0:00 When you guys were kids and you were very innocent and you didn't really know much about the world and your parents had to warn you that something big and bad was going to come after you, how did they illustrate that to you? How did they teach you and how did you learn that there were even bad people in the world? Like what did you think their motivations were? Um, how did you see that? My biggest lessons were always taught in Taiwan cuz like the way I think American news is and American suburbs like growing up in Critos, it seems very like peaceful, you know, like there's like you don't really see like crazy happening or like protests or whatever. And then even news it's like, "Hi, I'm Al Fisherman and the Lakers are doing good or whatever." So everything just so everything [laughter] is just a throwback, right? But then like in Taiwanese news, you'll be like, "Oh my god, someone's daughter got kidnapped."
0:50 And you see THE CHICK GO, "HELP ME." [screaming] Life feed. Yeah. Great. Like you see people and you you would see people and you would see like CEO's kids get kidnapped. And then you would see the hear these stories like, "Oh yeah, this guy he saw he had a Rolex on his arm and he didn't know how to take it off, so he just chopped the hand off." So all my crazy ████ came from when I would go in Taiwan. I think my mom would very you uh concentratedly like see this is what happens if you do this if you're if you're too far away from me if you talk to random strangers it was that >> she like fear-monger you basically >> there and then like and pack it and then so when I got to America I would kind of have those residual >> lessons and then in America the real lessons I got were like people I actually either saw on the streets that looked kind of shady or you remember like um >> so you took you didn't differentiate
1:41 like, "Oh, that's Taiwan. This is America. America is safer." You didn't look at it that way. You looked at it like anything that can happen here can happen over there >> in a different way. Like remember, um, we would get like the penny saver. Like everybody's house would get a stack of like spam mail. >> And there's always missing kids. >> Yeah. >> So the missing kids isn't in my face and the TV in that sense, but like I'm like, >> where the ████ are all these ████ kids? [laughter] >> What did you think they were like being kidnapped for? Like did you just think they were like in your imagination? >> Some of them [laughter] I understood why cuz I would be like a kid and I'm like damn Adriana Lopez kind of fine. That makes sense. [laughter] >> My god. >> Oh no. >> I don't know. >> No. [laughter] >> I mean I mean you're like eight looking
2:31 at another 8-year-old. You're like damn she kind of fine. I I see why ████ some molester wants her. [laughter] I say I do remember now that you say that I do remember my mom doing something similar like you would see something on the news whether it be like a car chase to just whatever the news was but it wouldn't be even like a I feel like it would always be like see if you don't study >> Yeah, you're right. >> Then you're going to be >> Yeah. And I'm like I I don't know if I drew the connection. >> You're right. They would say that all the time. >> My mom would do that with movies, bro. Like just if things would happen. Yeah. She'd be like, "See this. You don't listen. doesn't happen like ████ like that and I'll be like okay all right >> like Independence Day when the freaking [laughter] >> listen Will Smith's going to punch his alien all right >> did you grow up with that too >> more like rated our movies >> rated our movies they used to use those
3:21 as as teachable moments >> so like uh >> Terminator [laughter] >> see always be grateful always be grateful even when it's over [laughter] >> basic instinct >> have glass full >> no like say um say we want to be left home alone without like a babysitter. >> Okay. >> Then it'd be like Eye for an Eye. >> Oh, that's the movie. >> Yeah. Have you seen it? >> No. >> What movie is that? >> I thought you were just going to say Home Alone. >> You've never seen Eye for an Eye? >> No. What's that? >> It's a horror movie. >> Oh my god. No. Um I forget. Sally. >> Sally Field. >> Is that her name? >> What happens in this movie? >> Um so her kid is left alone. There's like a serial >> [laughter] >> That's the premise. I get it. >> Yeah. Serial killer like on the loose comes, breaks in,
4:12 >> brutally kills her while she's on the phone with her mom. >> Be good. This is what your mom you right before leaving you home alone. >> No, she'll play it. >> Here, let me read it to you. This >> is the reason why you can't be home alone. >> Yes. Let me read you guys a plot. Karen McCann lives a quiet life with her family. A stranger breaks into her home and kills her 17-year-old daughter. 17. Police arrest a delivery man named Robert Doob for the crime. A legal mistake lets Doob walk out of jail a free man. Doob threatens other people and remains a danger to society. Karen decides to take matters into her own hands to stop him permanently. >> Yeah, but it doesn't even tell you how bad the killing was. >> How what h what's what's imagine the synopsis tells you how bad the killing was. >> It's Sally Field. It's Sally Field. Kefir Sutherland. Ed Harris, Joe.
