0:05 Welcome to an episode of Car Bros where we answer your questions. If you're part of the Patreon, thank you guys for being part of that. Thank you. What? Hanging on because of you guys. There's a a dude named Chris who messaged and uh he had a pretty interesting question to ask. Chris. Um he's saying, "How do I navigate this situation as a parent?" His mom Ooh. Actually, I'm going to talk as him. He said, "My mom is lovely, but my dad is abusive. I want them both in my kids' lives, but I want to regulate the amount that my dad is involved and my mom is involved." He doesn't want them equally present. kind of abusive? Like physically or verbally? I got. And so he says um Good to guess. He doesn't want the trauma to be passed down to his kids that his dad does to
0:56 him. So how does he navigate with his parents still together to change the capacity in which each of them is involved? I got you, man. Supervise the ████ out of it, I think. You You got it. Let me tag Nick in. Yeah, I got this. Um boundaries. How do you do it? All right, Bart. Go ahead. Fill them in. Do you Do you Do you Act like I know what to do. Lock them in the bathroom. You slit their ████ throats. to my pug. You're like, "Hey Dad, uh it's okay if you jack me off, but you can't jack off my kids." Yeah. But see, that's That's That's boundary. That's boundary. You're like, "I've healed now." I I feel like I'm in a similar situation, so I could tell you what I realized I had to do. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So um when my dad was around, I would tell my dad to stop giving Tyga
1:46 ████ sneaky chocolates. Oh. And I was like, "Don't use him with chocolate because one, he has ADHD like me, and um when he gets ████ high off these chocolates, this fool starts getting nuts and we can't be sending him to school ████ ready to ████ go crazy. He's just nuts, right? Like he doesn't That's the last thing he needs. And my dad but oh no no no no no no. And then when I'm going to the bathroom or not looking, they're always sneaking him ████ chocolates. He doesn't want them. Or if I'm Or if I'm doing ████ Tyga's laundry, I pull out all these ████ Hershey Kit Kiss wrappers. I'm like I don't even I don't even get mad at him cuz he's a kid, right? I get up my mad at my ████ dad. So what I realized is I think when people want their parents in their kids' lives, a lot of times they see the convenience, like the free babysitter.
2:38 But that's how the bad stuff also can get passed on. So actually, if you want your parents in your kids' lives and they have the tendency to pass on that kind of trauma, you have to be there to control the dynamic. So I actually didn't let my mom or my dad hang out with Tyga without me there. Oh. That's what I think. So it's like counterproductive to what people think. People go, "Here, yes, grandparents in the picture. See you later. And then you come back and you're like, "Wait, how did everything I taught you get undone?" Oh. bing bing bing bing. You're establishing like a culture. Like it's like it's like this room, like for example. Like ever since we become sweatshop boys, we know it's really tough to like even go to the bathroom or like, you know, at lunchtimes where sometimes like, "Are we eating lunch today or are we also
3:28 talking during lunch?" And like this room used to be a lot more loosey-goosey than that. You know what I mean? And but the culture now is is more sweatshop boys. And so so there's more of like a pressure. So now even when we want to like go walk or something like that, we're kind of like we got to be quick about it. And it used to not be that way at all. Yeah. The next stage is actually going to be diapers while we're We're just going to go out there. We're going to be chained to the desks. But you know what I mean? You It's a culture and the and the room has more of a culture in it now, too. So I think I think Bart's spot-on. So yeah, if he he has to be there with both of his parents and he has to set the boundaries of the dynamic and he can't do what he probably thought he was going to do, just let them go and hang. Until you can feel whatever you're trying to instill your in your kid is actually there, then you're like, "Okay, you guys can go
4:18 and and and do stuff." like in the situation where he really wants his mom involved but really doesn't want his dad? And but they they arrive at the same time every time. I think he should throw down with his dad. You got to fight your dad. No, for real, dude. Like I think there comes a time Take him out. there is a change of power. Like if you think about it, right? Like there there's a time when a man is like, "Now your son's the man of the house. You got to kind of step away and let him kind of lead." Mhm. I've seen a lot of families where they do fist fight and like my brother fist fought with my dad and I thought that that was like, "Oh, that means he's the leader now." Like it's I don't know. Well, cuz he's Yakuza to you. It's especially because He's the dad now. No, he's big boss. He'll sign off on my field trips. If it's abusive, I think that's the key.
