0:00 [Music] and welcome back to careful boys where we talk about a couple things that we think is really careful careful guys careful we might get canceled can you edit out what i just didn't say yes i was like what was really careful good job can you never be too confused write that down so what can we talk about then we could talk about how mike's a murderer yeah let's talk about that dude mystery ████ is hella popular right now bro it's the hottest ████ ever i don't know when it's not ever gonna not be popular it's so fascinating dude i told you guys my wife watches uh this chick who does her own makeup while she's like talking about a murder mystery damn it's killed did you cover the gabby potito story yet i don't think so that's gonna be crazy
0:52 it's too fresh yeah they're still like figuring out what happened right isn't it i thought the details aren't figured out yet i think what the new thing on social media with this case is is like who finds the couf figures out the case first like that's what came up with the craziest conspiracy too exactly because they're sorry that's what i think wait so he's missing he's been on the run oh he's on the run oh ████ he's obviously that that is technically what we think i don't think it's official that's a tick tock says what would you do how would you do it if i what if you killed someone like you went on a date with someone okay and you came back how was that date michael at the movie theater you know i couldn't find her after i feel like you would have to get rid of the body from little what would you do what would you specifically do killing oh ████ dude i feel like that's the part that i like don't feel that comfortable with so i would definitely hire someone to do it for me nah dude
1:43 nobody believes this is what you do mike that's what you do you're a swimmer right okay oh let's go for a swim you're way more skilled in the water than probably this person so you use your water polo skills and then you tug them down by the ankle then bring them land choke them out and then they pass away why you choke them out on land and they could just enjoy the water you suck at killing people why don't you just drown them you choke them on land you bring them down there you do mouth-to-mouth in the water like the movies to make their own you bring them out and you punch them that's also another way take them out and land you beat them up and then and then you choke them out and then you go oh they drowned and then you push them in the water and then when they do it's just studying your weaknesses right now you just gave me an idea so how about you do this okay you airbnb a house on the beach that has a port okay outside house right
2:33 you go and you rent a boat and then uh so you don't go with her so on the boat manifest only shows one person okay you bring the boat to that house dude this guy's right you bring the boat to the house you have her get on and she thinks it's romantic right but there's only one house has a boat way that's what i said there's a port and then you have her get on then you go scuba diving and when you're like 50 feet under yeah take off all the other stuff but on the invoice you're only renting one scooby [Laughter] yeah all of that you got to cover all your tracks hide them neatly in the uh in underneath the rocks and then now you collect 20 lobsters and you bring them to where she is and hopefully she eat they eat all the body guess what guess what then they eat the body parts whatever and then all the ████ floats back up to the top you get ████ dead to rights yeah the stomach broke then
3:23 the sharks come and eat it dude you gotta you gotta clear up the stomach and trails do you ever see like whales when they blow up in the water oh yeah or out of the water yeah out of the water no that's not stabbing them i'm stabbing yeah yeah but you're gonna clear the entrails or the gasses will bring the body before you go underneath you chop you chop her up in pieces in the water first and good thing you're in the channel islands where you're like two feet two two two miles away from the shores do you go to the marianas trench but that's the deepest one here in the trench right now what's the hardest part of the um of getting rid of a body is it like the bones are pretty hard probably the bones that's why your hair and teeth like dentures you gotta you gotta get pigs bro you get them you get a bunch of bones though yeah everything dude you'll probably eat a tin can apparently according to the movie snatch you just to pull their
4:13 teeth out get the pigs starved for like a couple days or so and you throw the body in there and they eat it i didn't let a pig starve though steve would eat it before it starved so what about the whole acid thing yeah yeah it dissolves yeah it dissolves over a certain amount of time like that that's too much or what if you borrow all that home depot yeah those under yeah for breaking bad then you ████ burn her ass underwater underwater welding underwater like welding kits what's that well the story is by geo if you're watching this his girlfriend uh-huh right i don't know i feel like um you could just throw people overboard that's true the best thing about all this has been watching mike listen to you talk and the whole time i want to it's like editor cut to his face while
