0:00 [Music] There was there was a part in the dogs versus cats video where you were saying like, "Oh yeah, dogs are actually more viral." And then Steve's like, "Cut that out. Cut that out." And I'm like, "All right, we're cutting it out." Steve, dude. So So you guys would do jokes like that all the time? I don't think we should say dogs are more viral. That's pretty up. Leave that in. Leave that in. Leave that in. Leave that in for its eyes, man. Yeah. Yeah. Steve is too dead pan. That's why he was like, "Cut it out." I'm like, "All right, cut it out. Cut it out. That's the one you cut out." Well, now that Steve knows, he's going to be like, "Ken, seriously, cut that ████ out." But he's still kidding. Yeah, dude. I swear I'm just like, "All right, it's gone now." Stephen, show everybody your guns. Can I show that? I don't have any. I'm not even like I
0:50 don't even have one to my name. Like nothing. I have zero. Throw your swords. Move it out. Yeah, I don't own any. Why you talking like you're on a polygraph test or something? I don't I don't own any. Why you talking like you're you're talking about your psyche val? Dude, you sound exactly like that guy that Vietnamese guy who's leaving the coffee shop. I remember. What you talking about? No gambling there. You know that guy. Yeah. A lot of coffee. That's you, bro. I don't know what you're talking about. I don't know nothing about no gambling. I just I'm just getting coffee. You put him in a trench coat. Like I was wearing a duster, too. Can we Can we pull that? I can I can I watch that? Yeah, you pull it. He just wants to watch it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You got to watch that. That's That's You have Whoopy Goldberers. Yeah. You got Whoopy Goldberg as a wallpaper. Yeah. Sister, too. Ryan's birthday. Yeah. Why don't you come out for Ryan's birthday? Dude, it's really hard when you have a kid. The whole the whole crew was there,
1:40 dude. The whole crew was I know, but I really tried. I told my wife two weeks in advance, and my wife was like, "Is it your day?" I'm like, "No, it's not. Is it your date?" So, I'm trying to figure out maybe I could just bring my kid, the 4-hour drive by myself with the kid. That's not going to happen. No, dude. That's crazy. But you got you have got to secure days. Yeah. Yeah, we have secure days. We have secure days and we have to go by it. It's like our law to make everything easier or else you're going to be like, "How does that work? How how does it break down? Is it like you get the days that end with Y? No. Check this out." Was like 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 Y. Literally, I was like, "Wait, every Monday." So, Tuesday through Thursday is my day. Oh, you get the days that start with T like today and tomorrow. No, Tuesday, Wednesday.
2:30 Test. Tester. Wednesday. We got a W in there. We got a W in there. It's not going to work. Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. Okay. Nothing. Those are my days. When it's those days, she cannot bother me. There's four of them. Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. Those are my days. His birthday was Friday. You can't get there though. Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. All right, my friend. Oh, so you got three days. And then how many days does she got? She got Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday. How come she get Oh, she gets more days. That's what I said, man. I was like, "Yo, what the I said, babe." I said, "Why you get Wait, why does she get So, she has more days off." Oh, when you say she gets these days, it's off. It's not on. Wait, are these baby days or off? Baby
3:20 duty days? Yeah. What do you What day? Oh, these are off days. All right, let me clarify. My apologies. Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, I get to work. It's my day. I without the kid. So, no baby. No baby. No baby days. Got it. She gets four baby She gets four baby four baby days off and weekends. She has weekends. She got a sick schedule. She got a sick ass schedule. Why is her schedule so sick? Also, because her clients love to come on weekends. Oh, that's more important than me. At the end of the day, we have to we have to be like, think about it. We have to do the right math. If she makes way more money on the weekends and those days, give it to her. Totally makes sense. Yeah, makes sense. But how are you going to get lit up on the weekends though? What are you going to do to like I just kick it with my kid? That's what you do for fun. But now it's getting to the point where I just do everything with the kids. So, I'm just like, yo, I'm kind of enjoying this 4 day off. He's a little bit older now, huh?
4:10 Yeah. So, now I'm like, I can do whatever with my kids. So, now I'm doing with him, smoking weed. What you guys do? Don't blow with him. What does a day in the life look like? Put him in the living room. I just let him do his thing. Yeah, you just drive away. My wife, dude. No. Hey, the door's locked. Daddy's going to go to the store. Daddy's going to the range with the guns I don't own. But obviously, he's just running around getting tired, getting dirty, playing around, touching the dogs and ████ getting bit by one for a second, and then you're like, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa." You know, you got to grab them. But then majority of that time, I'm just cleaning the whole place. I'm like, "Yeah, let's do this. Let's do that." I'm like, "Hey, don't do that. Let's do that." But it's cool. It's cool. Everything's chilled. That's cool. But we got our nanny now. Big ass nanny. That's a game changer. She's hot. I get clap.
