0:05 Welcome back to another episode of Care for Boys. Today we're going to talk about when it's appropriate to get a divorce. >> What the hell? >> That's a tough one. That's a tough one. >> You can use your fictional minds for this. Don't don't put your own marriage on the plate, but I'm just going to name a bunch of scenarios. Let's name some scenarios and then figure out divorce or don't divorce. Okay. So, number one obviously is cheating. Divorce. >> Yeah. >> Any type. You You're not going to like nuance it and be like cheating. How? >> Divorce. >> Oh, damn. I like it. I like it. >> No other contingencies. >> Yes. With kids. No. No. No. With kids. Yes. Without kids. >> So, like let's say let's say uh >> Oh, that's Wow. >> work trip. >> Drunk. Got roofied. >> Got roofied is not really fair.
0:55 [laughter] >> Yeah. Uh, >> that's not really cheating. Watch the Diddy documentary, dude. >> And then why'd you have that work trip? [laughter] >> A chick a chick backed that thing up too good. >> Well, back the thing up. Yeah. Mhm. >> There's nothing he could have done. >> And then And then And >> I I know. I understand. She backed that thing up too good. [laughter] >> And And >> I forgive you. >> And you didn't catch him. You didn't catch him. You con He confessed. >> Oh, >> I got to tell you something. I didn't realize it. I looked on my phone. I saw these crazy pictures. This is crazy as not me. >> Yeah, there's nothing I could have done about this >> except not put my penis in it. >> Oh, she put it on She put the cover on the golf. >> She put it around it. [laughter] >> No. Um, if he if the if the guy were to confess, >> then
1:45 I would still be able to respect that person to some extent post divorce. So, so confessing is better than catching. Obviously. >> Obviously. >> Right. But >> yes, cuz you're not owning up to your mistake. There's no accountability. >> What about there's if there's kids involved and then you guys are 30 years into it. >> Mhm. [snorts] >> 30 years. >> The kids 30 years old. [laughter] >> Kids are 10. >> Uh-huh. [laughter] >> You've been married for 30 years. >> Okay. >> Since you're like five. >> Okay. Math is coming. >> And the husband and the husband cheats. >> Yeah. >> It's just you've been married for a long time, OKAY? AND THE KIDS ARE ████ YOUNG. THEY'RE NOT 18 yet. They need you. >> I think what Joe's trying to emphasize is the Is there ever a point where the kid in the household is a higher priority than the the rule, the pillars
2:35 of marriage. >> Be a Hillary Clinton and stand by your man. >> Stand by your man. >> I would >> for the greater good of America. >> I would give it a bigger effort to try. But the reason why I think with cheating it's hard to come back from it is because you first of all you both have to be okay with the consequences, right? Because it affects both of you. >> Yeah. >> It's not just the cheater who has to deal with consequences. It's the person who's been cheated on, too. >> Yeah. Yeah. >> Yeah. There's a lot of trauma behind that. >> It's going to have those You're going to have those intruding thoughts all the time. >> Yeah. For probably for a really long time. Maybe forever. So, so to have that unhealthy >> Princess Cruises. >> Yeah. >> Wait, what is that? You could probably heal on a trip. Three-day trip. >> What's a Princess Cruise? >> What is this? Like a cheating special or what? >> It's our sponsor. Princess Cruises.
3:26 >> You've been cheated on. >> But have you heard of ExpressVPN? [laughter] >> Don't mention though. Don't mention though. [laughter] >> You're down on your divorce, Papa Lucy. Yeah, >> I would give it a a bigger effort to figure it out, but I don't think that it would work at the end. >> But would it work if they were a billionaire? >> No, [laughter] >> those don't work on her. >> Why would that matter? They still cheat. >> What? [laughter] >> You guys be okay with it? >> Every zero that they have. >> Of course, I'm the one DOING IT. [laughter] NO. WHAT IF she cheated on you? Not you. >> Get over his own actions. [laughter] >> Every zero makes it easier to deal with.
