0:00 [Music] there's a lobster diver he gets in the water really early in the morning and um you know pretty normal morning he's diving you know you got to go down there pluck lobsters off the ocean floor bring them up so he's looking down and he sees all these fish like swimming around him and then all of a sudden out of nowhere he sees under him like everything's getting dark and then he looks above him and there's nothing he's it's all dark everything's dark he was swallowed by a ████ whale no holy ████ this was jonah and the whale yeah dude he got swallowed by a ████ humpback whale bro and then what happened and he says it's completely black i could sense that i was moving so
0:51 he could feel the whale squeezing with the muscles in his mouth around his body and he was like am i in a great white because he didn't ████ know he's like but then he saw no teeth and then he didn't have any wounds so he's like i stop all my ████ limbs and ████ so he's just kind of swimming in there and then like he's like dancing on the tongue or whatever he's like being he feels all these ████ muscles around him and ████ it's like an alien movie whoa and then yeah he said all he could think to himself is that he's dead he's a dead man he's thinking about his kids and ████ he's thinking about how he'll never get to eat his wife's ████ again i know and then he was about to eat a lobster but he came and got eaten yeah that's right so did he go out the blow hole no so he's so he's with he's got scooped he's got scuba gear on he's struggling and then the whale began shaking its
1:41 head so he could tell that he didn't like what yeah because really who tastes don't actually like doing that yeah he has scoop gear on his ████ this tastes very aluminum not delicious so he sees the light he starts throwing his head side to side by side because the you know the whale's mouth is opening and he's he's just thrashing around in there and the next thing he knew he got spit out oh good he's outside the water oh holy ████ straight to eating his wife's ████ here and he goes i'm gonna ████ go in your blowhole and he go goes to shorts like 30 years later did he eat the whales blowhole ears too so yeah i mean dude this is one of the craziest ████ stories i've ever read what year is it grabs the nearest newspaper tell me what what year is it you son of
2:32 a ████ this guy hasn't lived here for years the beach is named after him for a diver that ████ died what he's swallowed he's like your wife's ████ she she died 30 years ago you're a wife's that's a great prank to pull if you saw it happen with your friends and they're like guys guys all right when that guy comes out we're all gonna act like it's 2052. newspapers quick i have a computer it's like brett you're ████ being too crazy just chill a little bit where did you get all that antique diving equipment stay character oh my god that's worth a lot of money a lot worth a lot of yen in this country yeah that's good you're like you're this you're the same age you were when you
3:23 went in like holy ████ time fix continuum bends around those ████ huh that's such a the whale's mouth is a portal to time we've been waiting here for 30 years for you 30 years we come back here on the anniversary every year that's why we have this bouquet of roses what was that story with joining the whale did he did he get swallowed and then when he was spit back out was it a different world that's the most jk question i've ever heard he lives the answer is going to be none of us really know all it was was that he got he got thrown by will and then he prayed to the lord and then the will spit him out and he credited you this isn't pinocchio pinocchio did that as well that's we're not talking about the same didn't he pray in there too they smoked him out that's what they did they lit up fire
4:13 and then he started ████ blowing smoke out of his face and he just lied and he's ████ pulled created a ████ pinocchio nose and tickled him and then he sneezed monstrous sneeze that's what happened how funny if that's the transition from old to new testament i know it's because he comes out it's a new testament you know it's jesus christ people are going to mix it all up right they're going to mix that pinocchio and jonas it's all the same because they were all written during the same time they're going to look at that all the stuff in history like in the future they're just going to mix it all together they're not going to know the difference between parody porn and a real ████ history we're already half of porn's our parody yeah yeah that's what happened to jonah he probably got spat out the whale and ████ a bunch of friends were like hey dude you're pinocchio it's been a long time [Laughter] so apparently this kind of thing
5:04 um has happened before but so freaking rare like almost basically non-existent um and then he said that the um the esophagus on the non-tooth whales is too small to actually swallow a human being what but they could get your mouth their mouth around you which is what happened so really the oil didn't have a choice so you just spit it out yeah it's big yeah he had to have been diving super deep for those lobsters to be in an area where the whale could swim ocean floor hey you're you're a scuba steve like you're you're you're a certified scuba diver yeah you're a scuba diver right as a certified scuba diver how what is the deepest you've been oh my god ████ probably 50 60 clicks where did you get scuba certified um in in hawaii at this thing called patty so i was at it was at a resort in hawaii
5:54 and they and they like it's like a five-day course that i took and then um i just wanted to do it so i could scoot or dive because you know what scooter diving is no what's that oh yeah the ████ thing that yeah you need to have scuba certification for that you have to have scoop of certification for that so that's all i wanted to do that's the only reason you got certified because i was like this is kind of whack and i don't want my friends to know because it's kind of nerdy because i'm a really cool guy and and i'll get beat up if they know i'm a certified scuba diver but i want a scuba dive yeah and keep it a secret i thought you actually went down and scuba diving no i did i thought you went down to the floor and you scootered on the ocean floor you thought that huh steve's gonna fight come a little closer and tell me that personality is really coming out i mean that is also embarrassing that would be funny how was it though that i've seen me dude it's the sickest ████ i've ever imagined another guy seeing that because you have to do any
