0:00 I really was chasing this girl so freaking hard and I wanted to date her so bad and she said straight up that she didn't want to date. >> down to suck dick though? Well, yeah, we were having sex and stuff. She's like, "Yeah, so like I don't know. So, what happens next?" She's like, "We go back to my place. I suck your dick and then like >> She said that? >> Yeah. >> Holy ████ >> was cool, man. We're going to give some very important advice that could make or break somebody. So, be really careful with this one. When it comes to chasing a woman, right? Like romantically chasing. >> you were meant like running down the street. >> a knife. Pursuing a woman. When do you stop? When is it like time to be like, "All right, I'm never going to get her. I need to quit." >> Never. And what
0:51 And then what's an example of a time that you were chasing a a girl like back when you were younger and you gave up? Damn, that's a good question. >> Because like, you know, like when we talk about dating in today's climate and how guys are and how women are, you kind of have to I feel like the line is in a different position than it was when we were kids or when we were teens. When do you actually go, "All right, she's not interested." I need to just Okay, I used to do a a lot of improv as everyone knows. And I met this chick when I was doing improv and she's a buddy of mine. And one day I went to her place and I met her neighbor who was out head smoking and I was like I just thought her neighbor was kind of hot. And I was like, "What's up?" And like I was just talking to her and stuff. And like every time I went over there, I would like hit her neighbor up cuz her
1:41 neighbor would like to be outside smoking and stuff. And uh And then eventually I was just like, "Look, like we should go out sometime, you and me. We should we should go out." Her neighbor? Yeah, her neighbor. And I was I was like, "We should go out take you somewhere or whatever." And she's like, "You know, oh well, I don't know." And so I kept pursuing her. Every time I went over there, I was like, "Let me just take you out. It'll be fun. Like we'll It's not It's not a big deal. Let's go out." And then uh I ended up going out with her. Okay. Okay. And then on the date, um we're just talking and stuff and I could just tell she wasn't into it and I was like, "S███. I got her all the way at this restaurant and now I'm like I really pressured and like we're here and I can just tell she's not vibing it." Yeah, yeah. And then so during the day during the date, I was just like, I was like, "Look,
2:31 uh I think I just wouldn't give up in a way. I was like, "I think I'm I'd be pretty sick for you. Like I think we have a good time have a lot of fun or whatever." And then she's like She's like, "Yeah, so like I don't know. So, what happens next?" She's like, "We go back to my place. I suck your dick and then like >> She said that? >> Yeah. >> Holy ████ >> was cool, man. >> improv, too. She was ████ cool, right? >> Very forward, yeah. >> She was like kind of like hot like that where like, you know, she's like, "Go back to your place and or go back to my place and I suck your dick and then like, you know, like I just don't think we're going to date." And I was like, I like the dick sucking >> I was like, "I like the first part." I was like, "Yeah, I like the first part." But then I really you know, but then I was like, "Oh, yeah, cuz I'm I'm kind of a relationship guy." So, I was like, "Okay, yeah. So, if we're not going to date like deuces out." >> He's like, "I'm not going to get the dick suck." I didn't think I was going to get the dick suck anyway. You know what I mean? I I thought She's probably
3:21 just teasing you. But maybe like after she left, she's like, "Man, I really want to suck some dick tonight." That sucks. She's like, "I really thought he was What the ████ is wrong with me?" You gauged it accurately and then you were okay with the fact that >> Oh, she's just not into it. >> Yeah. It just was a You have to take the L and just go like, "Yeah, she's not vibing this." >> But I think even getting to that point where you can catch on that it's not working out, people that ask this question, they tend to obsess and they're like they don't want to believe that they probably lost a chance like way longer ago. And it's two extremes. It's either that they have such low self-esteem and they think that they're always being rejected and it goes over their head when they when she's actually pursuing or um yeah, they're they're too obsessive and they want it to be happening. They're so desperate. So, there's two
4:12 There's two ways that this can go. And if you if you don't if you're not socially intelligent, you're not even going to get to that point where you go, "Ah, I get what's going on. It's cool." Social intelligence is a big thing. >> But I think so how do you teach that middle ground of like you can't be too, you know, depressed and dis like like, you know, thinking that it's not going to work out, but you also can't be too >> I think some people make ████ out to be princesses sometimes when they don't deserve it. You know what I mean? Like we're like you make this mythical creature up in your head about how she's the one and we're going to get married one day and we're going to have kids and stuff. And like she's not giving you much back at all, but you still built it up because you made her this like mythical creature and I just think that that's where you ████ >> I think I've been I've been guilty of that pretty hardcore, but I think like a big part of that I I know today's Today's entertainment, today's movies