4:16 >> You've never heard that it hurts the guy more WHEN THEY CHEAT. >> OH MY GOSH. >> OH, SERIOUS. I was red pulling right now. [laughter] If I was trying to redpill outnumbered here. >> No. Yeah, that's stupid. Yeah, you're right. Okay. What about this? Irreparable misuse of family funds. >> Yeah, absolutely. We're done, dude. >> Really? >> What do you mean? like um >> like she bought like a family embezzlement pretty much. >> So like so it's basically like you guys share an account and your husband uses the money for something you did not agree with and you're unable to recover from that. Like it's like >> you're in a financial >> gambling loss. Yeah. Now you guys are in a pickle basically and and that's the new problem is like you ████ us up. >> That's so funny. >> Yeah. >> Depends on what they bought. [laughter] funny >> cuz okay if Hannah came homeern would have seen Bernard and it was like >> ████ she spent like 20k right
5:08 >> and I would have been like >> why the hell did you spend 20k she goes no no no it's AKC purebred like I got this idea >> not doing her voice though >> I [laughter] don't know what's Beethoven and uh and then the most cutest dog >> what about instead >> I do like St. Bernard. >> And then maybe maybe she was like, "But but but but but wait but [laughter] wait but but we're going to we're going to breed him and we're going to have [laughter] he's going to be best in show and then we're going to make 15. [laughter] >> They're going to breed him. >> No, he's a bloody dog, but he's great. [laughter] >> He's perfect. >> It's a good investment in it." [laughter] >> Yeah, like that. Like uh >> it's it's stupid, right? But it's not
5:58 it's not a way of spending money that uh had anything to do with the benefit of you. It was like a selfish spend. >> Oh, if it was spel together after something that bad, >> it changes both of your lives because you have to like rearrange things to financially recover. >> Irreparable, right? >> Well, I mean it's it is um it's not immediately reparable. It's like now you guys are you're ████ basically and you have to like think of something now. Yeah. >> I think for to me if that happened one time Yeah. >> All right. we're going to try to work it through, whatever. But if it continues to happen, that's when you got to put your foot down. To me, that's less than cheating, I think. >> Okay. >> To me, that that's more like being a a drug addict >> and you're just like, [snorts] >> "What did you do?" >> You know, >> like, "Hey, don't be doing this ████ obviously." But it's like, you know, we can try to work on it, but it's one of those things where if this continues to happen, >> two strike rule,
6:48 >> I think so. >> I think to me it also depends how many floors down on the elevator we went. >> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Ground floor. Ground floor. >> If it was like >> not basement, but ground floor >> like Oh, ground floor. >> Yeah. Not like you're not like in debt. >> But it's ground floor like from the beginning. >> All on. To me, it's the intention. Like if she's just an idiot and she spent it all on on a on a on an Ethiopian prince that said that we're going to make hell of money. >> It was like, okay, >> not a victim of something like she got bamboozled. She donated it to the IRA. [laughter] >> Well, that's also >> she would never do that. >> Passionate. She's passionate, right? I get it. But if it was like super selfish and I think it's the intention. It's like hella ████ selfish. You were hiding it from everyone because you just wanted to buy Welsh cakes all day and then everyone was like I I knew you were
7:39 getting fat for some reason. She goes [laughter] cakes. >> She kept buying ████ yo Welch cakes are fire. They're like these little cookies like that they make fresh. It's Yeah, I got a divorce. Dude, I'd be like, "Yo, you've been eating that without me." You know what I mean? Like, it's like it's kind of like that. Yeah. >> What about perpetual long stretches of absence that are non-negotiable and the decision was made by the partner to be gone? >> Like over and over and over for long periods of time. >> What are they doing though? >> You mean like like you know when guys they do like a guys trip with their dance? >> It's work. It's work related. Like guys guys trip with the dance group all the time and they have retreats like that >> and they're just gone and you're like what what what's going on? How come we're not doing JK News either? It's like one of those. >> Okay, let me think about it. Let me think about it. >> That was specific. [laughter] >> Yeah. Like she's she's am I Steve?
8:31 >> Basically >> Steve >> a job opportunity came up without consulting you. Your partner decided to take it and now it's like maybe three months out of the year you're going to see them. That's tough. >> And you don't know if these this will change in the next few. >> I don't know if that's a divorce thing. >> Yeah, you don't that's not divorce. >> That's more like what the ████ are you stupid? >> Oh, so you'll just like >> try it out, see how it works. If it doesn't work, then it doesn't work. But it wouldn't be an immediate >> But there is a part of me that I would be like, >> "How come this isn't a conversation?" >> That's that's the thing. >> Like we don't even want to discuss this. You tell me about this first. You just say, "Yeah, >> cuz usually it's like, hey, [snorts] I have this thing. What do you think?" Blah blah blah blah blah. Yeah. >> It's like cuz like let's say we want to live to be like a digital nomad family. Maybe we could have moved there. >> We all moved there together for 3 months and we all moved back. You know, like there's like but if it's just like,
9:21 >> "Hey, I'm going to go." >> Yeah. Close the door. I made this decision. You're like, "Whoa, what the hell? >> I got to live in Nebraska for 6 months out of the year." You're like, "What? >> Here's a here's a really popular one that's actually high in the chart for why people get divorced, but it's >> white people. >> It's not white people. >> I thought I said white people. Why? Why people all of all colors >> why BBO? >> People of of every type. It's uh in-laws constantly meddling and manipulating the marriage. >> That's a pretty big one. >> That that that ruins a lot. I think >> you know what my mama said? Mama said [laughter] >> SHE SAID, "B████, NO." She goes, "Be careful. You're not just marrying the girl. You're marrying their family. Get ready." Cuz when you go ████ you could date women, but if you're going to marry them, you pay attention to who their family is cuz that's who you're marrying. And I was like, "All right, I guess I'm ████ her brothers."
