0:00 You know how no one's like having kids and ████ these days? And I was like, "Yeah, man, what's wrong with the world?" But then I took a look at myself and I was like, "Wait a minute, I don't got kids and uh why did we all wait so dang long to have kids?" >> I thought when you said like, "What's wrong with the world?" Now I took a look at myself and I was like, "Ah, that." >> [laughter] >> Well, I mean like >> I'm I'm definitely >> 40. >> I'm a old father for a new a new dad, for sure. 39 years old when my kid came out and they got old dad. >> And Ryan is 42 and he's expecting his first baby. >> Yeah. Bart, you were 30 33 when you had Taika? You popped out Taika at a geriatric pregnancy? >> Mhm. I think Geo was >> Geo's like 34? >> 30 Yeah, 34. She's a old mom. >> Oh. >> considered geriatric though? >> That's some ████ grandpa vagina
0:51 grandma vagina stuff. >> I think the stats are like 35, you start exponentially increasing risk and then 40 is even more exponentially increasing risk. >> You're supposed to start at 17 and ████ >> Holy ████ >> Well, how come you waited so long? >> I DIDN'T HAVE NOBODY. >> OH, that makes sense. >> That's a good answer. >> Well, I did I did, but we were in no ████ place to even start a kid or think about marriage and all that ████ >> That's the answer. I think it's very simple. But that's that's like us talking about like, well, in the 1990s, a dad could go work at Sears and then have enough to buy a home and provide for his whole family. The idea of like >> I was rich as ████ at the time. >> Okay. >> Well, you're right. >> You're right. >> No, I I Yeah, I think at the time um it was more like um you know how you know too much and you're like, "We're not ready because
1:41 oh, we're we're not psychologically there. We need to go see therapy. We want to prepare good world for this young in where I like our parents had none of that s███." They just had all I'm married, time to have kids. >> We We have We have too many choices. >> So, I think that's the >> More things to consider. >> Yeah. >> And then also like our perspective, like I only saw, granted, you know, you're a kid, so you're just being taken care of by your parents. So, all you see as a kid is your parents working the whole time. >> That's true. >> So, the idea of like from my existence, aka from like whenever I was born and that's your your life is now just taking care of me. You don't get to do the crazy vacations or the all this you're working like extra long hours 7 days a week because you had kids. And I'm not saying this is a bad thing, I'm just more like Wait, so every year I don't and I push that back as a year of my own
2:32 life without that depth of responsibility. That's a huge one for today's world. >> Yeah. >> I know a lot of people might be like, you know, older generation might be like, that's some lazy ████ like, you know, this is when you're fertile, this is when you're supposed to XYZ, but it's just not the case around the world. Like, we we have so many options to do things, to explore, to try new things, to see, you know, travel to places. >> I do think that's one of the main things where it's like, let me get the my me time out of the way before we have it cuz we do see our parents they had zero me time. Like, I feel like my dad escaped communism, had a kid, and then died. >> Yeah. >> I think that's what happened. [laughter] But also like >> Damn, that's true. >> Yeah. Right? I'm like, what I don't even know if he ever wanted to play guitar, like what his ████ dreams were. He just had kids, worked his ████ ass off, and then passed away. >> I also never felt like financially
3:26 ready, too. Like, the second you get married, uh in my your situation, in my situation, it's like my wife had like school debt. So, the idea of like legally being bound to somebody means that you're also assuming like their debt or or any liabilities and stuff like that. So, the second you go in there, now your internal like I was going to get married by this time. You're like, "Whoa, ████ life is actually different now." Now you're trying to recalibrate with another human being. And then you suddenly are like, all the things that I had the freedom on myself, I'm already trying to assimilate to another human being and try to catch up in a different game of Monopoly. Another kid? >> Yeah, you're like, do I want to have a kid when I'm in the negative? You're like, oh ████ But then you also have a biological ticking time bomb. And then you're trying to like kind of always like gauge the pros and cons of each. >> I kind of wish I just got a girl knocked up when I was a teenager. >> I don't know if that's true. Yeah, I
4:16 don't >> I think your life would be completely different now. >> Probably. >> Like you wouldn't be a gypsy man. >> Uh probably, but then I'd probably be hanging out with my son or daughter. >> Uh there's that person >> Yeah, if I had if I had the same life to live like Groundhog Day over and over for sure I'd play around with a lot of different versions of it because you see the the dub and you see the L in every version of right? You have a kid late and then it's like I imagine right now like, you know, when my my daughter's like 15 I'll be ████ like 55. >> But a young 55 though. >> A sex having 55. >> Yeah, yeah. >> Throwing hell of birthday for yourself 55. >> But the idea of like, you know, doing sports or playing games or activities or chase you know, like playing well granted I don't you know, I don't know what she might be into. Let's say she's into dance. Even the idea of trying to participate, you know, it's like I'm a older father. Like there's there's a loss to that even though I took the
