← back to the archive // episode file

How Would YOU Eliminate Your Enemies?

#ideasucks#almondmilk#murder#alibi#suicide
the transcript auto-captions · entered into evidence

0:00 I just saw this video where a guy was just like sleeping at a laundromat in uh New York saw and then the dude was just taking out his clothes and he looked over and he just busted out a knife and started like he was just stabbing this dude up and then he got up blood is just starting to pour everywhere what the [Music] upit welcome yeah to uh save this for later video of the careful boys I used the watch later what does that mean that means that means people will need this and they're going to want all the details and you have to go last because yours is going to be too real okay oh suspicious yeah what is this how would you actually go about committing M oh come on I think about this all the time dude I think about

0:51 this a lot you do don't say that little bit paper tra B okay a little bit you talking about premeditated or you talking about like oopsie I got angry cuz you're like making how would you do it how would you do well yeah not oopsy no no premeditated like zy zany stories and like the way you would go about it don't get caught don't get caught some sort of poison I feel like it would be the easiest way I think if you want to get away with it you got to do your homework so that means you got to do a lot of prep before no homework no prep just go straight into it do it she's on something toxicology is one of the weakest departments in forensic I knew he would get real so ████ fast that's why he's got to go wait keep it keep it I think I would strangle somebody I think if I had to kill somebody I would sneak up on them from behind and strangle them um but you got to be like where

1:41 when what's a good time that you don't get CAU well probably it's like if you were to beginner's class you on the waiver you on the waiver it's a private it has to be him like if I were going to find somebody like if I had to kill somebody I would definitely try to follow them for extended period of time to see kind of like what their daily routine is allegedly and then you have to kind of find the pockets of time where it's like things that they do every day that they that's like routine and I think that's how you got to to get them preferably at night I'll probably be uh if someone's like walking out of their car and they're going to their house something like that I hate your idea I have an idea why what do you mean I hate your idea you're not going to kill anybody I will what do you mean I would I would have an somebody who doesn't know me at all befriend the person that I'm trying to kill and learn about like their

2:31 allergies and stuff and then con like some sort of like what if they have no allergies I have no ████ allergies okay well I I'll have a plan B Nick but I'm not going to stalk them and then get a you like come up behind them and start wrestling them and then be like I'm sorry oh there's going to be no wrestling it's just going to be one and done dude if I he's using his skill set if I dude if I skills he know well he's a black belt that's right if you're pulling something out of your ████ trunk I'm going get your ass bro real quick and it's like you can't yell yeah but your your your DNA is all over them yeah you're you're on the scene but you said the DNA is the worst Department right no toxicology toxicology which is what I'm doing dude but there's no toxic in your DNA usually

3:21 the problem is that that's a compliment the problem is that if someone gets murdered violently then they will test for DNA and they'll do more work really oh I so has look accidental it because it was a violent death it's like that could be a danger to the immediate Community well look at Epstein dude he ████ got choked out nobody the only no that's so clearly a suicide that's very clearly a suicide so you got to make it look like a suicide so they don't do honestly doing a suicide would probably be the best way to do it you'd have to uh you could choke them out or something and then put a new on their neck anding can't you can't you have to avoid all he liks the jiujitsu bro when you if you were to choke somebody if no if you were to choke it's one of the easiest ways to ████ murder somebody absolutely it's like as far as like cuz all it takes is what I

4:11 can't 3 seconds of your kateed arteries to be closed off and they got no ████ security footage of you going to Home Depot buying like the bucket and the duct tape and the garbage bag and the ████ all the weird ████ and then and then you could you could stage a suicide cuz whatever you can do to prolong the investigation I think they're better or you just you uh you know hit a gas line and blow up the ████ house yeah make the Nightly News yeah dude whatever just let me know when when you're doing that so I can all right you piece you piece it together detectives go figure it out good luck good luck Sarge just downplay their detective skill she's got a pen so you're you're the choke out method mine mine would be like an umbrella strategy of people that

5:01 I yep exactly of people that would talk so I would talk to somebody and they would get information and they would talk to somebody else and vice versa and so on and so forth so it'd be like an extension of like five to six people you mean the dark web dude and then I would that person would have the details on how to kill the person and it would be some sort of toxic or yeah like they got a peanut allergy so then you just and it would take some time to get to know them what allergy what would be the most natural cause of death and they they like going to this restaurant all the time so what you do is you start working at that restaurant as a cook and then finally when they show up on a Friday night no she's going to get somebody who knows somebody who knows somebody's going work at the restaurant as a cook and they sprinkle little peanuts she's going to get a peanut that's friends with the one of those guys is going to snitch on you dude that's the ████ there's too many people too many people too many people they're going to snitch on you they always they always backstab