5:09 Cuz like you don't start punching your dad up if he's been a great dude. That's true. But if he's smacking you up and he's like, "I ain't taking this ████ no more, I'll smack back and then it's like the right of passage. All right, now you have to listen. Um Actually, this situation happened to my my cousin where uh she No, her dad's My uncle's a ████ maniac. And then um he was getting mad at her kids because this was during COVID and they didn't want guests over and then um the kids wanted to be nice. So they were like, "Oh, we'll get out of here." But they're kind of He was kind of using the kids as a uh uh uh excuse to not let guests in cuz he cuz you know, whatever. But the kids were like, "No, it's cool. Like you know, I'll be polite. I'll just go up to upstairs so you can have guests over." And he got ████ pissed. And
5:59 then my cousin's like, "That's your ████ like problem. You wanted to use my kids as a scapegoat scapegoat and then now you're like screaming at them." So she moved out. So she's like, "F███ this. I'm not going to let you be violent to my kids." Um he didn't beat them up, but he was like, you know, screaming at them. And then so she was like, "The boundary was he can't have any interaction with them and if he decides to raise his voice or do any of that, then he can't be around them at all." So it's like a hard boundary, right? Like she can't kick his ass, but I think it's like if you can't lay down the law with your parent, then how you going to balance that? That's the thing. It's like if you can't kick your dad's ass, if you can't tell him what to do, he's going to slap you around, he's going to slap your kids around. He's just uncontrolled. So it's like, how do you his ass. Yeah, kick his ████ ass. I'd challenge him to a ████ duel. The worst is having your kids see you get
6:50 like manhandled around. dude? That's pretty bad. Right? It's like your kids going to have the image of you as their dad getting punked by your own dad. Yeah. Punk your ass for the rest of his life, too. So you need to ████ have your kids sit there while you kumite with your dad. Yeah, dude. Come train with me for a couple months, we'll get you right. We'll get you your hands ready to go and then you go beat the ████ out of your dad. Drag drag your dad's face across a bar top, dude. Seven on skunk, dude. What if it's not an option to physically beat your dad up? ████ Cuz for the mom's sake where it would break her heart to know that. Somebody's heart's going to get broken. That's true. You would just have to Or you just tell your mom you have to leave the dad at home, but you have to set boundaries though. You got to tell him what's up. You can't like assume the best is going to happen. Like what you want to happen, you have to set like the train tracks and then then let the train roll through. And if you don't like where the
7:40 train's going, you got to move the tracks another way. Also, does he know for sure that his dad, who was abusive to him and this isn't an assumption, will be abusive to the grandchildren? I think he I think when he explained it, he was I think he's already had evidence of it, which is why he wants to like fix it. And also, we don't know what kind of abuse. We're just thinking it's violent, like physical abuse. How could he be to the grandchildren? Yeah. Sometimes they get to be softies when they get older, man. Holy ████ My dad's like a softy now. I'm like, you never loved me like that. Which is obviously wrong, I'm sure. turned into a softy and then he still abused me. Cuz the time I put Tyker in ████ time out, he's like, "How could you do such a thing?" I'm like, "I wished I had time out. You whooped my ass." He ████ dry his tears. Why'd you do that? ████ make up your mind. Are you done
8:30 abusing? Are you done abusing or not done abusing? want Tyker to see him like he was. I think My theory is he didn't want Tyker to see him like he used to be. Yeah. But you've already seen that. chance, yeah. So, it's fine if he hits me whenever he wants to. Yeah. That's your relationship. spoiled, I guess. Yeah. Damn. a heavy hand, dude. God damn. I I just think when when you use that word abuse, that means um if someone's abusive, that means you can't control them. Mhm. Like you're you don't you haven't established boundaries. You can't have them restrain themselves. Mhm. So, like if you like how can you It's like, "I want Mom to come over, but I also can't control Dad when he's over." That's what it sounds like to me. yeah. Sounds like that. I also feel like, you know, it's different cuz my dad would just yell and verbally abuse or whatever, you know, kind of. But like Joe had to put on ████ hockey pads to go through his house and ████
9:21 I just don't feel like I have a right to say abuse at all. Yeah, it's a different But then I think if it's just verbal abuse, then you can probably do the whole um you can't see my kids thing. Right. Yeah. And then if you like that just sucks for the mom, that's just like that's just part of it. That's part of it. If you want to see my kid, leave my home. Parents can't split that up. If the mom can't be like, "Look, you're too far." and she can't stand up for it, you know, then it's like everybody just has to chill out until you're too old to like move quick. That's true. Yeah. And at the end of the day, your whole family is looking to you to protect them, whether like foreign or domestic, right? No matter what, like that you got to be You got to be You got to be the protector, even if it's from your own parents. I do think though there's a time when it when it's now your family, they're the