5:03 he's looking at bart and it's like internal model like bart oh simple part all i would have to do is make sure that you were working out one night with a spotter and all of a sudden your spotter has to go outside to take a phone call boom that's actually a very good way or maybe i would just call the spotter and then he would drop the thing onto bart and then boom accident happens but you have to make sure that you have to make sure he's going to fail his ████ p.i never failed never never right michael's killing strategy is puppet master yeah michael at bart's funeral he has a sweatshirt on he's literally beating off like this he's like accidents happen while i'm coming on my pants just jacking off that bart's funeral dude anytime mike's wearing a hoodie i'm
5:53 always suspected of him jacking up well you've got these two together i'm more like it's like that one looks lit bro that one side looks limp so if mike asked you to go on like a one-on-one hang would you guys go hell he's too scared to do it in front of you or do it to you so i need to deal with michael at all times mike and another friend that's why he's here today i don't know bart joe where does this come you like have you like murdered somebody you don't think you don't think he could murder somebody i think anybody can murder somebody but like michael specifically like i think michael probably can ████ do mass suicide murder like organization like something that i like he's handing out the punch like i'm not stupid oh you know what's the most suspicious dude here because it's always the unlikely guy yeah yeah you
6:45 you you suspect always the unlikely one like like you know you know how a couple years ago i think mark zuckerberg came out with that statement where he was like i'm gonna be vegetarian unless like kill my own food or something like that so i thought about that before like could i go out and uh kill other human beings no i'm not killing human beings but go ahead and kill other animals and zuckerberg actually vegetarian i don't know if he actually followed through with it but like that's what he said or something like that and i mean joe rogan does it kind of he's like he kills his own food oh he does yeah because he goes hunting and stuff oh ████ and so like i think the only thing that i've ever killed before i guess i killed um was mark zuckerberg and that's why we haven't heard from him in a while yeah they all said he moved to kauai here shut the oysters um which you know but then the thing that i've done that was like the most freaky for me was when i uh cut open live uni like a sea urchins because it's still
7:35 pretty much moving yeah and then you pretty much have to take like a huge knife or some sort to like really bash it open it up no heart sink my heart sank for a sec because i thought live looting was a youtuber like was live looting i killed that ████ god damn it you know first of all i think we got to be talking about something that has like ████ eyes you have to like be able to see into the gateway of its soul and then it's like you killed it fish have no soul for me i'm fine yeah i'll kill any fish no no sweat yeah the uuni was it the yellow parts are moving still no not the yellow parts the spikes are moving so like when you buy it it's live it's still moving around and then like it's moving around and then it's like well i was like looking at it and thinking like oh ████ you know well i bought it i shouldn't just uh you know throw it in the trash can not eat it obviously right it's gonna die regardless yeah it's
8:25 fresh uni and so i was like all right one two three and then i took a knife and then went down and bashed it and then you split it open halfway there and i had a pet hermit crab yeah and that we got at the beach and we put in like a little terrarium had it for a couple months and then we decided to let it go and my dad's taking it out of the terrarium and we're like on the cliffs of san diego or whatever and he's taking it out and then it ████ bites his hair like clamps his hand his finger and he goes oh god ████ damage he flicks it and the thing just flicks and you hear it like against a rock and like we're all just like oh god i think bart's like ████ dead his name was bart simpson really oh cool oh my god hey were you were you really sad yeah ████ yeah we were like oh my god but that's a god ████ dammit that's hilarious yeah i was at the monterey bay with my mom and her friends on like a trip to san francisco and then
9:16 i got a bucket full of hermit crabs and um i didn't understand like salt water and all that stuff oh no so we i cleaned the book and i poured just regular water in and when these things die the bodies just come out of the shell yeah what did you do you you soaked it with just like hot water because they couldn't breathe it's probably what happened so i didn't know and then i remember looking at the bucket oh my god and i'm like everyone came out of their shell to play but then they just none of them were moving and i left it there and then after two weeks it just smelled really bad scarier than anything michael said everyone came out of their shells to play well play he's like did i say herman i'm at a school bus with children i feel like what's the next step and that story is like your mom took it and sauteed it or something into like black bean sauce that's disgusting vegetarian oh that's right i forgot of my bad
