0:00 [Music] a new zealand woman who was angry with her husband for ghosting her during a boys trip made a dark humor tick tock revealing that he was actually dead the whole time that's new zealand humor humor basically this woman her husband went out with the boys for like a little trip she was texting him wondering why he wasn't responding and he died on the trip and he was dead that's why he wasn't responding but her way of uh dealing with it she just made a tick tock kind of like a you know and i really love this type of uh i like her though i like people that can deal with crazy ████ like that and this is her uh comedy's the best way to cope oh that's as big as this ████ goes is it like that
0:51 was it the weekend at bernie's or no when they have the dead guy and they party with them and ████ i wish it was that funny oh it's a gangnam style [Music] what happened he was dead he was dead whoa holy ████ what a good song i know what a song to use classic but uh yeah so apparently the dude was uh he was looking at his phone when he was like trying to walk down like some kind of embankment because she was texting him so she killed him well he was watching a video apparently and then uh he didn't realize that it was super straight down this guy falls off dies on impact holy ████ what do we always say people on our phone dude stop walking and and watching videos yeah because
1:42 you'll die on impact yeah what do you think he was watching yeah only testing to drive if you're good at it it was probably so that was my always watching did i saw i saw a chick well first of all she was driving slow as ████ and i was like of course she's probably on her phone and then i pull up on the side yes she is on her phone scrolling oh by the way she also has a baby in the car oh she did she's talented i was at the stop light right and i was on my phone and then i looked over and there was a cop right there right and thank god he wasn't looking at me because he was looking at the lady who was on her phone and he went ha ha ha and she went and then she went and i was like that's right that's right you're like good all these people on their phones is annoying yeah like i see i should see i'll be on my phone with couples oh ████ i look over the cops on their phone yeah for real that's good they're always on their phone everyone's on their phone
2:32 constantly yeah really sad but uh i hope when i die that you know people think of me this way make funny ████ out of it i hope you have to die in hilarious way i think i have a banner that says finally luck caught up to you you escaped it too many times you're a lucky son of a ████ or it's like now you're in the story yeah yeah i hope people get ████ lit at my funeral if you guys don't die of natural causes and it has to be like adventure related like this like how would you it has to be adventure related yeah like it has to like this like he's on vacation a boys trip right to wherever like hike or boat or whatever like what what would be the way it could be something not that like we're people here and like how did you die from that like i got swallowed by a whale wow
3:22 there you go that's badass though you go whale watch it and then it's like best case now i like saved somebody else and then got swallowed honorable and you're jonah in the whale that means nina's gonna ████ bust one more to you to your thoughts he was such a good man oh he pushed someone and then got eaten by a big mammal chicks do that it's not as cool if you were just saving a dolphin or something that's kind of weird girls get so horny i get swallowed by a dolphin that's why they fantasize about firemen they love heroes they just love heroes yeah they love them that's what disney taught me i would do it so it's like go-karting and everyone's like how the ████ and then like and then look it up like i guess 55 people died go-karting every year really it would be like the tiny number in the stack that people really died yeah they do i think it's mostly chicks because of
4:13 their ████ hair right that's the story i always hear the area gets caught in the in the rotating parts of behind them that is literally the worst way to die really ████ bad because you go you're like we have a good day go curtain you have so much fun you're so hyped to go it's like steve what if you died in a laser tag accident dude i don't know how because i'd be i'm wrecking all these little mexican kids or you can't ████ hit in the eye and then you get a seizure you died from exhaustion just smoking all those kids dude where i was in van nuys it was only me and a bunch of mexican kids and i was smoking those you were like remember the animal food well no what i do is what i do is i i take my phone out i put the flashlight on and then i ████ can't do ████ they do that like airsoft crazy oh people take their phone out for airsoft
5:04 no they have like flashlights and ████ oh and they flash your eyes you're like what the ████ and you get ████ cheaters yeah crazy i don't know if that's street legal i like acting like i take laser tag way too seriously when i'm there too like i'm like it's ████ golden you're you're the first guy out the door at the end to look at the screen ████ yeah i'm first in first stop yeah first and first now just like the seals check it out let's check this out the batteries in the right way check it and i'm gonna go and i'm the guy i'm like i'm like are you sure are you sure this is are you sure this is good are you sure this is good to the guy he's like yeah it's fine that's fine would you calibrate this this laser what are you doing i guess very few ways to die are as cool as if you were like saving somebody yeah that's probably that's something that's probably best i wanna i wanna die selfishly swallowed by what's so crazy what do you mean by that how do you mean huh what would be a selfish way to die nah i mean like you
5:54 deserved it you son of a ████ you were trying to ████ do something dumb like i take a canoe over a niagara falls like that kind of ████ oh that's that's pretty dope like the person that went over a bucket on the high ground like they were in a barrel yeah didn't multiple people do that but isn't that a story where like nick dunn hears this he's like he's a ████ idiot no i want to be like at a buffet fighting with other you know chinese grandmas for the crab and somehow my greedy ass tries to take all the crab and then i slip and fall the crabs legs just fall on my face and kill me yeah yeah and it's like you died being a greedy son of a ████ i see the man who died with the crab legs stuck on his face your tombstone's gonna have like a stone crab on top of it you died from the green facial crab stab i think i think joe's like playing with crocodiles or something yeah and he gets
