0:00 HERE'S THE FASTEST WAY TO GET OUT. OKAY, I WILL. WHY ARE YOU TEASING IT? STOP TEASING IT, DUDE. DON'T DO A STRIP TEASE. WELCOME TO THE SPECIAL episode of JK News careful boys. We have a lot of special guests today. We got David So over here. We have Tim with us today. A bonus character. What what A Jason Cheney spawn. A Jason Cheney. Yay. Yay, Jason Cheney. And as as I understand it, Jason was the one who picked up David from the airport. >> I didn't even want him to. He ████
0:50 forced it upon me. I was like, "Hey, I'm going to be in Vegas." He goes, "I'll pick you up now." That's you. Hey, that's friendship. Thank you. I was going to walk. I would have rather walked. >> I don't wake up before ████ 2:00 p.m. Look at this. Well, I didn't ask you to pick You're my girl. >> ask you to pick me up. >> You're my girl. I got you. >> ask you to pick me up. You are the Jenny to his Ford. Thank you. How come you didn't PICK UP TIM? I DON'T GOT YOU. WE DON'T KNOW EACH other like that, MAN. THAT'S RIGHT. IF YOU WAITED A COUPLE MINUTES AFTER YOU I DIDN'T I DIDN'T KNOW. HE DIDN'T mention Tim one time. They fly into the city. How come you don't pick up Nick or Joe? >> Yeah, I asked him. He said no. He just falls asleep. There's too many numbers to confirm the count. Past the
1:41 number one, he can't ████ count anymore. That's why he's a ████ idiot. This is why I picked you up, man. I didn't even ask you to. You forced it upon me. David! This is him. I'm like sitting HERE JUST CHILLING. ALL I HEAR IS DAVID! DAVID! I DIDN'T SAY IT LIKE THAT. ████ EMBARRASSING AS ████ Just honk. >> What time did you land in? I landed at 8:30 a.m. >> Why? There was the only flight available. There was no other flight available. >> Wait, so you were sitting there from 8:00 in the morning? No, he got me at 8:00 and then he got me food. Oh, wow. Where'd you take him? Where do you take somebody on a breakfast date? McDonald's. For real? We didn't go to McDonald's. First of all, nothing opens in Vegas at early at all. What are you talking about? It's 24 hours out here, dog. Thank you. Yeah. On the strip in the actual city of Vegas is garbage. It's like 11:00 a.m. 11:30 a.m. Like, what the ████ is that? There's so many
2:31 breakfast places. Why didn't you take him to a single breakfast place? >> I did. I I opened it. What what was the breakfast place you were going to take him? >> Snooze. I told you we could go to Snooze. No, he did not say that. This fool looked He said this. He goes, "You want a sul lung tang or you or you want a Buddha chigae?" And I'm like, "Bro." >> THEY'RE NOT OPEN AT THAT TIME. EXACTLY! SAY THEY'RE OPEN. IT'S VEGAS, MAN. >> OPEN. That's food. It's Korean dinner. >> The worst host ever, dude. The absolute worst. >> I could have told you that. AND I'M NOT A ████ >> WHO EATS SUL lung tang at 8:00 a.m.? That's exactly Why the ████ did you want sul lung tang? YOU YOU ████ FAT ████ >> Let me tell you something. >> Jason Cheney trickery, dude. You barely have teeth enough to eat. All your teeth are silver. You shut the ████ up. You don't even chew. What the ████ are you talking about? >> I have six silver teeth. That's it.