5:03 must be very different because we're from the generation where in every movie that was romantic, the girl couldn't stand the guy in the beginning. Probably three quarters of the movie, she can't stand this guy and he has to turn the tide and that's always the plot. It's never two people that are just interested in each other and it's simple and consensual and they that's not a good movie. Or it's also not a good movie when the guy gives up. So, I think like the fantasy that I built in my head is that is real romance. Real romance is convincing a girl to like you when she doesn't initially. >> I actually think I was a product of that of of that kind of romance and also I've been the part, too. And then I think now when I look back cuz before you'd think, "Oh, yeah, you got to keep pursuing because of all those movies." Now with my perspective having been married and all that and all that stuff,
5:53 I have I feel like the most practical and gayest perspective. Which is I think people think the girl they they think the girl is the finish line when actually the girl is the starting point of the actual race. And the finish line is like maybe a decade into marriage. Right? So, I think they place where where where graduation is at the wrong time. So, if they place the graduation too soon, what they're trying to do is like I got to do everything and I'll just keep pursuing over and over. When I realized I look back at all the pursuits I had, anything that was tough, it wasn't natural and it just doesn't work out. >> Yeah, yeah, yeah. >> The ones that worked out were the most easiest, smoothest, most organic and things fell into place. And then that
6:44 you started into the finish starting starting line of the race, you don't even know it and then bam, you're already halfway through almost to the finish line. And that's what I would like I guess the advice I would give people out there, which is if it already has too much friction, abort. Like what Steve felt. You can already feel the friction, this isn't going like it should feel almost so natural that like, "Oh, yeah, we're meant to be together." Cuz after you guys are together, there's going to be so many more extra fights and stuff that you have to work out anyways. >> Yeah, yeah, yeah. >> That you don't want to have two layers of difficulty that you're dealing with. You don't want to convince somebody that they need to like you when you're in something. Exactly. And that's how I felt on that date. I was like, "Oh, this feels like cuz it was fun like we had flirty banter, but like the step beyond wasn't right. >> still have to like win her over and sell yourself.
7:34 >> Yeah, I wasn't That's like not like Bart says it's not easy. So, it's >> not authentic when you have to do that. >> No, it's not. That's what happened to me with like I was I really was chasing this girl so freaking hard and I wanted to date her so bad and she said straight up like throughout us, you know, talking whatever in that phase that she didn't want to date. >> Was she down to suck dick though? Well, yeah, we were having sex and stuff, but I didn't but she didn't want to date me, but I was like in love. Like I wanted to be with her. And then um and then it's funny that like it was a very The whole thing should have never happened, but it it became like it got to the point where um I was like, "Fine, you don't want to like date me and I guess like it's never going to happen." So, then I kind of just detached myself and then um I had hooked up with this other girl and then when she had asked me about it and I was like, "Oh, yeah, I thought we weren't
8:25 going to date. So, I just, you know, started dating this other girl." Then she wanted to date me because it's that thing of like, "Oh, like I I wanted to keep him like chasing me." >> The rare thing. >> Yeah, so I got caught in that and then we ended up together and it was like the worst relationship of my life. But like it was one of those things where even if you get the girl you're chasing, the the fact that that's a victory could be completely not true because you could just end up in something that you should have never been in in the first place. And that's what happens most of the time when you chase too hard. Whether you get it or not, like you should be glad you didn't get it sometimes. Like you should be glad you walked away. >> The dynamic will remain that way where you're in a relationship and that they're always like on a pedestal. So, there's like if you're chasing, right? And she's kind of like, "Oh, I'll give him a shot." And then if it never turns into where
9:16 she's like, "Oh, I actually love this guy." And it always goes, "Ah, I guess I'm giving him a shot." Like it's not going to be a good loving relationship. The dynamic is always like a weird she's settling for you. You also don't always know. Like like like when I'm saying it's like the grass is always greener. You don't know what it's going to be like. Like I was in love with this chick throughout high school like since from freshman year till I was a senior, I was in love with the same chick, right? And like I was just infatuated with her, obsessed, everything. She was always had always had a boyfriend or or like it was I was in a relationship, she's in a relationship. So, we the timing never worked out. But but I remember years later I was on the phone with her and she's getting married and she's on the phone with me for like 2 hours just b███████ about how the tablecloths and the chargers, which I guess are plates, I didn't know that for a wedding, you're you're going to need to know that.