5:51 dude when they get pressed you're going to have a harder time because you catch a lot of eyes you know what it would be you'd have to have leverage on each person that is involved like heavy Leverage oh wow that is Epstein heavy leverage I got one that's like the only way to like get some sort of clear but if you're going to be like I got one you got to be clean your idea sucks I got one my idea sucks yeah you got to ████ on the previous person I didn't see your idea sucks anyways check it out I'll would go out of country first of all I would go out of country okay what country you kill a foreigner come back I did my vacation you guys had a great time [Laughter] no no check it out I'll go out of the country yeah let's go on a hiking trip oh that was my idea oh no oh no you worried see but that paper trail

6:44 is is solid though yeah huh that's a solid paper trail all they're going to do is go who are they last with it's you right how did they get they drive he's like talking slip and fall though but he reports it there's no way what do you mean there no way we got to be friends that happened like three times in the past year okay well my my ████ sucks then no no no no it doesn't I was like no no no you're not allowed to say that he's going to say well that's because we we covered stories of like uh when when girls had like this one woman like who knows if the the worst part is if you do it that way even if you didn't do it they think you did it oh yeah like you go on a snorkeling trip and then you drown them in a snor queen trip I think you really got to kill someone random bro no no it has to be the game is planned you can't no I mean like it's easier random no someone you don't know

7:35 like it makes it so much easier if you're just not attached this I'm going to make it too real real quick cuz it's it's it's kind of sad I just saw this video where a guy was just like sleeping at a laundromat in uh New York oh I saw that and then the dude was just taking out his clothes and he looked over and he just busted out a knife and started like he was just stabbing this dude ████ out of that guy and then he was this guy was just like leaned over like this he was like sleeping and he was sleeping and then he woke up to this dude he was like what the ████ and then he stabbed him on the leg on this and he was like what the ████ and then he got up blood is just starting to pour everywhere and this dude's just standing there with his ████ laundry looking at him and then he walks away what the some ████ up ████ Angel's crazy guy it was in New York wait there's three people like one guy doing La one guy was just chilling with him with the stabber guy so there's two guys doing their laundry right and

8:25 then one guy's just sleeping on the chair it sounded like a joke two guys in a barx two guys had a laundromat other guy pulling out his clothes from a dryer was it like murder in terms of like he just looks over he looked like he was just bored and was like hey watch me kill this guy it looked like it looked like that I don't know if it was I don't know if it was yeah he looks over some dudes just sleeping he pulls out a knife and just starts going that's wow and then doesn't even run off they just like get their clothes and leave that's probably that's probably a sociopath cuz if you didn't get caught then all these ideas are way too much work well that's also the luck that's where my theory comes in where like it's it's all about what jurisdiction you're committing the murder under you want to do it in California so if you just pick a region with the weakest like you can actually look up statistics of how many unsolved cold cases there are that's where you

9:15 murder somebody cuz that's where you have the most incompetence with Lazi detectives yeah we're the laziest cops but the most Unsolved Mysteries and then you go there for vacation but then obviously you can't always choose where that is so I think for me the best possible thing if you want to kill somebody then you can never express to anybody any form of dislike you have on them like the the minute you have that beef or you like express it you can't kill them anymore cuz you're like always going to be suspect so when someone's like threatening you or whatever it's like you're probably safe you got to be the best of friends so you can cry and then if you need to hide a body the dumbest thing is to go ████ Home Depot and ████ there is a place on go to Google type it in how on uh figuro and 75th it looks like a a street side

10:05 tool shop but it has every burial tool you need and it's cash only and they don't snitch shut the ████ up this is where you go to get all your ████ like the John Wick of yeah you paying gold coins right is wild what up guys thank you for watching us for so long if you like what we do please support our patreon Joel tell them what we have to offer so every week you get two two videos one never released director's cut and another one too hot for YouTube patreon only every freaking week you get that and you get access to our Discord where you can come chat with us and ask us questions that become episodes here cuz we're going to answer them and we're going to take it seriously and we want to give you the responses that you want so come stay connected with us join our patreon click the description below for full details it looks like a Street