5:00 Where? Hell no, bro. She like doesn't come. She just like came from Ukraine. She's like the old ass lady from Ukraine. She makes meatballs though, bro. She just like, dude, you know, because she just came back from Ukraine. I mean, she just came to America like 2 years ago. She's just dodging ████ war, huh? She just dodged war. But she's so old school. It's kind of cool. You know what I'm saying? Like she lights candles. Yeah. Like you No, but the way she handles she likes light bulbs. The way she handles a kid is just like very natural. And immediately everybody else they'll be like my kid will be crying. They'll be like, "Oh, what should I do here?" But this Ukraine grandma just goes, "Oh, you know, it's like go ahead. I know what I'm doing." And I'm like, "Do you have do you have like a Ukrainian name for nanny or something? Do you guys call her that? Do you have a Well, she speaks no English. I can't even translate. What do you call her? Is there um what is that?
5:50 I just go, "Hey babe, can you tell babushka?" You call it babushka. Like that babushka. And you I don't even say babushka. I just go nanny. Cuz some some people don't like some people don't like being called babushka. Does she not like being called babushka? Tori like me. She's like I'm not a grandma. You want to feel old? I'm not a ma'am. She's like I'm more of an auntie. Sir, Rasputin. Can you call it Rasputin? Just other Russian names that we know. Just a Russian name. It's not even Ukrainian. Hey, Lennon. Lennon. Yeah. It's like so insulting. Yo, Stalin. Yo, it's a game changer, dude. It is game changer. How often does Nanny come through? Wait, I just call her and she's available. She's available. What? Like that? Do they Does she live in or do you mean like she's just to chill? She lives next to like uh in Hollywood somewhere next to my Oh, is she part of like the Ukrainian
6:41 Jewish community? Kat. Yep. Oh, damn. She's locked in then. You know what I didn't know? You know what I didn't know? In Ukraine, if you're if you're Jewish, your birth certificate will say Ukrainian Jew. Wow. That's what your birth certificate says. Sorry. Just so you get all the perks. I don't know if that was perk at that time. Or is it like the Nazi ████ where you got to have a star? Yeah, that's I think that's what it was back in the day. Back in the day, that's what it was. Wow. I was just saying be a good or bad thing. Yeah, it could be good or bad. It was bad at the time. I don't really know. How old is she? Ukrainian Jew. Yeah. Is she here legally? Yes. She just got her green card right off the rip. Oh, nice. That's good. So, she got to work. She work topic by the way. That's why I went like this. So, the viewers don't know. But then the your your voice went like that so audience. You know how people do that? What? They
7:33 ████ come here just to be nanny and make some money and then they go back and they work illegally like that. Bro, nannies make bread. They don't drive their own car. They drive the rich's car. Like, bro, I Because where I work now, I see it all the time. And then they don't have to spend money cuz they live at that house for like months. All they do is make money. Yeah. All they do is make money for printing machines. Toughest job. spending the only if you're not nurturing like naturally nurturing is the toughest job ever. I can't take care of someone else's kid. Dude, I don't think it's really in our bones though. You wouldn't be able to take care of one of our kids. I think if the price is right, I'll try my hardest. Yeah, I can, dude. I really going to call and be like, yo, what do I do now? Like, what's next? Are you a natur Are you a Are you a a nurturing person, though, Anthony? Are you a per Are you a person
8:24 nature? Yeah, I think so. Yeah, I think so. for the right dollars, for the right gig. I think Anony's probably more nurturing than I am. Yeah, that's a given, though. But you're But you're against 3D printers, so I don't know. I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. You're anti You're anti 3D. You're just for using them at the library for free. It's different. Oh, that's right. They do have that. So, you want to charge people for that? No, I want to not pay for it. Oh, you want to not pay for it? Okay. What's the Ukrainian? What up, guys? Come join our Patreon because there's hundreds of videos dating back to 2019. Support the channel's growth and new ideas. And tap into the closer community by joining our Discord. Come chat with me inside and then you can say funny things to me and get the opportunity to suggest new video ideas. Come join our Patreon.