5:03 >> He's a monster, dude. >> Dude, it's a nice cast. >> It's a good movie. >> Jack Bower is in it. >> So, Kefir is the the killer. >> And he he's he's a great killer. >> Uh-oh. >> Yes. And it's like her birthday. They're setting up for her birthday party. >> Oh my god. >> The Sally Fields is stuck in traffic trying to get home on the phone with her daughter >> as it's happening. >> Oh, what? >> You have to watch it. It's It's a good movie. parents would would like you'd be watching that and they'd be like this is going to be you. >> No, they're just basically showing like this is why you're not home alone yet. You know what I mean? Like >> it's not like we're going to show you what can happen if >> but they didn't want um so that you didn't want to be home alone ever after seeing that? >> No. >> Damn, dude. That's crazy. Boys get shown home alone and we're like I want to be home alone. >> The same ████ [laughter] cuz in my head
5:53 >> I want to set traps. >> In my head I'm thinking I'm thinking like three ninjas. So like my fantasy as a kid was like, "Bro, I wish a kid a guy would come try to molest me in my house. >> I will ████ [laughter] you up and whoop your ass, bro. Like you up, dude. >> I've been waiting for this moment. >> Wish a guy would come molest." >> I would, bro. I remember as a kid I would I would I would like daydream in like school like, "Man, I wish a ████ would break in my house and I'd roundhouse him like right in the nuts like the three ninjas." You know? >> Isn't that such a dark truth? How easily an adult man can overpower? >> I know. I know. >> Well, yeah. >> But I still want to believe >> though because I believed it, too. Yeah. >> I was like, "Oh, dude. I'm gonna freaking knee kick him in the jaw. >> My grandpa, >> run diversions." >> Yeah. Well, >> working as a team. >> That's a horrible one to be aware of. I don't think I saw a movie that graphic at a young age. >> It's a good movie, though. >> Rosemary. >> It has a happy ending. >> Well, she It's like Payback.
6:44 >> Oh, okay. Right. >> And then the other thing my mom would use is I'll get possessed. >> So, like or like you know, like those demons and ████ Demons and ████ They love bad kids. So when you have bad thoughts, they're the ones that latch on to you. >> Bro, your mom cut deep. >> So it's just like you you >> someone threaten you and say if you don't do what I say, you're going to get possessed. >> Yeah. There's going to be like bad spirits and stuff. So this is why you got to go to the temple often. So you get cleansed and these like there's like these ghosts. I guess in her mind, ghosts are kind of like bacteria. They're everywhere and they're [laughter] >> they're constantly trying to possess you. >> They're always constantly trying to possess you. Bart's a clean freak. got a shower before he sends emails cuz he's like, "Man, I'm thinking of bad thoughts all the time. There's all these ghosts everywhere. I got to get them out of here." Bacteria and bad bacteria. >> So, there's good possessed, too. >> I don't know. >> Well, did you ever describe what happens if you're possessed?
7:35 >> No. >> So, you have no idea what to visualize. >> No, but I think I just feel I I just get scared. I'm like, I don't want to like not have my own thoughts or whatever. [laughter] have my own >> cuz I feel like your mom's probably the most creative out of all of our moms with using threats and and ways to make you afraid of stuff. Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Cuz she most of the stuff she's afraid of isn't even really happening. >> Yeah. But then she also had the traditional Chinese stuff like if you leave the house without a jacket, you're going to catch a cold for sure. >> Like if your feet touches the tile, like it's you're going to catch a cold for sure. >> Like all like all that stuff. Or if I eat chips then like I'm going to be filled with fire or something. I got to eat some cucumbers to balance it out. Like you know that whole energy. Yeah. The hot cold energy ████ There's like all kinds of like weird ████ things.
