0:00 Quick story. This person says, "My cousin, 31, still a virgin. She talks about it like it's a sacred badge of honor. Pure, undefiled, saving yourself for marriage, the whole speech." One day I asked her straight up, "Hey, are you Do you even get horny?" She looked at me like I was slow and said, "Of course I do. That's why five different guys have dumped me. I told every single one of them, 'We wait until wedding night, no exceptions.'" I was like, "Okay, fair enough." Until she kept talking. Apparently, kissing is fine, touching her boobs is fine, as well as and this is the part that lives rent-free in this person's head, she lets them use a dildo on her. >> Woah. >> Regularly. >> What? Isn't that the same ████ already? >> But the second an actual dick tries to get involved, absolute lockdown,
0:50 absolutely shuts it down, draws the line. As long as it's not a real dick touching her, there's still some kind of purity in her. >> So she'll suck him off? >> That's not what it says. >> I would break up with her right away, too. >> So what if I bought a fleshlight and said, "Here, can you ████ me with this then?" >> Yeah, I would break up, too, because that's like a weird edited principle. >> Cuz I almost Yeah, I almost would be like if she was like, "Hey, I'm going to save it for marriage." >> Yeah. >> I'm like, "I can respect that, and I'll continue dating you." >> All right. >> But when you're like, "Hey, look at my ████ lips, put this ████ thing in between." And then I'm like, "Ooh, now it's my turn. No, no, no, no, no." And I'm like, "What the f███?" >> Yeah, no. >> weird. >> It's me, me, me, me, me, right? >> Yeah, it's like, "You can eat me out, but that's it." >> What the hell? >> Oh, yeah. No, dude. >> that the same thing? You're If you're getting blasted by a dildo, that's Are you that much of a virgin? Shut the ████ up. >> No way. >> Hymen broken for sure.
1:41 >> Exactly. >> And depending on the girth, might be crazy. Imagine you're just sitting there jacking it off, and you're just like, >> Yeah, I'd be like, "Dude, you might as well ████ me. I probably wouldn't even break your hymen." >> Yeah, I'll be Yeah, I'm not piece of hard plastic. >> even that big. >> [laughter] >> Yeah, I would be number six for sure. That's crazy. I just don't I just don't like these corner-cutting like thingies. You know what I mean? It reminds me of like Mormon sex, you know, like ████ like that. >> Where they do it in the ass? >> It's like your thing. >> Yeah. They do it in the butt only. >> Your little soaking uh >> I get that, too. >> It just It just feels like you might as well just do the thing. Come on. Like, you can't be like You can't think the god you're afraid of offending is that dumb. >> legal. >> [laughter]
2:31 >> Yeah. >> You think God's up there and he's like, "Wait, hang on a second. >> [laughter] >> You're right. Hang on. You're right. You're ████ right. I'm My bad." >> Yeah. >> Are you kidding me? >> He's blasting your ████ with that dildo, but >> Good girl. >> ████ to mouth on the with a dildo? >> [laughter] >> And you're this virgin queen? You really think that ████ >> It's like you're going to make up your own doctrines and then just follow those. Just do the [laughter] Just sin. >> So, is this a Christian thing? >> No, no. It's just a Just I I think it's just a >> That's weird. If you're saving it for marriage secularly, that is very strange. >> Definitely doesn't say that. She just says she it's a sacred badge of honor. >> I think she's probably Christian. >> Got to be. If you're saving yourself for marriage, you got to be. But, that doesn't say. >> That's not being a virgin if you're getting blasted by a dildo. >> You're still doing a sexual act with a man. >> And it's different than like being alone in your bedroom like with a dildo. Like, you're having your boyfriend blast the ████ out of you with a dildo, put his
3:22 elbow into it. That's a different story. >> like saying I've never been in a fight and I had like 20 boxing matches with gloves on. But, well, I never punched them bare-fisted. >> [laughter] >> It's like, I don't know, man. Pretty sure that's a fight, dude. >> Yeah, dude. >> The poor guys that had to ████ sit there and blast her ████ >> Just sitting there >> Oh, maybe she'll be okay with it. >> I know. >> Maybe I can turn her on enough that she'll want me. You're right, that's the idea. >> Every guy, yeah, that's the dating years going to be like maybe I'm the one who's so irresistible. >> What's the closest like you guys have gotten to cutting a corner to try to get something like this done? >> tell you my my ████ thing for sure. When me and my girl both got really Christian at the same time. >> Which girlfriend is this? Like it's like one, two, three, four? >> my chuchal one. This is when I was like
4:12 19. >> Okay. >> The chuchal one. >> So you're already not a virgin? >> I'm already not a virgin, neither is she. We've already had sex. >> Oh. >> And then at some point after going to those prayer meetings, we both got really on fire for the Lord. And then we decided we should wait. And and by wait, I we mean like I wasn't down there at all. I wasn't even touching her down there no more. We were only kissing and that was it. And we decided >> or no? >> I don't think so. I don't remember doing that. I think we all we did was kiss and just pray. That's it. And then and then we and then I I had to cut the corner like to the I just kept trying to I was like I can't take this anymore. It's too hard. And then one day [laughter] Um I was like I wanted to eat her out but she was like, "No." So on the outside of her panties I I put my mouth around her area right there and I started chomping like a like
