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Weird Things Has a Stranger Offered You?

#tradingpost#apron#homelesslady#middleeastern#offered
the transcript auto-captions · entered into evidence

0:00 this homeless lady on the street I think she was homeless again I was really drunk she like offered me sex and I did it Joe I did [Music] it what is the weirdest thing a stranger has ever offered you sex sex how did that happen just like that a stranger offered you sex well I talked about this before but he was a very wealthy Saudi Arabian man and he wanted to get me an apartment there to stay in the Middle East and he wanted to cook for me traditional Middle Eastern food while he wore nothing but an apron and he goes bro nothing sexual bro nothing sexual and I'm like that's sexual what what what bro what what he

0:51 say nothing but an apron he said naked but just an A so he wanted to serve me and pretend to be a housewife and he wanted me to just kick it on the couch while he's cooking traditional meals and just wearing nothing but an apron with his butt cheeks hanging out and and he's like I get you apartment all this stuff and I'm like dude that sounds really dope but I don't know man that sounds like some sh where he's going to be like okay well for a car let me sit on your dick you know it's going to add honestly are you going to be like what car a Bugatti I was just like shocked and but at the at the same time it was hilarious story though how was this stranger how did it come up just pretended to be a fan oh in

1:42 person he walked up to you no no no no no just messaging like think pretended to be he is a he is a fan he is a fan about a real fan he is a fan got him to talk about all sorts of stuff and then he was like have you ever been to the Middle East and then I'm all like no and he goes okay uh well I have a proposition for for you and he was telling me he'll get me a nice apartment and then he all he wants to do is cook for me but the catch is he wants to wear nothing but an apron while he cooks and serves me God that's so weird dude that's that's awful I thought that was the funniest sexual fantasy you should hit him up be like deal still on murder yeah is it still available yeah deal still on dude it's tough times right now can I pay you to suck your dick I'm like wow that's double cool it's just I wish you weren't a guy think of Chinese I well I wish he was a Saudi Arabian

2:32 princess or something that would have been great but how do you know if he was real maybe he was fake damn there are many moments in this where you can find out it's fake and it's too late but the page seemed real hey it was a real person real everything so FaceTime that's cool I don't know cuz some I heard that they have a lot of like repression out there you know what I mean so like they have these oh yeah desires that are burning inside of them I believe that yeah no and to just do weird ████ okay what kind of fantasy that's hilarious though his fantasy is to be a wife and to be like desired or or he thinks that like can you imagine a a straight like ████ hairy Arab dude just in a ████ apron cooking for you bet anything that his true fantasy is so

3:22 much further than that but that's just to get you in the door that's to get you in 100% but I think his real fantasyy is way more graphic plus then he gets he also gets to say when he is like sexually attacking you later he gets to say what did you expect and you're already in like the Middle East yeah yeah dude right and he owns the apartment you came in he has home court advantage dude yeah you can't know escap your key card doesn't work anymore brother you're you're a sex life now yeah that's a bad deal that's why I didn't do it you didn't do it because it's a bad deal or because you're not gay bro what if you try to did he say how much what if he tried to frame you he offered an apartment that he stay forever ain't no way bro what if it's in like the honeyton park of Saudi Arabia I'm I'm glad subie weighed in on this one you

4:12 said no way [Laughter] bro like one of us were considering it no no thank you f chance so you know I'm just saying like a whole apartment no I know dude no way no way bro no way dog but what if it was like gold faucet and like you know how they do things big over there I me you you should have had him if anything like you you could have had him prove his wealth by sending you ████ first and then build up to dude I was laughing so hard I didn't even know how to exploit this it was like yeah Amazon wish list dude I just pictured this guy I saw what he looked like and I'm like I pictured him and nothing but an apron and I just started laughing so hard what guy is like your type though what the ████ man yeah out of all the careful boys which one harmless a