10:57 Market of uh and what it really what truly what it is is it is it's um it's job sites that are finished people buy all the tools and then they resell them on the street but if you look whole lot of shovels buddy wow or go to the swap meat so let's let's break it down into two categories a lot of basins a lot of big tubs what do you think is the best way to dispose of a body we live by an ocean eat it no they did that in ch much time we we've talked about that like the China Stories the guys will dismember the bodies and then put in a book pot and then cook off the meat but honestly you just go to Mexico to pay someone that's it it's a rat say I got ████ kidnapped by a cartel not I but someone how you going how you going to get the dead body across the border you're not just leave it there it's not the dead crime in

11:49 exctly you have to have all that's the weird part is that that means you have to have a fixer lined up in which case like what is your life that you know this guy before you've murdered somebody you got gold coins right you got cash right that's all that matters kind of true kind of true the US dollar is very strong in that region if you go far far far out into the ocean what are the what are the probabilities of that washing up the I think a boat is probably the sickest thing or I was going to say like what if you had a a private pilot's license and you had access to like the small private planes and you could just take body in there and dump it off in those too much evidence at the tarmac well they can see you loading get up I guess it would have to be like I don't know if you're like transporting something and you can hide it within the trans well don't you have to do a flight log even in a private plane and it shows that you have a

12:39 second honestly honestly the ocean is probably the sickest is the clutchest take it take it on a golf cart go take it and and then you go on a boat I think that feels like it would be the most easiest if it wasn't unusual that you took a boat trip randomly like if you're a fish like if you're a fisherman deep sea Fisher all the time but like obviously I couldn't use that because people would go Wow first time you were on a boat is when we were looking for this person that was last seen with you like that wouldn't be a good look but what if you're like taking photos with them and you're posting it on Instagram like hey we went fishing together like weekend at Bernie he was alive in this picture well there are situations like that where someone did die that way and they don't believe it they think it was a murder but then that's the risk you have to run with you just have to be really good at questioning or you could go on a drive together and somehow you you get into an

13:30 accident but they die and you survive and you just hope Reacher's not on your case that's Death Proof style you just put them in a really dangerous passenger seat where everything fails there's no airbag jeo seat and you have everything you need on your side us too we' also have to like consciously figure out like an active and ongoing Alibi situation that's happening at the same time of our disposal it also depends if I want to enjoy it or not like is it a vendetta is it just cuz I have to do I have a personal attachment to this cuz the way I do it will diff will will change depending on that the absolute cleanest way is what Colleen was saying where they po where they don't believe it's homicide cuz then they won't do any like you set up the poison in a way where it could take maybe a few days or weeks before the person takes a sip of something or like a food in the fridge

14:21 or right so by the time they do it you already have an alibi you're already some oh you poison their almond milk and you know they have almond milk almond milk and you know they have uh two teaspoons a day of it right over time it kills you this is scary dude even trying to think of something like this that's kind of scary Anthony who Anthony who's the who's the person I'm trying to kill what's honestly all you have to do is watch all of the Final Destination movies and if you can manufacture any of those things that happen in the real world there's no suspect because those are all accidents like how do you manufacture a heart attack like a lot of like I would also look into what are the most common ways you got to do hypnosis on them but it is true you have to know the person and you have to have no record of ever like almost looks like you don't you're not aware of them at all I'm I'm going to do a long game is I'm going to befriend them and take them

15:11 out to eat a lot of food every day a lot and then just slow watch o yeah just give him back slowly watch him obesity that's a long game it's a long play he could till 75 but now he's only 70 you die before him you just feed a bunch of hot dogs all the time and hope he getson cancer cuz I'm going to I'm going to want to eat that one of the leading risks hot dog is hot dogs yeah damn I'd say a whole pack yeah cuz disposal is the hardest part I think but if it's a natural cause you don't have to dispose yeah he just got obese but then the crazy thing is you can't even be there right cuz like again it's all about once you're a suspect that's another skill level you have to know how to like unless you got somehow like figure out The Alibi yeah I don't think anybody has

16:02 like nobody comes built with the natural ability to like expertly ████ lie like that that's really difficult yeah you know how like you hid that cricket sound in Nick's bag the ████ you you're the target what if they had like a maid and you like slipped something in like her cleaning supplies or something that you know would you know somehow get to the your designated Target uhhuh and so like she's unaware that she committed the crime you're talking about you're talking about like the ████ South Korean like when they do Kim Jong the North Korean murder then it's like layers of like day pain on her and then they those girls thought they were just doing a prank show and then they already they basically groomed them cuz they did it

