0:00 thank you [Music] this my friends of just kidding news fannery is a story of Revenge in three Acts so when I was in high school I had a best friend not a joke his name was also Steve perhaps that was how he got on initially in our first meeting with each other hey your name's Steve that's my name dude cool we were friends ever since not really a joke well then um we would go camping together in his backyard or my backyard we would hang quite a bit I would say that this was my first encounter with a quote-unquote best friend when you're of the age where you share things with you with each
0:50 other that you would not want to tell your parents about like I have hair on my balls and stuff like that so now fast forward a little bit we're in high school there's a girl that I have been into ever since I met Steve and he knows that and I know that well once we're in high school things start to pick up with this girl a little bit and me things get good they get real good [Music] but just before wow we really could make it official AKA do anything in her car because I didn't have a car I still don't [Music] [Laughter] she she uh she started to get a little bit weird with me
1:40 is kind of odd she uh didn't want to hang out as much she she starts hanging out a little bit with Steve I didn't really understand what was going on [Music] so one day we all used to hang together at lunch me Steve and this girl one day um Steve decides to to have a conversation with me because Kristen tells me hey I need to talk to Steve and I'm like okay cool I'll talk to you at lunch Krista no problem well Kristen uh during lunch stays put and I'm like hey Steve I think me and Kristen need to have a conversation right now and Steve's like no I think you and me didn't have a conversation that's what
2:30 Steve said no so he broke the news to me that him and Kristen we're going we're have been seeing each other for now for a little while a couple couple days just wanted to let you know on the up and up foreign [Music] the ball of anger that immediately Rose in my body and I said that's fine dude and he's like really we're good and I was like we're good see couldn't believe his life he got to be
3:20 with Kristen he got his best buds still he basically picked up a basketball threw it behind him and it went in swish except it didn't so began what I call the systematic destruction [Laughter] of my friend Steve because from that point forward we were no longer friends he just didn't know that yet [Music] so I started to just be chill I couldn't have been a more chill best friend it was like I was hired for the park I would see them all at school I'd hang
4:11 out with them at lunch I was all smiles I I would I would go get donuts I was like who wants donuts and it's like oh Steve's a cool donut guy well one day Kristen brought her friend around and I was like oh our friend's kind of cool maybe I'll start a relationship with her and that's exactly what I did I was also the lead in the school play again but this time I was the lead in the school play that Steve was the side character in so he's like my best friend in it right all right so Christian has to come to all the rehearsals she has to see me on the stage with
5:02 those bright lights she's watching me kill it but most importantly she's watching me kill it while looking at Allison and being like oh man you're cool time goes by doing the play the reviews are in it's a hot show high school's never seen the show this good before that people don't know what to do there's newspaper overlays during this conversation that we're having right now through like everyone's giving it top score so so Kristin in the front row at every every single show and I'm the last one to come out she's always that takes a toll on a woman
5:56 just before the end of the first run of our shows we're doing it for two weeks I'll never forget Kristen calls me and she's like hey um you know I've been thinking about like you me I'm like and she's like oh yeah I've been I've been thinking about like you know what we maybe had together and I'm like oh well that's interesting I mean uh do you want to come over and talk about it [Music] started went through a little bit you know we were all just friends I can't wait why can't I hang with her so then Steve's like whoa well wait I'm not really like why aren't you guys
6:46 hanging with me and I'm like oh no we're just me hanging with Kristen like we're totally chill like you want a donut [Laughter] So eventually Kristen and I are hanging quite a bit but we're also hanging while Steve's there and when Steve would go to the bathroom Kristen would sometimes jump in my lap and start making out with me so good everything's coming up Steve Green again Life's good I'm feeling great I'm leaving my house I'm going to school I got this chick who really digs me oh yeah I forgot about Allison but that's because I was already kind of like oopsie daisies with that anyways basically I had I had to dump Allison do
7:39 the right thing even though I got with her for horrible reasons foreign thing at the end so I dump her and then you know there was like this assessed period where maybe me and her were making out some and then also also was making out with Kristen some but like I was trying to do the right thing I mean so part of my family my parents were like second parents to him my brothers were like brothers to him well once Steve kind of caught wind that Kristen no longer wanted to be with him and she wanted to be with me [Music] Steve started to realize that people in
8:30 my home weren't going to be as available to him as maybe he thought before he betrayed me so I'll never forget Steve calls my house and he's like hey um is your brother there and I'm like yes he is who would like to speak with him he's like Steve and I'm like oh yeah no you you're not gonna get to speak with him he's like why not I'm like because he's my brother and so were you until you did what you did you son of a ████ and I said how does it feel now that the shoe is on the other foot never ever ever call my house again and I hung up the phone and that was it and then he started hanging out at high
9:21 schools after we all graduated for like way too long and like it was kind of weird [Applause] [Music] wow amazing thank you what a crazy ass story dude so much more but I wanted to play it to the music a little bit but yeah wait what this is a donut guy that was amazing what other stuff happened that you left out well actually um so he had told me it sucks I blew the landing on the on the shooting of the foot thing because he told me how would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot about like so when he first um he's like Kristen likes me man and how would you feel if the shoes on the other foot right so when he was he when he pulled me aside he said you know
10:12 Kristen likes me how you know how would you feel the shoes on your foot and I was like yeah okay I get it dude like walking away of course ████ you bro but locking it away for sure but then like I got to use that at the end of our friendship I got to use that same line because that's how dang that would have been hard dude but you know what hey it's still 8.6 out of 10 for sure [Music] nice the true tail uh saddest thing is honestly Allison's so cool and like she's just into some bystander really and I did like her and stuff it's just that like my revenge play I think just grew and grew and grew in my body and took over everything else dude it sounded like it the funny thing of you going you want to talk to my brother you were once my brother I can't talk to him he's my brother dude it's that was real because he was like he was honestly like family to all
11:02 of us and like when when me and him were no longer friends anymore it was like hard for my parents and everybody yeah integrated into like the daily thing yeah and his dad warned us his dad was an awesome dude he was like hey don't ever let a girl get between you guys whatever he told us it's like we're in Middle School like whatever dad doesn't even happen that's gross yeah it's my best friend yeah dude no actually I mean you know like that was the that was I didn't ever say like hey I called that chick this was the one girl that he knew about for like ████ years that I was so into it's like that's what made it like so visceral for me and I was like oh this will not like we are not friends already too tempted huh oh and they tested me once this is another thing I left the store too because whatever but they tested me once they actually fake broke up they test to see how I would react to it wow that's ████ weird I was eating even cooler donut guy that day
11:52 dude the Revenge play is even sicker now it's so funny extra extra extra thick that day because I something was ████ weird about it like Steve's like I was like like they're both being quiet and I was like what the ████ going on and I was like and then I was like hey dude are you are you guys okay is everything okay he's like oh yeah me and Kristen broke up and I was like dude I am so sorry man that's ████ crazy like would you like glaze you want powdered jelly but like I was just being extra extra cool and then he told me like like the next day that they just they couldn't believe how awesome a friend I was and ████ oh my God I was like bless your ████ hard yeah I gotta say I gotta say my favorite part of the story is when you're like yeah there might have been like a little cessmo where I was making out with Allison and Kristen but I was trying to do this she just got wrapped up on my play that's a little
12:42 bit that's great dude thanks guys appreciate it thank you great story great story amazing ████ the news yeah ████ the news this is way better than news how can we go back [Music]
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