3:21 >> No, you're That's kind of a lot, dude. Have you seen him go through a metal detector? Insane. It's ████ crazy. >> Two of them are silver. Oh, let me see. Open up your ████ mouth. >> OH, DAMN. BRO, I WAS VULNERABLE AND YOU SAY "OH, DAMN" like that? It's not that bad. You you can't see. >> brush your teeth? Why do you got so many cavities? >> Once a week. >> Do you guys know what Do you guys know what tonsil stones are? Tonsil stones, yeah. All the time, this guy. You got tonsil stones? He deep throats too much. Is it a Taiwanese thing? I get them hella, too. They yellow and stinky as ████ bro. Tonsil stones are like these ████ stink bombs in the back of your throat that flies out. It's like randomly you'll just be like Whatever And then you go like this and then you get this like white rock and you're And then you go LIKE THIS. OH GOD, WHAT THE ████ THIS IS DISGUSTING. YO. You don't guys You don't get them? I've never heard of that before. >> I knew about them from a Facebook reel. There was A GUY
4:11 >> WHO'S WATCHING FACEBOOK REELS, BRO? >> There was a guy on Facebook. You don't watch Facebook reels? >> No. No, no, no. >> I think it's a dirty Taiwanese thing. What do you do when you're when you're shopping for things on Marketplace? Oh, I don't shop on Marketplace that much. Oh, you're rich now? No, it's not even that. You make ████ money now, bro? You don't like a lightly used coffee table? >> I don't I don't You have to haggle down from $80 to $80? So, we've ended up at $80. Hey, can I get that for 70 bucks? They're like, "Absolutely not." Thank you. Just move on. Nobody wants to haggle. They go OBO or best offer. I give them an offer. They're like, "Get out of your ████ Come on. What the hell? You said OBO, bro. I've never I've never sold anything on Facebook Marketplace. >> Never? What do you do with those stuff you don't need? I don't know. I I'll take it to Goodwill. >> What Oh, you just donate it? >> Yeah. Oh, damn. Cuz I feel like it How
5:01 much do you get How do you like make money? Uh so, looks for for example for me, because I'll cycle through equipment if I need stuff. Like you're selling your equipment at like 60% of the cost that you bought it for. You take that and you turn it into something else. So, why spend, you know, whatever two grand on something when you could spend like literally And if it's a big thing, you don't even got to take it somewhere. >> Exactly. >> Come to your house and take it for you. That's the other thing, too. Like ████ you don't want This is you don't want to sell it, right? Just put it up for free. They'll just pick up anything. >> Dopest thing you left at Goodwill. Cuz we need to go to that one, then. ████ I don't know, man. You know what? Come to think of it, I do just have mad old cameras I don't use, too. I just don't I don't feel like I don't want to deal with it, you know? Oh, damn, man. ████ Goodwill's getting good ass cameras. Shh. He's got the ████ Girbaud jeans you sell. Is it Girbaud or Jordache? >> I think it's a Marithé François Girbaud.
5:51 I thought it was Jordache. Is it? You know that brand is still around? Is it? It's like popping right now. Ask Joe Jason about that brand. >> Yeah, what's that brand? >> You know what that is? Only cool people had it and people are friends. Yeah, whatever, dude. What is >> Sound defensive, dude. >> No, no. So, you're an idiot. >> I didn't hear what the ████ >> You have Marithé François Girbaud jeans. Do you know what they are? I know Girbaud. Why you keep picking on this man? He picked you up from THE AIRPORT. I DIDN'T ask him to. He forced it upon me. You like it. What What are What are the Girbaud Girbaud jeans? What was that? Huh? What was a Girbaud jean? >> what are Do you Do you know >> first. >> Do you know Eddie Bauer when it was hot? Who? Yes, I know Eddie Bauer. Do you know Aeropostale when it was hot? You're thinking about Eddie Bauer. Yeah, what brands do you know? Brand for brand, bro. What you know about Aeropostale? Do you know Do you know Uniqlo? Do you know Uniqlo? Yes, I know Uniqlo. Ever been Hollister?
6:43 Abercrombie and Fitch? Yeah. Old Navy? Anchor Blue? What you know about that? >> Anchor Blue? Best jeans. That was the best priced like cheap jeans that you could get at the time. What did you wear when you were younger? Just picture Uniforms. Uniforms are Oh, you guys wore the same military You You You said uniforms? U- uniforms. He's whispering to David right now. >> we have like a autism guest. Where it's like Talk to the mic, DUDE. UNIFORMS. Y'ALL BULLY THIS FOOL A LOT. I've never been around him before. I've never been around him. >> Nah, mostly David, dude. Does it look like bullying to you, you think? I mean, a little bit. Hey, do you catch David bullying people around you? In your circle? No, he knows I'm going to bully that ████ Oh, you're anti-bullying. That's tight. That's
7:33 tight. No, no, no, no. We We have very different friendship. This guy, if you think I bully him, if I showed you half the DMs he sends me, they're so ████ offensive. >> What does he send you? >> I'm a nice guy. Just Let's talk about it. IT'S LIKE PROBABLY HE'LL POST A STORY about David being fat. >> Yeah, he's just like, "I DON'T KNOW." WHY? >> OH, I SEE. I GET IT NOW. LIKE I'LL BE chilling with my son. I'm having a great time. All of a sudden, he just has a post that "How come you haven't killed yourself yet?" I'm like, "Oh." What? That's not true. That's not true. Jason? You'll get a random photo of Yokozuna and he'll tag me on it. The sumo wrestler? Yokozuna? >> 2:00 a.m. in the morning. I'm like, "What did I do to deserve this?" Not Jason. No way. Jason's innocent. Jason's innocent. You only treat him like that, then. Yeah. Wow, that's You guys have a very special bond.