5:04 harmless one oh nice like a soft boy like a can yeah like a sweet boy either a K-pop man or like I don't know like a bretman rock bretman rock rman rock yeah he looks pretty like he could do some damage bro he's buff rman Rock's buff yeah but he doesn't have a he he he's a good person he doesn't look threatening like like a ████ like a man in jail that's going to violate me bran Rock probably be the most fun person to like be trapped in Saudi araban Department he seems like a fun time yeah he's great he'll protect you yeah I mean he could probably pound it hard now cuz he's so buff oh my God but like I think he won't make me feel violated you know what I mean respect you go bound it hard without making you feel B do you have any stories of strangers offering you something offering me something like even if you were like at a at a club or

5:55 a rave or something anyone ever come up to you and be like hey take this yeah like a not Strangers Like I mean yeah but like you know sometimes when you're like back in the day when you're like at those things like sometimes everybody's offering random stuff like I remember being at lightning in the bottle like years ago and they're just like walking by somebody's just like like hey like you got a cool shirt I was like oh thank you it's like you want some mushrooms and I was like no thank you but it was just it was just nice it wasn't weird yeah yeah well that that makes sense that lightning in the bottle cuz everybody's mad cool yeah so it's just context I will say I was really messed up one time like really drunk right it was like a Bach party in like New Orleans yeah and then like this homeless lady on the street I

6:46 think she was homeless again I was really drunk she like offered me sex and I did it Joe nice I did it you ate her ████ out he's down a homeless lady sick hey hey hey hey hey what's wrong with that you just got to put a hose on her where do you get a hose a hose in the backyard somewhere come on you in the middle of New Orleans and like okay feel free to correct me if I'm wrong this is my interpretation I had to tell the boys this like after it all happened but I was like super drunk and then like uh somebody just this lady this black lady came by and she just like kind of like grabbed my junk and then I was like and then she was like whoa I was like what how you know she was homeless how come how come you

7:36 judging like that that one he said was black he didn't say about a different lady oh was a different one Oh I thought it was the same homeless lady that sounds crazy out of context talking about a black lady how' you know she was hom edit this correctly I thought you talking about the same lady no he moved on oh ████ he said and then I was at a party and then that just makes you sound hella H but how did you know she didn't have a home I was delay Joe just boomeranged himself dude he's trying to get Anthony what's funny is I talking about the same person but it's way funnier to just watch ████ with the same person I told you yeah but it's funny to see you get put on blast he was right it is the same person ████ I was listening wait does that make you look like the ████ up one no no it was a

8:27 bit it was a bit yeah good job so did she smell homeless oh that that is a good question though wait so did you do did you do it there signs of homelessness like they have a massive backpack or like usually they hold they have a b baby carriage with no baby in it but just a sleeping bag and things she could have grabbed his dick and then said come back to my place it's outside exactly so if you're judging I don't appreciate that ████ Anthony we don't judge here but if you have clear clues of homelessness right we misjudged you see I literally just saved you from being called out so an ally dude yo you know the first signs of homelessness is you look at their shoes yeah and if it's open and you can see their toes and it's talking well it depends how recent was

9:18 what what has happened to you where the stranger offered you something it's like via email they offered me money for really old shoes oh yeah how do they find your email fit on site maybe they're a reseller was it stockx at stockx.com yeah they probably are homeless if they want old shoes were they trying to do feed stuff to your shoes I think so oh that's one of those you could send them one of mine I D that' be hella funny how much you think he's going oh so good and use his return address too I think one hand on the shoe one hand somewhere else or the shoe like oh my God to hold himself back what's weird is they weren't dirty enough well you sent it and then they're like I want to

10:08 refund yeah he rejected my shoes he rejected them like oh that's too bad you rejected the shoes I I smear my ████ on every day that's exactly what I said yeah and then he's like wait wait wait no no no no no you're gone feels close yeah yeah that's it you know what the price just went up price just went up like go oh yeah I guess I'll have to offer these old smeary ████ shoes some El oh no so close can you imagine if you if the only way for you to get off was some weird ████ like Inc yeah it's like can I ████ also how do you get to that point like are there stages like how do you get how do you get like when did he discover well like was he ████ in school and then he grabbed people's shoes and he started smelling them and he got horny I think when he was a k kid took him a while to learn how to walk he

