused that? >> That's really trying to gaslight you. That's crazy. >> Does your dad have like a good sense of humor by chance? >> No, no. He's I I realized what a horrible person he was later on in life cuz my mom would never talk ████ about him. And then afterwards, I was like, you know that ████ didn't believe She goes, he ████ you up hard. I'm like, I know. And she goes, look, you're seeing the true colors of your father now. Like he was asking you for money, moving in, all this stuff. She goes like, my family paid for his college and he didn't thank anybody. He goes and he's like, he just uses people, he exploits people. I just never told
8:27 you who he really was. And I was like, oh, well, ████ him then, you know? >> Do you think that it would have been different if your mom, rather than waiting for you to make your own decision about it, if she just told you what kind of person he was, would you do you think that you would would have resented her or not believed her or >> I already didn't like him when he left. So we were fighting all the time cuz I was already like 14 and at that time he couldn't really hit me no more cuz I was like, yeah, you ████ hit me, I'll stab you. Like and then like it was different. >> gosh. >> Yeah, like it was different. Like I'm like, yeah, when I'm when I'm eight, you could ████ me up, but at 14, dude, like come on, I got weapons, man. I'll go. But then I think at that point a lot of screaming, a lot of constant [clears throat] arguments and then like I think it was just like I
9:17 I was like, I'm so glad he's not here. Like he's such a mean person. I'm so glad. I don't want to fight no more. So I think to me I was relieved and I was like, you're weak. Like you couldn't stick around and take care of mom. You're weak. That's what I had in my mind. So there was nothing she could have said that would have made me defend him. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. Okay. >> But um what would have been nice is the recognition. I think yeah, is to be like But you know what? In his own way he did apologize about like leaving me leaving the family in the dust. >> How did he apologize? >> So uh I actually had lunch with them one time. And then he goes, "Dude, so like it hasn't left my mind. Like when I left, my mission was to um like like kind of he wanted to lock in
10:07 and he his whole excuse was like "It's the house is crazy. Like let me just lock in and make a lot of money and I could come back." And then he goes like, "That was my intention." And he goes, "I obviously failed at it." And he goes like, "I just had big dreams, but like I just didn't know how to do any of it." And then he goes, "The more I couldn't come back with something he was like, "I just felt like such a failure that like I couldn't face you guys." And then so he goes like, "I never stopped caring about you. Like I love you guys. Like I just don't know like I was like so like my mission wasn't complete." And he goes, "Fast forward like you're an adult like it's been decades and I never completed what I set out to do." So like in his head he thought the better solution was to leave the family, make money, come back, and then like but he never was able to do it so he couldn't
10:57 face us. >> He never had anything to come back with. >> Yeah. So he felt like pointless. But what he would do is like I'll show up and there's a TV on my front porch. Or there's like gifts. >> Oh, really? Just randomly throughout the years? >> He would randomly leave things. So like I knew that he wasn't an absolute deadbeat. Like cool, I have a ████ TV with a VCR. There's stuff there. And then in the in in his own way he apologized. He he he like said like, "Hey, like sorry. Like I just failed. Like I I didn't know what to do." Like And then I'm like, "Okay, I could I could be okay with that." And then um and I wish after that that was the end of our interaction. But like after that he tried to really preach about going to church and all that and that's when I blew up on him. I was like, "You used to ████ me up cuz I didn't go to church." And he goes, "I never did that." "I'm a good Christian man." He goes, "I
11:48 wouldn't hurt a soul." >> Oh man, dude. >> That's horrible. >> it makes >> And then it makes the apology worthless cuz then you're also like "Oh, that's your true agenda. That was kind of your icebreaker to like break down my walls and then now I know what you really want and you're trying to get me to do whatever the ████ ████ is." >> What I realized is that I really don't think he knows what he does intentionally. I think he lives in a delusional world where he's dangerously delusional. >> So he thinks he's doing the right thing. >> And he forgets. So like um, I'm so convinced that this ████ injured himself at a church and then he sued it sued the church. >> Sued the church? >> I think the way that he tells the story, right? So he talks about how like, "Oh, I was just helping them move this piano and then it fell on my hand." And then he goes like, "And they wouldn't even pay for my hospital bills." But then now