10:08 green bean sauce that's ████ like my dad probably would have done it yeah because that's what happened to julia right like she had a pet turtle or something and then her grandma her grandma made turtles no way for real wow that's fun that's hardcore speaking of turtles remember how i was talking about with the with lawrence earlier that we worked at the sushi restaurant called sakana yeah so like right outside that sushi restaurant i was in la canada um there was one of those really nice looking asiany style uh fountain water things that had like a little bit of fish but mainly they had turtles there those like you know red ear sliders yeah is that what they're called yeah that's the fat one but it's one that you like illegally get from like chinatown but they grow up to be like this big right you're sliders but people eat those too okay well like bart's dad so you sound like okay maybe it was bart's dad you did this but so we used to have like maybe like seven eight of them that would just you know at night you would lock up but the the
10:59 fountain area would just be outside and then one morning we'd come back into work to open up the restaurant and literally turtles would be uh out crushed shells and amputated like legs and heads and they would just be like somebody came and butchered oh that's ████ somebody did it or an animal no no like it's like a human being with tools yeah like cut the ████ arms and legs and like crushed like crushed the imagine taking a chill and just crushing it right and it happened to like one or two of them and we were like dude this is a sick weird single incident right but then when it happened like three or four days later again we're like so he's ████ coming to murder turtles so every night we had to take the turtle yeah but there's no cameras you guys could have tried to catch the time the turtle killer man
11:51 that's ████ you have to do a stinger operation that's so ████ up do you think it would be illegal if you guys waited and when they came and grabbed the turtle you grabbed him and decapitated his arms and crushed his ████ yeah yeah he would probably be able to court a lot it's okay what state are we in florida people like michael should be in jail for this kind of ████ dude i can't believe you ████ did that he's all playing off like oh my god that's so terrible what's the really the worst thing you've ever done that is one of the worst or that is one of the most intense things that i have done i feel like the worst i i i can't i can't even tell it on this channel because it's gonna get me arrested remember this is careful boys terrible that's true hey way to be careful actually way to be careful that's ████ up because if he was doing that to make turtle soup later that's fine but for
12:41 pleasure fine is all still ████ weird you're just mutilating them from just mutilating i can't even think about that no that's so ████ up because turtles are so cute who doesn't like turtles turtles are my favorite i feel like it starts there and this ████ is gonna be the guy that does these creepy things and like becomes a serial killer that turtle was like the gateway murderer yeah that's like that's gateway it seems like get some dexter ████ you know actually hey again don't ████ with cats you don't watch it's gateway ████ dude that's how it goes also murderers they always start somewhere michael how many teddy bears have you owned where you took out one of the eyeball and you put a camera on the back of that side of the eyeball too many to remember and then like how many years were you too many places to remember what a good answer that's a great answer there this guy's good damn dude that makes me feel like the worst thing is we can't ████ phase
13:31 the guy yeah we could light him up for two weeks and that and that's why we know he's the perfect serial murderer dude like ted bundy was like that you could say anything to the guy he's like you know he had a great excuse he's very charming michael's very charming as well you are very ted bundy he's a charming man i was gonna say something but i decided probably shouldn't say just say it say it come on come on you're not really like ted bundy yeah you're ted bundy light he's probably like i'm better than temp buddy ted buddy was a ████ idiot his internal monologue is like you guys are scared of crushed turtles [Laughter] just ████ wait what is this amateur hour ████ dude for that for that one um just kidding party game like it was like you basically have like a box i think you guys all played it and then you put your hands inside and then to
14:21 see like what's in there um one of the items that we were you know thinking about were was or actually it wasn't with your neighbor's fingers no no no or so like um i didn't know what items we were gonna pick and uh so we had all so basically we had all like the one a lot of them locked down but there was like one or two that you know we could still switch up at the last moment and so to pick the items i went to the chinese grocery store early in the morning oh you can find all kinds of ████ you can find a lot of stuff and um one of the things that i saw was like a live frogs right live stuff and uh i was thinking like it'd be really fun maybe i mean they're they're kind of cute and they're like pets right to have squishy like oh what the ████ is that feel good though what would you do with the recognition i know what chimpanzee i remember so yeah we had a prep group and then i remember texting anyone going like well does anyone want like a frog as a pet or are they gonna use it to eat
