0:01 It's crazy that his dad's voice is gone. Like and then by the time his aunts and uncles are gone that voice is gone. Yeah, it's out. Yeah. It's just gone. And and It's crazy cuz my dad's here and I don't know what his voice sounds like saying I love you too. [Music] All right, we're going to get into something deep. Real deep. Welcome to another episode of Careful Boys, where we have Mr. Depth of Your Soul Expert Anthony Lee. >> That's him. Wow, world renowned. Okay, this is a question that I think goes deep. I'm actually curious about this, too. Like when you're alone and you're just like laying in bed and you're raw dogging the moment, you got no music or nothing. You're just
0:51 alone with your thoughts. What goes through your mind? Is this at night or like in during the day or what? Anytime that you're just alone with your thoughts. You know, because like nowadays it's very easy to just uh nothing's happening, let me get my phone. >> Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But when there's nothing there, yeah, when there's nothing distracting you, no one's talking to you, no one's even around you it's just you what where does your mind usually go? Can I tell you something honest? Yeah. The one that pops up the most is I wonder what my dad was going through. Damn. Yeah, that's the one that that's the one that pops up the most. But I still don't know, right? I don't have any answers, no like nothing is so I it's like a unsolved mystery. So a lot of it and I think because I am in fatherhood
1:41 I'm like ever since uh me and Gio were together, all he ever pushed for is to have a grandkid. Mhm. So like now that your grandkid is here what made you go, I want to bounce? And then I try to put myself in his shoes. I'm like, at what point would I want to bounce if I ever if all I wanted was for Taika to have a grandson? So I'm like, you've got what you wanted Right. >> and instead of enjoying it, you're like peace out. >> Like Irish goodbye. Yeah. So I'm like, what what what could that So that that's Wow. the thoughts that goes >> occurring Interesting. That's like the thing that pops up the most cuz it's like the most unsolved mystery, you know? Do you have any any inkling? Mhm, not at all. Damn. But then does he think in logic like logical like
2:33 like order? Was he like you? He's very logical. But in his way. So even if it's like not like a consistent logic with his own community, that's his logic, therefore it works. Yeah. Like for example, he'll cal- he he went to like ████ Costco and he'd buy eight pairs of Kirkland shoes cuz he calculated how many pairs of shoes How fast he wear out? Yeah, and then he was like, okay, so by the time I die, I only need eight more pairs and it's on sale right now. So I just have eight pairs of these Kirkland >> And he told you that? Yeah, cuz I saw a stack. I'm like, why'd you buy eight pairs of the same shoes? And then he was like, oh, I calculated how many more lives I I mean how much He's so practical. But he only ended up wearing one or two more pairs. There's six extra pairs he didn't go
3:24 through. >> Could have bought the box set. Cuz he ████ changed his plan. Yeah, he changed his plans. [Laughter] Dude. Yeah, that's a good one, man. That's a really good one. Feel like you're probably going to be thinking enough shoes for the rest of his life. For the rest of his life. But do you feel like though like there are some unsolved mysteries where like the answer also won't bring you peace? Yeah, I don't think it'll bring me peace but it's just one of those that I think it's so deep, it's subconscious, so that when my thoughts like are quiet, it's the first one that arises before I start thinking about other stuff. Is there like a blanket answer that you give yourself to be able to at least move on from that thought? I think it's just I'll never know. I'll just never know. So you're at peace with it almost? Like you they'll never know? I think I'm at peace. Um
4:15 but at different moments I kind of experience different versions of that. So I think like like let's say if it was like a ball, it's like I'll never know and then there's times where I'm like a slightly more angry version of I'll never know or like let's say I have a really touching moment with Taika and I'm like it's a kind of like sad tearjerker version of the I don't know or there's like things like let's say I'm wondering things man to man, then I'll be like a more curious version of the I don't know. It's just I don't know, but it's just different like You'll probably leave a note. Come on. Mhm? Leave a note? >> Note out there, leave a note. >> You'll probably think about it a lot, too. Every milestone Taika has, it's like, come on, man, you could have been here for this. >> Yeah, that's how I think all the time. That's how I think all the time. That's why I do think like