8:24 Jason did send me a picture of his penis. He always does that. >> What? As a like That's like his thing. >> To honor a request? No, so I sent him a picture of a You know, like the fake like kindergarten prank. We stick our thumb in like this. No, not this guy. >> it to him and then Jason sent me his real penis. That's how you win that. Honestly, Jason won that, dude. And then what did you And then what did you send in response to that? I think I was flabbergasted. You sent him a picture of your mouth? Nah, I sent this fool David a dick pic before. The The Drake one. But yours was something that I was curious about. Wait, what? I have this dick pic I always talk about it. It's probably like one of the only ones still in my phone. When When Drake came out with Views, the album cover was like a tiny Drake sitting on top of the I remember. Like a stratosphere looking thing. >> CN Tower in in Toronto.
9:15 >> What is your penis, though? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hard or flaccid? Hey, hey, I'll show you guys. I'll show you guys. Hard or flaccid? >> Oh, hard, of course. He I'm not letting him see my flaccid dick. I don't I'm not IN LOVE WITH HIM. I DON'T WANT TO SEE A HARD DICK. THAT'S INTIMATE ████ DOG. >> I DON'T want to see a hard dick. It's too threatening, man. I fell in love with him. I don't want to see no hard No hard dick. That's on your normal camera roll? It's in the It's in my faves. Number one of the faves. First one. He's about to go on stage and I just see this fool giggling. He's just like I'm like, "What's going on?" He goes into the break room bathroom and then he shows me his dick. I'm like, "Why the ████ did you show me that? There was no lead up to this." W- Why don't Wait, who who That's just assault, I think. >> he just goes up on stage after. Let me see your penis, though. Who >> Oh yeah, has that ever been reciprocated? >> No, and it's really sad. Oh, it feels
10:07 kind of like sad, huh? >> A little sad. >> your move is to call someone on FaceTime. Mhm. Then you ask them to show show them your penis. Yeah, and I show mine first. Oh, okay. That's nice. >> It's a It's not assault. >> Okay, here you go. OH MY GOD, SO CLOSE TO MY FACE. NO, NO, I'M GOOD. I DON'T WANT TO SEE NO HARD ████ ALL RIGHT. >> NO, it's not it's not what you think. It's not what you think. Let's show Bart. >> Yeah, right. I'm ████ It's not. >> trust no Omicron. >> It's a little gay. It's It's Drake. It's Drake. OH MY WHAT THE ████ DUDE? DRAKE DRAKE IS ON TOP. OH DUDE, I don't want to SEE THAT, DUDE. YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, SEE? YEAH, NO, YEAH. OH, watch out FOR THE ████ BRO, I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU ONLY WANT TO SEE SOFT DICK. DRAKE LOOKS SO small on that thing, dude. >> You really see the cut
10:57 That's a No, not I was going to. Not anymore. You have to. That's a really nice penis. No, you hold on. You said that you would like to trade penis pics. He You just saw his. Show him yours now. It's It's part of your thing. You have I'll show him my ████ live, MAN. NO. NO. WE DON'T WANT TO SEE IT. I DON'T have a dick pic on my phone. >> Sure you don't. >> How do you not? Yeah, you don't have a dick pic. You just show your dick pic to everybody. I really don't have one. >> Show him Show him right now. Show him the boomerang. You got a boomerang, DUDE? SHOW HIM SHOW HIM THE BOOMERANG DICK. YOU CAN'T DO DO IT NOW. HELLO, TESTICLES. What's the first time you showed a guy your penis? Um >> Go back to that. A n a n a bet. A n a A n a >> Where did you learn this? Taiwan, huh? Show him your ████ penis cuz you just Hey, can you stand up, face away from the camera, and show him? Yeah, no way.