15:11 or something i used to have a frog for a pet you're texting a bunch of asian people anybody my pet or lunch what did aunt say i'm curious what aunt said and i don't think ann was in that discussion then because like that was right when he had come in um but geo was like no hell no i don't want to deal with that she doesn't want to ████ with animals but at the same time she also took the rats that we had for just kidding party as well oh that's why we had them yes we had ████ pet rats in our house for like two years or some ████ no way yeah and this is where we're living in our uh place in downtown we had this giant ████ so we had these stupid rats they're meant to die right they're meant to be fed to a snake yeah they're stupid were they kind of cute but they're not meant to be pet rats they're meant to be fed to like snakes and ████ damn she came along with rats
16:01 we ended up buying this 300 ████ cage so that the rat has like multiple stories of ████ live and in and then these rats since they're like mass bred after about like a few months you start feeling these little tumors for them oh they're not really genetically like optimized you know it's crazy they end up passing away but we bought all kinds of toys and like every day like after she would open like an amazon package she would like cut it in cute shapes oh this would be a house for the rat and the house i'm in the ████ rat like like dig little holes she's like i'm tired of kids thank you for the thank you for this toy but i would like some kind of cancer treatment would be really nice i guess i shouldn't do something losing fur oh my god you actually gave it like rat chemo and ████ you would have had some testicles running around oh my god well i'm glad those rats got to have a better
16:52 life and they probably would have been fed to a snake slowly die [Laughter] better than being snake food man yeah i could because i feel like as snake feel what you do sometimes is you have to like bash them on the head or something yeah otherwise they're gonna hurt your uh your snakes because they'll scratch and bite i heard that casey was telling me they had to do that and i was like this is ████ up yup like he told me he would put him in a bag and then he would spin the bag around and then you would slam it onto the encounter or something this is the thing because you want to stun them but at the same time you need to kind of disorient them as well so how many times have you done this that's why you got to make sure that you're like yeah a few times yeah what's up with the spinning like why can't you just ████ pow put in a bag here to lash the top over put a couple pellets on the inside so if it shakes around i i may be messing up the story a little bit but like you know what it could have been and he was
17:42 topless with a ████ cowboy hat on mike dude why do you tell us all these like weird like fun facts about killing stuff you have all these weird fun facts do you have a um a sex tape a sexy no i i do not i do not have a sex tape but um i feel like i've seen you as i said maybe neck down had a massage porn star that looks like michael wait really oh it's like a amateur night look him up yeah can you can you show me him there's it's like an interracial couple i want to be inspired by myself is what it is pacino's adventures step brother it's just interesting yeah your uh your character is sleepwalking into the room while she's on the phone and then has sex with her she goes oh my
18:32 god my brother's in my freaking vagina vagina dude stevie weeby what a creep huh ████ pacino's adventures is this the real thing yes he was showing us his favorite porns dude we gotta get him back he's the best you weren't here but like stevie was telling us his like top three favorite porn tuk tuk patrol yeah that's right pacino's adventures and then something else i think i've seen clips for the tuk-tuk patrol it's not one of my favorites but i don't know what uh what so you're familiar with tucked up oh the grandma one he liked the grandma the grandma grandma the mature granny creepers they're all they're they all float around the equator yeah i can't be messing with no grandma's that was the last like off the record we did and then we're like yo dude we can't talk about whatever we want to be careful boys wait wait that's off the record that
19:23 wasn't off the record oh my god yeah we're all watching i was pulling up the porno over there straight up it was sick yeah it was sick it was dope because you know you it's it's interesting to see what other people watch you know yeah it's fun it's fun it's swaps it's also fun to like go back to junior high where you're like a bunch of dudes are sitting down around one you're watching porno and then trying to find your boners yeah now all i watch is potatoes i always wondered who are the guys that like the grandma porn and i finally found someone and i was like oh i found one i need to try to find i didn't find two also he told us the story that all i won't say but uh because i'm gonna be careful boy but it was pretty great hey we all know the story wait no it on patreon no it was it was uh it was off the record it was definitely off the record
20:32 you
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