6:44 eaten that's that's what happens with joe he's like messing with some animal like with some exotic animal that he has as a pet exotic joe yeah exotic joe dude my worst nightmare my worst nightmare for dying and it still holds is that i really don't want that ████ to end up on like live leak or like i don't want it to be on social media and have a bunch of guys commenting going man i would have done this that's gonna be me dude that's gonna be the comments if that was me i would have dodged to the left actually like he's a ████ idiot it's because of ████ and it's because we've all been on the other side of that ████ and we know how like small we make that person's death we're like man a dude like me i would have done just make sure that it gets a jk news it could be on lively just not jk news by the time it gets to us all of us be like man what a ████ i would have done this remember that one shake that you know how people like sometimes like to stay behind where uh where the airplanes take
7:35 off oh yeah yeah and then like the the ████ thrusters are like pushing people back and stuff yeah yeah yeah and then one one lady like was trying to hold the barricade and the thing ████ flew off and she flew and hit her head she just died it's like dang you just died by wanting to watch the back thrusters of an airplane take off you know what's scary i went uh indoor skydiving with tycoons i thought it would be cute as ████ to see even those little ████ little squirrel suit thing and then there's a guy on the control thing he like adjusts the air uh based off of the person's weight right right so that looks like you're like like floating and then my like it just looks like like a cheese grater and then with like a giant fan and what i was scared of is you're supposed to take turns but i'm i was scared that like when i go and then after i'm done they kept the fan on and then it brings tiger the tiger just ████ flies and
8:25 then when they fly i think he goes oh ████ and turns the fan down then he comes and he turns into a blender because the fan because there's a lot of dust going on you know it's the instructor in there and looking at the guy in the control room and they gotta have like a lot of like communication and it's that guy's first job out of high school yeah and he's high yeah i know that's kind of scary i like oh ████ before he does something that's a good that's always feels good that is scary because there was a recent thing i didn't want to cover it because the dude was so young but there was a 14 year old kid who died on a roller coaster recently someone sent the video uh icon it's just like a what's icon it's like i don't know it's like one of those ones it just like drops it just drops like a carnival ride thing it's like death drop kind of thing what it just it just well it's like free fall it's like it's like uh yeah it's like tower of terror
9:15 but like exterior so then it went down and then i guess the force like literally pulled them out of his shirt because this guy was this kid was way too heavy like he's too fat he was way over the weight limit so what happens the reason why they got these like weight limits is because it's not because oh you're so heavy you're gonna fly out it's also because the seats and the locking mechanisms can't fully close when you're there then why do they let us fat ass on why do you what hey that's the best question why do you think what do you think is going to come with you oh is that are you going to fat shame me you're going to fashion me but let me on is it that's the only reason i could possibly think of why they would still be like because they don't want to make it i don't want to tell them because it's probably some like high school kid or some young kid that's like operating this because 14 years only weighs 380 something pounds 380. it's 300 something i don't know if it's 800. that's not fat shaming that's being descriptive and safe it's 300
10:05 something but yeah it's like that's even is that possible i think that's when like not wanting to fat shame meets safety protocol and there's your result it's like because you there's a video of it and obviously we can't show it but yeah the video uh the the seat doesn't open like it wasn't a failure in the mechanism but it's designed to not be able to hold a guy that big like so because the the the thing that goes like that it just went like that well yeah it doesn't it's like it's not as like like if you were to close this thing it just wouldn't be as low so that will probably look like a neck pillow so he fell out or he got like stretched out he fell out he just fell out of it at the top right well because if you think of a ride that's designed to like have a downward force and then stop yeah so like if you're if you're over the weight limit you're the force of you is just gonna continue over and yeah he
10:57 just spilled out of the mechanism like that's so sad bro and now his worst nightmares realize he's he's a jk's article yeah so that's that's the thing with like you got a person that's an operator you know it's not only the safety first bro not ████ ████ nice to me like if if you really think i'm not safe for this ride like don't let me get on this here's what ai is about right you need a robot there that has no emotion and then everybody who walks by they're just walking on like a weight scale yeah it's like no too fat yeah because they would say garbage in garbage out right they would say that the programmers are ████ you know what i mean then buyers yeah yeah so then it it's you know a lot of people are starting to wonder like do they need weight scales at amusement parks i want to go to six flags and be like you're too asian for this one ninja remember ninja do they still got
11:48 ninja over there oh yeah that was awesome yeah that they do but i we're too asian to ride ninja racing for this ride sir so sorry you're too authentic to ride a fake asian ████ roller coaster i don't make the rules sir you're gonna ruin it for all the whites that's what they're gonna say yeah we got a lot of nice white families back there we're waiting to go on this ride so yeah you gotta go somewhere else see a tatsu or something do [Music]
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