9:14 Thank you. Link is in the description box below. Suben, would um would would your wife had let you have like a hot ass Ukrainian nanny? Then you can call her. I'm not even going to ████ like if she was hella fine. That if if you had to pick, right? If you had to pick and one of them was the babushka and the other one was the hot ass model. I go with the babushka cuz she's way more skilled. She knows hot ass model's way cheaper and cooks better. No, not a chance, dude. Listen, not a chance, bro. Look, you you put me against a hot Ukrainian nanny and an old babushka Ukrainian. I'm going with the old babushka. What if the old babushka wants your nuts 24/7? What about this? What about old babushka? Babushka. What if the babushka has known in her nanny resume that she's accidentally shot a gun inside the house four times?
10:05 The hot one. The hot one. She used to be a armor back in Ukraine and she knows how to clean and assemble and put things on all weapons. Dude, stupid is crying right now. Babe, we got to go with this one because it's just safer. the dis. Oh, okay. You go to the range like here, clean this for me. And she cleans it. Cuz she could not only nanny, but after she's done with that, she could clean up all of your guns. And she looks like a bell of danger. You take you take her to the range. Only because she's an armorer. That's it. Okay. Only because she's in armor. Famous actress. But Oh, interesting. But she has a raging boner all the time. What the heck? That's not fair. What the heck? Deal breaker. Yeah, I mean that's not even a girl then, right? If she has a boner. Some will say it is. Nubie. I don't want any penises next to
10:55 my kids. For real. Yeah, I don't know about that. If she's No penises. Oh, you man. Thank you. Way to take a stand. That's cool. Cheers. No judgment here. Just not my preference. Not my jud Yeah. No, not my preference. What if it was like a ████ buff ass hot macho man? Oh yeah, dude. Anthony. No. No. No, no, no, no. Dudes are weird, huh? Dudes taking care of babies. That's weird. You don't hear nanny dudes. You know what I'm saying? Duties. Man, do nannies. Nanny do nani, dude. No, no, nannies, man. Dunanis, but if you if you're if you're uh if you're gay, nanny. Yeah, they might. I would do that. But they're they're still buff and hot though. Nah, I want babushkas. No, I I don't want a gay guy in my
11:45 Nothing beats about guys are too ████ buff man. I want an older lady really really good at cleaning but just like only wears like an apron nothing else. And they got to be fat. Why is he never be in my house? I think never got mad. I think the n the nanny has to be fat like a Miss Doubtfire kind of nanny. Yeah, cuz they're like a good cushion for the baby. Williams is ████ Miss Dire. No, I feel like any other nannies would be like, "Hey, what do I do next? can I go in the room or whatnot? Can I start cleaning? Right. But when this babushka nanny pulled up, my wife was getting ready and she was just like open the door. She like, "Where's the kid? Hey yo, baby." And my wife was like, "Wa." And she was just like, "It's okay." She's like, "I've seen tits before." I know. It was just very homie style. You know what I'm saying? You come home, the house is clean. We didn't ask you for that. Dang. That's cool. We're not going to pay you for that, but
12:36 thank you so much. But I feel obligated to pay more now because you clean the house. Do you give her a tip at the end of the day? Hell yeah. And she only asked for a certain amount. I'm like, she knows what she's doing. But that's what I'm saying. Like she's trying to lock us in. And I was like, well, that's why you keep getting called up. We already called her five times. That's some deceptive ████ dude. She's ████ hacking you right now. She's beating the system. She's I'm I put a camera up in my office. I'm just like, "Don't go in that office." That's all I said. What if she start flicking it one day on the camera? She's like, "My secret." I give her more tip. I'll be like, "Dude, that's funny. Here, here's my money." That's funny. Thanks for the comic relief. Or she's flicking it and then she goes into all your game saves and ████ up all your games. She She drops all your inventory and saves it. Wobbling up, bro. What's up? What's up? What's up, bro? She kills all your loadouts, bro. She's all like, "I love Fortnite.
13:28 I'm going to play Fortnite now." It's so petty, dude. To be honest, I haven't been even playing games. Yeah, freaking I believe you do. Man, me neither, man. It's hard to find time, man. How come you're just busy or the schedule's off? I know, dude. Busy, busy, busy, busy, man. I haven't play games. No energy to play games anymore. That's cuz you got a 4 day work week for the baby. You should You should contest that. I might just hire a nanny so I can play games for the whole day. Low key, that might be kind of That might be tight. Can you disclose the nanny price? No, cuz it's my deal. Would you rather hire a hooker instead? It's our deal, huh? Would you rather hire a hooker instead if it was cheaper? ████ no. Hire a hugger to watch your baby. Yeah. To watch the baby. Not even qualified. Smell like like like secret love or secret. Secret love. Potion in the ocean. Like I don't potion in the ocean.