11:48 No, I don't want to see real life penis. What do I What do I You made it You showed us >> Same, dude. I saw your penis. PENIS, DUDE. I DON'T WANT to see it. I don't want to see it. >> I'm okay with forcing mine on other people. Getting penis forced on me is different. >> I think it's only fair. >> What about from far away? Check Tim's name on the Epstein files, bro. All right, stand right here. I ████ WHIP IT OUT, HOMIE. WHIP IT OUT. STAND RIGHT HERE. STAND RIGHT HERE. DO IT. WHIP IT OUT. ALL RIGHT, OKAY. I WILL. GO GO GO. GO DO IT. GO GO WHIP IT OUT. WHY ARE YOU TEASING IT? STOP TEASING IT, DUDE. DON'T DO A STRIP TEASE. NO, I DON'T WANT TO SEE THAT, DUDE. OH MY GOD. I DIDN'T SEE IT. I DIDN'T SEE IT. >> TOOK SO LONG, DUDE. You like He like PLAYED IT UP. THAT'S WEIRD. >> TOOK SO LONG? I WENT LIKE THIS. I WENT LIKE THIS. I
12:38 WENT LIKE THIS FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES AND THEN I I SAW PENIS. IT LOOKED LIKE STAR BREAD. >> OH GOD. OH MY GOD. REALLY? WHY DID you I'm sorry. >> you keep going closer? I saw it in my periphs. I didn't look Okay, okay, hold on. The reason why It really smells now. is so that it looks bigger closer. Oh, it looked LIKE STAR BREAD. WHAT IS STAR BREAD? >> THIS. OH MY GOD. YO, YOU'RE GOING TO GET SUED. IT LOOKED TOO close to that. You can sue them. You were born with it. Star Bread's bomb, though, by the way. It's bomb. >> How the ████ dare you ████ mold your bread after my dick? Oh my god. I Intellectual property, dude. Man, that was crazy. >> why people come to Vegas, man. That was crazy, dude. >> in the Uber and I was like, "God, why
13:29 did I agree to do JK News today? My only day away from the kids. I'm ████ I should be at the pool at a ████ buffet." I hit David, I'm like, "Should we do JK News?" He's like, "PROBABLY." I'M LIKE, "F███." AND NOW I'M SEEING DICK. IT'S THE CHERRY ON TOP. >> GLAD AREN'T YOU GLAD you did it? That's like crazy. Thank you for being open to see my penis. It's only fair. It's only fair. No, no, it's And by the way, I really enjoyed >> family is cursed for 100 years now. The best part The best part >> I'm going to look at through the eye of Sauron, dude. That's what you did. >> The best part is that you had your waistband like against it, SO IT WENT IT LOOKED LIKE THE DOOR STOPPER. A LITTLE pre-cum flow out, dude. It's like a gross. >> Don't describe any of it. >> Why'd you do the ████ elastic band flip? >> don't you ████ look at it sometimes, man? I told you I don't want to see it. >> Oh, all right. >> The best part is he had to ████ wind
14:19 up and jump and flip the dick out. Why Why the prep, dude? >> Like You're not Like Cirque du Soleil. >> I know. Like you're Soleil >> So, that's what happens at Rio? Yes. That's his closing act, dude. That's your closer? Hey, what happens in Vegas stays Hey, everybody, Jason's going to start an OnlyFans and he's going to show only one dick pic. How much you guys How much would you guys pay for it? That's the question. If the entry was like, "Okay, it's $1,000 for everybody who signs up for your OnlyFans to see the dick," would you put your dick pic on OnlyFans? >> I would make a video of you ████ me in ass. Why am I involved IN THIS? WHY AM I I THINK IT'S WORTH THEIR MONEY, DUDE. That's a good deal. Grok, dude. AI that ████ dog. Oh yeah, that's right. I already grokked him taking off his
15:09 pants and shaking his ass and it disturbed me so much because of how real it was. That sounds crazy. It's like You know, prompts on Grok, like they don't do anything, right? Because they have a a lock. But for some reason for his photo, it didn't lock it. It just unleashed his ass on >> Couldn't believe it. >> disturbed the ████ out of me. Jail broke it with Jason. And I sent it to him. He was like, "That looks exactly like my ass." And it ████ It ████ me, dude. >> Grok assumed correctly what his ass looked like. >> I'll send it to you so you guys can put it in the video. It's ████ crazy. I also got some good David ████ too, if y'all want. >> I hate that video so much. What? >> It's same ████ David shaking his ass. Yeah, yeah. And it looks like my ass. It's crazy. It knows? It got it right? >> It knows my ass. It's ████ wild, dude. I wonder what it's basing it on. >> know. Grok for ████ maybe. Let's go. >> got He's got pictures of his ass on the internet? I do. Remember the song ones?
