0:00 thank you [Music] welcome back to careful boys everybody we are in the midst of another Monumental episode we have Colleen Reinhart with us oh hello we also have Nick Dunn Steve Greener Anthony Lee and Joe jitsukawa today goes back we are discussing for those of you who are married and those of you who are not is divorce out of the question that's what I think everybody says but then they get divorced because they suck at marriage until his marriage thinking I'm gonna divorce one day no one thinks that no one thinks that you sure I don't think
0:51 so I don't think people go into the marriage going like you know I can't wait till we get divorced yesterday I think some people have it as a a thing like they they think it's in the back of their mind yeah I've heard people say that for Solo or they're just just in them we're so ████ dope like but that's the exception right everyone thinks that they're different from everybody else we're special we got it figured out they don't and then the problems start happening Life Starts happening they can't cooperate they start arguing all these issues and then they get divorced so does that mean that in in the uh in your marriage every problem that could possibly happen you can visualize working through it no you can solve it with a divorce easy that's the easy way to do it okay no look there's something whack about saying divorces out of the question
1:41 because that means the partner could just kick it well you don't have to ████ work hard anymore and you could just be like a couch potato video game guy or whatever and like I mean nothing but you're engaged with your partner sometimes too and so like if you're just gonna kick it and just chill in your relationship and let it stagnate divorce should absolutely be a stop Gap there and be like something that you could you could resort to to keep your partner engaged I don't divorce I don't believe in divorce I just I just believe in cheating that's that's how you do it so to be honest right when if I were to say divorce is out of the question in my head I'm just not even making it an option because I might use it as a cop-out okay interesting yeah you don't trust yourself you mean like this is a little
2:31 off no because like I think when you are uh pushed to your limits instead of working things out like you might use it as a as a as a get out of jail oh I know you mean yeah but then to win an argument you just needed to like no you just needed to work ████ out you know like so like for example there's some non-negotiables like maybe uh depending on the couple cheating might be one sneaking fine like doing shady ████ right like where you're just like oh man you really ████ it up here cheating is the one I think cheating is like that could be but there's some people that stay together and there's some like that are like I don't know it just depends on each couple what's what their non-negotiables are right I think those obvious ones like abuse you know like if I'm getting my ass beat every day I gotta get out of
3:22 that situation right but if it's something else like ah we just keep fighting over the toilet seat and I think it's time to get a divorce like that kind of ████ I think that's the kind of ████ that I'm like it does I don't want to I don't want to use that as an option for that and when people do they just divorce because they just ████ can't work out their ████ yeah I don't know sometimes people um get pressured by their Community to get married too soon you know what I mean like or even like church groups you know religiously right it's like uh there's this kind of stigma so sometimes people in their uh like I've seen this happen many times uh in their like religious communities they'll just feel that pressure so they'll get married but they were young and then like four years later it's like that ████ was not gonna work out and divorce is actually like a Saving Grace for them yeah you know what I mean so I think uh
4:13 in those situations the fact that it exists is can be healthy I guess I've had friends um that divorces out of the question 100 they've had infidelity they've had ████ molestation they still don't divorce I've had uh family members that have gone through abuse because in families that religion is the top spot divorce is out of the question honestly it's usually that because I know people who married their first choice because they just wanted to get out of the house and that was the only way and then obviously you're in your early 20s like 20 21 22 you don't make the best of decisions if you didn't have much experience about the outside world and
5:05 then they're splitting up in their 40s and 50s with kids because they they realize oh I wasn't even with the person I wanted to be I used them as an escape right yeah that's that's the reason I was asking because I've I've have I've grown up around divorce being out of the question I've grown up around it like almost my entire I have a ████ gigantic family maybe like two people have been divorced and it's still kind of like oh that's too bad you guys didn't do like what we were planning to do and that's not I get divorced it's like it's more important to not get divorced than it is to have a good marriage for you were you rooting for them to divorce you're like Yeah The Modern Age I'm like yeah if you're being ████ abused get the ████ out yeah but there's a lot of selfishness with families too where say there's like a routine like um your family goes to this house for Christmas but then those people get divorced and then the families are like well that ruins you
5:55 know there's so much ████ that's like yeah it doesn't really matter it doesn't ████ such a big deal from people yeah or like the shame of it right because a lot of people see like divorce as like failure you know right like not you because you and this couple didn't work out you just have to break up and it's like shame on the rest of the family I know there's a lot of that stuff there that's fair to say because I think like when when religion is the base of many things it kind of Logics out the window for most things and I think marriage is one of those things that gets affected by that but um I always thought like I grew up saying that as weird as it sounds to be like it's worse out of the question I grew up always going dead divorce is another question for me because I can't uh I really can't picture like uh maybe I'll still do it someday who knows but then like my whole life it's been like a
