0:00 Okay, spoiler alert. Ryan, obviously, is expecting. >> Hey, yo. >> Yeah, he's pregnant. He's going through labor right now. He's going to have a baby girl. >> I heard he's having a tough one, too. So, he needs to stay home this whole month. >> A tough one? >> He doesn't feel like his beautiful self. So, he's like, "I don't want to be on camera." >> This wonderful, beautiful daughter of his is going to need a ninong, a godfather. It's clearly going to be one of us in this room. >> It's not going to be Aris. >> You're already axing Steve out and Aris and Dietrix. >> Aris is for sure out, dude. >> like axing Steve is like a duh. >> No, Steve is in the mix. We'll have to ask Steve when he's here. >> He's actually a good competitor, but he's not here to defend himself. >> That's why he's a loser. >> So, he's out. >> He's out. He's donezo. Okay, we can we can collectively be selfless at the end of the video and actually see who we
0:52 really think maybe maybe holds a spot, but until then, nah. It's all just just doggy dog world out here, okay? >> Well, obviously, Steve is going to pick me. >> Obviously, he's not. You're unstable. >> He's not going to pick you over Bart, for sure. >> Why? How Why do you think he's going to pick you? >> to pick me because I have the longest history with him. We were We went to the same school together. >> Yeah, but that area of history was something he would keep his daughter away >> I understand. We have same principles. >> scared of Joe Mama. He heard stories about things that Joe Mama was doing that would >> the same principles because we have the same cult foundation. So, I know how to operate within the guy that left the cult. So, we connect on that. >> You guys both made it out. >> That would be That would be a good point if I thought that he was still holding
1:42 on to trauma from it. I think in his new era, new life with Smac, I really don't think there's remnants of his past. >> he would choose you, then? >> Come on, guys. Obvious choice. >> Why? >> Why? Because you always buy high, sell low? >> First of all, that's a good thing to witness from afar. And not being direct family, I think she would benefit from watching me fail in that area. Cuz it doesn't cause her any harm. >> So, you want So, you think Ryan wants a a financially unsavvy godfather? >> [laughter] >> Godfathers are never around for the financialness. >> What are they here for? What are What are they here for? >> Yeah, what's what's the role of a godfather? >> Spirit. >> No, they're there to ████ protect in case if he passes, you got to be the next in line. >> No, what that's for you're supposed to You're supposed to be there to take >> custody of the ba- ba- ba- baby. It's insurance. >> In some instances, absolutely. Absolutely. In like that the super
2:32 Filipino culture, if like like they die, both of them, then technically be first godparents designated should be the first to like take responsibility. If they don't have brothers or >> It's Filipino insurance. >> Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. >> [clears throat] >> Which obviously, I think I'd be the rightful one. >> It's salamander. >> I think they'll pick He'll pick me because I'm a robot. And when you're a robot, you're the most stable. >> Oh, that's true. >> is predictable. [clears throat] I set the weather in the house the whole time. Nothing ever changes, and he knows that his daughter can just grow up in a stable environment. >> I think his daughter He wants his daughter to grow up with more character and struggle than Tyco will have. >> I can program that in. Every Thursday Every Thursday there's a stressor. >> It's on the calendar, dude. It's going to be >> the calendar. I can easy. >> If if Ryan and Smac die and daughter goes straight to you into a retired parents' home, dude, come on.
3:23 And I'll learn any ████ work at all. >> No, it's just to build there's >> They're going to be like, "Can I go to jujitsu on this day, this day, this day, this day, and this day?" It's like, "Yes, honey." It's like, "Wow, interesting." >> Stressors Thursdays. Growth Friday Fridays. So, everything's covered. >> Hey Dad, can I get a Tundra? >> Sure. >> No, I'm going to say no cuz what did she ask on a Friday? Fridays are no. No Fridays. >> [laughter] >> Every day Every Friday Every schedule >> Can I get a Tundra now? >> She's going to ████ find a link online, and then you're going to ████ going to for her because you're were that she did research. >> [laughter] >> No, that's for >> While you find the low price. >> I think he's going to find he's he's he's going to choose me. >> Now I think about it, Bart's might be kicking your ass in this right now. >> Yep, see. >> Bart just kind of took the lead right now. >> That's what I'm talking about. Number one, right? Their daughter would have a sister of same age. Yeah, but you're going to pick your daughter over hers. >> But then Bart's also retired. He can give 100%.
4:13 >> 100%. >> 100% to this baby. >> 200%. >> no kids. So I can give 100% my attention. I have no kids. >> I have 200% cuz both of us are retired. Yeah, that's sick. >> [snorts] >> Older brother Tyco. >> I have a kid, you want to be my god dad for my baby, dude? >> No. >> Wait, what the hell? >> [laughter] >> Everybody's supposed to fight for themselves. Now that you're backing him up, the whole thing is skewed and you're sucking his dick right now. That's really gay. >> I'm going to win cuz I'm Hold on. I haven't even said my case yet. >> your case then? >> are forgetting my super weapon. I have Anina, a doctor of occupational therapy. The growth and the ████ maturity from from this in terms of being able to >> Ryan's daughter got a personal trainer built into the ████ house. >> I live in Hawaii. I've got you all beat. >> She's going to build the biggest back muscles ever. >> When she's like 9 years old, she's going to be like, I like Uncle Joe's house, Hawaii.
