0:00 [Music] a man was caught at the virginia airport trying to bring 23 weapons in his carry-on luggage let me let me tell you the list he's like they don't check the carry-on all right how about we guess can we guess okay go ahead yeah all right nunchucks nunchucks yeah spear butterfly knife can you just give us a simple yes c4 so far none of this i don't think it is a foldaway ar which by the way i mean dude you could basically kill everyone in the world with that they're almost all knives by the way okay oh really a klingon bailiff okay yeah you got it let me tell you what they are there's nine nine disposable scalpels eight folding blade knives three throwing knives a
0:50 dagger a switchblade and a set of brass knuckles wait three throwing knives this will have throwing knives not even ton fuzz around there dude is he a knife salesman dude just sell the throwing knife where you're at and then buy authority stupid ass stupid idiot can't you check there it is lost and swap me holy ████ you can probably check those yeah you can check those doesn't it look like it that's a throw knife huh three wait does these sell them oh this is this is a zinfandel it's only not the same as a kunai knife is he a nice guy yeah he's a knife guy for sure and he's like i have needles from one of the rings and we're like yeah great guess who doesn't want to ████ you women that's like all my dick too did you say needles needle is from game of thrones one of the rings bro no lord is a sting bro no it's called a needle it glows
1:40 blue wow this guy doesn't ████ know he doesn't know it's lord of the rings huh you know because i don't get real anything we just fact check you live it says it's illegal i'm pretty sure it's a game of thrones all right well here's something yeah i'm getting ████ yeah i get ████ i know what needle is every one of these things if they were in his checked back would have been perfectly okay oh really is that right yeah hella true i bought a knife in hawaii and they said look make sure you check it and you're all good but i thought brass knuckles weren't even allowed at all anyway yeah brass knuckles depends on the state oh god does that mean does that mean you try to bring it through tsa or you already went past tsa with it you tried to bring it through tsa yeah do you think when his ████ got stuck he's like
2:30 [Laughter] what's going on the ████ wow great yeah what are you guys doing he's like what do i have a big toothpaste huh what's going on he's like i pull my laptop out what do you want from me and what's the point of the foldable knife like you why you need more than one you know what i mean like you gotta ████ do it like this every single time too i know what you have to be throwing those because you got to go get them yeah and three is a good number maybe he went to like one of those like gun and knife shows and just bought a bunch of ████ yeah that could be like random check my ass yeah it could be one of those guys i wish there was more information on the guy but basically he was issued a citation he was um he was asked to check them but instead he just abandoned all of them and said whatever the ████ i don't care and then was allowed on his flight that is so ridic he was asked to check that means they're already giving him a
3:20 chance dude i get it though checking luggage is a nightmare it takes tickets take ████ 25 minutes and they're like waiting yeah it's reasonable that they ask them and they always lose your luggage what if their lives get into the wrong hands you're like god damn i'm gonna ████ go away and you're like i don't know which one it is does anybody know which one it is i don't ████ know which one is this 23 dimes here's a dump thing i remember oh here's the dump thing well yeah because this is something that happened to me and i've always thought this was so stupid and unfair um so you see the size of this ████ right here no way i had a necklace this size of like a rifle this size and they said no guns no way i swear to god i said no guns a lot i was going through tsa the lady said the tsa lady said um yeah you you can't have that here and i said okay cool uh that's kind of weird
4:11 but all right i started doing this and she goes get your hands off of it and she goes get the ████ on the floor right and spread your butt cheeks she'll take the clip out and then lapd shot you 81 times i go i go dude it's cool like i'll just leave it here and she goes no me and you are going outside of the airport and i'm gonna watch you throw that in the trash dude the tsa lady before she saw you walk in she goes hey watch watch watch i'ma ████ with this guy check this out check out filipinos all filipinos do this watch no show we walked she tricked me she took me out of the line we walked out to the front of lax like where the drop offs aren't ████ and she made me take it off and put it in that trash can that's a power trip yeah that's a power shift though i don't even think that's protocol a gun this
5:01 size it wasn't it was just like like do you remember exactly what she said was she ever like we're gonna go on a little quest outside you and after you did that she put on a jabberwocky's face mask and went back to work i just remembered that every time i wanted a laugh because i thought it was so absurd she was like you're gonna laugh are you gonna laugh like she wanted me to like to laugh because she was like you can be arrested you can be arrested right now is that funny do you want to laugh at that do you know how many babies die you're swallowing these things no because this was still 2000 2009. oh right after that ████ went down after what ████ 2009 2002 whoa but it's still like it's still this size and i was just like imagine she sees
5:51 that she's like that belongs in the runway all right what are you doing with that sir how the ████ did you get that off it's the captain with the plane how the ████ did you get off the tarmac that ████ started going like beep beep beep ████ she switches jobs holy ████ dude imagine joe gets a time machine and he's like he's like take me back to september 11 2002. [Laughter] everyone just it's going to happen everybody loves what's happening like wow this sick ████ wow dude people just died last year what the ████ you sick bastard you sick ████ he's going back in time to fix it he's like taking it back to september 10th 2002
6:41 tomorrow it's gonna be horrible you'll see there was like this sick bastard they're like it's gonna happen again why ████ i messed up the flux capacitor 2002 what if you didn't remember the day that sucks that's almost yeah they did the they did the same thing to one of my crewmates for having a he had like a tokidoki hoodie and on those the zipper looks like a bullet the zipper oh and they and they made him detach it and do the same thing oh i did i did the same thing with my do you remember collusive we had a bullet uh necklace as well and the same thing happened same thing yeah but i get a bullet a bullet at that size it's like a bullet but a rifle that makes more actual bullet yeah but if you're looking at a little ass gun yeah you never
7:31 decided to say let me talk to your superior this no every time i even kind of open my mouth they were warning me that it could be a lot worse than this so they were just like yeah she was just like don't don't like always like that it was like any time i was like even if i smirked she was like you're gonna laugh you're gonna laugh i'm sure you're white lady yeah she was yeah she's she looked like ████ uh zena's sidekick gabrielle gabriel very hot very hot very lazy very busty i like the busty i only remember ████ lucy lawless and i remember the one one of the specific things she told me was that i was like i was like it's not a gun and then she goes no replica weapons allowed replica weapons i was like so if i go like this sorry okay well sir put that away where did that come from throw that away right now if they ████ inconvenience me
8:21 like that i just be like i don't i don't know i didn't get to go back in line either to where i was what yeah i was at the front you got to start back oh my god ████ i don't know it's like you're a second place citizen oh my god she didn't have to deal with that now i know how it feels yeah it was really welcome to the club [Music] [Applause] [Music] you
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