10:11 >> That if that started happening to the degree where you knew there's nothing you could really do about it, you just got to live with it. Are you willing to live with it? >> I actually think that's grounds for divorce for me. >> Yeah. >> Wow. >> Because that means cuz I think when you get married, the mo the priority is this house. And then it's like now you got to protect this house, right? But like >> I mean it happens all the time. You have these pushover guys that can't control their mom, >> right? And it's like protect your ████ wife from your goddamn mom. Same way the other way around, right? You have you have your wife who's just like she prioritizes her immediate family before she does this family and her own kids sometimes. And I'm all like, what are you doing? like you're such a pushover that you can't protect your own family now that you're now giving yourself so much to this other like like
11:03 I don't know I just think there's a transfer of who your priority is once you become married >> cuz I feel like with those issues the number one complaint is you didn't protect me from your family so it it becomes on you if you're if your family is the one that's meddling >> you're the person that has to protect your wife or vice versa to be like hey you got to cut this ████ My mama said >> no. My mama said, she goes, >> "What? >> If there was a burning house," >> she goes, "It was between your wife and me." She goes, "You better ████ choose your wife first." >> That's tight. >> And I'm like, "That's right, cuz we can't mate. And I don't want kids with you, mom." >> Oh man. >> But if we could though, no. Oh, >> no. But she was like, she was like, "It makes She was like, "You want a partner? You want You have to have that with your partner." But if we could >> and he goes like and the moms that think
11:54 otherwise like they weren't they're prioritized they're stupid. >> Yeah. They're tripping. >> They cause a lot of my mom. Why did you save me? >> I'm like man >> I'm like exactly. She yells child man. [laughter] >> You know man. >> All right. How about um no longer interested in physical intimacy. >> Ow. Done. [laughter] Forget about I was done yesterday dude. >> No that's what I was going to ask you. I think one of them, the toughest one is when there's no crazy infraction. >> Yeah. >> But you guys just fell out of love. >> Interesting. >> Yeah. You fell out of love for a long time. You can't bring any sparks back. You guys are kind of like just roommates with deep trust though >> because no one ████ up or anything. >> Yeah. >> And it's like that for like four or five years. Like what do you do? >> Yeah. You can't withhold love making. Am I right? >> I think that's >> Next one. I one I don't think it's
12:46 grounds for divorce, but I also think that's self-inflicted. Like you you took it there. Like it it doesn't happen overnight. That's true. Like you let you you both ████ brought it there, right? It's like Yeah. Yeah. You need to bring it back just as much as you took it away. >> But I I don't I still don't think it's ground. I think it's >> really It shouldn't be so easy to divorce. That's my That's >> You got to work on that. >> Especially if there's kids involved because the point of a marriage for me is family building. It's not ████ romance time. Like that's great, but like that's not the only aspect of a marriage. >> Yeah. >> Cuz also too, it's like it's identifying the problem because a lot of times too, it's like I've I've heard this with other couples where, you know, they fall out of, you know, love making, clapping cheeks and stuff. They don't do that anymore. >> Yeah. >> 69 in. >> Yeah, dude. And then, but also too, it's
13:36 like it's like a slow burn, right? They don't do it over time. And then you kind of don't address it. You don't talk about it. And then comes this like elephant in the room that you're like, well, some maybe one person in that relationship feels way more strongly about it. But if you don't identify the problem of like, hey, these are my needs. And that person can't be like, oh, I hear you. Let's work on it together. Then, you know, what are the chances of you being able to handle a bigger problem than that, >> cuz clapping cheeks shouldn't be that big of a problem. >> And also, I also think about it like this, like if you're supposed to be like, let's say you're so you're going to be with someone for like 40 years or whatever, right? So what? You have one year of like if it ████ sucks. It just happens, right? And then as long as you bounce back from it, then you just can keep keep rolling. But I think people get too caught up with the one year of misery. >> Oh. And they just think like this is our lives now. >> Yeah. Or like there's just times when maybe you love her more or she loves you
14:27 more and then you're just not into her. You just or you know like there's just >> there's seasons. >> There's seasons. There's other priorities. You're not going to be ████ all day like you just met. That's true. >> But that's I think there's other ████ that takes priority, right? There might be a kids season. There might be like >> I don't know. And I'm like maybe one day when everything's chill again, when we're 70, she could take off her dentures and ████ give me hella good ████ cuz we ain't got priorities, dude. Comment on that, B. >> She could fit both in her mouth. Now >> both dick [laughter] and balls. >> There's no teeth at all. >> What about What about just physical abuse? >> You get socked in the face. >> Physical abuse. punched in the face. >> There's no conversation. I think Bye. >> For real? >> What the hell? [laughter] >> Just Just think about it. >> Are we being serious? >> Yeah, just like you know what if it was like a >> Br. I'm concerned. Push. What if it's a
15:18 push? What if it's not like a you know a sock? It's like a push. >> How? Like a like a push or like a shove? like you guys were yelling and you called him. You you said the word that's like hits the button under the skin and then she's like and he's like [clears throat] boom just like a knee-jerk reaction. Boom. >> Like that. >> That's scary. [laughter] >> I think that's scary. >> Yeah. >> What if you clean like 132? [laughter] >> That's not the point. >> Your power clean is pretty strong. >> The point isn't whether or not you could beat the other person. It's the fact that there's any thought of being able to physically >> go towards someone like that, especially a man to a woman. >> I don't really see the distinction. I don't really understand what you're >> I live in an equal society, so I'm still trying to grasp it. >> Women are equal to me in my book. So it's like
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