6:45 thing that hey if you if you think you could ever get divorced then you don't deserve to get married it's like a weird ████ indoctrinated like thing well there's a stigma about failure too it's like okay so I failed in my marriage say and like a divorce would be that and it's like that's bad but like bro failure has taught me so much ████ in life and teaches people it's the greatest instructor I think so like the idea that like you gotta sit there and be stigmatized be stigmatized because you had a failed marriage there's a whack it's like I think you'll do better next time like you you'll maybe stick up for yourself going in more or look for things more going in than you did last time yeah I think it's imperative for growth I pushed my mom to file divorce papers so when my dad left when I was 13 14 um they never actually got a divorce so they were still technically married and
7:35 then um we both had carried his last name and I made the first move when I was 16 or 17 to get the tattoo of my grandma's last name because I wanted to change it and then um I think I got a lawyer my mom's friend he helped me file to change my last name legally and then I said you need just like even if it's easier to to file taxes like married status you'll probably benefit much more because I'm a dependent and you're a single mother so go ahead and do that and also collect because he hasn't been sending us any money and then like he was complaining like you're trying to ████ believe me dry ████ and he was like only sending couple hundred like we just told him to send a couple hundred bucks a month to pay for phone bill right yeah and just that's it and he's like 200 bucks a month you ████ ████
8:27 trying to Bleed Me ████ drive right you ████ gold digging ████ it's crazy and then and then how much sold Yeah so basically I my mom didn't want to do it for the same reasons she's not even a part of the church yeah she just thought that divorce was like a sin and all this and I'm like ████ that when not a part of the church ████ those people like ████ everybody just do what you got to do and then so after that um she actually filed for those papers she'll she got you know all that stuff and then she didn't even ask for anything but like yeah like a couple hundred bucks a month which he stopped paying after like a year but like it's like all those things right I'm like divorce is not a bad thing if you're in a ████ up situation no it's a good thing because I
9:18 rooted for that and then we felt so much more liberated after that yeah yeah what about the stigma of people who or like it's like a thing I grew up hearing it all the time I don't know if it's as common now but when people go oh your parents got a divorce that means you're more likely to get a divorce that is the thing yeah I mean it's statistically true and I can just from my own experience I can see why is it is it fair I mean it's it's not nice to hear but that's the same thing as saying oh like you got beat as a kid you are more likely to probably discipline your children the same way yeah it's not that you want to hear that but I understand that stat maybe it's more mentally like an option to you than for somebody who hasn't been through that or lived through it or if you've seen your parents divorced because you saw the tragedy and then you saw the greatness afterwards and then you see that same tragedy in your own situation and
10:09 recognize that there's greatness on the other side that makes sense it's all application right it's just a wild thing to say to somebody oh shoot your parents got divorced oh ████ you're next huh yeah hey anything and when you when you think about like I remembered when I was a uh when I was a kid the first friend I had whose family is going through divorce it was like devastating to the whole school like we were just and the church I went to church and school with this kid and we were best friends and we were in first grade and like we were six years old and he was struggling to tell me like hey I I want to talk to you about something at six six years old we were six and then I was like what's going on ████ adult conversation and he was sitting like this we were just like we were just sitting together and he just goes um it's about my parents and then I was like I had no clue like
11:00 what oh my god did they die and he's just like yeah maybe maybe ask your mom because I don't know how to talk about it and it was like the saddest ████ and then I asked my mom like hey uh you know so-and-so's parents uh there's something going on and my mom was like okay uh I think we need to teach you now that sometimes you know parents don't always stay together and it was the craziest thing to learn and then um I don't know so much that this dude had uh I don't know if that really played into the likelihood of his future but he he did have a little bit of a problem with marriage later in life Tim did you keep telling him yeah I said bam and then it compounds from there like if you get a divorce and then you get another divorce you're you're three times more likely to get another division yeah yeah yeah yeah
11:50 it just keeps on growing 10xing dude it's like an unpaid parking ticket pounds that's what made me uh realize that in my personal opinion I didn't think it was so much that oh his parents got divorced so now he was likely to get a divorce I think it all rides on the understanding you leave the kid with and I don't think they did the best job I think being six years old and hearing the way we were both trying to like suddenly have to be adults about it it's like that's probably not the best way he had no clue like really how to say it what to do what to you know he felt like it was his fault like it's all the classic things it's all the classic ████ it's like self-blame like all this worth you know and then and I saw his his confidence like I went I went to school with him for nine years straight kindergarten to eighth grade and I I remembered like the ups and downs like he had and I was
12:41 like ████ man like that's probably more important than whether or not someone got divorced you know dude you're the most observant six-year-old I've ever heard about seriously I was I was probably like dude who you guys would think would win Donatello or splinter but that's what we were trying to talk about but that's the sad thing is this guy was killed the Bible yeah you learn a new word it's always like what if Raphael and Donatello get a divorce I'm like okay Casey Jones has to fight Shredder but he doesn't have his hockey stick and then all of my friends like whoa holy ████ I think that's the best part with like growing up with the same friends for so long is that interactions that you had at six you're talking about them at seven eight nine ten eleven twelve so the story continues you know like he remembers distinctly to this day having that talk with me and it's still