6:44 work it's a razor it's like it's like a little motorcycle right like [Music] do you picture it it's like guys are the submarines like hey sally look over there guys scooter in the bottom of the ████ ocean floor so did you then he pours out his drink did you actually enjoy doing it it was amazing it's well you because you just point and then you're there already like it's ████ crazy wait do you have any headgear or it's just the dome no you have your full scoop of doubt oh yeah it's just like a separate thing that has like a ████ rotating uh all that bullet thing that you've got man oh that one it's like it's like an engine um so you turn it on and ████ drag you have you ever seen that it's cool that whole thing where it covers the half of your body and you just see people's lame ass legs on the bottom with the flippers yeah and then they have the tube that
7:34 goes to the boat the worst so those are those those are kind of cool though they're cool i think that there's something about the because i've only been scuba diving like once before maybe twice but um there's this feeling that you get when you get to breathe i think that's like the first trip once you're breathing underwater and you're like wait a minute yeah i can stay here you're already like ████ i'm i'm man i've conquered right here and see right first you get that so then i can also imagine having those things but being able to maneuver underwater like a human must be also a different kind of like experience you know what i'm saying well dude this ████ because like when you're getting certified you have to like go down to the bottom of the ocean floor and this like shallower areas like 50 feet deep i think and then i had to take off all my gear and like put it next to me and then like not hold it and then put it all back on oh ████ well yeah so it's like it's like
8:25 you know it's legit skills ████ with your head a little bit but yeah you're like learning how to how to if there was an emergency or something how to get it because most of it is like if it malfunctions these mistakes are common how to stay calm how to defeat rival divers yeah how to establish fighting yeah yeah knife fighting underwater how to ride seahorses coolest ████ though was um hearing a whale with my own ears whoa that's ████ crazy they were like out there but i could hear it yeah what did he say it was crazy yeah that's what the whale would say whale power the whale says white power that's what i thought you said i was like i was like oh ████ i i smell a whitey he's like hey white power guy you're saying without white power
9:17 steve i don't even know how to pick that one that's ████ funny though dude well this is ████ racist they are racist yeah they have brains they get they get sensitive i want to get scuba certified now it's fine let's go scuba diving what does it stand for submerged something underwater blah blah blah do you have to get certified to do it uh like the day that you go like it's all kind of like tandem at first and then you get certified in order to do it on your own but then like i never did it again it's not the same it's not like being certified means you go like twice a week or anything it's more like you have to be certified in order to even experience it and we're in california and i'm way too much of a ████ to swim in those cold ass waters yeah yeah it's way different got certified here but that ████ was like a week course oh like a whole week maybe it's a day
10:08 yeah he's a week he's a weak person um now five days is about right because i did five days so every day yeah monday to friday that's what i did imagine you accidentally took the course to make you the new teacher at the end the guy goes hey have a good life man you're the santa claus now oh ████ it's on you but you gotta you gotta like scuba in the right places right because let's say like you you're certified you have to scuba and stuff but you're going to a place where it's just a drop off it's just there's nothing that's in blue nothing that's like not the feeling necessarily that gives you that like you want the clear like hawaii or like you know anywhere clear there's a ████ coral reef there's like ████ stingrays and turtles and ████ you know you see all that because california is just algae it's just rocks now micro plastics and there's always that feeling too like once you go like at that drop off and then everything it just goes into
10:58 nothingness there's also this really ████ scary weird yeah it's cool but it's it's yeah it's have you ever watched there's like um uh aircraft guys are on air station aircraft carriers right they they have a day sometimes very rarely but where they can go into the water and so if you watch these gopro videos like these guys are swimming like like on the top of just the abyss yeah and when they look down it's like ████ nothing that's like this black water going well it's clear but then all the way down there it's just ████ nothing we went to swim with sharks it was like that yeah no thank you yeah it's pretty cool i do want to try that once getting into one of those cages yeah you can do it in hawaii youtube videos where the sharks get in the cage and ████ like that too and they're like in there with the diaphragm just saw that the other day really they get in the cage yeah one of
11:48 them it charged the cage so hard that it bent the bar and got in and then they were both thrashing around the but the the shark was more freaked out trying to get out yeah so the guy was safe but he was in the cage with the shark he always would like bend down in the corner i wouldn't want to be that guy but i would want to be in that group where it happened to the other guy so i could have a crazy story oh i saw a guy get eaten yeah they don't attack you they're like they're just curious they come up because the boats usually drop off like they don't like it so they want to eat that but they're they're like five of these tables you never you never did hydro jiu jitsu hydro jiu jitsu not with ████ wildlife dude i swam with whale sharks i swam with whale sharks in the philippines that's sick yeah it was pretty scary because they're just like what they're big and then you're just like oh isn't it a whale shirt like like ████ huge too it's pretty big there's some small ones they got those like
12:38 square heads and stuff like that why don't they kill you they don't like yet no yeah what what no i don't think whales like we want to eat humans they eat uh krill they don't eat people when you see oh whale sharks sharks yeah yeah when you say you swam with them how close are you like right like right here you can touch them like right here yeah in the philippines it's my foot here and it was like right below me wow are you like scoob it in there or no snorkel oh snorkel because they come to the surface because they're like putting fish out you know oh that's pretty cool it was pretty cool it was scary though because after i got off and went back onto the boat i was like shaking i was like whoa that was a trippy experience of adrenaline remember the first time you heard about like a whale ████ busting a nut and doing like 400 gallons of sperm in one shoot yeah dude how does everybody ████ remember that you guys are disgusting that's that's like bro fact all guys know that
13:41 do [Music]
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