5:06 selfish route and maybe I had more life to myself. >> You know how movie stars always say that their kids hate their work? Do you think that your daughter is like, stop dancing that's ████ embarrassing. >> [laughter] >> I think no matter what, no matter what my kid is going to be embarrassed. >> No matter what my kid's going to think I'm lame. >> Cuz you dance pretty cool and stuff. Like I can't imagine her just being like, god so ████ lame. >> We did a similar video to this and then like in the comments like I was reading this and then maybe you guys can understand this too, but it's almost like I don't want the same struggles like like you said your your parents had. It's like you see you see by example what your life can be and you don't see children as a burden, but you also see like, you're adding all these things that are like more work. Like, they didn't really paint a good example of family life, right? So, then
5:57 it makes all of us want to be over prepared, so we don't make the same mistakes. And I think that's kind of the whole like, "Oh, I'm going to push it off till later cuz I'm on I got to I got this vacation. I'm trying to like ball out. I'm trying to do this. I want to be super prepared." And then before you know it, it's like that movie Idiocracy, where you have the two smart successful people. They're like, "Finally, we're going to try at 38." >> And so, we have one kid. >> Yeah. Or they can't even >> That's what happened to us. >> Yeah. >> Cuz I feel so like for me like I'm super conflicted because I'm like if I had kids 5 or even 10 years earlier than when I had Taika, I don't think I was actually ready to be a dad, and then I would beat the ████ out of him for sure. To be child abuse. I'd be like my dad, you know? And then I'm like, "Okay, so that was cool. I got my emotional maturity there. There's going to be a
6:47 point where you start stop going to other people's houses for Thanksgiving, and you're the Thanksgiving house. Now the people at my table are way less. Right? Cuz if I started earlier, I'd might have five people five kids that come home from college when it's Thanksgiving. Now, when I have Thanksgiving, it's just going to be Taika coming home from college. >> If he even does that. He calls you. He's like, "Hey Dad, we're we're doing Thanksgiving over here." >> Yeah, and I'm just like, "Okay, we baked a turkey for no reason." You know, then it's like, "F███." Cuz like I'm trying to zoom out to 50, 60 what that life is like, and it I'm just kind of like stuck in this middle ground. And it's it's it's tough. I'm like, "Which one is the win? Which one is the the L?" >> But I wonder if it really was easier or like romanticizing it. Cuz you know everyone talks about like, "Man, easy for you guys to say, older generation. Like you you were able to have houses and jobs and things like that." But I'm like, I just remember my parents My
7:37 parents are boomers, and I just remember them ████ struggling. >> Yeah. >> About money, complaining, and then also we had some family time, but like all the '90s movies was like, "Dad's at work again." And then no one's dads came to their sport events or anything. It was just moms. >> Yeah. >> And I'm like, "And you And if you're ████ Asian, you're lucky if any parents showed up to any school event." >> My dad worked with my uncles and they used to I didn't even know this cuz I used to get mad that he didn't go to my sports ████ and they used to come to my cousin Frankie's sports ████ which was the same ████ as mine. So, he he would he would My uncles would go to our Little League games and my dad would have to mind the store. And then they would like come back and be like, "Hey, Steve did good." and all this ████ My dad's like fuming. >> Oh, so he took He was covering the shift. >> Yeah, yeah, yeah. >> But you didn't know that. >> know that cuz my dad didn't sit me down and explain the ████ to me. So, I was like, "F███ you, Dad. You're never home." like that kind of ████ but I
8:27 didn't know what was going on on his side. >> But he kind of like took it for the team so they could go watch. >> And to this day he's never told me that. My mom had to tell me that. >> I think that's a really good point that Bart made, too. Like today's men, today's father need to The whole point is like we're trying to be better than the last generation's father. We just need more time to like prepare, like man up, mature, get our finances in order, get our wisdom in check, you know, and then we can like do it the right way because now the the the requirements for fathers today is different, right? Back then, easy. You go to work, you come home, you turn on the TV and you nobody talks to you and food's ready. Like that was the expectation for women, you know, because like maybe they weren't working because they could take care Now it's like you come home, you don't get to chill out from your day of work. You weren't working on the baby, so you got to come home and make
9:17 sure you cook, you clean, you take care of the baby, you do all this stuff. And then after that, you got to be available and present for your wife. You got to be empathetic and then you can't complain cuz you got to wake up and know that you probably aren't doing better than the next guy cuz everybody's required like that's the >> Is Anthony trauma dumping on us right now? >> [laughter] >> He's like, "I can't meet these expectations." >> No, it's a lot, dude. >> But you know, it's tough. The responsibilities are spread out to like for us, both of us work all day and both of our responsibilities in the house are spread out between both of us. So, it's just like we don't really have those those like strict gender roles where this person does this. It's like we all do everything together and I think that's just kind of what it is nowadays, right? >> Well, millennial men are the most in history involved fathers. Like hands down. They did a whole study of like how much time