8:26 >> Yeah. Weird rules. What about like how did she like tell you about being kidnapped and stuff like that? Did she Was she ever telling you like don't talk to strangers? What was the reason she had for like why not to talk to strangers? cuz they're going to uh kidnap you and they're going to cut out your organs and sell on the black market. >> Damn. >> I think I heard that. That's also true though. >> I don't remember hearing any of that. >> So So be very just be careful. Don't talk to like strangers like that cuz they they're going to cut your organs out. >> They'll cut your organs out. >> My dad would say, "Don't don't go with the strangers. They'll kidnap you and turn you into a drug meal." He would say things like that. And then just different. >> Well, we've all heard the we all heard the little passed around urban legend, right, of the kid who got turned into a drug mule. >> No, >> you never heard that one. >> Like the movie. >> Drug mule the movie. >> But we used to pass this this story around that there was a kid who when
9:16 they were crossing the border back into America from Mexico and there was a kid in the back just chilling and then they were like, "Is he sleeping?" And they're like, "Yeah, he's sleeping. He's sleeping." And then um they decided to check and his body had been hollowed out and they just filled. >> So after we heard that ████ we were like, "Yeah, I'm not talking to strangers." It was like in third or fourth grade. Yeah, it was one of those tell me that like >> if you talk to strangers, they will take you and molest you. >> There molesters out there. She was even mean, dude. >> But I knew it was bad. The way she was saying it, I knew it was bad. [laughter] Or like she actually No, I think she would actually say like they will touch they're gonna touch you. They're going to touch your your wee wee. They're going to touch your ████ your butt. >> Your [laughter] butt. >> Yeah. Like she would say she would like be explicit with all those words. Like she would use it. >> It's like imagine they have big wee wee. Put it into your butthole.
10:07 >> No, they didn't. My mom didn't talk like that. Okay. >> You just said explicit. >> She didn't have a Cantonese accent. >> Okay, fine. They're going to take their ████ >> All right, dude. That's not what she said. She would never say ████ >> Slip it in. >> There was like a scary thing that my family illustrated one day. They were like, "You know how many houses on our neighborhood you've you have no idea what's inside?" >> Yeah. >> And I was like, "Yeah, almost all of them." And they're like, "We would never be able to find you." >> And I was like, "God [snorts and laughter] damn, >> what a cool thought." >> I know. I was like, "Dude, >> that's a fun thought." >> I know. I was like, they were like, "You could be next door and we wouldn't know you're there." And I'm like, >> uh, yeah, exactly. I know how they they would kind of paint this picture. For whatever reason, we have this window to our living room which goes to like the neighborhood. >> And no matter what, day, night, fully blacked out curtains cover all the time.
10:58 >> Why? >> Because if people look inside Oh, they know there's a hot kid in there [laughter] who looks like he's having his growth spurt kind of early. Dude, that's gross. Adriana Lopez. [laughter] Dude, that's terrible, man. I'm glad you learned. Jesus, that's the scariest part is not knowing. Like I when I told you guys that ████ some guy in a van, like it looks just like my van. Uh he was like driving [laughter] he was like driving through our neighborhood looking for his like puppy and he and then he had my me and my sister walked up cuz he was like, "Help me find my puppy. Help me find a puppy." And then I was like five, my sister was seven and we walked up straight to his window and he was like, "Can you guys help me find puppy? You want to get in? help me find my puppy. Yeah. I swear to God. And then my mom and dad had come out right at that
11:48 moment and they were like, "Get inside." And then they told us like, "He was going to take you." Like that guy was going to take you. >> Wow. >> We We had a cool uh cholo that lived on our street. We were all probably like between 8 to 10 maybe. And we had this one like family. I think the parent the uncle or the dad was in jail. So it was like a 15 or 16year-old kid raising his two little cousins. How sad. >> Yeah. So, it was a kid and then one day there's like a cracked out white guy like walking down the sidewalk and this is like a a type of street that kids just play all over. We're all like everyone's riding their bikes to each other's house and this guy's like all walking all weird and this guy would come. I'm like, "Hey, get the ████ out of here." And the guy's like, "Oh s███." And he would like he was like our kind of street protector. >> Whoa, that's really cool to have. >> Which is really really really cool. >> Yeah. >> His those two cousins were fine, too.
12:38 [laughter] I was like I was like that guy's probably looking for them. I'm like, >> "You don't want me, man." >> I was like, "You don't want me." He's probably looking for those two hot. >> Just a little Chinese kid, dude. >> ████ Those two chicks are hot. >> They're over there. They're over there. [laughter] >> Don't get me. Don't get me. I'm going to smell like mothballs. They'll mess with Maynard.
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