16:00 I got all that type of ████ I just look like my son. That's it. Okay, so it's just sourcing actual I look like my son in when he's about to take a bath. That's all I look like. Oh, so big back then. He little sexy ████ This is the ashiest sweater I've ever seen in my life. That's crazy. Why Why would you say that about me, man? I'm a guest. No, no, ████ loosen up your sweater, dude. >> I'm a guest, too. What the ████ are you talking about? >> Why would you talk to your airport shuttle like that? The one that I was forced into. He was like, "Ice." He just like grabbed me. I'M LIKE, "NO, NO, NO." HE'S LIKE, "GET YOUR ASS in here." So, what y'all been doing all morning since 8:00 a.m.? Took me to a park to watch birds. Okay, so look, this was like I was like, "I'm on my way to the I'm I was like, "I'm on my way to I'm on my way to to to the shoot." And David's like, "Cool, I'm at the park." I'm like, "In Vegas?" It's what I'm saying. Bro, okay, what I'm saying Wait, tell tell them how nice the park is, though. But I took him to two coffee shops, also. Do you know Do you know Do you know how ████ stupid this guy is? Oh my god. He takes me to the park. The first thing
16:51 he says, he goes, "Look at all the birds." It was six pigeons eating crackers. That's what you showed It was like Pigeons aren't even classified as birds, dude. How How many How many type of trees is were? There was only two. >> What did you say? HOW MANY TYPES OF TREES WAS? IT was the ████ trees. It was the ████ smelling trees, the white flower ones. >> Okay. The worst smelling trees of all. You have those? You have ████ trees? Have you seen those white trees? >> Yeah, I know what you were talking about. I didn't know we had those. Yeah, they're at this park and it was just filled with ████ trees. That's it. Wrong. >> Take him to get some breakfast or something. >> I did. We went to Where did Where did we go? Exactly. Also, I would I took him to Gabi. Nice. Oh, that's Dude, that's a date. That's a date. I had to Yelp it. >> Brother, I took you there. Surprised you. No, he took you if he Yelped it. I Yelped it. I Yelped it and he goes, "Oh, I think that place good." That's all he
17:41 said. Oh, I think that place good. Bro, wrong. Oh, it's a catchy cafe. It's a very Instagrammable cafe. >> No, no, no, it was a coffee shop, bro. No. >> The coffee shop that took you took you is called Gabi. Oh, Gobi? Gabi. >> Oh yeah, it was a Korean place. You went to Galbi? No, no, no. What was the What was the sandwich spot that we were Just I don't know. You >> Wait, how many places you guys go? Yeah, you have to tell me that. See, I took you on a whole excursion, you ████ Hey, shut the ████ up. He takes me to a coffee shop, right? >> Two coffee shops. >> No, the first coffee shop that we went to, Yafa Anxiety. You go in, nobody knows where the line is. So, me and him, we're standing there and people are looking at us, "Hey, where do I stand?" I don't ████ own the place. So, we're just guiding people to the line for a half an hour. How many people was in there? How many people was in there? >> The ████ barista was sitting us like he doesn't want us there. Yeah, but that's why you know the coffee's good because they get to be ████ ████ ████ THAT GUY, DUDE.
18:31 YES. OKAY, Yafa Farm. I know it. What What ethnic What ethnicity is this cafe? Very, very white. >> Oh, good ████ >> There you go. Delicious. All handlebar mustaches. Yeah. You walk into a coffee shop and you see a mustache girl, that coffee's going to ████ hit, dude. They're so good at coffee. I have no ████ idea why. I don't either. They're so good at coffee. Something about the transitioning that makes them crazy about beans. >> Taste so themmy. It's very themmy. It's very them. And let me get them coffee, dude. A them tea. Two pumps of they. Funny. Mustache girls best coffee.
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