5:02 a like I was >> Like a hungry hippo. >> Yeah, like a hungry hippo. I was like I was like, "Hey, this isn't the same thing." And I started going >> And she goes, "I guess it's cool." >> Just to be funny I was doing that. Just to be like mess around. And she was LIKE "OH MY GOD." AND then she started nodding, dude. >> Are you that good? >> And then that's all And then we just kept doing we just kept doing that. >> Wow. >> We just kept doing that and we thought we were doing a hack. >> We're like we're technically not doing it. >> Yeah, I was like I can make you come from the outside of your panties by doing this chomping motion. >> So did she return the favor to you? She was eating your banana through her boxers? >> No. No. >> [laughter] >> Of course not. Of course not. Never happened, yeah. Because that I think was that felt too explicit. And then uh and we broke up shortly after. >> She don't jack you off or finish you in any way? >> The God was watching too close. >> The hungry hippos was okay. >> That's what I'm saying. That's how That's why I look at things like this and I'm like it's so stupid cuz I did the same thing. And I'm like it's so
5:52 dumb to assume that oh yeah, this this huge being that's omnipresent and omnipotent thinks it's okay because you're doing a chump thing. >> He's Hang on a second. >> Yeah, exactly. >> [laughter] >> Like he's watching her like he's watching a replay. He's under the hood. He's like hang on a second. >> It's just you're managing your own guilt. I get it. >> Yeah. Our friend's he told us at at the time his wife when they got together like and they were just fooling around she didn't want to lose her virginity, right? So he she let him stick it in her butt. And then I was like she lost her virginity. He goes no no no, she didn't because it wasn't her ████ >> That's a bigger thing to lose than your virginity. >> That's a church chick move though. >> Yeah. >> But the butt hole? That's a crazier like you went from like stage one to stage 10. Anal sex is like when you're like
6:43 hardcore. And if you're doing it for religious reasons that's also you're not supposed to do that. >> I don't know if it was religious. >> Cuz that's sodomy or whatever. >> Porn stars are supposed to wait to do their first anal scene. >> [laughter] >> Yeah. You got to like >> You could really monetize You could really monetize >> going to go down, yeah. >> Their Their ass debut, dude. That's a big deal. >> I know. There's a lot of real estate in there. >> When they're using that as like first base, what the ████ >> Dude, that's Yeah, that is nuts that that happens a lot. >> Yeah. >> I do remember with my first like real girlfriend we were both virgins and like you could tell like you just really want to ████ but you don't want to. So you like dry hump so ████ hard every day. >> But it's not enough. >> And you're like you're pretty much ████ but it's not enough. And you yeah, you just keep dry humping like like [laughter] there's no tomorrow.
7:33 >> that's true. >> It's crazy. >> sore after. >> Yeah. >> So stupid. >> But you feel ████ cool after. Like I remember just humping my girlfriend one day while we're watching a movie and I was humping the ████ out of her and afterwards I felt like the James Bond. I was like I I crushed. >> Like you needed a cigarette like That was crazy. >> I was like man I crushed. I was like she was really pleased with me. >> Has it ever happened where like you all you did was like grind and afterwards cuz this happened to me with my first girlfriend she called me and was like I'm late. >> Oh yeah I think I remember a conversation like that. >> grinding? >> Are we watching too many movies here? >> Cuz you know like when you know what it really is? You're teens and you want to be adults so bad that you're like making these scenarios and she's like >> guilty. >> She's like I don't know maybe like something could have seeped through you think? >> Yeah. >> And I'm like what?
8:24 >> ████ do escalate like that though. Yeah. >> like how could that happen? Like we we we I can't get pregnant from just like making out right? And you're like what the ████ >> She's like look at me I'm eight months pregnant. You're like oh ████ I guess you can't. >> But we were scared into AIDS and ████ a lot. Like >> Yeah that's true. >> Like it started from being a kid remember like we were never talking about that ████ in like fifth grade and >> Everywhere dude yeah. >> Dare brother. >> Everywhere. >> At that age too we didn't have that much porn so the girls probably didn't even know what ████ looked like. Or they saw our pre-cum and thought like oh my god he's ████ >> Unless they had a cool uncle. >> Yeah. >> That showed them the ropes. >> They're nice. >> Nice. >> You know those those abstinence people come to your school and give you speeches about not having sex. And then we had a guy come to it was at Adventist Union School when I was in eighth grade. He gave a assembly talk and he said that when he he goes I went to Hawaii and I thought you can't get an
9:15 STD from from just oral sex but I got one from just oral sex and it's incurable and everybody was like ew. And then so from that day on I was like dude this I thought that was a way you could get away with having fun without catching something. >> But because of him I was like my whole high school life I was like dude I'm not even going to let no mouth. >> Did he say it how it happened? Did he say he got sucked off or did he ████ a ████ >> That's what he didn't say. >> Damn. assumed I only knew the one way at the time. So, I figured someone sucked his dick. >> Sucked him off. >> Or he could have been sucking dick. >> Yeah, he could have been sucking dick. >> [laughter] >> I shouldn't have said that. >> was my Uncle Bob, it's probably what happened. >> What? That's how he got it? >> I don't know, but cuz he was a very gay man in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania and he got AIDS, full-blown AIDS. >> Damn. >> Probably how. >> Yeah. >> Good stuff, guys. >> [laughter] >> Good stuff.
10:06 >> I like we had a good team meeting. >> [laughter] >> I think we reached a good point there, yeah. >> Point there. I think we coalesced and I think we had a congealed. >> You want to circle back in a couple weeks? >> I think we'll we'll we'll talk about the same thing again. >> Yeah, nice. >> All right, cool.
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