16:52 so many times they're like oh we're filming again yeah and if you do really good today we'll promote you there's like there's there's some situations where depending on how well you know the person it's almost too easy like if someone had asthma just ████ empty that ████ out right and then they're like having an asthma attack and they're like it's not working and then go to six FX it's not working just punch them in the face Sleep them yeah there's like it just depends if you if you want to off somebody that's perfectly healthy and they know you it's a that's going to be tough man so you get them fat first then you get them unhealthy and then you go for behind and then you choke him he's too fat to fight back right but then you're like he's so fat that you can't like yeah he's ████ it's not working yeah but then I mean the pros do it where it looks like suicide so I

17:43 don't know how the ████ oh only if I knew you know what about all the people that ended up dead from the clintons and stuff how do they do it well recently Obama's cook drowned in 3 ft of water see 3T of water is a good one drowning going out surfing or something like the story is so crazy that you have to believe it but then that's almost cheating because that's using your ins that's not the same as guys like you know and they're protected yeah yeah that's cheating because then you're like using it's like a cheat code where like the system knows not to get you yeah that's true I wish man that's the only reason why I want be a politician is cuz like I just don't like somebody it's like get there's a paddle boarding accident but but I'm sure like the way they stage some of these murders allegedly I'm sure that's gives good inside of like okay what to do if you want it to be like well this is a cold

18:33 case there's nothing we could do here we can't figure out anything else is just an accident the best thing that makes a case go cold is not finding a body yep that's it even if you confess and there's no body they almost can't close it like it's weird why cuz there's no evidence yeah because like that's the one thing they have to find well we're going to the Amazon jungle then because you know then piranha is going to eat that body up they're just not hungry they got to buy a plane or pigs they say that's a thing you starve pigs for a while everything I i' learned that from a documentary not from a movie I don't I feel like none of the cuz you know every now and then we'll do a story and it'll be like about this person that died a time ago and then they found out it was actually murder like 50 years later yeah and it's usually something first of all it's always in a not like a major city at all

19:24 yeah probably a really like bad police force yeah they don't even have a forensic team that's the first thing you think about you're like oh they just don't have the technology to like figure it out or if you have like a really big lot of land in the middle of nowhere you could probably just get away with killing anybody and just bearing on your property yeah cuz like you think about like oh yeah I don't know who this guy is I haven't seen this guy in a while especially a lot of the the police off like you said like small towns police officers probably not going to be in but like statistically the people that get away with the most murders are killing people that no one cares about yeah like hookers and homeless people which is kind of sad that's what happens they they're like killing people that aren't missed and they're not like hey I haven't seen so so in a while yeah if you live in like the Deep mountains or something that's what's scary about people that like to kill just to kill like they know who to off and it's scary well that's the thing right these guys don't have anyone to check in no going

20:17 you like you you just need to be on the streets your whole life yeah they're going after runaways people are going to look after me they're going to look for me no one look that's what's hard about aggravated murder it's like the motive is too visible and it's too easy to like like count back and go oh who are you last with when where how what what like it's so where was your cell phone pinging that's another thing the cell phone pay it's part of The Alibi though you know watch and just turn off like my locations and you'll be okay it's deeper than that that's yeah it doesn't matter that's how they figured out the murder that I was a a for four person on they just triangulated where his phones were and they were like oh oh just turn it off then yeah like just don't even put it on airplane mode and then turn it off for some reason even if you do that they can still triangulate it's so weird it's cuz they know where to M you probably need a VPN you're not really oh yeah VPN

21:08 n VPN nor and then they'll think you're in Africa or Europe you're in Ireland yeah yeah oh sorry you were you were in kakan that day hey you're clear sorry to inconvenience you yeah I think that's the reason that's probably the main reason why I wouldn't want to kill anybody it's too freaking hard yeah oh okay that's it that's the reason I think so the situation has to be perfect for you to execute it like a random person in the middle of nowhere long neck yeah long neck oblivious they they they stare things for way too long you hit with one of these hey what's over there they're accident prone yeah exactly I think it's it's just not worth it plus the guilt is probably too hard to I would r on myself I think hell yeah you could join the military but that's just not fair cuz it's legal I think military people want to kill civilians either you think that wow

// end of tape