5:03 I don't want to be in dry ass Vegas. >> Joe's back in the mix, dude. He's back in the mix. >> Remember how you complained about every team that grew up in Hawaii? Location, location. Don't they become not really ████ good teams? >> That's why we have a spot in Vegas, too. >> Oh, they can go both. >> So instability, more instability for the kid. [laughter] Okay. >> Bad school districts. Oh, okay. >> No friendships in either area. Okay, [laughter] great. Okay. >> to be a nomad. >> Variety. Worldly. >> I'm closest to Ryan's a current other circle of friends, right? So then that way That way the daughter will stay within the true >> She'll stay uncultured. >> Yeah. >> She No, Ryan wants to wants her eyes to open up, have dance and strength and conditioning and whatever the hell Geo does. >> [laughter] >> It's going to open up >> Being tall.
5:53 >> [laughter] >> Assuming they don't die and they stay alive, I live closest to them right now. >> Yeah, I could I could give her international life. >> No, no, they still they stay alive. They're still alive. >> her to Japan. >> Wales for a little bit. >> Both our houses. >> What are you Woody Allen right now? Get out of here. >> Hey, both of both of our houses both of our houses are beige. Both of our houses are beige. >> No, his house is white. >> Both of our houses are white. >> [laughter] >> There's white something. >> Yeah. >> And beige and some hues some hues of red or something. >> The most familiar is me and Ryan are both with redheads so she won't feel out of place. >> That's that's not bad. >> That's a that's a plus. >> My wife's Filipino. She won't feel out of place. >> That's a also plus. >> I feel a little bit threatened. I feel a little bit threatened. >> Yeah, you should be. When Lola comes
6:44 over cuz we'll still have that Lola too, you know what I mean? >> Taika is half Chinese and half Mexican kind of Filipino >> [laughter] >> right there. She's like right there. >> The Filipino sibling that she always wanted. >> Filipino sibling right there. Something right there. >> I'm going to be like, "Hey, when your dad kicked my ass on TV." And I'm going to have that depth of relationship. >> No, but Ryan's going to be afraid that you're going to take out the vengeance on her. So then he won't pick you. >> Or or she's going to be like, "Your dad My dad beat you on TV. Why should I listen to you?" >> They'll be like that, too. >> Then I'll be like, "Why does your dad still listen to me?" >> She'll be like, "My dad doesn't listen to you." That's what she'll say. >> Ah, kids got to answer for everything. >> I had you for a second there. >> Yeah, almost almost. >> What's your case, dude? >> Well, my case is probably the best because it's like we don't have kids. Right? I don't got kids. You don't have two pugs. I have two pugs.
7:34 >> I got two dogs. >> on. I have I have stability, okay? I can bring balance to this child's life. You can have it'll have the privilege of growing up in a Salvadoran household and also a Chinese household, okay? >> Like your father, you're never home, dude. You're at you're you're just out at fight events all day. >> But also but also here's the thing here's the thing is, you know, I have also the ability of just multiple training facilities for this this child. I can make sure this child becomes the greatest child athlete that that they have everything that they need. We could train them. We could do everything. And it's going to be fine. >> I could train in my garage. >> Yeah, but we have multiple locations. >> dogs. >> We have multiple locations, but your dogs aren't real dogs like my dogs. My dogs are real dogs. >> gym. >> Yeah, but that's a long time ago. That's a long time ago.