10:12 priority, and then your parents are like extended family. You know, like there's Now you have a kid and your wife, and I and I see this in a lot of guys, mama's boys is specifically like they can't stand up to their moms. Yeah. And I'm like, "Dude, you you got to protect your wife. Like your wife is your priority now. You better tell that ████ shut the ████ up." That's right. But they can't do that. And then now there's this weird dynamic where like he's just in the middle like, "I don't know what to do." and then mom's getting and then the dog the wife is and he's like in the middle like, "I just I just feel like I can't do anything about it." Yep. What up, guys? Come join our Patreon because there's hundreds of videos dating all the way back to 2019. That's right. If you click on the link down below, you can join our Patreon, join us on a Discord, come chat with us directly, have a fun conversation. And this will help support the channel's
11:02 growth and new ideas. And also tap into our closer community by joining our Discord and get the opportunity to suggest video ideas like the ones you've seen. Thank you, guys. Join our Patreon, help us out. Thanks. See you guys there. Say hi to me. This happened in my sister's family in terms of not like abusive, but just like boundaries. Like my mom went too far with my sister's family and then they got into like huge arguments and stuff until the point where my brother-in-law and my mom had like a yelling situation before. And my dad, dad who is always cool chill and stuff like that. That's the only time that he got mad because no matter how crazy he acknowledged my mom can be it's when the brother-in-law was yelling at my mom that my dad was like you can't do that. That's true. But regardless of how it went down or who's right or wrong what ended up happening is my my parents had to just have a
11:54 period of time out. They just couldn't go over so my dad just had to suffer it until like my mom could like slow her roll. was it a clearly like your mom's fault? Yeah. And it's complicated. It was probably at your brother-in-law's house too. Yeah, 100%. Under his roof but then the dad has to step in because you can't be yelling at his wife like that. It's just like so many layers. It wasn't abusive. It was just a different version of raising kids and like she's trying to like no you got to do it like that. You got to do it like no it's okay. You're surfing Yeah and it's like no these are the rules that we're setting so it's totally just boundaries. Yeah. That's not your family. That is a little tricky though because that's a mother-daughter beef and then like as a as a husband as a in-law right you're like kind of stepping in It's always awkward. It is but if it's your own mom and then she's being a ████ to your wife I think
12:44 that Got to do something. It's boundaries. Got to do boundaries. You got to handle that. Yeah. One time I had to absolutely smoke my ex's sister because she was like wrecking my ex in front of her family. Oh. Absolutely demoed her in front of the family but then I pulled I pulled the the dad aside and and the mom and I was like hey I just want to let you know I apologize for doing that in front of you. I don't want to be disrespectful around you guys so but I but I really felt like she was being disrespectful to her sister and they really appreciated that that gesture that I that I like cuz I absolutely like took her out of at the legs. But then I was Chop blocked her. I was I was very Savage Steve. apologetic to them for having to do that. That's just it. Yeah that's great. I think that's the way cuz then you establish those boundaries and you go, "I'm not here to just walk step on everyone's toes and
13:34 ████ like that. Like I had to do that, but you guys are separate and I would never do that to you guys." Like that kind of thing. And just in true JK fashion, just because we here as a collective believe that bullying in some degree is good, did the kids deserve it though? You know what I mean? Was was is the kid just being Cuz cuz what if the what if the grandpa is like, "You soft-ass ████ raising another soft-ass b████." Are you being a soft-ass ████ Yeah, you know. Did he say that in there? And no wonder you want your soft-ass mom to come. That's why you're raising a little ████ boy right now. We turned on him. Hey, you know what? You're the problem. Yeah, he's ████ Dude, man up, brother. Of course he wants the ████ mommy to come around. I want to be too high-minded, you know? I just want to like really understand. Sometimes it does help to like to beat that into yourself, you know? And then and then what's cool is you get to use