5:06 as much as it I disagree with it, don't do it, but like leaving a note just absolves that. Like at least people understand what the hell went on. Like yeah, as sad as it is. Some closure. Yeah, for the people around you at least. Right. It's weird cuz when my when my cousin had killed himself, he left a note but it was nothing but positive things and it was even more confusing. Wow. All right, don't leave a note. Cuz he cuz he killed himself when he was like I think he was 15. It's like a J.J. Abrams show. Like, all right, cool, dude. No, it was just like thank you to he was saying thank you to his mom and dad, like you're the best parents, I don't even deserve you, you're just so good and all. It was nothing but like great things and he didn't give one hint as to why he was like And so you guys were left even with more questions? They have no clue, yeah. Yeah, that was really weird. You know
5:56 what I always think about is um so when I lived in Virginia there was a a family next to us called the Lears and there was a woman named Jerilyn and she was always so nice to my family and everybody and she was like this southern lady from Georgia and she was just just the the downest like I don't know, homey homely person. And uh when we moved out of Fairfax to to move to San Diego I remember we said goodbye and it was like very tearful and stuff. He was like, well, we'll see you soon, you know. And then I found out like 3 years later that she died like 2 months later in a like a drunk driver killed her while she was like on a road trip. What the heck? Yeah, and I didn't even know. Like I didn't even know for like years. And for years I just thought about this family and how much I love those guys. >> Oh, man. And then just my mom one day is
6:47 like, I just found out that Jerilyn like she I was old enough that my mom was like needing somebody to talk to about it and she was like, I just found out Jerilyn died like years ago. And like my cuz my mom was trying to reach out to >> So you've been imagining where they are now and everything? Yeah, all that stuff and she had just had a baby and like That's crazy. It was like so sad, man, but I always think about her and just like I don't know, like Anthony Lee, the the duality of man, like where you you just like think to yourself like you love people and you just don't know when they're going to be taken from you. And like how great they are and you just don't know how quick it could happen cuz she had her whole life ahead of her as far as I know. She was 40-something years old, maybe barely, like maybe she's our age right now. And then like she was just gone in 2 months. And like I was just like, we'll see you later cuz that's what everyone does. Damn, yeah. I think about that a lot.
7:39 Jeez. It made me think of that even just with the Charlie Kirk stuff. Me, too, bro. Cuz you know when the videos pop up it's not like there's a caption or a title. Yeah. So you don't even know that it's like gun violence right or what whatever, right? You just go, oh, cool, he's speaking. And then you're like, what the ████ And I'm like, damn, people can go at any time. And then seeing that empty chair there like that that's being hosted by all these I'm just like it's just weird. I mean, that's how death happens all the time, but it's just weird to me cuz like when people are creators we're all creators, right? But you kind of don't think of them as humans. Mhm. So like you don't Even more so if you don't agree with what they're saying. Yeah. >> Right. So but but what I mean by like not as humans is like they're like characters. Yeah, for sure. So like you
8:29 don't know them Yeah, and and cartoon characters and actors don't die like that. You know what I mean? Like they just don't disappear. Yeah. Yeah. So it's it's it's weird cuz you expect them to pop out again and being like It was a prank, bro. It was a social experiment. Yeah. Yeah, you yeah, that's true. What kind of stuff do you think about when it's just I'm just Honestly, now that we're on the topic of life and death in that way, like my my sister's mother-in-law just passed away. Um so that that has been a lot in in my thoughts because um and then she was 85. Um like the mortality of things. >> Yeah, just the mortality of it, but and also like your your connection to it. Right? Because for example, uh she just had her 85th birthday. Uh but me and Nina couldn't make it. And
9:19 I'm talking like this is a mother-in-law where I only have one sister, so this is the one mother-in-law that she has that has been around at every family function, every holiday at me and Nina's wedding, at like Christmas, you know, New Year's, Thanksgiving, birthdays, whatever, she's always there. Um and I think you you kind of like separate the ideas like, oh, it's like my sister's mother-in-law, therefore it's like cordial family, but you don't like ever dive so deep. But then she's always talking about you with her family. Um she she brings like gifts during the holidays for you. She does all this stuff and then it's her 85th birthday. I couldn't make it cuz I'm out of town type stuff. I'm like, oh, you know, like you just think life keeps going. You'll catch them on the next one. And then suddenly they're just gone and