10:07 >> But is that good? >> I think so, for sure. >> I don't think it's good. >> I think it's a good thing because what was lacking for us it was like all the stories were absent parents, absent fathers a lot of the times, right? >> Didn't make us good men, though. I think it would put a chip on my shoulder. >> I think I think both like kids need both parents, bro. Like I think they just they just always do better when there's both parents around. >> if you go the other extreme and you go to the hood and there's no dads, then they have all of them go to jail. >> Yeah, and they they don't have like that male like especially for fathers, like for young men, feels like they need a male role model in their house to teach them how to be men. Otherwise, they become like violent delinquents. >> You know what I'm most curious about is like traditional traditional for the most of hit family his- like human history, right? So, like we go oh, traditional values, but it's still people going to the factory office and
10:58 then moms being a homemaker, but real traditional was like you have your shop or you have your farm or whatever and then your family is all working on it. >> Yeah. From baby to to grandma grandma. Everyone. When it's harvest time, everyone all hands on deck. When it's like you're a ████ shoemaker family, grandpa's doing the ████ leather, kid over here is learning how to do and then you're [laughter] there together. That's what you should be. But you know what I mean? Like that's to me you're you're 24/7 with your kids, but it's generational and I think we're just like we have to fill in the roles because um >> And then also in traditional traditional you have zero friends. Your family is your friend. Your 3-year-old is your friend. >> My parents had like no friends. >> one has any friends, no socializing cuz >> Well, they had the church. They had community. Like they had the village. So
11:48 you had you had >> So I think that's more important than the age aspect for for people in today's generation. Like to me it's like it doesn't matter if you have a kid at 25 or you have a kid at like 40. It's more like if all of your friends are having kids at the same time, that's just exciting. >> The community >> like your the the mothers are going through things together. The idea of babysitting or like sharing or village is taking care of people or like signing up for the same schools and like having a community. I feel like that's more important than just you know. >> Yeah. >> For sure. Cuz like we talk me and Tiff been talking about this too. When we talk about this with kids or just like healthy humans in general mentally and everyone needs like a third space. So it's like home is one space, school or work might be a second space, and then like a third place is like church, the gym, community, whatever that fills in that gap. So it's like yeah, we all need
12:39 that. >> And it was multi-generational. >> Yeah, we need uncles, we need aunties, we need everyone on all hands on deck because it's like it's hard. >> As long as them uncles ain't touching them kids, you know what I'm saying? >> Yeah, but that's why you know you have a good community and then you could trust these people. >> It's big city living where we outsource everything. So like you pay for maid, you pay for Uber, you pay for all these other things. That's what community was is to like A, you need a you need a ride to the airport. All right, I'll I'll take you. It's like doing ████ you don't want to do, but like that's what's real. That's real community. Not like hey, let's go have lunch and entertain each other. I don't think you build real community that way. But like I think when you have a more met like everyone's busy, you ain't got ████ time. I'm I need a TaskRabbit. I need whatever. Then you're not really actually you know, building any friendships or relationships, but yeah. >> Dude, cuz
13:29 Anthony now he has his baby girl and Ryan's going to have his baby girl. >> Community. >> Now they're going to have free you're going to have a free carpool service with Ryan. You know what I mean? You guys are good to go. You guys are locked in. >> Dude, hell yeah. What if they hate each other? That'd be so funny. >> That would be hilarious. >> That's how it goes though. >> You got to force them. >> If you force them, they're not going to that's the worst part. >> If they were boys, if they were sons, they'd be such friends. Oh my god. >> Forcing hobbies on kids, dude. They'll go the other way sometimes. >> You got to shove it down their nose and and make them know that this is wrong. >> I'm going to force them. >> Force them. >> I'm going to force her. >> Like Nikki's dad, huge Rams fan, and just [clears throat] to piss him off she became Packers fan. >> That's funny. >> [laughter] >> Just cuz she's like, "F███ you, dad. Here's your I'm a fan of your rival." >> I'm like, "Oh my god, I want you to be a dancer so bad, Lana. I want you to be a professional dancer so bad." >> Sometimes I wish I was hella low IQ and I could ████ irresponsibly all the time.
14:20 I mean, I did, but I never got to go pregnant. >> Okay. >> So like I just I was unlucky.
// end of tape