10:58 saw his mom's feet a lot sick a lot and that's where it starts like that ████ little seed starts growing wait but do you think that like do you think Kinks like that are a a defect like it's why do we like boobs cuz we used to suck on titties big time Big Time it's not easy to get what if you had nothing but formula especially me right you probably love powder you probably love cocaine then you're an as Man Simple nice what if they're like no you have to resed your kid he'll become an ass man he's going to be an ass man you understand that right okay well which which of the weird Kinks is like acceptable but it's like weird the Kings and then we'll tell you I don't know them like obviously we know that feet is one stuff's just wild ████ it's weird cuz I don't get why it's sexual at all yeah I don't get the feet part but I

11:48 feel like in a few years like the the line will be so much further I feel like that'll be like normal later oh like it's getting normal I think it will be I don't think it is now okay I see what you're saying I see what you're saying soy ends up like taking more of these in true used to never talk about sex almost ever and now we everyone talks about it openly and then they're going to be bor of feet what's what's another king like elbows licking armpits oh yeah yeah yeah that that's crazy crazy wait that's a kink yeah for Japanese specifically Japanese is it just like a gross popular like with Japanese are they all just in the same like category like I have no idea maybe it feels good it's just that we never tried it no I don't want to try yeah what else is a kink like I know uh crossdressing I guess so many things

12:40 that we've needles put needles in your dick get pissed on o oh yeah getting pissed on oh yeah collecting dirty underwear like that oh collecting underwear po your dick pissing on yourself or whatever the freak liking OSS my brain still can't wrap around the idea that somebody got to a stage where nothing was satisfying them and then they had to go to that and then they liked it or other things were satisfying them they just felt a new sensation of satisfaction maybe try all of us are sitting here thinking we'll never try that except for I don't like a lot of what it makes me the ████ yeah except for you yeah but someone there're sitting there and going you know what I like to try is to poop on a girl yeah no

13:31 actually you know up until up until the wifey I could not stand feet around me or feet on me or like even ex-girlfriends you thought feet was gross yeah it just it just made me like yeah like put that ████ away I'm sorry I do love you but keep your socks on today like let me suck every single one of your toes this little piggy went to Market This Little Piggy came home between each oh God that go to me up I'm like can you spread them this little piggy had roast beef the ████ uh so have you been offered anything stupid oh I just remember like at like at uh 20 some some chick from Canada Middle Eastern chick was like yo send me a picture of you jacking off huh yeah she was just like send me a video of you jacking off on Snapchat and then and then I was just like what the hell I was like yo who are you and she she sent

14:22 swear to God she sent me a FaceTime of her and behind her was a bunch of Lamborghinis and she such a dude Middle Eastern Middle Eastern family I follow her on IG and she was like legit Middle Eastern with Rich ass family Middle Easterns dude they got some repressed stuff going on but it wasn't a dude you know what I'm saying mine was a girl yeah I know thank God I'm just saying like I just imagined mine was a girl but it wasn't it was a hairy Arab dude I would like to think it's the exact same scenario see she's just like Su I want you to come here I'll give you an apartment I all I want to do is cook for you and just wear this apron and nothing CRA How wild no I know that sounds crazy a dream come true right exactly that's like do you want to get married what the ████ no but yeah she was just like yo I want you to come over to Canada um I want you to see my family she like every day she' send me

15:13 videos of her where she was staying at and then she's like can I please get a video of you just janking off and I was just like Y what is this hella awkward what if she was going to wait what that me what if the reason why what if that that was a scam huh what if that was a scam wait what happened next he sent the video guys that's what he mean all I just sent one video one time maybe you know saying nothing happened no and then she sent me more of her I was just like what what's go this is my first time dealing with this I was like this is you're the first guy who actually actually jerked it for a real chick wait it ended up not being a scam for like a photo of it it really wasn't a scam cuz then I I looked her up and then I was just like oh I was like yo you're hella real but I was just like but I'll never go to Canada said I I said Peace so she never said I'm now going to send this to your family yeah and you need to pay me a Bitcoin right now nothing nothing did