8:24 >> take you to LA and go and and and beg if we can go train in there. >> Yeah, they won't let you. >> They probably won't. >> and train our gym though. You're always welcome. >> Really? >> Yeah, you're always welcome. >> Damn, he kind of beat you on that one. >> Yeah, so you're always welcome. Always any of you guys. >> mean kimchi fried rice. >> Well, it was a Hail Mary. It was I mean You're not saying anything back, so it's kind of tough. >> I cook every day. >> Oh, dude, I got recipes on deck, dude. >> I'm friends with >> Hey hey hey, dish for dish I'm smoking Bart I think. >> I'm friends with Sorry Not Sorry guy. >> Who's that? >> Drew Belcher. >> Oh, yeah, you're right. ████ That's a good one. >> Yeah, but she won't have to diet at my house and we'll still be healthy. I got ████ really cool clothes for her. >> [laughter] >> That's not good, dude. Now we just sound like we have nothing to offer. >> I feel like we don't have a lot to offer. What are we offering her? Gyms that we don't own? Like we already What
9:14 are we doing? Interstate gyms we don't own. >> I got so many >> to a toddler. >> Yeah, this guy's like I'll show her the world. Like what the ████ are we doing? [laughter] >> I got so many books that she could read that I haven't read yet. >> Well, I'm in that boat too then, brother. >> [laughter] >> I got hella >> I have a lot of friends that have babies her age, so then she won't she'll always have friends. >> Well, she he has the built-in daughter. >> [laughter] >> That he's going to always choose above her. That's why See if you if we're trying to sell this to Ryan. Hey Ryan, hey Ryan, you got to believe me because this guy is going to always choose Lana over your daughter. >> Not necessary. It's not about blood. It's whoever's prettier. >> Dude, I'll be a good uncle, bro. I'm I'm probably the chillest uncle you could probably have. I'm pretty chill uncle. >> I I think >> me chunkle. >> What does that mean? >> That doesn't mean anything. >> Chinese uncle? >> mean it. Yeah, that's Chinese uncle, dude. >> [laughter] >> Chinese uncle. I'm a chunkle. >> Call me that, too, I guess. No, I dude,
10:04 I'll be a good uncle, man. >> Dude, during the World Cup I was doing this thing. Dude, with the with the Korean there's like a Korean social media influencer, right? She was like uh she's like recording herself. She's being all cute and stuff like that. And then like in the stand like really right behind her this dude is Mexican dude or whatever. He's all Turns out he's like an educator or some ████ >> [laughter] >> And then he and he gets fired and he has to issue a ████ public apology. >> That's so funny. >> She's like a influencer, too. So it went like viral. >> Man. >> Hey, when the booze is flowing, dude. >> You're having a good time. >> Yeah, dude. He must have been having the best time of his life. He's like, "Yeah!" >> [laughter] >> Idiot. >> But for that reason I'm going to be the best godfather. >> Why? Cuz you're going to show her racist memes and do and call her chiga chiga chiga chiga chiga China? >> There's nobody that's going to do that better than you. >> I think Bart wins, dude.
10:54 >> You're supposed to back yourself up. >> Cuz he's retired? >> Yeah. Logically, you got to go with Bart. >> No. Hold on. >> No. >> [laughter] >> You got to go with Bart, logically. >> She's going to be bored. >> No, she's not. >> Yeah. >> She's going to have so many ████ activities to do. Bart will put her in every activity. I'm working all the time. I got I can't I can't be with a child right now. >> Honestly, honestly if if if and when Ryan's back died too early >> I think Bart would spend the most time with them. >> he has the most time. >> [laughter] >> No, honestly, I also does I can't afford it. I can't afford a second kid right now. So let's be real, dude. Just give it to Bart, dude. No, give it to Bart. No. >> for it. Now you're giving it away. No. Okay, I'll take the title. I'll take the title. I'll be Godfather. Okay, I'll be Godfather. Okay, it'll be me then. It'll be me. >> He puts family first. Like he'll cut out
11:45 everything just to hang out with family. That's why >> Well, when she is cuz he's the Godfather. >> So, I'm going to choose my daughter over every time but he it's her family, his family. >> He's going to choose his family first. Yep. >> Wait, what are you saying? So, she's going to choose Taika every time but she's going to be a part of the family. >> We're going to have four-person family. >> So, that that that tells me that and he also has the he rather out of all of us, he's the one that wants to hang out with kids the most. That's why. >> He'd be the best caretaker. >> I like kids and I say that but I know for a fact I'm going to leave them with Hannah and ████ bounce. That's my personality. >> Jose, Jose. >> That's That's how I am. >> That's what was modeled to him. It's not his fault. >> I'm going to be there for the with the baby. I'd be like, "Yo, this baby's funny." for like 1 hour and I'm going to leave the house and go smoke cigars. That's my life. >> My prime time is when the the kids like
12:35 a a teen. Like I'm just grow up a little bit then I'll come in. >> Cuz then you're going to teach them dance and ████ >> No, dude. I would hope not. >> Then what do you got to do? >> No, I just understand teens. >> I hate teenagers. You could have You could have my teenagers when they're teens. >> Anthony has nothing to offer. >> We got nothing to offer. ████ >> around this circle. >> I just caught my ████ baby. >> Like I understand ████ about ████ babies right now more than anybody. >> Come on, man. >> I'm probably the most educated person on babies in this room right now. >> Cuz you had a baby in the house. Come on, dude. Whatever. >> No, he has for sure. I don't know ████ about babies anymore. >> Yeah, whatever. I'm not buying it, dude. >> Almost 10 years ago now. >> to make a ████ village pack with you. You know how they say it takes a village to raise a child? Um I'm going to do that and then for different stages, you guys could just take care of my kids. >> You literally just admitted to the part where you ████ let go of your kid.
13:27 stage do you cover? >> Whenever they're not boring and annoying. >> What's that? >> I don't know, man. I don't really want kids like that. >> I don't know about this pact anymore, dude. >> Joe's out. >> [laughter]
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