12:39 you know, I had to I had to get a lawyer. And then I you know, now I don't have fingers so I can't play the piano and I can't I Yes, so he had missing fingers cuz he said the Well, I didn't know they were missing. Yeah. >> Holy ████ >> So he had a couple >> fingers to get the lawsuit. >> Yeah, but get this though. It's these two fingers. So I think that he always had money problems, too. So he might have borrowed money and he might have like not paid it back. There's just a lot of issues, but >> You think it might be like Yakuza cutting off? >> I don't know, but this So there's there's two theories I got. It could be that it was punishment or it could be that he was telling the truth and he was really moving a piano and it ████ smashed his hand or he deliberately did did it himself, sued the church, got some money and he's living off of that. >> Wow. >> like this is this is when I tie so many
13:31 things he did some other ████ when I was a kid. >> Deliberately cut his own fingers off. >> And the reason why I think so evil of him is because when it all came out me and my mom started talking about all the ████ s█████ stuff that he did and I was like oh this guy is a psychopath. And my my brother I think is like kind of a honorable one where he doesn't feel anything. So it's like genetically we might have that kind of twisted stuff in the DNA. But my my dad like he wasn't like a murderer or anything like that but he was able to do some high level ████ up ████ without any conscience. So >> That's scary. >> It is scary, right? >> That is very scary, yeah. >> So I think that's why he would be able to beat the ████ out of me and my brother and completely forget like it's
14:22 a different person. >> Not even committed to memory. >> Yeah. But like act of passion, right? >> Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. >> And then so there would be all these my mom's so innocent and gullible I was like this is ████ why you married this guy. You are so you are such a ████ idiot that like you have no street smarts at all. >> Aw. >> And so because of how innocent my mom is it went over her head. And then now we and then we were sitting down we were tying in all the dots of like oh wait so when he asked your family wait did they spend four years of money on just his college? You're like yeah yeah and then he tells everyone that you know he worked hard and he became a musician. >> Damn. >> And I'm like he was like doing it right in front of me and I'm like you [laughter] ████ idiot your mom like what the ████ like you >> He like rewrites the story in his head. >> He never admits that my mom's family paid >> Paid for his whole ride?
15:12 >> For a lot of ████ So that's where I was like wait a ████ minute. >> He just kept getting away with so much. >> So much ████ so much stuff. >> She was like not calling him out not letting it It just just kept growing. Yeah, I just don't think she had the uh She's so innocent that she can't see crime happening in front of her eyes. So she's like looking at him as if he has his best intentions. Yeah, but so yeah, so going back to all of that and I'm like okay, well He's a scumbag clearly. Right? And there was a lot of ████ up ████ But in some twisted way Um there was a lot of love there too. We had a lot of fun times. >> Yeah. >> But then there was an apology. It was just wasn't It was as much a a crazy person that thinks their life is perfect can
16:03 apologize. That's that's yeah, that's it. >> It's the most he can do, huh? >> It's the most. >> You're probably not going to get anything more than that, huh? >> Nope, that's it. But then at that point I'm like I can't have a relationship with a crazy person. >> Yeah. >> It sucks that that's your dad. >> That's like traumatic all over again for someone to to deny what happened. Like that's that's >> And I got two other family members that are like that. >> That's crazy. >> That are delusionally ████ crazy and they can't >> It's honestly >> [laughter] >> really funny though that he he's trying to suggest it was some other guy. >> [laughter] >> Right? >> That's what made me snap. >> Like what? >> He goes >> What other guy? >> says I'm a gentle soul. Like I've never heard a fly. He goes I'm not a violent man. >> Are you sure that wasn't some other guy? >> That's what I'm He like [laughter] He's like that's got to be another guy.
16:53 He goes that's crazy. He goes I don't know. Your mom had a lot of men coming around during that time. I'm like and you're calling her a hoe? I'm like what are you saying? >> Did you think about it for like a minute though where you like well wait. >> [laughter] >> Like maybe it was some other guy. >> I'm like I'm ████ sure. >> [laughter] >> Like why would there be a momentarily other guy came in and beat your ass And then you have no other memories of him. >> [laughter] >> He's like some collections agent. Like what the hell, dude? >> That's That's when I realized he's crazy. >> of that. All right, let us know in the comments if you have anything you would desperately love your parents to apologize and acknowledge for uh in the comments. Uh share your trauma.
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