13:32 sad you know did you go to the same school back then yeah I went to Bellflower uh oh okay okay step into Union School from kindergarten to eighth grade and then you swapped over to my school same like 16 friends all all nine years who's stronger Superman or Hulk Superman right yeah for sure Superman whole price yeah but Superman's he's not far off he's right there he's too simpy dude I can kind of see his wife cheating on him with Batman with a dark knight dude Superman oh ████ it's getting soft on us dude for everybody here because I'm a team member you know and by the way Shredder would win uh I think so too I think that's not bad sure yeah yeah when you talk about Casey Jones
14:24 keep up with the conversation right Shredder versus Superman Ryan still think about this stupid divorce conversation anymore what's next next I do believe like why that stat also is true about the whole divorce thing right is couples that are more likely to divorce it's because they don't have conflict resolution so that couple that ended up getting divorced you grow up watching the lack of conflict resolution whereas some marriages I mean obviously some of them just are really good at bearing issues and they don't stick with any of that ████ stop it ████ how did you know I saw him talking about Captain Planet dude so like some couples right they or or
15:16 like in in their um they're like uh they're like they should get divorced but they bury all of their issues so that's a whole different set of problems that you can't objectively identify so they might get into another marriage copying mommy and daddy but an abusive relationship like your family they never get divorced and then statistically you think that's a successful marriage when it's not right right right right that's the danger that I was talking about it's like oh the preservation of one's reputation yeah and the willingness to like constantly come home to something that shouldn't be exactly holy ████ dude yeah that's the problem with having an outside motivator like uh whether it's you're standing in a community or religion as a whole like religion I think in that sense kind of could be a good or bad thing because religion might make you a better person but also you're confined to these specific rules where
16:07 it's like hey in the Bible it says a woman is a man's property so which is true yeah I said to my wife one more time you're made out of my ribs ████ yeah I know ladies love that because it's hot I love that yeah that's probably why they came up with like arranged marriage and all this ████ because they're like man look at these stupid ass kids they can't choose their own partner so then you choose someone for them or like they have all these different systems that humans try to uh prevent as the least problems for the future yeah but it's the parents who are setting up those arranged marriages and they're the ones that raise that child to be stupid so who's really stupid yeah right that's true and I feel like they is they use uh like kids to barter for marriage for like building relationships
16:57 and business like I think that that was like how it started before and I think we should keep continuing to do that to this day every day I think when you wrap a kid up in that type of ████ whether or not the kid gets divorced as well is probably the least of your behavioral concerns yeah was it you who's telling me about like there's a pet there's like a court um thing about a like two people getting divorced there's a dog involved and then they're like let the dog pick and they like let the dog go in court wait is that real yeah yeah I told you that yeah that's like that Tick Tock video where they ████ both run this way and the dog chases one or the other dog like runs up to the judge yeah who knows get me out of here Landers and they're calling Maggie yeah yeah yeah what's the stat Now isn't it over 50 percent of marriages end up in divorce yeah I think the stats is uh women initiate I've heard of that so women were more
17:48 likely to leave relationships than men yeah do we know um what like the leading cause for that is complacency I bet or is it like is it it's like changes but it's because men are more likely to cheat like what's the real cause I know that infidelity at least the last time I looked wasn't number one I know we talked about this yesterday chores yeah chores I thought it was financing yeah I think women are in positions where they don't necessarily feel like the man is adding as much value to the relationship so they're more inclined to leave um like they make their own money now they actually make more money than than some men do so absolutely less they don't have to lean on them as much you don't have to be as codependent in their relationship so they don't put up with the you know sorry what did you say oh they just met
18:38 a new guy that's richer sure that could be another variable I wish I could meet a new guy that's richer speaking of richer Iron Man or Batman Iron Man Iron Man all the way yeah he's way richer than Bruce Wayne because the repulsers probably huh price is all the other Tech Iron Man is self-made Bruce Wayne is a ████ rich boy it's actually lower I heard it's been getting lower it's actually it's actually the pandemic worked for us it's actually between 40 and 50 now it actually went down hey congrats I think maybe less people are marrying could be because at least that's what I'm recognizing too is like people are waiting till later on in age to marry and people just don't marry at all it says be more intentional with who they choose to marry so they wait longer yeah they're so ████ expensive to get divorced and say oh ████ yeah that's also true and some people just separate
19:29 without ever filing yeah uh the ages between 28 32 so far statistically have the most successful marriages wait 28 to 32 8-32 yeah if they stay around that age like they never age no no like if they could last through that age then their marriage is got married at the age of either 28 29 39 132 those are the highest rate of rate of Stay Together yeah and then the leading cause so far uh at this point is still basically incompatibility where it's like that gray like yeah irreconcilable differences yeah have you guys seen that one of them was in-laws in-laws right here finances huh not number one but I'm sure Finance is probably in-laws being pains in the asses or oh just over involving themselves in your relay uh
20:21 that causes Dynamics with the couple too because it's like oh you're not supporting me this you're not doing that that's one thing my mom said is that when you get married to someone you're not marrying her you're marrying her family so watch out for her family yeah yeah infidelity is up there um distance uh domestic violence substance that should be a big one ooh substance drugs and violence get the hell out of there lack of shared interests yeah oh really it's like you never go kayaking with me yeah kayaking's here yeah and then you get a divorce offer no kayaking time yeah [Music]
21:13 foreign
// end of tape