14:24 it to your advantage. It's like it's like, "Oh, dude, grandpa's mean. You better ████ shape up. Like I'm I'm the cool guy." I'm the good cop. Yeah, grandpa's going to ████ you up. He's going to demo you. In front of everybody, too. Take you out by the legs. You think it's easier to be able to like tell off your own parents or your in-laws? My own parents. My own parents. My own parents. Cuz then you got to endure telling your your wife or in our situation, obviously, your wife to be like, "Yo, you got to you got to tell your parents." And then like three, four, five times it doesn't happen, then you got to be like, "Now I'm going to step in." Have you guys had had to deal with that? Have you guys ever had to deal with that? Hell no. No. Not like that. Thank god. Jill's in-laws are so cool. talk to my parents, though. They love me more than my parents love
15:15 me. Cuz you know what's weird is that you know kind of like birds of a feather, right? Like I don't think there's anyone in our group or I don't really know anybody that is actually got such a powerful like mother that like they get pushed around like a little ████ Mhm, that's true. Like I I just don't My mom tries to. Yeah. But they exist, right? And like there are people like that. If I had a kid, I guarantee my mom would try to do the double momming thing and I and I guarantee I'd absolutely smoke her for it. Guaranteed. If it was driving me crazy. I'll throw my mom under the bus when she's gone. I'm like never listen to her. She She's crazy but entertainer because she's going to soon, you know. Don't make the sound effects. So we So that just tells me we don't have an issue with boundaries and like
16:06 setting those, you know. But like I think for the people that do, they don't even know how to confront that and and establish a rule between people. So like that's the hardest part I think in this situation. I'm like, "Bro, like if your dad is abusive, why are you even considering that to be around your family? Like and then if you can't control him, then why do you even give him even an inch to be around so he can potentially mess up? Mhm. So that's that's what I don't get but people be hopeful maybe. I think they're like maybe if I'm hoping for the best. they'll change, you know. They got to understand it's like I was abused and I'm pretty awesome. So my kid needs to be abused a little bit. Just a little bit, all right? A little abuse ain't bad. Joe Joe would sit in his house and get jumped sometimes by his parents.
16:56 Grandma, too. Tagging in. Jumping off the top rope. It's just the renter roommate. I'll never forget that story. Joe said that he played N64 cuz he just kicked out his his parents' friends and told them like, "You're bothering everyone. Leave." And then he's like, "Old man, play a ████ Sega Genesis. Let's go." And then he gets joint. I totally deserve that one. sick, dude. It's It might also be different for like because you don't depend on You never depended on your parents for anything when you had your own family by the time you had Tyco. But I think there are people that depend on some sort of need. So that's the thing. So the power is over there. Because I know that power dynamic, Yeah. I'd rather be homeless than ask my mom for help. Wow. Like you know what I mean? Cuz she's my mom's like like a very like standard Asian parent where she was like
17:48 when we were first starting to get our first house, Yeah. Oh, can I contribute to the down payment? Cuz a lot of Asian parents do that. Yeah, for sure. I know the ████ stipulations that that ████ leads to. So I don't even want I'm like, ████ no. I'd rather ████ pay all these ████ taxes to Gavin Newsom to take your money. Damn. Well, cuz then it Is then it Is Is then it like she's like, "Oh, I can I put this bird feeder here?" And you're kind of like, "Oh, ████ I have to." I see you daily. There's a dragon outside. So like, I I started to let her know Like cuz she'll give me random things. Oh, look at this crystal. And I'm like, "If you give it to me, I'm going to tell you what's going to happen. I'm going to smile to your face right now. Oh, thank you, Mom." Cuz I'm going to be a good son. As soon as I go home, it's going straight in the trash can. Wow. That's hilarious. You make your decision. Or you can give it to auntie. You can give it to auntie. She's going to keep it forever.
18:38 Oh, crystal. That's so funny. Cuz she tries to still She's so heavy-handed. She still tries to be like a good mom, right? And does all those things. But I know what those things ████ lead to. Yeah. It's stuff for her in your house. Exactly. And then it's going to be like, "Oh, but that thing in your house." The ████ air fryer in your house or whatever. Yeah. I think she doesn't understand that all of her actions are are still selfish. Yeah. Like it has nothing to do with you and it just everything to do with her relaxing. It's narcissist ████ So I'd rather be ████ homeless in a cardboard box than ████ take anything. "Here's Here's a a two-roamer." Huh? What if she's like, here's a concept two rowers. really want one. But they're on the third edition now. new model though? Yeah, the new one. I'll keep it in my neighbor's yard, so it's technically his. And you use it every now and then. I got to come over. Who's that rower? Mom's like, I guess I have to put this dry fire laser sight in someone else's
19:28 yard. Not the dry fire Wait, what? Wait, what? The dry fire 3000? No, no, it's fine. Wait, what? You can leave me here. Oh, it's a dry fire 3000. Lasers? I was just looking at those. Oh my god. She starts giving you gifts like that. Oh my god.
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