10:10 you weren't you weren't around for it. And so uh you don't realize the impact you know, until uh somebody's missing and then next you know, me and you know, we're like we're trying to reflect on and pay tribute in this moment by just like giving a prayer in the car. We're sitting in the car and we're like, you know, we should send up a prayer cuz she was very religious. Mhm. And we give this prayer and then we just start bawling ourselves. >> Damn. >> Damn. You know, just by ourselves. >> Just you two in the car? >> Yeah, just us two. And not realizing like how how much that, you know, of a person has value on you and how impactful they are. And then you know, every other day you just randomly are thinking about something because now they're no longer there. Yeah. So you just Yeah, so now it is, for sure, she's in my thoughts. You know, I think in a beautiful way though, right? Like she lived a long and beautiful life and she was very loving
11:01 and was very loved. Lots of family around her. >> Yeah, lots of family around. Um but uh but yeah, that's that, you know, definitely kind of supersedes a lot of mindless thoughts. I think when you're really alone in your thoughts, you don't, you know, you're you're not just copping out to like your brain rot or your your routine of picking up your phone or looking at random ████ >> Yeah. And you actually think about something care about? >> Like Yeah. Yeah. So that's what goes on in a lot of your guys's minds when it's silent, like it's people that passed away? Sometimes cuz that's recent. >> Another one too for me is I I can hear my grandma's voice saying, "I love you, too." Cuz I just lost her a couple years ago. And like I just think about how crazy it is that I'm probably like in the last generation of anyone who remember my grandma's voice and what it sounded like. Aw. And like nobody will know that and how much
11:52 that meant to me. Like cuz my buddy, for example, um his dad was murdered when he was like very young. So he was just telling me recently, he's like, "I'll never know what my dad's voice sounds like." Aw. >> crazy." Cuz like I know what my grandma's voice sounds like when she's saying, "I love you, too." Which is big for me, right? I'll never forget. I can hear it right now. But then I go like it's crazy that his dad's voice is gone. Like and then by the time his aunts and uncles are gone, that voice is gone. Yeah, it's out. Yeah. >> It's just gone. And and It's crazy cuz my dad's here and I don't know what his voice sounds like. Saying, "I love you, too." No, you Yeah, damn. To have no record at all is pretty pretty wild. >> Well, my my thoughts are in between my dad and then it's tight that my dick still gets hard in the morning. And then it's just like a random
12:42 rotation of like What? He's thinking how hard he is after thinking about his dad. Go and then I go, I hope I hope the ████ uh we're still having another bull run with Bitcoin. I think about that when I wake up. That's what gets my dick hard when I wake up. >> It's a it's a ████ whirlwind of random thoughts like that is when when I when I'm laying in the bed. In this house we say GM. We say good morning only. We don't say good night. We say good morning cuz it's all about the next day, ████ It's all about the bull run. I say sleep tight. It is funny because I think with your with your phone now, like it's so scary to enter that space, for me at least, when there's nothing I could be distracted by cuz I'm so used to doing like multitasking, doing a bunch of stuff. So used to being distracted. Yeah, like once it slows down, like I can't even, as odd as it sounds, I have
13:34 to have something on even when I'm taking a shower. Wow. >> Like I put I put a video on my phone and I put it on the on the mantle and I'm taking a shower cuz I need something there because I feel like it throws me off so hard when I have nothing else. You think you're scared of your own thoughts? Or where the thoughts are going to go? >> I think I'm scared of like where it'll end up. Not not that like it's going to be disastrous, but like there's a lot of stuff I think naturally, without realizing it, we put off thinking about because we don't have to. Mhm. And uh and there's so much like cloudiness that in your whole day that you you conveniently forget about those things. And then I'm just I don't know what I'm going to think about and I don't know what I'll remember. And I'm scared that it'll be something that I forgot I forgot. You'll be like, "Did I put a bunch of gay magnets on Joe's And I'm just driving around. WHY IS EVERYONE SLOWING DOWN AROUND ME? Why is everybody coming up to me going like
14:25 And then I'm just going to later go Oh, yeah.
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