10:06 >> Played under the plate? >> Yeah, played under the plate. Were all wrong and they were color they weren't color matched and it was all ████ up and she was just yelling at her wedding planner and she was like venting all this ████ to me and I was like Oh my god, thank god I didn't get with this chick. You know what I mean? Like Like I was like oh I was I had like an out-of-body experience on that phone call where I was like oh my god, that could have been me and I'd have been dealing with this ████ Instead I could just hang up the phone. Yeah. Yeah, so you just don't know, man. That's true because also the attraction that you feel for some women it's like a chemical reaction that you can't even do anything about. You're just like oh my god, I just for some reason it's like mission start and against your will. And then, you know, like whether you get her or not it's like you feel like you're going to be so busted about it or broken, but really you just ████ move on. >> What what was the original question? Was it like when do you know when to give up? Okay, so
10:56 I would say you got to figure out what how much reciprocation you want because some guys require a lot of attention, some guys require once a week attention. So figure out what you want out of the relationship because some women will like you, but they might not give you the attention that you want. So then like you might feel like you're doing too much cuz you want to talk all day and maybe they don't. Or vice versa, right? So first and foremost you got to get with that. And also you got to know what kind of guy you are because if you're if you're going on one date a year cuz you're ugly piece of ████ and you have no job and you can't really talk to any women, no one's chasing you, a lot of the ████ that we're talking about I don't think it's going to work because we actually have girls that want to be with us. So that's a huge one. So like
11:48 if you just a piece of ████ loser, you're not going to get a girl to like you. Damn. Yeah. But that's the truth. Like if if women don't find you attractive you go on you never been on a date in like in 3 years and then you're ████ trying to chase someone, it's like no, like clean yourself up, be mediocre like, you know, at least and then be social. Then you'll because the key thing is like understanding the social dynamic of like when men women doesn't even matter, you'll start seeing cues of like oh, they're being nice. They don't actually want to talk to me. And that's true with any gender. Like you'll start to sense the cues. If you don't understand the cues, then you don't know ████ like when to back off. Another thing is like if they're not fulfilling what you need, like yeah, I mean, who's to say like you're wanting too much or too less, it's depending on
12:39 the partner, right? Cuz when you're with a good partner, they'll give you whatever the ████ you want. Also you got to stop being weird. Like you ever been at a party with some like and you meet somebody and like they're talking to you and you're you couldn't be looking more in other directions and they still keep talking to you? Oh, they can't pick up the cue? >> pick up the cue. Like you can't just be a weirdo who can't pick up cues. You got to be able to like it's like hey, we've we've been talking now for like 13 minutes and like I'm looking in at at outer space right now, brother. Like it's time to move on from here, but they don't get it. >> And that then that takes practice. But but what when people ask this question is because they're looking for like a objective answer of like oh, after 5 minutes do XYZ, but the unfortunate thing is the only way you learn social skills is through trial and error and through getting feedback. But I think
13:30 the difficult part is like how do you explain that to someone who don't have really good social cues? And I mean like Bart might be a good example. If you really are a ████ Asperger dude, but you've managed to navigate and build friendships and do all that stuff, you might, you know, you like traditionally if someone is like diagnosed with autism or whatever, it's difficult for you to have human relationships, but you still do it anyway, right? So like how did you observe these things and go oh, I'm doing too much or like I'm pursuing too hard or like they don't like that. >> Well, you yeah, you do have to crash and burn a couple of times, but then the crashing and burning shows you what is easy. And like cuz you could still I mean, I've seen ████ homeless people with boyfriends and girlfriends. I'm like so it's like but they somehow
14:20 made it work and like when the conversation is easy and then when you like as you guys get together and you set your first boundary and that boundary is easy cuz you know, some people will be like hey, I actually like can we not be on our phones? Well, I because I you know, or there's people like oh yeah, that's great. Like let's not be on our phones when we're having dinner or whatever. Like just everything starts moving easy. I think that's when you're like yeah, you should probably keep pursuing it. But if you could already tell right off the bat the things that you care about are are are small to them when the things that are small to them are I mean, are big to them or nothing to you, it's already not going to work out. So I to me I like abandon as soon as you can. Yeah. Yeah. So uh this is still at the chase level though. Yeah. Like this is just like you you're not that deep yet. >> Yeah. How do you know like in I guess maybe in this would obviously be today's world. How do you know when it's like
15:12 like right in the initial This even goes for with like chasing platonic friends. Yeah. >> Like if if I'm in if I'm in a group of new dudes I met and if I like say the N-word and I say the F-word >> And they're cool with it, I'm like this is worth moving forward. If they're already appalled, I'm like there's no way we're we're going to be able to like go get buy one get one free T-bone steaks after. Yeah, that's true. Well, yeah, I think um practice makes perfect and you got to go out there and get burnt. Yeah. That's true.
// end of tape