14:19 These names. Yo, I would try Potion of the Ocean. Potion of the ocean. Like, no, I'm not. Secret love sounds more my style. Cuz what if they're cheaper by the hour? I just had the idea cuz cuz I I saw this guy hire a hooker to play like Uno and ████ Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Damn, it's slow. No. Damn. Well, that camera that camera turned off and she's and they're over clapping cheeks. Yeah, but okay. If you hire someone for an hour, right, and then you nut in the first 4 minutes, you got to get your money's worth, you're just going to let them go. They're out of there. It's embarrassing. Yeah, it's embarrassing. Yeah, let them go, dude. You have, dude, you have 56 minutes that you paid for. You got to do something. What would you do? How would you fill up that time? Yeah, how would you fill up that time?
15:09 And you can't nut anymore cuz you're done and you're old and you're geriatric. Well, you're like, give me 10 minutes to just lay down for a little bit. That's probably the first thing is down. So now you only have what? Like And what do you do if you're just in the car? You can't go play games or anything. Oh, I'm not trashy, man. We're going to be at least at a motel. What do you do in the motel for 56 minutes? Smoke a cigarette outside for a little bit. I think there's Okay, I'll probably bring like a deck of cards and I'll probably play like a game of Texas Holdem real quick. Heads up with no chips. Yeah, we'll just call it out loud. What if What if What if she doesn't know how to play? Now you got to teach her. See, that's okay. If that doesn't work out, then I'm going to ask her like how did she get into the hooking game? And if she's boring and it's sad, I don't want to know. So, I'm going to stop her right there. Ah. Chances are it's going
15:59 to be boring and sad. Um, another one would be like in 56 minutes you can probably do a live stream real quick and then we can do a Q&A on a live stream together. You think our pimp's going to allow that? Slavi is going to come knocking on the door being like, "You can't live stream this." If it's like a regular prostitute, she's probably out of there after you know it. I could make my money back though if we live stream. You got to get like a a escort. They're the ones that like you be lonely and ████ Girlfriend experience. Yeah. Yeah. GF. Yeah, but the escorts th those are like 3K type of vibe, isn't it? I don't know. But you know, but what if we could make our money back? If now we know your nanny's less than 3K, you just disclose that. Well, yeah. Thank God. Thank God. Hold on. Wait a minute. Yeah. Thank God. The only reason why I'm getting a hooker cuz I It's cheaper than a nanny. But isn't regular hookers bounce after
16:49 you? Nut. You know what's cheaper? Did I even have experience? Don't n dude. They're females. They naturally have experience with kids. Sorry, but some females don't got it like that. Well, in my mind, they all got it. No, I like this argument. No, no, no. Let's debate this. Think about it, man. Who are you thinking about? Who are you thinking about when you say some females don't got it? Who you think about? Just say their name. I just seen some videos. Okay. the the No, I just seen some videos where you just look at them and you're like, "Dude, what made you even walk on the street at 2 a.m. butt naked, thongs out?" Oh, they're on crack. But that's what I'm saying. No experience. They don't got it. Yeah. I'm not going to hire a crackhead. What race is that? What race is that? I'm not going to hire a crackhead. It's all kinds. I've seen all kinds.
17:39 Crackheads are all races. Not all females got it. Cuz my mom don't got it either. Your mom don't got it. She was the worst mom ever. I remember growing up. I remember seeing my all my friends moms. I'm like, damn, I wish my mom was like this. Really? Yeah. But she kept you alive. Yeah, she did. But she don't got it. Oh. Oh. Oh, I see what you mean. Talking about if moms got it. Not all girls got it. You're never going to make it. Like loving internal like automatic thing. Yeah. Mother Goose and ████ I believe it's the culture that if you grew up from the Asian community, Asian country, I think you might die. Would you ever want to drop your your baby off at the at the monk's monastery? See, my mom don't got it. Even with your own kid, though, you know what I mean? Like, don't you treat other people's kids a little bit different than you treat your own kid? No, I see other moms treating their kids, and I'm like, that looks normal,
18:30 like a hug. Hugs are cool. What if it's performative? What if they're doing it because you're you're in front of them? I don't know. I think hugs are cool. I think buying I think buying kids snacks are cool. I think talking to them are pretty cool. So, would you trade like Would you trade having like that amazing like loving mom but then you get at some point in your childhood? Yeah. I don't know that. Yeah. Would you trade? I don't know if I want that. Would you make that trade? You want that baggage? That one for 18 guys. Better childhood for mom. You know what's a bad deal? Old mom or get it.
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