16:05 she want you to come to where was she come to Canada got it that's what it is like you going to get there and they're going to kill you and sell your organs probably that's how they got all those Lambos what a weird yeah it was like my weirdest experience in like that kind of stuff but I before I even did anything I had to make sure she was legit yeah good thing you verified it professionally of course I had to like go Facebook I had to go IG before after sending I had to call FaceTime and everything but thank God it wasn't no dude in the D bu apartment wearing a ████ that's that's crazy Joe but that's probably one of the biggest freebies I was offered when I was living when I was living in Korea Town me and my girlfriend had broken up and my buddy Horton had moved out to be with his girlfriend and then I was like

16:55 oh ████ I got to find like someone else to rent the other room in here so I was like all right so I went to I just blasted it everywhere right and then this this chick was like Hey like I want to move in and like I have a bunch of furniture that I want to send out there so like if I give you like five grand can you just like send me my furn or can you help me with my furniture and I was I was kind of half working half paying attention to the email or whatever like doing other stuff and then I realized she okay so you want me to take your $5,000 put it in my bank account and then you want me to Western Union you the five grand in order to send so you could afford to ship your furniture out I was like something about this does not Jive at all and that was the scam right is

17:45 that I'm in a Western Union you you sent me a fugazi check it was it would have bounced yeah the check would have bounced yeah yeah damn that's a that's that was my first encounter with like a real deal one that was a popular scam oh yeah a brownie oh it did oh that sucks man over a vape machine he had to he got a check and then he had something with the check they send you too much you send little a little bit back and he just negative all out and I was just like yo what the ████ yeah it's a rough one it it works well on on trusting people for sure yeah cuz it just seems like oh yeah of course I'll send you your own money back and it was smart of them too to like be a chick cuz then it's like okay well I don't have to worry about a dude being in my place all that ████ was like that was a Craigslist had that everywhere yep there was a funny uh situation where I had a friend of mine visiting from Canada she was

18:36 like from Ontario and I took her to uh melrose's Trading Post you know the flea market yeah and um I think I remember yeah some guy came by and he was giving flyers for this event and he was like yeah we're throwing this event it's going to happen in about a couple nights uh we're just it's like a it was a Jaden Smith event or whatever and then he was like yeah it's like a really cool art event for the community we're just trying to get some more people out he was real talking that's how you know the scam Jaden Smith AR and really friendly guy and then um and then we just took the flyer and then walked away and she's all what the ████ she's like is that normal and I was like yeah ████ like that happens all the time why and she's like that was shy La buff that was promoting it yeah it was actual Shila Buff going around melo's trading post promoting Jaden Smith's art event that is so weird and was this after his whole thing I don't know what

19:27 it was I don't know which thing but it remember the one where he was like he did the exhibit and he was like there remember he was sitting there in in the Art Exhibit and people would just go in there and yell at him and ████ and he would just sit there and yell at him you're talking about that he will not divide us no no no the I'm sorry the I'm sorry thing oh I don't remember that he said I'm sorry for I don't remember what the hell he did but he's like he had a thing an AR ex where he just said there he sat there and he was sorry I don't know I don't remember what he did he ████ up somehow and he was sorry and you can talk ████ to him yell at him be like you're a piece of ████ or whatever he's sitting there yeah it was like in a white room and it was like an Art Exhibit it like it went on for a couple days and then it was like mad normal yeah it was like in 2014 I think okay this had to be after that yeah did you know it was him I didn't know until she said that and then we looked and he was talking to everybody and he was just mad normal and like and it's meal's trading

20:18 post so no one was like oh my God they were all like of course it's ch whatever that's cool I guess honestly too you see celebrities so much in La you don't give a ████ out but then the cool thing is that she was not from there so she was freaking out and she was like wait like what the ████ that was holes we just met holes the fact that like you're just visiting one day and a celebrity comes up to you and asks you to do something it's like really odd yeah I met holes yesterday

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